Above the Law Hotties: ERISA Lawyers
Above the Law is on a mission. Our quest: to find the hottest ERISA lawyer in America.
For all of you non-lawyers — or for those of you who sat in the back row in law school — ERISA stands for the “Employee Retirement Income Security Act.” It’s the federal law, originally passed in 1974 and subsequently amended, that governs the administration of pension and employee benefit plans.
So yes, it’s pension law. And yes, it’s just as boring as it sounds.
But just because a practice area is a sleepy backwater doesn’t mean its practitioners can’t be hotties. To the contrary, ERISA lawyers have more time than overworked M&A attorneys to tone their bodies at the gym and get facials at the spa. So we’re expecting to see some pulchritudinous practitioners in this contest.
To nominate an ERISA lawyer, here’s what we need you to email us (subject line: ERISA Hottie):
(1) the nominee’s name, title (e.g., associate or partner), and where they practice;(2) a decent-sized, reasonably high-quality, digital photograph of the nominee (ideally a face pic); and
(3) a testimonial, in which you sing the praises of your favorite hottie and explain why he or she deserves to be crowned America’s hottest ERISA lawyer.
We’ve done our part; now it’s up to you. Turn on those digital cameras, fire up those email accounts, and send in your submissions (subject line: “ERISA Hottie”). We’ll accept nominations until — eh, until whenever we feel like it, depending on the response rate.* Assuming we receive enough nominees of both genders, the men and women will compete in separate categories.
After this competition, you’ll never think of ERISA the same way again. The next time you hear the words “ERISA preemption,” instead of getting sleepy, you’ll get turned on…
To all who seek the title of America’s Hottest ERISA Lawyer: GOOD LUCK!
Update #1: Nominations are due by Wednesday, September 6, at 5 p.m. (Eastern time). For more details, see here.
Update #2: You can vote on the male nominees here, and the female nominees here. Enjoy!
Update #3: The contest is over. Check out the winners by clicking here. Congratulations!
* We realize there is a distinct possibility that we will end up with zero nominees for this hotties contest. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
(0) 
Comments
What a silly and immature human being you are. To think of it, a grown man wasting time rating the attractiveness of ERISA attorneys. In my opinion you are a disgrace.
Lighten up, AM. This contest is clearly intended as (1) entertainment and (2) a satire of magazine "beauty contests," like "People" magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People."
If you don't like to read about such things, then don't read about them. Go read "U.S. Law Week" or BNA's "ERISA Compliance & Enforcement" instead.
Nobody forces you to visit this site, just as nobody forces you to read "US Weekly" rather than "The Economist." Different strokes for different folks.
AM is probably a fat ugly nerdy chick. These chicks hate this cool contest because they believe that if your hot you can't have brains.
Well f u AM, power to hot smart chicks everywhere!!! You don't have to be a troll to be an ERISA lawyer.
"[F]at ugly nerdy chick[s] ... hate this cool contest because they believe that if your hot you can't have brains."
Nice. That's what I like to call a "jdjive.com" post -- have you ever noticed that all the posts at that site are either a) utterly racist and sexist, or b) lamenting the poster's failure to pass the bar, get a job, successfully graduate law school, etc.?
There's a huge overlap between the stupid and the bigoted.
"To think of it, a grown man wasting time rating the attractiveness of ERISA attorneys."
Heh. Who could imagine that?! Aren't men too busy oppressing and grab-assing to have time to rate female attractiveness?
Dear AM –
Don’t lose hope. Eventually all those hotties will be old, wrinkled and senile, this will settle your issues.
hello
this is donald john i am having a problem
with my wife right now so i want a divorce letter.
she as made me deaf and i have four houses,three in
usa and one in africa.i have two wives,one in usa and
the other one in west africa.my wife in usa which
her name is lisa donald,she has sold two houses in
usa and the last is where i am right now.she has
threathing my life and she wnt to sell the only
house i have in usa.so all i want you to do for
me is draw a divorce letter and we did a court
marriage and i will pay for everything,
i cant even go out right now,because am
paralysed so all i want you to do for
is to assure me that you will do this
for me and tell me the total cost.
because am going to pay for everything.am located in washington
thanks
From: SIR XU HUNG
Guangdong Xin Hui Venture (HK) Ltd
101 Wing Sing Lane , Yau Ma Tei,
Kowloon, Hong Kong.
Tel: +852-367-86733
Fax: +852-301-45789
Email: sirxuhung@yahoo.com,sirxu_hung@yahoo.com
RE: REQUEST FOR FUNDS RECEIVING AGENT,
We the management, members and staff of Guangdong Xin
Ventures will be very appreciative of your
consideration of our proposal for you to represent us
in your country as a medium of receiving payments for
goods supplied to our customers in North America.
We are very confident that your legal professional
background will be very helpful to our situation as
clients will be instigated to effect payments promptly
to avoid litigation due to late payments.
We deal in Hybrid Machineries and the global need for
our goods has given rise to a significant increase in
our customer base world wide.
Due to the growing trend for the need for hybrid
Machineries in North America and the world in general
the upsurge in my customer base and the need for me to
expand my network to meet up with the responsibilities
at hand.
I assume you understand the need for every business to
grow and expand to increase profit. As a result of
this development, I have had the need to extend my
customer base to North America. However, it is only
logical that changes are put in place to meet up with
the demands for a speedy intercontinental monetary
transaction as time is always a factor in effective
business management.
To give you a better understanding of what your
responsibilities will be as my representative, it is
important that you understand some difficulties that I
am faced with presently in receiving funds from
clients in North America.
Firstly, most payments for goods are drawn in checks
and it takes approximately two weeks for checks from
other continents to clear with our local banks. These
delays mostly result in our late response to orders
and we sometimes loose clients to other suppliers.
Secondly, we experience high tariffs and foreign
exchange charges as funds will have to be converted by
our banks to local currencies as they are cleared with
our banks and re converted to foreign currency as we
place orders for supplies from our international
suppliers.
As you can see, the back and forth process of currency
conversion, results to high charges for foreign
exchange thereby resulting to increase in cost of
doing business. But with your assistance as my
representative, funds that are to be used for supplies
will be sent directly to you from my clients there by
avoiding the intercontinental
banking processing time between Asia and North
America.
From my business experience, I have come to realize
that every good business reference starts with a
satisfactory performance and I have decided that it is
better for us to prove to ourselves how efficient we
are. I believe this is better than any recommendation
or references. I have come to the proposal that any
funds received by you on my behalf, entitles you to
10% of the total funds for your services as
commission.
I do hope the terms of business are acceptable to you.
Upon your acceptance to be our receiving agent, I will
need you to provide your beneficiary information such
as 1. Name to be written on the cheque/draft 2. Your
direct mailing address 3. Name of your bank. 4. Your
direct telephone & fax numbers. 5. Our customers can make payment for their merchandise
6. AGE.......
via bank transfer to you if you have a Home Equity Line of credit depending on your status
with your bank and the amount your bank account can accommodate. This means of payment
will be safer and better as the transaction is going to be between your bank and the customer.
Please accept my sincerest appreciation for your
willingness to render your services as I look forward
to your prompt response to my email.sirxuhung@yahoo.com,sirxu_hung@yahoo.com
Best Regards,
SIR XU HUNG
I love M&M's but they are so DAMN Hard to Peel.