The Messy Love Lives of Supreme Court Clerks
Normally we might think twice about posting an e-mail like this, since it’s somewhat personal in nature. But it has been making its way around the D.C. law firm email circuit, and we’ve received it from multiple sources.
By now, dozens of Biglaw associates in Washington have a copy of this email in their inbox. If we don’t post it, some other blogger will. This message has been read by hundreds of people. So what’s a few more thousand?
The author of the e-mail, we’re told, is a current Supreme Court clerk. Here it is:
Hey guys,I have a short, quasi-junior-highish, but sincere and meaningful request.
A [student from a top law school] named [X] is interviewing at your firm. It would take too long to explain the full story, but the short of it is this: she and I have become fairly close in the last couple of months. I would like to date her. She has a long-term, long-distance boyfriend that she is not totally into. She has expressed interest in me, but she’s not able to break things off in her current relationship. I am willing to be patient because I think she’s really amazing.
Now to the junior-highish but sincere request. If you end up interviewing her or taking her to lunch, please please please, in the very unlikely event that the opportunity arises and it’s not contrived, say really great things about me. [Ed. note: Emphasis added.]
That’s all. I can’t imagine the opportunity would arise, and I won’t be so presumptuous to think that somehow my name would ever come up (I gave her a tour of the Court, so if she mentions that, maybe there’s an opportunity…), but in the very slight chance that it does, I would really appreciate any glowing review you could provide on my behalf.
Specific positive attributes available upon request. Yeah, I know this is pathetic, but those of us still in the single world need all the help we can get — you remember what it was like. Thank you so much.
Supreme Court Clerks: They’re just like us. Sometimes they get lonely, even desperate. And when they do, they enlist their friends — and friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends, and the readers of a popular legal gossip site — in the effort to win over the object of their affection.
We have some advice for the young lady in question. If you read this post, and figure out that you’re the subject, please: Throw the long-term boyfriend overboard, and go with the SCOTUS clerk.
This is a no-brainer, honey. First, he’s a Supreme Court clerk. Second, he’s going to be $200,000 richer in a year. Third, given the extent to which he’s willing to embarrass himself in pursuing your affections, he is clearly VERY into you.
And did we mention that he’s a Supreme Court clerk? What more could a girl ask for?
(We were not an original recipient of this message — we received it as the inevitable email forward — so we can’t vouch for its authenticity. Nor can we tell you the names of the individuals involved. But we found it somewhat amusing, assuming that it’s true, so we thought we’d put it up here — and save everyone the trouble of continued email forwarding.)
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Comments
Pleeze. pleeze, pleeze put up some names or at least some identifying characteristics - this is the kind of stuff which makes ATL unmissable...
David, David, David. Was this really necessary?
If there were ever a story that bolsters my idea of what constitutes a SCOTUS clerk, this would be it. I see most of these brilliant legal minds as social inept. Sure, they could parse out the law in even the most recondite legal opinions, but they have trouble carrying on a simple conversation. It is for this reason that those of us whose skills fall at the other end of the specturm hold out hope. Suggestion: Dear SCOTUS clerk, steer clear of any meaningful social interaction with other human beings.
It is already all over the place. I've been sent this by several friends. More people have probably read it over email than have read it on ATL.
My goodness. I am dismayed that someone with this level of immaturity has significant input on which cases are granted cert.
Why would you ever put such a request in an email?
He should be outed.
Anon (6:21pm),
Actually, it's very hard to get the job if you're socially inept. You have to be a terrific inetrview to stand out from the crowd, and as a result the people who get it tend to be surprisingly normal.
This is entirely representative of theh SCOTUS persona -- grovelling pricks.
6:31 PM: No, let the poor guy remain anonymous (assuming this isn't a practical joke).
But 6:20 PM, don't criticize a gossip blog for publishing gossip.
Also, in light of the widespread email dissemination, there is a Fourth Amendment analogy here: inevitable discovery/alternative source. If ATL didn't publish this, somebody else would have.
Sounds like this guy's "friend" is in some trouble.
Also sounds like Mr. Lat is out to drag one more of the Elect down to his level.
Give it up. Their ranks are expanding by 37 per year. You'll never make them all into tabloid fodder.
Anon 7:17 PM: 1. Actually, exposing this might have the effect of forcing the "friend" to have a long overdue talk with her current boyfriend. It could be good for the SCOTUS clerk in question.
2. The humor of the story doesn't turn on the fact that the guy is one of the Elect. It would be funny even if he were just a random associate. (But yeah, the SCOTUS angle makes it a little funnier/Shadenfreude-ier.)
3. Don't blame Lat. This email was forwarded to everyone and their mom. It was coming out no matter what, as these things always do. Lat just happened to get there first.
(And any gossip blogger who sat on something like this should be fired.)
Dragging down the Elect? Nine times out of ten, ATL is praising them for their genius, good looks, pedigree, etc.
The typical ATL post about a SCOTUS clerk is a cyberspace BJ. It's nice to see a little snark every now and then.
I don't think this is that bad. First, it's simply a "put in a good word for me" message. Lots of friends do this kind of thing.
Second, the clerk is clearly aware of the borderline silliness of his request - and he has self-deprecating language in the message to that effect. Eg, "quasi-junior-highish", "I know this is pathetic", etc.
Third, this part is clearly tongue-in-cheek: "Specific positive attributes available upon request." Clearly the guy doesn't take himself TOO seriously.
Biased Former SCOTUS Clerk: "Actually, it's very hard to get the job if you're socially inept."
Maybe so, but being slick is overrated. I've met a few socially inept clerks who were quite charming--in their own drippy way. Why? Because they cared more about saying something interesting than the impression they were making. Who needs a smooth talker when you could be around someone who's thoughtful? Yeah, this was pretty dumb, but at least his heart was in the right place. If I were the girl, I'd go out with him a couple of times out of sheer pity.
Anon 7:17: "You'll never make them all into tabloid fodder."
Of course not. Only the interesting ones who really deserve it, like this poor sap.
I actually think this is the sweetest and most adorable thing ever. It's earnest, romantic, and cute. If I were in her shoes, I would totally go out with him based on this.
Admit it, anonymous 9:23 -- you're the guy who sent it, aren't you!!
9:23 PM here. I didn't send it. I'm a girl!
I think that 8:29 PM is a more likely candidate for being the guy who sent it.
Let he/she who has never asked a friend (or even friends) to put in a good word for a guy/girl that he/she liked and wanted to date cast the first stone.
this guy should try showing her his good qualities, rather than relying on his friends to talk about them. the method is not only a bit sad, but it is also useless. first, the friendly name dropping is always obvious. any girl who has been a victim of this tactic can back me up. only an idiot wouldn't notice all the random, coincidental comments about her scotus suitor. second, this email highlights the perversity of our resume conscious class ("she'll realize I'm hot and drop the dud if my biglaw associate friends name drop me. I'm such a smart scotus stud"). and third, it insults her intelligence and values to assume such a scheme could work. the dude should pick up a phone and ask her to lunch. boyfriend or not, if she's interested, she'll go. if she doesn't, he should find some other poor soul to bother.
Anon 2:44: "If she's interested, she'll go."
Yes. Sad but true: I've used the old "I'm getting over a relationship and don't feel like seeing anyone right now" dodge when I'm just not interested. Maybe if this guy voluntarily outed himself as the author, he could leverage the publicity to get new dates. I think David should start a "Hot Bachelor Clerk of the Month" feature in his honor...you never know who might take him up on it!
I think the hot bachelor clerk contest is a good idea. there are lots of 22 year olds out there who would find this guy's games endearing. I still think he could win the target of his scheme, though, if he acted like a normal human being and stopped treating people like court opinions that can be molded through carefully placed evidence. how hard is it to say: I like you, let's make out? don't we learn that line in junior high?
I'm with 9:23 - so completely sweet!
I actually knew a Supreme Court clerk who also had a thing for my girlfriend. He gave us the tour of the Supreme Court (I assume they all do it for women they're interested in) then gave her his e-mail address. I believe they got in touch when she and I had a fight and weren't speaking to each other for a week or so. Really, though, it doesn't surprise me that Supreme Court clerks must realize how much cachet they have when trying to pick up women.
Anon2: Who can blame them? Money, muscles, power, or brains, you work with what you've got. There's no escaping our simian heritage: everybody likes a winner.
I think SCOTUS clerks are like everyone else - some are wonderful and some are tools. Like the other females posting, the opinions that matter in this situation, I think it is sweet and if this particular clerk looks like some of the hotter clerks of the past, ditch the boyfriend!
On one level I think it is sweet, but on another I think this person needs to learn better social skills when it comes to the opposite sex. He should just tell his crush that when she tires of her loser boyfriend, he'll be waiting.