Department of Justice, Fabulosity, Monica Goodling, Politics, Rap, Religion, U.S. Attorneys Offices, You Go Girl

‘Houston, We Have a Monica Problem’

No, this has nothing to do with Bill Clinton. We’re talking about the other Monica — former Justice Department lawyer Monica Goodling, one of our favorite personalities here at ATL.
Over the weekend, the New York Times published the best article we’ve read in a long, long time. Check it out (annotations ours):
You Have a Monica Problem Monica Goodling Monica M Goodling.jpg
Now this is the point in the post where we should start highlighting the best parts of Eric Lipton’s article, followed by mildly snarky quips. But the entire piece is so delicious that it would be wrong to pick out excerpts. Please read the whole thing for yourself, by clicking here.
Okay, are you done? Great. Discussion continues after the jump.

As for commentary, some of you already had some very funny things to say. Do a “find” for “Monica” in the comments to this post. Here are our three favorites:
1. From Anonymous, May 12, 12:17 PM:

O M G.

Monica vetoed HIP-HOP MUSIC in a Puerto Rican ad against gun crime? She put fabric mu-mus over the boobies on those statues? What a trainwreck!

Honestly, I love people who are deeply religious AND extremely well-educated. But … letting IGNORANT religious people set Justice Department policy is really, really scary.

2. From “Monica Goodling,”, May 12, 12:35 PM:

Everyone knows that the teenagers of Puerto Rico respond best to John Ashcroft’s warbling rendition of his hit “Let the Eagle Soar” in advertising campaigns. Trust me — I grew up on the mean streets of Central Pennsylvania. You know how we do.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go work on my latest Justice Department employee applicant questionnaire.

Question #1: Have you ever masturbated, and if so, did you beg our Lord Jesus Christ’s mercy and forgiveness in tears afterwards? Explain.

Monica Goodling

3. From Anonymous, May 12, 12:51 PM:

See, I actually feel really bad for this Monica chick.

I really think it’s the fault of the people who hired her. She was young, dumb, and went to Regent Law. She had no idea what she was doing and how to approach her position, and seems to have misguidedly been doing “the Lord’s work” . . . but at the Justice Department. And nobody seems to have been steering the ship above her.

It’s like hiring a hamster to do your taxes. Should you be shocked when your return hasn’t been filed properly and there’s pellets of shit everywhere you have to clean up? No.

We concur with comment #3. And we’d also point out that the article vindicates our original decision to praise Monica Goodling as a DOJ diva (despite that out-of-character, one-time crying fit).
The piece makes abundantly clear that Goodling made aggressive efforts to reshape the Department of Justice in the image of, well, Regent University. Was this completely misguided, grossly improper, and possibly illegal? Maybe. But it does show that Goodling is a high-powered, strong-willed female — a diva with a capital “D.”
Monica, we apologize for briefly doubting you. You have been restored to that special place in our heart. We love you!

(hidden for your protection)

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