Legal Eagle Wedding Watch 06.09: We Luv U

Holy never-used bread machine, Batman — none of this week’s couples has a Williams-Sonoma registry! What the hell? Is the engaged set abandoning the yuppie respectability of W-S for the groovier vibe of Crate & Barrel?
The answer is yes! They’re also registering for sterling-silver gravy ladles at obscure New Orleans establishments.
Here are the three daring couples who’ve spat in the face of Chuck Williams:

1. Maya Alperowicz and Justin Florence
2. Elizabeth Bangs and Brent Landau
3. Avery Gardiner and Edwin U

More about this week’s couples, after the jump.

1. Maya Alperowicz and Justin Florence
(Buy them a martini glass.)
The Case:
– Ivy overload! (We kid, of course.) Maya was summa at Penn and got her JD at Harvard. Justin was cum laude at Yale, where he also got his JD; he also picked up a master’s in history at Harvard.
– They are currently clerking for moderately prestigious federal judges, the bride for Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly of the District of Columbia and the groom for Judge Diana Gribbon Motz of the Fourth Circuit.
The Case Against:
– Relax! This photo did not sully the pages of the NYT; it’s on the couple’s wedding website. So we can excuse the attire and posture. Also on the website is the story of their first meeting, where Justin stayed late at a party to enjoy Maya’s company, “losing his favorite umbrella as a result. He says he guesses it was worth it.” Hmmm. Let’s hope Justin isn’t the kind of husband who makes unfunny jokes at his wife’s expense and gets huffy when she whines about it. Those couples are such a pleasure to socialize with.

2. Elizabeth Bangs and Brent Landau
(Buy them a butter dish.)
The Case:
– Elizabeth was cum laude at Harvard and magna at Harvard Law. Brent graduated from the University of Iowa and is now studying for a doctorate in New Testament and early Christianity at Harvard Divinity School.
– Elizabeth is the director of the legal research and writing program for 1Ls at HLS. And we’re not going to look down our noses at that, the way most of her colleagues probably do (as they trot off to teach exalted subjects like Water Law.)
Very nice dress on Elizabeth (is that silk dupioni?), and Brent looked dashing as well. (Link to pics is from their wedding website.)
The Case Against:
– The groom is training to be a Presbyterian minister, but he had a Baptist and an Episcopalian preside over his ceremony. Guess they don’t teach denominational loyalty at Harvard Divinity School, eh Brent? Is this what the great Presbyterian martyrs died for? (Speaking of martyrs, Peter J. Gomes, the Baptist, is a well-known gay African American former Republican.)

3. Avery Gardiner and Edwin U
(Buy them a $275 meat fork.)
The Case:
– Avery and Edwin met at Harvard, where they received undergraduate degrees, both magna. Like a pair of swans gliding across a prestigious lake in perfect unison, they then swept through Harvard Law, both emerging cum laude. We need not detail all the many, many things about this that leave us trembling and breathless.
– Edwin is a legal superstar and a good provider; he’s just 33 and already a partner at Kirkland.
– This couple’s officiant was Angus S. King Jr., the former governor of Maine!
– Edwin’s one-letter last name is intriguingly avant-garde without being too edgy. And what a timesaver! But we can’t fault Avery’s decision to hang on to her solid WASP surname; “Avery U” sounds like a bad college — oh wait, it actually is.
The Case Against:
– Avery is a trial attorney in the antitrust division of the Department of Justice. Hang on — we’ve been dusting off our Ayn Rand — aren’t we all supposed to be, like, getting the hell out of the way of our über-rational monopolist overlords, lest they go on strike and spend all their time violently mating with each other? Avery, they’re gonna stop the motor of the world if you keep pestering them!
– Their wedding website specifies that the event is black tie, and the word “optional” is nowhere in sight. LEWW adores a man in a good tux as much as the next girl, but the sad fact is that 90 percent of mandatory black tie weddings these days are grasping attempts by the bourgeoisie to appear upper-crust. Unless you and all your friends are so fabulous that you slither in and out of tuxes on a regular basis, a bunch of your guests are going to show up with cheap After Hours rentals and one more reason to hate you. As if the $275 meat fork weren’t enough.
The Verdict:
Team Alperowicz-Florence has five Ivy League degrees to Team Gardiner-U’s four, but Avery and Edwin have had time to rack up more professional accomplishments. Plus, they seem more in sync with each other — nothing but sweet, sweet love on their website. And their officiant was a King! Congratulations, Team Gardiner-U!

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