Time for another summer associate story. We’re still taking submissions on these, so if you have one, check the submission guidelines and fire away.
Here’s our latest X-Summer:
1. Superhero name: Crab Stabber AKA Senorita Foulmouth
2. Special power: Crazed Crustacean Impaling/ Spanish Profanity
3. Summered: King & Spalding, Houston, Summer 2004 or 2005 (“can’t recall”)
4. Claim to fame: The allegations, according to our tipster:
“K&S Houston used to have this boondoggle of a recruiting trip to the Four Seasons resort in Punta Mita Mexico for a weekend. Excellent way to get to know your summers, their spouses, and how they behave socially. And did I mention it is at a Four Seasons in Mexico?”
“Anyway, a group of people were sitting at a beach campfire, drinking some adult beverages and making smores and other goodies on the fire. Our heroine takes her skewer and proceeds to stab a crab, roughly 8 inches in diameter, that was trying to sneak by the people on the beach. Not a small crab. She then proceeds to roast it on the fire. There is a famous picture, which she more or less posed for, with her holding the crab on the skewer with a maniacal grin on her face. Let’s just say some of the partners, spouses and others sitting around the campfire were a little shocked.”
“At another point during that summer, our heroine was sitting in at the beginning of a lunch seminar with other summers, attorneys and paralegals. That summer, [a lot] of the SAs happened to be fluent in Spanish and would speak Spanish to each other in the halls, etc. Well, our heroine was talking to another summer in Spanish and apparently cursing like a Caracas sailor in mixed company, when a paralegal politely said: “You may want to be careful, other people speak Spanish here, too.” To which our heroine shot back: “Are you an attorney?” Ummm… no, but let’s just say that the paralegal knew a few.
5. What happened next: “Ummmm…. no offer.”
The rules still apply. Don’t be a d-bag and name the Crab Stabber or try to guess who she is. Thanks a bunch.
We haven’t forgot about you, West Coast. We continue our open thread series on fall recruiting with a look at the legal market in the PACIFIC NORTHWEST. Here are the previous threads, which we still encourage you to revisit:
Albeit a ridiculous pro se one filed by a prisoner in South Carolina.
There’s nothing like the free time that prison provides and obviously severe mental problems a vivid imagination as a recipe for hilarious, hand-written, pro se complaints. Exhibit A:
Where to begin? Well, first of all, as far as we know Vick is not a federal agent of any kind, so this can’t possibly be an action filed pursuant to Bivens. But of all of the problems with this complaint, that may be the least. Continued discussion and the rest of the complaint after the jump.
Los Angeles attorney Victor King, who is University Counsel for California State University, Los Angeles, is a graduate of MIchigan Law School and until 2002 was a partner at Lewis Brisbois Bisgaard & Smith.
But until recently, none of this had conclusively established that he was, in fact, smarter than a 5th grader.
Now we have proof. King won $500,000 in the most recent episode of “Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?” on FOX. The episode can be viewed here.
But what we want to know is: why didn’t King go for the million? Obviously not a Vegas man.
Each week, we’ll highlight an exciting job opportunity available through Lateral Link, ATL’s career partner.
Here is this week’s offering:
Morrison & Cohen LLP is looking for a corporate attorney to handle M&A and private equity transactions. With fewer than 100 attorneys, and a 1 to 1 partner to associate ratio, this full-service New York firm is known for its commitment to nurturing careers, and a firm culture that is focused on a good work/life balance. The firm serves clients throughout the United States and around the world, focusing on middle-market businesses, financial institutions, and high-net-worth individuals.
As you will have noticed, this is Billy Merck, filling in once more for Lat so that he can attend the ACS National Convention.
As you will have also noted if you’re a regular reader, we are from Georgia. As a native Georgian and an Atlanta Falcon fan, we therefore feel obligated to touch upon this whole Michael Vick thing.
Initially, we note that the media coverage of yesterday’s arraignment was typically laughable. We must have received at least 25 separate headlines in our RSS feeder with some version of “Vick pleads not guilty to dogfighting charges.” Yeah, no kidding. It’s an arraignment, people! Everybody pleads not guilty at an arraignment, unless you have already worked out a plea agreement. It would have been news if he had NOT pled not guilty. But because of the 24-hour news cycle and/or a fundamental misunderstanding of legal proceedings on the part of the press, it’s a story either way.
More discussion after the jump.
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Well, Harvey Miller, a Toledo, Ohio attorney, and a Hawaiian shark did their best to dispel that notion.
Miller, a 36-year-old attorney, was snorkeling off of Bellows Field Beach Park Thursday afternoon when a shark chomped on his leg.
“I punched it and I started to swim,” he said. “And then, that’s when I knew it wasn’t good because I did not have use of my left lower extremity. I couldn’t kick.”
[KHNL (Honolulu NBC affiliate)]
It wasn’t good! No kidding! A shark just missed gnashing up your junk.
But it could have been much worse. Thankfully Miller managed to avoid any damage to his blood vessels, and suffered only broken bones and nerve damage. And he, is course, ALIVE, which is inherently in doubt when you have a face-to-face (or in this case face to leg, and then fist to face) with a shark while snorkling.
We’ll also note that we find it a little amusing that he’s quoted as saying he didn’t have use of his “left lower extremity.” We’re not taking a deposition, doctor. Just tell us your leg wouldn’t work.
Anyway, to the shark we say you should have known better than to mess with one of us. And don’t look for any referrals anytime soon.
* Drunks….in spaaaaace! [CNN]
* GCs promoted, including the one for my namesake. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Coke loses its Pepsi challenge. [Fulton County Daily Report]
* Who wants to be a millionaire? About 40 years in jail for a murder you didn’t commit is one way. [CNN]
* He’s so very sorry for any inconvenience he may have caused. [USA Today]
To celebrate fall recruiting season, we’re doing a series of open threads, to allow people to compare notes about law firms in different cities. Think of them as chat rooms for legal scuttlebutt. (Some of the comment threads get really long, but if you’re looking for information on a particular firm or issue, just run a search on the page.)*
Here are the earlier posts in the series (which we encourage you to revisit, even after they get bumped from the ATL front page):
This post, which some of you have been eagerly anticipating, is about LOS ANGELES. Please discuss the legal market in the City of Angels in the comments. Thanks.
* Yes, we’re probably going to reintroduce the discussion forums that once existed on this site (but were never used). That may take a little while, though, so these open threads will have to do for now. Earlier: Fall recruiting open threads for Boston, Chicago, San Francisco / Silicon Valley, and New York.
If your firm is in ‘go’ mode when it comes to recruiting lateral partners with loyal clients, then take this quiz to see how well you measure up. Keep track of your ‘yes’ and ‘no’ responses.
1. Does your firm have a clearly defined strategy of practice groups that are priorities of growth for your office? Nothing gets done by random chance, but with a clear vision for the future. Identify the top practice areas for which you wish to add lateral partners. Seek input from practice group leaders and get specifics on needs, outcomes, and ideal target profiles.
2. In addition to clarifying your firm’s growth strategy, are you still open to the hire of a partner outside of your plan? I’ve made several placements that fit this category. The partner’s practice was not within the strategic growth plan of my client, but once the two parties started talking with each other, we all saw how it could indeed be a seamless fit. Be open to “Opportunistic Hires.” You never know where your next producing partner might come from, so you have to be open to it. I will be the first to admit that there is a quirky element of randomness in recruiting.
Ed. note: The Asia Chronicles column is authored by Kinney Recruiting. Kinney has made more placements of U.S. associates, counsels and partners in Asia than any other recruiting firm in each of the past six years. You can reach them by email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
We currently have a very exciting and rare type of in-house opening in China at one of the world’s leading internet and social media companies. Our client is looking for an IP Transactional / TMT / Licensing attorney with 2 to 6 years experience. The new hire will be based in Shenzhen or Shanghai. Mandarin is not required (deal documentation will be in English) but is preferred. A solid reason to be in China and a commitment to that market is required of course. This new hire will likely be US qualified (but could also be qualified in UK or other jurisdictions) and with experience and training at a top law firm’s IP transactional / TMT practice and could be currently at a law firm or in-house. Qualified candidates currently Asia based, Europe based or US based will be considered. The new hire’s supervisors in this technology transactions in-house team are very well regarded US trained IP transactional lawyers, with substantial experience at Silicon Valley firms. The culture and atmosphere in this in-house group and the company in general is entrepreneurial, team oriented, and the work is cutting edge, even for a cutting edge industry. The upside of being in an important strategic in-house position in this fast growing and world leading internet company is of the “sky is the limit” variety. Its a very exciting place to be in China for a rising IP transactional lawyer in our opinion, for many reasons beyond the basic info we can share here in this ad / post. This is a special A+ opportunity.
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