Time for another summer associate story. We’re still taking submissions on these, so if you have one, check the submission guidelines and fire away.
Here’s our latest X-Summer:
1. Superhero name: Crab Stabber AKA Senorita Foulmouth
2. Special power: Crazed Crustacean Impaling/ Spanish Profanity
3. Summered: King & Spalding, Houston, Summer 2004 or 2005 (“can’t recall”)
4. Claim to fame: The allegations, according to our tipster:
“K&S Houston used to have this boondoggle of a recruiting trip to the Four Seasons resort in Punta Mita Mexico for a weekend. Excellent way to get to know your summers, their spouses, and how they behave socially. And did I mention it is at a Four Seasons in Mexico?”
“Anyway, a group of people were sitting at a beach campfire, drinking some adult beverages and making smores and other goodies on the fire. Our heroine takes her skewer and proceeds to stab a crab, roughly 8 inches in diameter, that was trying to sneak by the people on the beach. Not a small crab. She then proceeds to roast it on the fire. There is a famous picture, which she more or less posed for, with her holding the crab on the skewer with a maniacal grin on her face. Let’s just say some of the partners, spouses and others sitting around the campfire were a little shocked.”
“At another point during that summer, our heroine was sitting in at the beginning of a lunch seminar with other summers, attorneys and paralegals. That summer, [a lot] of the SAs happened to be fluent in Spanish and would speak Spanish to each other in the halls, etc. Well, our heroine was talking to another summer in Spanish and apparently cursing like a Caracas sailor in mixed company, when a paralegal politely said: “You may want to be careful, other people speak Spanish here, too.” To which our heroine shot back: “Are you an attorney?” Ummm… no, but let’s just say that the paralegal knew a few.
5. What happened next: “Ummmm…. no offer.”
The rules still apply. Don’t be a d-bag and name the Crab Stabber or try to guess who she is. Thanks a bunch.
We haven’t forgot about you, West Coast. We continue our open thread series on fall recruiting with a look at the legal market in the PACIFIC NORTHWEST. Here are the previous threads, which we still encourage you to revisit:
Albeit a ridiculous pro se one filed by a prisoner in South Carolina.
There’s nothing like the free time that prison provides and obviously severe mental problems a vivid imagination as a recipe for hilarious, hand-written, pro se complaints. Exhibit A:
Where to begin? Well, first of all, as far as we know Vick is not a federal agent of any kind, so this can’t possibly be an action filed pursuant to Bivens. But of all of the problems with this complaint, that may be the least. Continued discussion and the rest of the complaint after the jump.
Los Angeles attorney Victor King, who is University Counsel for California State University, Los Angeles, is a graduate of MIchigan Law School and until 2002 was a partner at Lewis Brisbois Bisgaard & Smith.
But until recently, none of this had conclusively established that he was, in fact, smarter than a 5th grader.
Now we have proof. King won $500,000 in the most recent episode of “Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?” on FOX. The episode can be viewed here.
But what we want to know is: why didn’t King go for the million? Obviously not a Vegas man.
Each week, we’ll highlight an exciting job opportunity available through Lateral Link, ATL’s career partner.
Here is this week’s offering:
Morrison & Cohen LLP is looking for a corporate attorney to handle M&A and private equity transactions. With fewer than 100 attorneys, and a 1 to 1 partner to associate ratio, this full-service New York firm is known for its commitment to nurturing careers, and a firm culture that is focused on a good work/life balance. The firm serves clients throughout the United States and around the world, focusing on middle-market businesses, financial institutions, and high-net-worth individuals.
As you will have noticed, this is Billy Merck, filling in once more for Lat so that he can attend the ACS National Convention.
As you will have also noted if you’re a regular reader, we are from Georgia. As a native Georgian and an Atlanta Falcon fan, we therefore feel obligated to touch upon this whole Michael Vick thing.
Initially, we note that the media coverage of yesterday’s arraignment was typically laughable. We must have received at least 25 separate headlines in our RSS feeder with some version of “Vick pleads not guilty to dogfighting charges.” Yeah, no kidding. It’s an arraignment, people! Everybody pleads not guilty at an arraignment, unless you have already worked out a plea agreement. It would have been news if he had NOT pled not guilty. But because of the 24-hour news cycle and/or a fundamental misunderstanding of legal proceedings on the part of the press, it’s a story either way.
More discussion after the jump.
Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
Well, Harvey Miller, a Toledo, Ohio attorney, and a Hawaiian shark did their best to dispel that notion.
Miller, a 36-year-old attorney, was snorkeling off of Bellows Field Beach Park Thursday afternoon when a shark chomped on his leg.
“I punched it and I started to swim,” he said. “And then, that’s when I knew it wasn’t good because I did not have use of my left lower extremity. I couldn’t kick.”
[KHNL (Honolulu NBC affiliate)]
It wasn’t good! No kidding! A shark just missed gnashing up your junk.
But it could have been much worse. Thankfully Miller managed to avoid any damage to his blood vessels, and suffered only broken bones and nerve damage. And he, is course, ALIVE, which is inherently in doubt when you have a face-to-face (or in this case face to leg, and then fist to face) with a shark while snorkling.
We’ll also note that we find it a little amusing that he’s quoted as saying he didn’t have use of his “left lower extremity.” We’re not taking a deposition, doctor. Just tell us your leg wouldn’t work.
Anyway, to the shark we say you should have known better than to mess with one of us. And don’t look for any referrals anytime soon.
* Drunks….in spaaaaace! [CNN]
* GCs promoted, including the one for my namesake. [WSJ Law Blog]
* Coke loses its Pepsi challenge. [Fulton County Daily Report]
* Who wants to be a millionaire? About 40 years in jail for a murder you didn’t commit is one way. [CNN]
* He’s so very sorry for any inconvenience he may have caused. [USA Today]
To celebrate fall recruiting season, we’re doing a series of open threads, to allow people to compare notes about law firms in different cities. Think of them as chat rooms for legal scuttlebutt. (Some of the comment threads get really long, but if you’re looking for information on a particular firm or issue, just run a search on the page.)*
Here are the earlier posts in the series (which we encourage you to revisit, even after they get bumped from the ATL front page):
This post, which some of you have been eagerly anticipating, is about LOS ANGELES. Please discuss the legal market in the City of Angels in the comments. Thanks.
* Yes, we’re probably going to reintroduce the discussion forums that once existed on this site (but were never used). That may take a little while, though, so these open threads will have to do for now. Earlier: Fall recruiting open threads for Boston, Chicago, San Francisco / Silicon Valley, and New York.
In a land that is right here and in a time that is right now, a technology has arisen so powerful that it can replace basic human document review. Is it time to bow down before our new robot overlords?
First, here’s a little story about me: my life in the legal world began as a paralegal. My first case was a GIANT patent infringement case that was already six years old and had involved as many as five companies, multiple US courts, the ITC and an international standards committee. I knew nothing about any of this.
On my first day, my supervisor (a paralegal with at least eight other cases driving her crazy) sat me down in front of a Concordance database with a 100,000+ patents and patent file histories. “Code these,” she said. I learned that “coding”, for the purposes of this exercise, meant manually typing the inventor’s name, the title of the patent, the assignee, the file date, and other objective data for each document. I worked on that project – and only that project – for at least the first six months of my job. After a week or so, time began to blur.
What I know, in retrospect and with absolutely certainty, is that as time began to blur, so did my judgment. So did my attention to detail. If you could tell me that I did not make at least one mistake a day – one inconsistent spelling, one reversed day and month, one incorrectly spaced title – I frankly would need to see your evidence. I would not believe it. The human mind is trainable but it is not a machine.
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We currently have a number of active openings for associate roles at US and UK firms in HK / China, Singapore and two new in-house openings. As always, please feel free to reach out to us at email@example.com in order to get details of current openings in Asia, as well as to discuss the Asia markets in general and what we expect for openings later this year. Our Evan Jowers and Robert Kinney will be in Beijing the week of March 25 and Evan Jowers will be in Hong Kong the week of April 1, if you would like to meet them in person.
The US associate openings we have in law firms are in the usual areas of M&A, cap markets, FCPA / white collar litigation, finance, and project finance. The most urgent of our top tier (top 15 US or magic circle) law firm openings in Asia (among many other firm openings that we have in Asia) are as follows:
• 2nd to 5th year mandarin fluent M&A associates needed in Beijing and Hong Kong at several firms;
• Korean fluent 2nd to 4th year cap markets associate needed in Hong Kong;
• 2nd to 5th year Japanese fluent M&A associates needed in Tokyo;
• 4th to 6th year mandarin fluent cap markets associate needed in Hong Kong;
• 2nd to 4th year M&A / cap markets mix associate needed in Singapore.
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