Bad Ideas, Biglaw, Drinking, Lord, Bissell & Brook, Rank Stupidity, Summer Associates

X-Summers: The Swiss Mister

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Thanks to everyone who has responded thus far to our call for summer associate stories. We’ve received a number of colorful anecdotes, which we’ll be publishing over the next few days (or weeks, if the supply holds up). If you have a story you’d like to share, please check out the submission guidelines.
We like this one ’cause it’s weird — not just your typical tale of SA inebriation, followed by a drunken hookup and/or fistfight. Check it out:
1. Superhero name: The Swiss Mister
2. Special power: The ability to consume massive quantities of hot chocolate.
3. Summered: Lord, Bissell & Brook, Chicago, “a few years ago”
4. Claim to fame: From a source at the firm:

at the firm, there are kitchens on every floor. the kitchens have various drinks for the people to have while working: coffee, tea, and hot cocoa.

there is a protocol — it’s not that hard. if you are thirsty, or cold, or just want something nice and caffeinated, you go there and get a drink. common sense, right?

well, on this guy’s floor, meeting services noticed that every night, the hot cocoa drawer was empty. they would refill it, and the next night it would be gone again. it was very bizarre… since the coffee and tea are more popular anyway, especially during the summer. the drawer is big. it holds a lot of packets of hot cocoa. but, every night… it was all gone.

it turns out this summer associate was stealing all of the hot cocoa. every day.

Read more — including how he was apprehended, and whether he got an offer — after the jump.


Our tipster continues:

apparently his work was pretty mediocre, too, but [Cocoagate] just put him over the top.

way to go, dude. way to push yourself toward a no-offer by stealing a lifetime supply of hot cocoa. you could have been slick.

he could have taken a few envelopes a day and stockpiled them. no one would have found out. but no, he was too stupid. he had to have it all, right then. he had to have all the hot cocoa. and, he blew his shot at an offer.

We asked about how Mr. Sticky Fingers got busted. Did the firm pull a Peter Barta?

no, not a spy cam…one night someone actually saw him taking the hot chocolate from the drawer, and put two and two together.

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5. What happened to him: The hot cocoa thief did not receive an offer to return to the firm. His work product wasn’t great, says our source, “but it was the theft of hot chocolate that really sealed the no-offer for him.”
(The general rule is in effect. Please don’t name this individual in the comments, or speculate as to his identity. If you do, your comment will be deleted, and we’ll close the thread. Thanks.)
Earlier: The X-Summers: Submissions, Please

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