X-Summers: The Swiss Mister
Thanks to everyone who has responded thus far to our call for summer associate stories. We've received a number of colorful anecdotes, which we'll be publishing over the next few days (or weeks, if the supply holds up). If you have a story you'd like to share, please check out the submission guidelines.
We like this one 'cause it's weird -- not just your typical tale of SA inebriation, followed by a drunken hookup and/or fistfight. Check it out:
1. Superhero name: The Swiss Mister
2. Special power: The ability to consume massive quantities of hot chocolate.
3. Summered: Lord, Bissell & Brook, Chicago, "a few years ago"
4. Claim to fame: From a source at the firm:
at the firm, there are kitchens on every floor. the kitchens have various drinks for the people to have while working: coffee, tea, and hot cocoa.there is a protocol -- it's not that hard. if you are thirsty, or cold, or just want something nice and caffeinated, you go there and get a drink. common sense, right?
well, on this guy's floor, meeting services noticed that every night, the hot cocoa drawer was empty. they would refill it, and the next night it would be gone again. it was very bizarre... since the coffee and tea are more popular anyway, especially during the summer. the drawer is big. it holds a lot of packets of hot cocoa. but, every night... it was all gone.
it turns out this summer associate was stealing all of the hot cocoa. every day.
Read more -- including how he was apprehended, and whether he got an offer -- after the jump.
Our tipster continues:
apparently his work was pretty mediocre, too, but [Cocoagate] just put him over the top.way to go, dude. way to push yourself toward a no-offer by stealing a lifetime supply of hot cocoa. you could have been slick.
he could have taken a few envelopes a day and stockpiled them. no one would have found out. but no, he was too stupid. he had to have it all, right then. he had to have all the hot cocoa. and, he blew his shot at an offer.
We asked about how Mr. Sticky Fingers got busted. Did the firm pull a Peter Barta?
no, not a spy cam...one night someone actually saw him taking the hot chocolate from the drawer, and put two and two together.
5. What happened to him: The hot cocoa thief did not receive an offer to return to the firm. His work product wasn't great, says our source, "but it was the theft of hot chocolate that really sealed the no-offer for him."
(The general rule is in effect. Please don't name this individual in the comments, or speculate as to his identity. If you do, your comment will be deleted, and we'll close the thread. Thanks.)
Earlier: The X-Summers: Submissions, Please
(33) Comments
Ha Ha. Not first
My boss has a Krups cappucino machine in his office, but only provides office made Starbucks that cheap diarrhea inducing Swiss Miss crap for the rest of us. He also provides Appeluto (however it's spelled) for the temps.
Plaintiff's firm partners are such greedy assholes.
With summers pilfering the hot chocolate, its no wonder Lord Bissell hasn't raised.
loyola: you get starbucks as your office coffee? quit complaining. You're way ahead of most of us. [if I want starbucks, I go downstairs and buy one].
But maybe you can learn a lesson from this dude. You could sell the Swiss Miss to pay down your law school loans.
"loyola: you get starbucks as your office coffee? quit complaining."
No, fake starbucks. i.e. starbucks brand coffee made in a cheap coffee machine.
OK, no identity-revelation. How about race of the thief?
"How about race of the thief?"
Clearly Swiss.
dude, for $2500 a week (what a summer made at that time) and then the $125k-185k he could have made over the past few years as an associate, he could have bought all the swiss miss he wanted. what a penny-wise and dollar-dumb thing to do.
11:48 Lmao
Thompson & Knight bumped to $160,000
http://www.legalfriction.com/?q=node/179
The firm clearly did not research the guy's background thoroughly enough. He'd been kicked out of every all-you-can-eat buffet in town.
11:56, you should probably post that comment in the Susman Godfrey post (more relevant).
Collin's right. This guy can still be seen raiding free samples at Whole Foods, a cautionary tale trying to smother his sorrows in fine gouda.
Thank God he didn't work at Wachtell. They have free Pepperidge Farms cookies and crackers, Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts coffee, free soda and juice and cereal and frozen yogurt. He would have cleaned house.
My boss has a Krups cappucino machine in his office, but only provides office made Starbucks that cheap diarrhea inducing Swiss Miss crap for the rest of us. He also provides Appeluto (however it's spelled) for the temps.
Plaintiff's firm partners are such greedy assholes.
Posted by: Loyola 2L | July 23, 2007 11:40 AM
This dude is probably a partner at a top Lawfirm making a million + a year.
So maybe I should put these extra Splenda packets back...
Wow! I hope Wachtell has a sweet gym deal - I know I'd weigh about 800 pounds if I worked there. Pepperidge Farm cookies . . . mmm
Hot cocoa? As someone mentioned, this guy was making $2500/week, and he lost an offer because he felt the need to steal hot cocoa? At least steal a label maker or some fancy office supplies of equivalent value. Hot cocoa? Wow...
I'm just saying that starbucks brewed at home is still better than the pot slop that most of us have to drink. [we serve Starbucks on our reception floor, but the lowly attorneys aren't allowed to drink it unless they are in a meeting].
I've never been able to replicate Starbucks at home. Too bad.
can you start a thread noting 12:15's perks. we only get milk in the miniroom fridge, and the mass-produced starbucks in the cafeteria. recently we have added herbal teas.
Screw Starbucks. We get Peet's
We've had some janitorial staff steal fancy coffee from our supplies, but a top-dollar summer associate stealing hot chocolate? Obviously too stupid to make it in the big leagues.
We get Lipton cup o'soup in the coffee rooms in the winter months along with our Swiss Miss. But we pay 55 cents a can or $1 a bottle for soda (or "pop" as it's known out here in the midwest)
can we get names of law schools as default info on these stories?
No, law school info would make identification too easy. It isn't usually relevant to the story (and there are idiots at every law school in America).
Just enjoy the stories, and stop trying to out the subjects.
Peet's is way better than Starbucks, and more expensive too.
Starbucks sucks anyway. Give me Intelligentsia, please.
Wouldn't "Swiss Miser" be more appropriate?
11:48: Best comment.
FIRST!!!
"Please don't name this individual in the comments, or speculate as to his identity. If you do, your comment will be deleted, and we'll close the thread. Thanks."
Geez. Fuck you very much, Lat.
FIRST!!!! FIRST!!!!!! OMG FIRST!!!!!! Lat you should pretend to be a woman again. What happened to 'A3 Groupie'?
FYI...This incident occurred in the 1990s or earlier.