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A Summer Associate Farewell Email: ‘WHEREAS, I Am a Tool’

Summer associate stories. Wacky farewell messages. Two great tastes that go great together.
Some brief background, from a tipster:

This kid was a summer at Davis Polk, and his farewell email has made the rounds in both DC and NYC. For anyone who knows him, it is no surprise….

[He] believes that we should not have a republic, but that an autocratic state would better suit everyone. He usually speaks in latinate phrases like “Hail, brother, farewell,” and he would send out emails all summer about obscure historical books to recommend to his fellow summers.

Check out the farewell email, and vote in our poll, after the jump.

Dear Fellow Summer Associates,
WHEREAS, today is my last day in the New York office,
WHEREAS, Ms. [redacted] has been insistent that the undersigned send a departure e-mail,
WHEREAS, the undersigned has been greatly impressed by the uniformly high caliber and kindness of his summer class, and
WHEREAS, it is the intent of the undersigned to bid farewell to his summer class,
1. The undersigned does hereby declare that he wishes you all the best until we meet again as colleagues at DPW. [Ed. note: Has DPW already extended offers to its summer associates (as we hear Cravath has)? If not, it’s bad luck to speak about an offer before you have it — even if getting one is a foregone conclusion.]
N.B .: The foregoing shall not be construed to imply that the undersigned does not wish you all the best subsequent to our meeting again.
2. The undersigned wishes to convey his Maudlin Parting Sentiments.
“Maudlin Parting Sentiments” shall have the meaning set forth in all prior departure e-mails inflicted upon the entire membership of the summer class of 2007.
Law Clerk
(Same rules as usual: Please don’t name this summer associate or mention his law school. Thanks.)

(hidden for your protection)

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