first

I'm in awe. I've always wanted to use the phrase "days of yore" in a brief.

I would like to see a (Bluebook-compliant) citation to some history of piracy for these statements. Or at least Wikipedia.

what's this from?

He should have opened with "Avast!" "Ahoy there!" or "Yarrrrrr".

IAMBIC PENTAMETER.

Check out the case of Lemon v. Bank Lines (either 11th or pree-11th 5th Circuit case circa 1980) for what is perhaps the worst offender of the bad-admiralty-case collection. Its like judges say, "hey, we have a case about boats. lets pretend we're sailors." Its gets really old really fast when you do admiralty work for a living.

Good idea, mediocre execution. Neither a writer nor a douchebag, but to borrow from the prior headline, probably just a drama queen in capri pants.

Huh. I really don't think this is half-bad. I mean, I'd change a word or three, but it's pretty effective. (Without knowing, of course, anything about the facts, and thus how well the analogy ultimately works.)

Reminds me of a campus interview by Quinn Emanuel.

"At this firm, we're all PAH-rates. Are you a PAH-rate?"

Those that can do do; those that can't do teach; those that can neither do nor teach blog.

Give the writer the credit he deserves - and remember, the purpose of a preliminary statement is to capture the attention of the court - as this has captured yours.

(and try reading a typical commercial litigation brief)

7:58 = writer of this preliminary statement

(Also, my guess is that Lat is better at writing briefs than you are, unless you unmask yourself as a Deputy Solicitor General.)

nerds.