Lawsuit of the Day: Jonathan Lee Riches Strikes Again (and Again and Again)
Federal prisoner Jonathan Lee Riches, whose "$63,000,000,000.00 Billion dollar" lawsuit against Michael Vick was discussed in these pages last month, has a new celebrity athlete in his sights. From a tipster:
Got to think you've seen this by now: the guy suing Michael Vick for a bazillion dollars or whatever it is now realizes that the real culprit is Barry Bonds. See here.Question: Where can we file amicus briefs on these?
More description of Riches's latest Complaint, alleging "Fraud Against Mankind" and "Batman and Identity Robbin," from the Smoking Gun:
Riches, who is doing a decade in prison for fraud, is at it again, this time filing a loony -- though quite funny -- complaint again Barry Bonds, baseball commissioner Bud Selig, and Hank Aaron's bat.In his lawsuit, Riches weaves an intricate conspiracy theory involving television ratings, steroids, the cracking of the Liberty Bell, Colombian narco-terrorists, and secretly recorded conversations for which journalists Robert Novak and Judith Miller have transcripts.
Sounds like the plot to Syriana or Babel. Might Riches -- a/k/a "Secured Party" d/b/a "The White Suge Knight" -- have a future as a Hollywood screenwriter?
As it turns out, Jonathan Lee Riches is an old hand at crazy lawsuits -- a veritable pro at proceeding pro se. More after the jump.
More from TSG:
Riches's August 13 lawsuit, which he filed in U.S. District Court in Indiana, is the 17th federal complaint he has filed since January 2006. Imprisoned in South Carolina, Riches has filed his lawsuits in 15 separate federal jurisdictions, presumably moving state-to-state to avoid sanctions over the filing of frivolous actions.
Back in 2006, the Philadelphia City Paper has this to say about one of these many lawsuits:
We don't know much about Jonathan Lee Riches. According to a 2004 Houston Chronicle article, the current resident of the Federal Correctional Institution Williamsburg in Salters, S.C., pleaded guilty to his involvement in an identity theft/credit card fraud ring.But we do know this: The guy's a comic genius. Dude penned perhaps the most engrossing and amusing legal document ever. Faint praise? You be the judge (download full PDF).
On March 9, Riches filed a prisoner civil rights suit (2:06-cv-01055-LP) in Philadelphia's U.S. District Court complete with a 57-page defendant list crammed with luminaries both living (President Bush, Grace Jones) and dead (George Orwell, Malcolm X), as well as nonentities like the Magna Carta, www.accuweather.com and Skittles candy (see list below). It's a magnificent, flowing piece of free-association blame-core.
A source at the court tells us that this sort of filing comes along every once in a while and that it's likely it will be thrown out long before it goes to trial.
We wonder, though, whether someday one of Jonathan Lee Riches's lawsuits might actually hit paydirt. They say that if you have a gazillion monkeys pounding away on typewriters, someday one of them will type out a Shakespeare play.
Might this Embarrassment of Riches one day yield up a cognizable legal claim?
Bonds Sold Steroids To Nuns [The Smoking Gun]
Trial of the Century [Philadelphia City Paper]
Riches v. James [Justia]
(43) Comments
FIRST
This guy is classic
"Batman and Identity Robbin"? This guy is awesome. If he keeps this up, he could bind all the complaints and sell it in the humor section at Barnes & Noble.
Lets hear more about the "under the table cream exchange" between Selig and Bonds. That needs to be stated with more particularity.
"d/b/a The White Suge Knight"
that is classic
Now I'm starting to doubt this guy is actually crazy. I think he's just doing this stuff for attention and because he can.
I particularly like how he named "Kim Jong, 11" as a defendant. Ditto with "Mein Kampf."
Should we assume that this guy does not approve of MLB doping?
So glad that his TRO covers "defendant's [sic] pets"...you never know when signals from Barry Bonds's dog might penetrate your aluminum foil hat.
Good call, 1:38.
Jonathan Riches to $190!
OH No- Another court action against me! Why is everyone picking on me- I am an underachieving terrorist at best!
Anyone know why this guy is in jail?
1:53, see the fourth block quote: "an identity theft/credit card fraud ring."
Just a suggestion to get rid of these stupid "FIRST" posters - on some blogs and message boards, they have a filter that changes the word "first" to another word. (E.g., Fark.com changes it to "boobies.")
The downside is that it changes any use of the word "first," not just in the first post (although there may be a way to do that.)
For ATL, I suggest the filter change "FIRST" to "DOUCHEBAG."
I hope Hank Aaron's Bat has a good lawyer -- these are some pretty serious allegations.
I want to be the boobies person to type boobies on the next thread.
FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST FIRST. How do you like that? I actually think it would be cool if it was changed to douchebag.
Best. Pro se complaint. Ever.
there really needs to be an internet jonathan lee riches (c) lawsuit database.
sure he's crazy . . . crazy like a fox.
Comic genius, I say.
Some highlights that Lat left out that are simply hilarious:
- Apparently he has federal, state, local AND UNDERGROUND constitutional rights. Is he a Morlock?
- He demands a US dollar judgement in Swiss Francs. At what exchange rate? The day of filing? judgement? collection?
- He has an I-phone already?
- I really want to see the exhibit of food items that Bonds stole from him. I'm guessing there was lots of Kool Aid and brownies in that fridge.
sure he's crazy . . . crazy like a fox.
Comic genius, I say.
$63,000,000,000 BILLION?!?
OMFG!!! THAT'S SIXTY THREE QUINTILLION DOLLARS!!!!!
Solujian
Sister
I like the fact he sued not just people, organizations, objects, and websites, but also time periods such as "Medieval Times." I personally have some bones to pick with the 1980s, and am thinking of filing suit as well.
Also, is he suing Kim Jong 1L?
reads like a donald barthelme short story
2:41... Let's not assume he sued the "Medieval Times" time period. I believe he actually sued "Medieval Times," that place where you eat dinner and watch people joust.
See http://www.medievaltimes.com/index2.htm (or call them at 1-888-WE-JOUST).
2:07 - Fark's filter does not change the word "first." It changes the words "first post." Also, if the words "first post" occur in the actual first post, the timestamp is changed to 12 hours in the future, and it will therefore show up as the LAST post.
That said, I don't mind the first posters.
boobies
I'm not sure which I like better - the secret compartment in Bonds' bat to store his HGH or Bonds' bench-pressing the plaintiff.
Lat - can you get an interview with this guy?
anybody notice "American Veterans of World War 11"? he's suing...the future!!
didnt this guy work for jones day a while back?
Lat, you need to do a weekly column on this guy's lawsuits. The judge in the case with the 57-page defendant list had this to say:
"He appears to allege, among other allegations, that
there is a world-wide conspiracy to impose the Uniform Commercial Code on him. He claims George Bush is a time traveler and the grand Iman of voodoo witch doctors."
Check out some other Riches lawsuits:
http://dockets.justia.com/search?q=Jonathan+Lee+Riches
This guy is a comic genius and should be released from prison immediatley.
He has a great imagination. But he looks like a white supremacist.
Ladies and gentlemen, The person you are seeing is in FACT L2L.
No doubt in my mind if you compare the lawsuits and the postings here - they match in their ability to whine, blame others and outstanding comedic relief.
Barry Bonds used Hank Aaron's bat to crack the Liberty Bell.
Now that, my friends, is pure comic gold.
The same inmate who sued Michael Vick for 63 billion dollars has now sued the I-35W Bridge.
http://dreadnaught.wordpress.com/2007/08/20/jonathan-lee-riches%c2%a9-v-i-35w-bridge-et-al/
yojoe
Lest we forget:
CLEO
Miss
Mr. Riches has now sued Wal-Mart, and he now claims to be blind and deaf.
http://dreadnaught.wordpress.com/2007/08/28/jonathan-lee-riches%c2%a9-v-wal-mart-stores-inc/
He just sued the Jena Six and the LaSalle Parish DA.
http://descant.classicalanglican.net/?p=3157
My favorite line was paragraph 7:
“Defendants sent white supremacists and white trash after me to feed me to Barry White.”
This is one of the funniest men in America. Somebody needs to make a documentary about this guy.