The Bruised Booze Cruiser: An Alternate Account

For those of you who might be interested, here’s another version of yesterday’s story about the Bruised Booze Cruiser — a Kirkland & Ellis summer associate who got slugged by a local lass in Chicago (after getting drunk on the firm-sponsored booze cruise and calling said woman a “fat bitch”).

We actually received many accounts of this event. The one that we decided go with came from someone who was at K&E this summer and attended the events in question, so we viewed it as fairly reliable.

But here’s a second version, also from someone who claims to have been there. And we like it — in some ways, it’s even better than the original — so we’re passing it along.

According to our latest tipster, the Bruised Booze Cruisier (hereinafter “BBC”) was acting up even before the after-party where he got punched by a girl woman. From this second source:

[The BBC] had upset one big-time partner before ever getting to the bar that night (and, if the golf outing story is true, he had notes from two partners sent to recruiting). The cruise ship played music during the 3rd of July fireworks, and at one point, the “Imperial March” from the Star Wars movies came on.

The summer (maybe a big fan of the movies?) decided to narrate the song by attempting to recreate Darth-Vader-esque breathing noises. His wanting everyone to hear, though, meant the noises were less breaths and more zombie moans, which weren’t appreciated by the young children on board.

A senior partner near the summer, whose children were frightened and upset by the noises, wrote to recruiting about the guy before the story of the bar fight ever came out.

That’s pretty great — but there’s more. Check it out after the jump.


Our second source continues:

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[T]he exchange between the summer and the girl — who, by the way, was not a summer or in any way affiliated with the firm — went a little differently. The attorney who had agreed/been cajoled into taking the summer class out was standing at the very crowded bar, ordering drinks. Despite the crowd, the summer was eager to chat up the lawyer and insisted on squeezing into his soon-to-be assailant’s spot at the bar.

After about half an hour of being bumped into and forced out of the way, the girl asks (in an annoyed, but otherwise polite voice), “Would you get off of me?”. The summer looks at her and responds, “I wasn’t trying to get ON you, you fat bitch.” At this point, she poured her drink on him, then punched him — twice — in the face.

The guy WENT DOWN, at which point another summer tried to intervene and calm people down. For his efforts, [the assisting summer] was yelled at by the girl’s friend (also not affiliated with the firm): “No! Your friend [pointing at The BBC] called my friend [pointing at the girl] a bitch!” and then slapped in the face so hard half the bar must’ve heard and turned to see what was happening.

The [BBC] stood up, with a cut above his eye. The girls strode out of the bar, leaving the (speechless) attorney to sort out the two wounded summers.

This rocks. No need to wait for the Spice Girls Reunion Tour for a healthy dose of Girl Power!

Earlier: X-Summers: The Bruised Booze Cruiser

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