coolie cart puller Above the Law blog.jpgEvery now and then, we like to highlight super-crappy especially unappealing job opportunities. See, e.g., this one (perfect for those of you who think sleep is overrated).
A reader at the University of Texas Law School recently sent a great job posting our way. A teaser:

Where to begin? First, what the heck is “Associate Attorney II”? Second, workday commences at 8 AM, and work week is 50-60 hours, Monday through Friday (not including possible weekend and holiday work). Third, anyone who cannot sit for two hours, or requires use of any ADA accommodations, need not apply. Fourth, everything is at the partners’ discretion. Oh, and just in case you thought otherwise, “[t]his description is for recruitment purposes, only, and does not constitute a contract.”

We noticed a few other less-than-appealing aspects of the job:

1. Pay is $4K a month. (This is a lawyer’s job, right? At a law firm?)

2. The job requires a current Texas driver’s license and “the ability to drive long distances unaccompanied during daylight and nighttime hours.”

3. One of the practice areas is “water / wastewater / solid waste” law.

4. The job requires the ability to “carry[] loads of up to 35 pounds (such as books, binders, and files).” (To repeat: this is a lawyer’s job, right?)

5. Yes, there are bonuses — for associates who “produc[e] stellar work product and exceed[] billable hour goals,” and “at the discretion of the partners.”

Well, at least they’re honest. No pretending to match the Cravath bonus scale, while in reality giving market-level bonuses to only a handful of associates.
Read the full job listing, after the jump.


UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS SCHOOL OF LAW — JOB BANK
Employer: XXX LLP (Austin, TX)
Position: Associate Attorney II
Description:
A. Purpose: Provide legal services to municipal clients through small law firm.
B. Location: Business hours will be divided between the firm’s office in Austin, Texas, and client locations across the state.
C. Hours:
1. The typical work week is fifty-sixty (50-60) hours, Monday through Friday.
2. Workday commences at 8:00 am.
3. Associates will be required to attend evening client meetings (e.g., city council, planning & zoning, board of adjustment, park advisory board, etc.).
4. Occasionally required to work on a weekends and holidays.
5. Monthly minimum billable hour requirement is 140.
D. Essential Functions:
1. Drafting ordinances, resolutions, policies and procedures.
2. Writing and reviewing contracts, interlocal agreements, leases, easements and deeds.
3. Researching matters of state and federal law, including statutes, administrative regulations, and case law, and preparing legal memoranda.
4. Assisting with litigation of civil, criminal and administrative cases, including researching and drafting discovery requests and responses, petitions; preparing motions, pleadings, orders, and briefs.
5. Counseling city officials (in person and remotely).
6. Advocating clients’ interests before administrative and judicial bodies.
E. Areas of Emphasis: The associate will practice in the field of Municipal Law, which embodies these areas of the law: administrative; economic development; election; employment; environmental; ethics; finance and taxes; land use and development; legislative affairs; litigation and appellate advocacy; municipal court; open government; purchasing and procurement; transportation; and utilities (water / wastewater / solid waste).
F. Requirements:
1. Licensed to practice law in Texas for at least two (2) years (in good standing).
2. Strong research and writing skills.
3. Exceptional oral communication skills, including ability to speak effectively in small groups, before large audiences at public meetings, and in the courtroom.
4. Ability to prosecute Municipal Court.
5. Current Texas Drivers License with acceptable driving record, and the ability to drive long distances unaccompanied during daylight and nighttime hours.
6. Capability of walking up and down a flight of stairs; sitting for up to eight hours (two hours at a time); carrying loads of up to 35 pounds (such as books, binders, and files).
G. Preferences:
1. Background in municipal or local government law.
2. Experience and education in utilities and environmental law (e.g., water / wastewater)
3. Experience with civil and criminal litigation.
4. Familiarity with Administrative Law.
5. Proficiency with Microsoft Word, Lexis/Nexis.
H. Expectations: Successful associates are those who are:
1. organized and self-motivating.
2. dependable and steady.
3. capable of transitioning between numerous clients on multiple subjects daily.
4. innovative and resourceful problem-solvers.
5. committed to public interest / government-related law.
I. Hired by: Partners (XXX and XXX)
J. Supervisors: Partners (XXX and XXX)
K. Compensation: $4,167 monthly, depending on qualifications. Performance bonuses. This is a professional position, and thus is exempt from eligibility for overtime. However, associates producing stellar work product and exceeding billable hour goals will be eligible for bonuses and raises, at the discretion of the partners.
L. Benefits: Health insurance, 401(k), sick leave, vacation, holidays, state attorney tax, annual bar dues, mandatory continuing legal education.
Note:
1. This description is for recruitment purposes, only, and does not constitute a contract.
2. Specific job duties and work hours are subject to change depending on the needs of the firm and approval of the partners.
Earlier: Since You’re Probably Pulling All-Nighters Anyway…


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