christmas is for everyone!

except the jews

t'was a merry holiday, indeed. I got some rum, gold, and made a few pirates walk the plank!

YARRRRRR!!!!1

Why do people feel the need to say, "And a happy New Year to all!" Is there some sort of understanding that when you simply say, "Happy New Year!" you're only referring to a select group of people?? As far as I know, plain old "Happy New Year!" encompasses everyone.

it is very offensive to say "Happy New Year" without qualifying it by "to those who celebrate it"

To the Liberals:

Please accept with no obligation, expressed or implied, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others,or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society are as equally significant as those of dead white males.

This wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith (or absence thereof), or sexual orientation of the wishee.

To my conservative, libertarian and moderate friends:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

To Fed Soc:

You're a jackass! Congratulations!

Fed Soc - Would Jesus really want you to mock others (liberals) on this day of his birth? Now go to church and repent.

I'm an atheist. Just wish me merry Tuesday.

4:11 has never met a hypocritical Christian before.

To Feet Suck

A poor imitation of what liberals do better. See http://leiterlawschool.typepad.com/ I assume you attended college. I hope the tuition didn't bankrupt your immigrant parents.

I pity the fool who uses the birth of our lord and savior Jesus for cheap (and terrible) political humor.

LOL @ immigrant parents.

Anyone else mystified why the anti-lawsuit-abuse people are running spots here?

"Merry Christmas"??? Obviously you're nothing but a lackey of the fascistic BushCo regime and the Chamber of Commerce oligarchy!

Nevertheless, Merry Christmas and many props on the site. It helped make me some phat lewt this year!

GUYS IN MY HIGH SCHOOL USED TO GET WISHED MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL THE TIME, 'TWAS NO BIG DEAL.

JT enjoys splitting hairs over phrases, it makes JT feel like a big man

The Night Before Christmas (Legal Style)
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did
occur at a certain improved piece of real property
(hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all
creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stockings, socks, etc., had
been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the
hope and/or belief that St. Nick aka St. Nicholas aka Santa
Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime
thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e., the children, of the
aforementioned House were located in their individual beds
and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e., dreams,
wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not
limited to, candies, nuts, and/or sugar plums, did dance,
cavort, and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of
the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter
"Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period
of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various
forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did
occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and
appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain
disruption of unknown nature, cause, and/or circumstance.
The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window
in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.
At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with
some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh
(hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very
rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer.
The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be, and in fact was,
the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction,
and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and
specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name:
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and
Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and
belief, it is further asserted that an additional
co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle,
and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the
roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the
vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was
heavily laden with packages, toys, and other items of
unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation
or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle
arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the
chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially
covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a
large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned
packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what
appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation
of local ordinances and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did
not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to
the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his
nose and flew, rose, and/or ascended up the chimney of the
House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or
served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an
unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer, and
Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear
Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to
all a good night!" Or words to that effect.
Happy Holidays!

lat - can you do a story on the "slowdown" in legal work i keep hearing about?

i aint seeing it but perhaps others are....

ta, in advance

Fed Soc. - clearly you are a ninja, a pirate would know better than to plagiarize.

Why wouldn't the kids want the gifts characterized as gifts? Gifts are nontaxable to the receipient.

8:46,

I have some comments. Instead of ("hereinafter "the Deer"), please put "(each a "Deer" and known collectively as the "Deer"). Send me a redline and a clean, thanks.

10:39 (hereinafter, "Tool"):

I would make the edits, you douche, except for the face that "Deer" would be defined twice. I hope you didn't get a bonus, Tool.

<3,
8:46

Dear 8:46,

You appear to be in ill humor this morning. If my comment, made in jest, upsets you so greatly, please consider it withdrawn.

Upset as I now am, I will retreat to the LR3 I bought with my bonus.

10:39-turned-10:48,

If I suspected for even one second that you were even 1% joking, I would not have chided you for being the Tool. Unfortunately, however, you ooze gravity, and I doubt whether you ever rented, much less owned, a shred of a sense of humor.

I would rather die in a grease fire than own a LR3.

-eight forty six

Seriously? An LR3? God bless having more money than sense.

8:46,

I can quite sincerely say that I've never before been accused of oozing gravity (or any other substance). I can say further, with equal sincerity, that I have no interest in getting a silly internet jack-off fest over, well, whatever this is about. I do think you will have a better day if you calm down a bit. Your poem is very nice, however you define "Deer."

JT has no need to ooze gravity, as JT actually is gravity, much like Dominic Toretto in the 2001 classic, The Fast and the Furious.

So, in truth, Tool is actually oozing JT. Just an FYI.

I LIVE MY LIFE ONE QUARTER MILE AT A TIME!

10:39-turned-10:48-turned-11:31,

You're still a Tool, and a massive one. Take your verbosity (e.g., "quite sincerely," "further, with equal sincerity," and "over, well, whatever this is about") elsewhere, as it is not wanted here at ATL. Retreat to your shit-of-a-car where you and F R A T S T U D will hotbox the cabin and ooze gravity together, Tool.

I dislike you.

8:46

8:46, You are apparently quite miserable and angry. Haw haw.

11:31, You apparently hit Refresh every 22 seconds, making you a...

...Tool.

Please learn to spell "ha" correctly.

Yours truly,

8: "LR3" 46

Wow, this 8:46 v. "Tool" party is pretty entertaining, although they are both bombastic idiots. Par for the course.

Well hey, at least I'm not a Tool, or a dumb one at that (cf. purchasing an LR3 with bonus money).

ate to tha fo' six

Hey Tool - sweet LR3, I'm sure you feel uber-preppy-chic cruising long island in it. Have fun trading it in the milisecond it goes over 75K. Yeah, they self destruct.

Patrick--then go to work.

This thread seems to be full of worthless ninjas.

Tool is a sweet band.

Tool may be a sweet band, but could you imagine being the guy now forever known as Tool on this thread and website generally? The Tool bought an LR3 with his bonus so he can go crush Long Island. Incidentally, Long Island has several patches of rough terrain where an LR3 will come in handy: Oyster Bay, Syosset, maybe even Jericho. Good job, Tool, for wasting "hard earned" money. Go back to billing 1600 at your TTT.

8:46

First

History of 8:46

1. Publishes long, dull post
2. Exhibits irrational rage
3. Indicates pride in billing and law firm rank

Loser or troll?

Take your verbosity (e.g., "quite sincerely," "further, with equal sincerity," and "over, well, whatever this is about") elsewhere, as it is not wanted here at ATL.

Retarded guys in my high school used to consider average, casual expressions to be verbose all the time, it was no big deal.

1:44, your name should be Tool Number Two because you are a Tool, but "Tool" has already been taken, so you are "Tool Number Two."

Do you also claim to "own" a LR3?

1:44, I'm not the loser. You're the loser.

8:46 - You should quit posting, assuming all the 8:46 posts are actually one person. The readers feel sorry for you.

Lat, please automate the deletion of non-funny posts by "feelin' pity." If you want, I can write you a few snippets of code. It's really super easy . . .

Someone please tell me how on earth this thread got 46 comments?

- Lat

Hey all, Tool here. Sorry to have started all this, though, in my defense, 8 46 would have jumped on somebody sooner or later... He is not, um, stable.

Me not looser.

Tool, stop trying to cozy up to all of your big brothers. No one here likes you, and they will hate you more after this charade.

But I'll be your friend if you give me a ride in your LR3. You must be really awesome if you have one of those.

I now call myself Tool because that is the name I was given.

Methinks that the last 2 posts were from 8:46 and the two before that were from the other dude.

Tool,

Why did you say "um" in a post? If you needed time to think about what you were going to say because you have a speech problem, you could have taken the time to think about the item and then to write it correctly. No one here cares whether you had to "um" in thinking about it or not.

8:46

argh, methinks i need a pardon for christmas.

Like, 55 comments? Like, guys, no way! How are there so many comments guys? Like, come on! This is sooooo good!

How did there, like, get to be so many?

8:46 - Why do you call yourself the "real" 8:46? Anyone can type "real". Do you think that actually persuades anyone regarding your identity?

The use of "um" was intended to convey that unstable was a diplomatic way of describing you. As in "I have another word in mind but I'm pausing to think of something less harsh."

Tool,

That makes no sense. You are anything but diplomatic, brandishing your fancy new piece of scrap metal and talking about the meager bonus your TTT gave you.

Get back to your contract position at McDermott, Tooltard.

eight forty six

Fed Soc = WASP - no need to worry about alienating anyone

8:46 - your insults ("TTT," bragging about billing more than 1600, "contract position at McDermott") demonstrate you are a loser.

Whoooa. Fed Soc. Whoooa.

A loser? As in, "I just bought a LR3 with my bonus?"

LR3s cost more than $5000 my MWE Associate friend. Go back to your cube at MWE and stare at the wall.

Hey Tool...

...I don't like you.

-the eight.

8 46 is impressive. Never more than 3 minutes until he posts a response. I guess that's how he bills all of those hours - at Cravath - no doubt.

Obviously 846 and Tool are the same person.

I've been making most of the Tool comments. The real Tool has been MIA for quite some time. I apologize for deceiving the readers of ATL.

3:44 and :45 - What are your problems my friends? You both need some seerius help for your seerius issues.

3:49 - I'm not your friend. I think you suck. Now, if you are willing to start making the effort and clocking the hours required for me to consider allowing you to call yourself my friend, we'll talk

I clock more hours than your slow MWE ass. You don't want to start with me. I'll shut you down like 846 shut down tool.

I'm not shut down. I'm a finely crafted, tempered steel, indestructible Tool.

3:57, You forgot to sign with "8:46" that time. Doofus.

3:57 - are you actually bragging about how much you bill? Bragging about the extent to which you are someone's bitch? Interesting.

3:57, You forgot to sign with "8:46" that time. Doofus.

"Manhood is measured in hours billed."

- 8:46

"I bill hours like it's my job."

- Tool

8:46 is a top-5 all time ATL troll, easy. He masters dignity and common sense with aplomb. Those who doubt me, suck **** by choice.

I bill, therefore I am.

I am, therefore I bill.

Delightful! I wonder how many people made all those comments? 1? 2?

SHUT UP TOOL! I KICK YOUR FACE!

tool says WGWAG

Pirates love ninjas.

"Which is the best bear?"

"Well, that depends..."

"Wrong! The brown bear is best."

Pirates bill less than 1600. Ninjas bill 3,000. Most lawyers are neither Pirates nor ninjas. obviously.

Apparently the new question everyone is asking is: Ghost Pirates or Ghost Ninjas?

But this is an obvious trick question. 1) To be a ghost you must be dead. 2) Only pirates die (ninjas kill them). 3) Pirates cannot win or be best at anything -- even in death. Therefore, either (a) ghosts don't exist (very likely) or (b) vanilla ice cream is best. Think about it.

Indeed.

Pirates bill less than 1600. Ninjas bill 3,000. Most lawyers are neither Pirates nor ninjas. obviously.

Apparently the new question everyone is asking is: Ghost Pirates or Ghost Ninjas?

But this is an obvious trick question. 1) To be a ghost you must be dead. 2) Only pirates die (ninjas kill them). 3) Pirates cannot win or be best at anything -- even in death. Therefore, either (a) ghosts don't exist (very likely) or (b) vanilla ice cream is best. Think about it.

Indeed.

To me it is not surprising when a lawyer dies of asphyxiation during "self-pleasure" -- it is surprising it does not happen more often.

Do I work at the only law firm with bars on the windows? Wait... this isn't a law firm, this is PRISON! What the heck?!

If Lat had any ethics he would print a retraction and apologize. But, being the pirate he is, he will allow pirates to defame all that is good and holy and right. Ninjas.

Perhaps he could do a list of TOP 10 ATL stories of 2007. Or Top 10 most commented stories.

I have a serious legal question:

Should they put a warning on milk containers that it is IMPOSSIBLE to drink one gallon of milk in under an hour???

WARNING: Attempting to drink an entire gallon of milk (or 1 liter of heavy cream) will result in violent vomiting of chunks. WARNING!

(i lost a bet, and could have used a warning)

5:38, it is possible with skim milk (can lead to massive diaherrea). impossible with whole milk. Not sure about 1% or 2%.

5:29 Bruce Lee was killed by a pirate.

Is "love" a defense to a crime? Or would it be "insanity" or "duress."

What's the crime?

5:44: "If love is a crime, then lock me up!" is a poor defense for: 1) child molestation, 2) tax fraud, 3) GTA III, 4) mail/wire fraud, 5) child abuse neglect.

May be valid for: 1) manslaughter, 2) treason, 3) perjury and 4) obstruction of justice. oh, and for first drug offense.

Could go either way on a "hate crime"

I think I could do the gallon of milk in an hour, no problem.

I think I could do the gallon of milk in an hour, no problem.

I think I could do the gallon of milk in an hour, no problem.

5:44: It is a losing defense in an illegal procedure, on the offense.

GO COWBOYS!

I think it would be good for the Court if it opened up to cameras, but only if there was instant replay. Also, it would be cool if judges had whistles instead of little hammers.

I'm bored. Doc review sux. Something happen.

"Do you know the definition of 'before'?"

"Yes."

"Well?"

"Two plus two be fo."

You call that a joke?

A man walks into a bar...and wakes up the next day with a killer headache and a knot on his head.

A guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "I'm sorry sir, but you have cancer and alzheimer's." Guy says, "Well shit, at least I don't have cancer."

What's 8 years old and doesn't like sex? The kid in my trunk

NO DISASSEMBLE NUMBER 5

Fed Soc is the best.

Tool, you back again for more today?

- 8:46

what's an LR3?

8:46 represents the ATL Taliban.

8:46 bills more hours at ATL than at wherever it is he has a tenuous hold on a job.

8:46?

Ding dong the witch is dead!!

Lat, get back to work you lazy queen.

8:46 spent the night in jail... and had computer confiscated due to recent cameo on Dateline's "To Catch a Predator"

Is Lat gay?

On 8:46:

A troll is a fearsome member of a mythical anthropomorphic race from Norse mythology. Originally more or less the Nordic equivalents of giants, although often smaller in size, the different depictions have come to range from the fiendish giants – similar to the ogres of England (also called Trolls at times, see Troller's Gill) – to a devious, more human-like folk of the wilderness, living underground in hills, caves or mounds.

Fearsome? Giants? 8:46 and his ilk strike me as typical bullies. Correction, they are pathetic p*ssy anonymous bullies. Shame on them. But I guess that anonymously tearing some poor fellow a new one on a website beats spraying bullets through a mall or something like that.

she got it from her momma

11:06... only you could draw parallels between trolls on a bulletin board/blog and mall/school shooting?!?!

PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!

To all:

I'm very sorry to report that Tool is no longer posting as he is out "crushing" Long Island in his new LR3 rather than sitting in his cube at MWE as a 6th year earning $5k in bonus. He has retreated because he is afraid of me and cannot take criticism of his request to name both the singular and plural forms of deer "Deer." I hate him, and also, I hate him again.

Love,
8:46

11:46 (aka 8:46 Pirate): First, I suspected 8:46 was actually a pirate. This explains the incoherent ramblings, baseless attacks and TTT status of education and professional career. Second, all posts by pirates should be auto-deleted and re-posted on auto-admit. Finally, NINJAS FOREVER RULE.

I bet 8:46 is some schmuck who lived his whole life in Pennsylvania or Jersey, but now that he's been in Murray Hill for 3 months, he calls Brooklyn people "B&T." Status-obsessed, insecure, miserable, horse's ass. I hope his anti-psychotics run out.

I have internet on my black(crack)berry. If you were an actual NYC lawyer with a view, you would know it is too foggy to enjoy a day in the LR3. But, since you are likely an illegal immigrant picking lettuce in Yuma and trolling internet cafes, or worse an insurance contract attorney, I cannot be bothered with your instructions and "insights" on the use of singular and plural nouns and defined terms.

I sincerely hope you finally asphyxiate yourself during your self-pleasure session. Or even succumb to the burns caused by your "grease fire" after your hair catches aflame while you are driving your IROC-Z to one of your slick-back-hair blue-collar bars.

Now make changes and get me a deltaview (print in color if you law firm, or lettuce field, has such capabilities).

Tool

Brooklyn, Jersey and Staten Island "people" are all B&T. Don't need to be in murray hill (J-date anyone?) to know that. But, since the hot B&T broads are not giving you the time of day, I can see why you use "B&T" as a word of derision.

more anti-semitic comments -- could ATL postings be any more hate-filled?

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

8:46: I got road-head from a naughty jewess in my LR3.

top that...

tool

I love B&T chicks,

I did not use the term derisively. That would be the utter height of silliness, since I was born and raised in Midwood, Brooklyn. You are right that B&T chicks do not give me the time of day, though, in my defense, I married one some years ago and have since not sought the time of day from anyone other than that particular B&T chick I married.

12:05 -- I was just wondering how black men have escaped a rant on this posting; any post of over 100 comments on ATL will contain a racist rant. Thank you "Zork" for saving this post with your reference to "pitch black" and "grue". KILL WHITEY!

I am not black. But I will eat B&T chicks...

Love,
Grue

Spewed coffee out my nose at 12:15's comment... I am a recovering Zork fan. Oblivion anyone?!

I was working on the "super SIV" -- drats.

Hi, I made the original comment above about "cruising" long island in that peice of sh*t LR3. I can not tell you how happy I am to see all that the comment spawned.

PS, Grue is a half-ninja, half-pirate lowlife.

Hobbits have and will always be the dominant force in the land of makebelieve. Pirates, ninjas, ewoks and the like are JV compared to Hobbits. KNOW IT!

O Gamer Lawyer (12:21),

How I wish I could bill just 2000 hours this year so I can have more time for Oblivion. Just got Shimmering Isles, but, most sadly, it sits near my PS3 still shrinkwrapped. Why did I do this to myself?

You do realize it's a direct line from a 1970s-era computer game called Zork, right? Google is your friend...

/don't feed the trolls

Meanwhile, 8:46 just billed 6 hours in the last 20 minutes. Faster than a speeding effing bullet.

What is a B&T?

Tool is probably out in his LR3 making corrections to drafts of LOIs and SPAs. What a Tool.

8:46, the original.

B&T stands for "Bridge and Tunnel." It is a term of derision used by residents of Manhattan to describe those who enter Manhattan via bridge or tunnel, i.e., from any place outside of it, to party or dine. The term "B&T" is employed exclusively by assholes who share a 3-bed with their Penn State frat-boy roommates in Murray Hill.

What's a BLT?

You generally see B&T on Friday or Saturday night, blue collar, obnoxious, travel in packs, chew gum loudly, accents that make your skin crawl and clothes that are too tight for mis-shaped thighs, belly and ass.

If you see a fat girl chewing gum, wearing high heels that are barely supporting her, in a line outside a club... she is B&T.

If you see a group of girls with big hair in line on Friday or Saturday night...they are B&T.

If you see a fight in a bar or the street on a ...they are likely both B&T.

Any caucasian on craig's list erotic posts... B&T (or eastern european or a guy).

Guy in a leather jacket...B&T

If you are riding the PATH on a friday or saturday night...everyone is B&T (including you)

If someone mentions the "jersey shore" they are B&T.

Your secretary... B&T.

Garbage man and most construction workers... B&T.

If someone has been standing in a line outside a club for more than 10 mins... B&T (or a lawyer dork)

Both "Murray Hill" and "B&T" are terms of derision for any true manhattan resident. Murray Hill is full of first year bankers, HR girls, recent college graduates of all ilk. Both B&T and Murray hill are easily impressed and easy lays..

basically B&T is NYC's version of rednecks?

A BLT is a type of sandwich, often served on a bagel, consisting of bacon, lettuce and tomato as its chief ingredients. Mustard is usually the preferred condiment added to spice the BLT. BLT's are frequently observed in various stages of consumption by assholes who share a 3-bed with their Penn State frat-boy roommates in Murray Hill

Thanks 1:58 and 2:18

So a B&T is the TTT of Manhattan barlife.

Good to know.

Bridge and Tunnel. That is how the B & T folks get to Manhattan and usually get to SF on friday and saturday nights. They share a love of starting fights, and a trashy sense of fashion.

Don't wish me a Merry Christmas. Only 95% of this nation is Christian or some derivation thereof.

actually only 89% claim some form of christianity.. the rest are (butt) pirates.

entertain me...damn it!

3:38, I feel ya. I could not possibly be more bored right now. I guess people just don't want to close deals between Xmas and New Year's.

Oooooh, Nellie. I'm with 3:38 and 3:42.

So, on a hot summer's day, two kids thought their cat looked hot, so they decided to put it in the freezer to cool off. They forgot about the cat and a couple of hours later, their mom comes home and finds the cat stiff as a board in the freezer. In a panic, she calls the vet, who calmly tells her to pour some gasoline down the cat's throat. The mom does so and after a few minutes, the cat starts careening around the room like a bat at a hell. After a few minutes of this, the cat suddenly stops and falls over. Perplexed at the treatment and its apparent results, the mom calls the vet back and asks why the cat fell over after zooming around. The vet responds, "Well, the cat ran out of gas."

HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Now THERE'S your entertainment.

A guy goes into to see a psychiatrist, sits down, and takes out a cigarette.

The guy takes all the tobacco out of the cigarette and shoves it up his nose.

The shrink says: “Oh, I see you need my help.”

The guy replies: “Yea, got a match?”

I saw this statement at the LATIMES website and thought it might explain why this site sucks...

"If you are under 13 years of age you may read this message board, but you may not participate."

whats the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

i'd come on the apple before i ate it

geez 5:48, a little disturbed?