Lat,

Do a thread on biglaw training, both formal and informal. My firm's formal training is pathetic at best (sit there and listen to some shmoe yack about this that and the other- big fuck!n' help, dude), and the macho-bravado "go learn it yourself" from partners is a poor cover-up of their pathetic management style.

I doubt other law firms are different, which is why I don't jump to another ship (learned helplessness), but I'd be curious to know if there actually exist good formal training programs and/or good "lawyers as managers".

"We don't know if you [know] Tom Goldstein, but he's a pretty big deal."

Hey Billy Mays.

Why don't you apply some of that wonder glue on your forehead and make the WSJ Law Blog link go somewhere.

How does the quality go down this much when Merck is at the reins?

I don't get the Goldstein iPhone thing... could someone explain it?

The message I get is (1) he has Larry Tribe on speed dial, and (2) he has Paul Clement on speed dial, is strangely enamored with Clement, but Clement doesn't have time for him.

(1) is probably only funny if you're a con law prof.

(2) is just weird. Is the joke that Goldstein files a lot of cert petitions and is constantly bugging the SG to support them? Is it that Goldstein wishes he were in the same league as the SG, but isn't? Do Goldstein and Clement have some kind of history that would make the post funny?

Is it a spoof of an iPhone commercial?

Or is the joke just that Goldstein's really weird and thinks about nothing other than the Supreme Court?

I just don't get it.

RIP

Dear 10:36:

Everyone THINKS they are funny. Most are not.

And ALT is a tough room to play. (Some of the ugliest trolls in the business).

10:24 - At my firm we have this really old little guy named Yoda. He's been practicing her for like 800 years or something. Whenever any of us "Young Jedis" have a question, we just go to him. Just the other day he told me "Young Jedi asks not, but learns for self." It was the best advice I'd ever been given.

By the way, my dad works for this other firm near me but he's a total jerk so it's no use asking him for advice.

May the force be with you.

What kind of 17 year old goes to the zoo and antagonizes tigers?

I'm glad he got his face eaten off.

The tiger must have been royally pissed to leap a 20' moat in front of a 12' wall.

Trig Q: how many airborn linear feet is that?

I failed trig but at least I know that the moat was empty. Trench may be a better word for the zoo to use.

On a related tangent, I have never as an adult visited a zoo and if my kids want to go, they need someone else to take them. I think zoos are disgusting spectacles -- caging animals for our amusement. It's like visiting a prison for fun. Spare me the talk about conservation and "natural" habitats, too.

I hate preachy peta types like Bones Brigade, Esq. I hope he gets his face eaten off by a pack of feral dogs.

You never toured San Quentin?

(They have a nice comedy review and music show for the visitors.)

merck, my guess is that you didn't do well in torts. Wild animals like tigers are considered inherently dangerous and subject to strict liability. Doesn't matter how it got out, its the zoo's problem.

11:03 am, God will get you for that.

I hope Bones Brigade, "Esq" gets flayed alive by a pack of rabid, zoo-bred cougars. His seed should be wiped from the earth.

Just kidding, I also think zoos are shitty places to keep animals, but hey, whatever, my wife likes to look at monkeys.

Did Merck think that by putting up a pic of Bhutto, he would avoid the usual wave of ridicule? Not so fast, Merck - we can mourn *and* think you are a douche bag.

11:23: Good point.

11:13: Good point.

11:13: Good point.

"my wife likes to look at monkeys"

Clearly.

11:15, not a good point.

11:09-

...which explains why your wife chose YOU...

Name one animal that is more entertaining to behold than a monkey. That's right, you can't. Haters.

GOLDSTEIN ROCKS!!!!!!~

11:20,

I'm more apelike, really, than I am monkey-like. Please respect the distinction, ass.

11:22, the strippers at the Admiral Lounge in Camden, NJ were the most entertaining thing I have ever seen.

Whatever happened to the ATL Lawyer of the Year thing?

Lat is SOOOOOO lazy, it looks like it will slide into 2008. Even the lazy ass gossip queens at VH1 and TMZ can put their year-end specials together before New Year's....

Bones Brigade - the "girls" at the Admiral Lounge aren't strippers

11:25 - we know there's a distinction, and yes, you are more monkey-like than ape-like - that's why your wife chose you

11:29,

Why so quick to defend some Camden ho's? Did you meet your girlfriend at Admiral Lounge?

read closely 1L @ 11:33, He's not defending anyone. He was implying that your mother and her co-workers work hard for their money.

Let's see. The term "stripper" carries with it a pejorative connotation. To assert that someone stated to be a stripper is not in fact so employed, without further qualification, serves to lend to the person in question a greater moral legitimacy in the face of an implied accusation of immorality. Ergo, the statement in question is a defense. Kindly have a nice warm glass of STFU and go back to your dataroom.

11:43,

You are being kind by asking him to go to his "dataroom." Judging by the "1L" insult, he is probably some 2L schmuck (w/o a job).

Yeah, I know Tommy.

"Whatever happened to the ATL Lawyer of the Year thing?"

What's the point? L2L has already taken the WSJ Blog "lawyer of the year" award, and he/she was running way ahead in the nominations on ALT.

"[T]he 'girls' at the Admiral Lounge aren't strippers [?]"

Den what is they?

the first rule of pirating is never taunt a ferocious tiger, even if there is a big-ass wall and moat in between. obviously, this person never learned that rule and therefore is clearly a ninja.

You and your pirates and ninjas.

Everyone knows Super Surfer beats pirates AND ninjas.

Now please quite down and let the adults discuss sex workers in Jersey.

Guys in my high school used to gun down world leaders all the time, it was no big deal.

Sadly, we can't use the present tense to discuss the Admiral and its troops. Closed down in late 90's.

12:03 - It's Silver Surfer, not "Super Surfer"

11:58 and 11:43 - the gist is that they are not strippers, but hookers

11:43 - that's not really that hard to comprehend, nice results oriented reasoning though. That should serve you well doing doc review for an ID mill in Tulsa making less than market for a pirate. (see how many insults I managed to work in).

Err, an Admiral does not command troops. Use of the term "troop" or "trooper" is acceptable only with respect to ground forces, (as it was originally applied to cavalry units). The word you are looking for is "hos," as in "the Admiral sure had hisself some hos."

That should serve you well doing doc review [I'm transactional] for an ID mill [at a V20] in Tulsa [New York] making less than market [Nope] for a pirate [the pirate/ninja thing is uber gay].

Good work though. It's all pretty insulting, just not to me.

San Francisco Zoo Director Manuel A. Mollinedo acknowledged that the wall around the animal's pen was just 12½ feet high, after previously saying it was 18 feet. According to the Association of Zoos & Aquariums, the walls around a tiger exhibit should be at least 16.4 feet high.

This case will be a special bonus for some PI guy...

Tulsa OK has got to be the worst place on earth (except maybe Aida OK).

Makes all of TX look like Laguna Nigel.

NYC is a great city but too frickin' cold. (Here, we complain if the winter temp drops below 60 degrees.)

For all the complaining about pirate/ninja/whatever trolls, people like 12:16 are a lot more annoying.

"That should serve you well doing doc review [I'm transactional] for an ID mill [at a V20] in Tulsa [New York] making less than market [Nope] for a pirate [the pirate/ninja thing is uber gay]. "

12:16 - do you, by chance, have an LR3?

TOOL!

12.16, a.k.a. tool,

Since you're transactional, it means you're slow, so I'll spell it out slowly for you. Transactional types do doc review too, but it's called "due diligence."

In either case, both suck. Doing it at a "V20 in NY" doesn't turn shit into chocolate.

12:16 aka "Tool" probably isn't even at a V20 in NYC. Even if he is, it's probably only as a paralegal. I know this because only Ninjas work in V20 firms and 12:16's comments reveal that he is clearly a pirate.

I believe in a God, and that God will smite Bones Brigade with asscancer for being a twatwaffle of the eleventeenth degree.

12:42-12:56... Might he be the 8:46 of several days ago?

"12:16 - do you, by chance, have an LR3?"

Nobody in the city has a car. Land Rovers are lame. So are you.

1:07 - Obviously you were not paying attention to the "open thread" from Christmas day.

In ATL, like in the practice of law, it pays to keep abreast of recent developments.

Go visit the tigers at the SD Zoo.

Nothing better than a zoo... animals are very happy. that is a fact. BUt, if there is no God, then we should get rid of zoos -- becuase it would be F-ed up to keep animals in cages without a God.

Linklaters has excellent training program. Of course there is no work to apply the training to, but you are well trained.

URGENT: Where can I get a BJer in NYC? "Massage"?

Without zoos how could exotic animals ever hope to land pimp homes in Central Park? You want tigers locked up in some Harlem house? Get a grip people....

re: Bhutto Murder

One thing is for sure: we can rule out Muslims as suspects in murder, becuase Islam is a "religion of peace."

Is there any limit to the amount of brown people that other brown people can kill? All of the genocide and mass-murders of the 21st century are committed by brown people. And we used to be concerned with global overpopulation... ha!

1:11: Most firms have "that" paralegal for BJers. Chinatown for massages? Where can I find a eastern european brothel is the real question!!!

1:17: White POWER! (you are seriously mentally ill)

WHOAHH. 1:11 call 12:16's mom. WHOAHHH

Can we have a brothel discussion, please? Anyone reading this board on a FRIDAY in-between two four-day weekends is most certainly not getting laid.

If you are posting on this board, you are the lowest of the low. LOSER!

I am in my LR3 now -- best bonus investment I ever made! Heading to zoo...

Zoo report: Chicago zoo is free! Too many ghetto rats at Brooklyn zoo. San Diego zoo is very nice. Berlin zoo is phenomenal. Central Part Zoo is MILF central most weekdays, but no where to park my LR3 and subway has too many hood rats (and B&T?). I prefer circuses as a means for trapping and presenting caged animals. Especially the circuses that are run by gypsies.

A mid-level associate at my firm (Vault top 23) got a FULL SET OF SILVER "GRILLS" for his teeth with his bonus...WTF?! And they are permanent implants (not temporary). How can this happen?

1:27 - I didn't know Wu-Tang-Clan LLP was V25.

To the board . . . is a set of silver grills a career killer?

1:27: Are you for real, that is WHACK? Is the associate black? I have grills, but they are temps I can wear to clubs on weekends. I debated wearing them to office Christmas party but chickened out!

Bhutto looks alluring in the photo... I would do her. Wait... shes dead? Oh, probably not then -- with the massive head wound and all. Any daughters?

R.I.P., but Benazir Butto was actually a terrible (and terribly corrupt) leader, whose recent turn as a "democrat" was just more self-aggrandizement. It's obviously terrible that she was assassinated, but she's no martyr.

I sure hope they perform an autopsy on Bhutto so they can figure out what killed her... my guess is poison -- like princess Di. The Illuminati are going to pin this one on Al Qaeda... I have spoken too much already. Prepare yourselves, before it is too late.

This message was sent from an internet cafe in Jakarta...do not attempt to trace IP.

1:32: SHUT YOUR PIE WHOLE MUSHARRAF -- have some respect for a TRUE LEADER.

google: "Bhutto nude corpse"

comedy gold!!!

1:34: google "kill yourself" -- you sick bastard

1:21: Guess Billy falls into that category as well - http://bmerck.wordpress.com/biography/

12:58, "twatwaffle"?? "eleventeenth"?? What are you, four?

Whether or not he is 4, twatwaffle is a great word.

the zilly woman broke her head on her sunroof. it was not terrorist or my security forces or the fact that the only security provided to her was an unarmed security guard hired from san francisco zoo. but because of the hysteria from the accident-prone zilly woman, i will have to declare state of emrgency again. we will have the those elections later on, maybe in 2012. Now i have to go put on my military uniform again.

I am a four year old prodigy, and a follower of the one true God that will strike down Bones Bridage with superaids for being a ballgargling assjack.

2:47, I may get arrested for necrophilia for the things I do to your corpse. But it will be worth it.

Yours,
Bones

PS - Learn when to use hyphens, shitstick.

A poor, uninspired attempt at imitation.

Bones Bridage loses at teh intarweb.

Ditto 3:03. It made me cringe with embarassment for him.

NEW TOPIC:

1. How many only have to work a half day today (and not at all after that until 1/2/08)?

2. How many have been assigned deadlines to work thru New Years week-end?

I'm in the "1" group.

Poll answer:
I am working and serving as a lightnng rod for my zoo-loving, hung-like-a-monkeys fans only until after a 4:30pm call. Then off to the New Year.

what happened to the photo of billy in his living room with the briefcase? that was classic.

Three 12/31 closings bitches.

The $125k bonus I received makes it tolerable.

Wow. a $125K bonus. Tolerable? I never particularly liked New Years Eve Nay how.

Plus, if the closings are on 12/31, you are fee NYE any how.

Plans for that six figure bonus?

I'm using my bonus to buy a bunch of diseased animals and setting up a real low-rent, high-risk zoo somewhere in the financial district.

Pathetic, ATL. I have to get my bonus info from NYLawyer:

Associate Bonuses Announced at Some Firms

New York Lawyer
December 28, 2007
Reprints & Permissions

By Marisa McQuilken
Legal Times

‘Tis the season for bonuses.

First-year associates in Sidley Austin’s Washington, D.C., office who billed the minimum bonus target of 2,000 hours are getting a $20,000 bonus. Sidley’s New York first-years are making a $35,000 base bonus, plus a $10,000 special bonus.

Same goes for the 2006 class at Covington & Burling’s New York office. The firm is not announcing its Washington bonuses until March. The 2006 class at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom’s D.C. and New York offices will get $35,000, plus another $10,000 special bonus. Members of Skadden’s 2007 class get $35,000.

Some firms that have yet to announce bonuses are Latham & Watkins; Morgan, Lewis & Bockius; and Howrey.

I'm horribly saddened by the passing of Prime Minister Bhutto. Her grace, intellect, and patriotism were unsurpassed in that volatile region. She knew she would die, but she came anyway so that Pakistanis would be influenced by her strength and would rise up against extremism and chaos. The world is a lesser place without her here. Rest in peace, Prime Minister.

"Her grace, intellect, and patriotism were unsurpassed in that volatile region."

Certainly, but I wonder if that's very high praise.

Bhutto was a greedy thief. The Pakistanis are quick to forget that they cheered Musharaff when he threw her out of office. She embezzled a fortune.

Shoes don't grow on trees you know.

Thief or not, that part of the world needed a little glam-diva-ization.

I'm in 2, and still not sure what my bonus will be or if I get one (and yes, I'm at a big firm in CA).

More on Bhutto

http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,,2160247,00.html

BBC NEWS, Friday, May 7, 1999:

The Polish Government has given Pakistan 500 pages of documentation relating to corruption allegations against Benazir Bhutto and her husband, Asif Ali Zardari.
The couple were convicted by a Pakistani court on corruption charges last month and received five-year jail sentences and a fine of $8.5m.

But they face further trials, including one which concerns the purchase of 8,000 tractors from Poland. According to Pakistani officials, the Polish papers contain details of illegal commissions paid by the tractor company in return for agreeing to their contract.

'Big fraud'

"The incontrovertible evidence proves that the previous government committed a big fraud on the people of Pakistan," the official APP news agency said.

The government says the money was then deposited in a Swiss bank account in the name of an off-shore company. The Swiss authorities have already provided evidence to the Pakistani prosecutors related to the tractor case.

The BBC's Islamabad Correspondent, Owen Bennett-Jones, says the Polish evidence appears to contain details of bank transfers, as well as copies of fax communications between the Polish tractor company and middle-men helping to secure the contract.

Appeal planned

Ms Bhutto's party says the PM should come clean about his own finances
Ms Bhutto and her husband have both strongly denied all corruption charges and an appeal against their conviction is expected shortly.

She says the government is pursuing her to stifle the voice of her opposition Pakistani People's Party and end her political career.

A statement from the PPP described the tractor case as "trash". It has countered by saying the Pakistani public is demanding the truth about a recent judgement in London against the family of the Prime Minister, Nawaz Sharif.

A London high court ordered the prime minister's father and two brothers to pay $32.5m to a company which had lent them money but had never been repayed.
+++++++++++++++++
INDIA DAILY.COM, December 4, 2007:

Benazir Bhutto becoming a laughing stock in Pakistan
Preeti Singhani
Dec. 4, 2007

The Oxford educated America backed leader has become a laughing stock among the people of Pakistan. The former Pakistani PM talks in westernized Urdu with sprinkle of English. It makes it stylish but it also depicts how little Pakistani she is.

Grammatically incorrect Urdu is a major concern, says international political think tanks. People have made cartoons of her. The cyberspace is filled with ‘Clown Benazir who forgot Urdu while living outside the country for decades’.

She is also perceived as the one who embezzled billions, stashed the cash in Swiss Banks, moved her family to Middle East and now using Americans to get back to power to embezzle some more.

I already knew that Tom Goldstein was an opportunist and a weak appellate specialist practicing in a generally unprofitable field. Now I also know he is an egotistic and weird dude.

That iTunes video is weird (not to mention boring)h. Its also weird that the WSJ Law Blog would do an entire post on it.

It's about time for a sequel to the 1985 box office hit Brewster's Millions. How about Bhutto's Billions. A do nothing African-American in Brooklyn learns that his long lost aunt Bhutto has just died when she hit her on head on her land over and now he's going to inherit $1.5 Billion dollars. It'll be a movie the whole family can enjoy.

WGWAG?

Everybody who reads comic books knows that the Kirby Silver Surfer is the only true Silver Surfer.

Exactly the quote I looked up the other day! Scary.

Being in the office right now totally sucks.

Need cock will travel!!!

I wonder when her sex tapes are going to surface.

Atlanta to 2008!!!

some saudi guys i know tell me bhutto liked it dirt road style. just saying.

I'm in category 2, and I got a 5k bonus for billing well over the "minimum" at my "market" firm.

FIRST in 2008!!!!

Tom Goldstein is a lame motherfucker. I guess if being a humorless narcicistic fuckbag is a qualification for being a SCOTUS litigator, then he is a SCOTUS litigator.

http://www.kpho.com/news/14955331/detail.html

When people write "SCOTUS", I always read it "SCROTUM" until I think to myself that it doesn't sound right and I re-read it.

"humorless narcicistic fuckbag" may be a bit harsh to describe a nerd.....

3:08 - not if you know him

But seriously, will the Ninja v. Pirate debate finally be resolved in 2008?

"Breaking News: Benazir Bhutto was assassinated on the day she was to tell visiting U.S. lawmakers of a plot to rig Pakistan's elections, sources tell CNN"

cf., BENAZIR BHUTTO: FROM CORRUPT EMBEZZLER TO SAINTHOOD IN SIXTY SECONDS

2008 will be a strong year: Kumari Fulbright, aw yeah.

So, what's with this extended holiday? Doesn't Lat know he serves the legal industry? Writing an entry a day would take like 15 minutes, tops. ATL has definitely jumped the shark.

I am in the office right now. we need raises in nyc.

Lat:
I assume you saw the Greenhouse article on John Roberts calling (again) for a pay raise. (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/01/washington/01scotus.html?_r=1&oref=slogin)
But did you see this line: "First-year associates at some major law firms are now paid as much as $180,000, not counting bonuses."
Really? I thought we were still at 160. Is Greenhouse talking about only a few select firms (and if so, which ones? plaintiff-side firms?), or is she pulling for "NY to 180/190" just like the rest of us?

Longest

Blog Holiday

Ever.

NY to 190 (but will settle for 180).

118 - You deserve a raise!