From the Department of Dubious Defenses: If the Trojan Mangum Don’t Fit, You Must Acquit
Check out this rather odd appeal from Florida, arising out of a prosecution for sexual assault charges. The defendant was originally charged with three counts of sexual battery, but was convicted on lesser included charges of misdemeanor battery.
One of the issues was whether the trial court should have granted a continuance based on the availability of a defense witness (even though the defense failed to move for a continuance at the time). From the opinion (PDF):
Defense counsel proffered one aspect of the urologist’s testimony: because Tyrrell’s penis was “smaller than average size” it “could not have caused” the injuries that Nurse Gibson observed during the rape exam.
You don’t normally see a man proclaiming his small penis size in public proceedings. But if a teeny weenie is a “get out of jail free” card, expect the defendant to play it. Think of it as the flip side of that Japanese appeal, in which a busty babe overturned her conviction by arguing that she was too well-endowed to fit through a hole she allegedly used to enter a building.
Our tipster described a second strange argument raised by the defense:
[The defense also argued] that the injuries were caused by the victim’s “aggressive” use of a dildo. [The opinion] mentions that the defense lawyer wanted the victim to identify the dildo from a “dildo lineup,” and that the defense attorney “extensively explored” the dildo issue with the victim on cross.
Seriously. The words “dildo lineup” actually appear in the opinion (and not even in scare quotes):
Tyrrell first argues that his “right to due process and right to confront witnesses” was violated because the state did not produce the [sex toys] that were the subject of the July 23 and August 2 orders….Tyrrell contends that the trial court erred in failing to let him show the victim a dildo lineup.
If that doesn’t violate the Sixth Amendment’s Confrontation Clause, which guarantees a criminal defendant the right “to be confronted with the [dildos] against him,” we don’t know what does.
Tyrrell v. State (PDF) [Florida Fourth District Court of Appeal]
(35) Comments
Comments
This is getting too easy.
First! I feel soooo validated! =)
Anyone want to take my bet that first posters are premature ejaculators?
I still feel validated!
"Think of it as the flip side of that Japanese appeal"
NOT ALL ASIAN MEN HAVE TINY PENISES YOU BASTARD!!!
That is the beauty of a man's phallus -- in can be "teeny weenie" or "flopping and huge" depending on which defense is needed!
I love being a man.
P.S> How did lat resist the urge to cover this post in Phallus and Dildo imagry?!
11:32, Lat often puts a post up and adds pictures later.
Somehow I doubt a 6-5, 275 pound, ex-linebacker named "Tyrrell" has a tiny penis -- read the Dicta
do you mean magnum?
11:33 - Or Dick-ta, as the case may be.
steroids
Anyone else see the typo in the headline?? Trojan Mangum sounds like something the ancient Greeks would be really into...
There was an infamous case in my office a few years ago (I work in a PD's office in Maryland) where the defense in an indecent exposure case was that the client's junk was too small to be seen at the distance claimed by the witness. A perfect defense-- no one would claim it if it weren't true.
11:35,
You're an idiot. How do steroids shrink your penis?
Steroids shrink your balls. Get it straight. Steroids causes your body to stop producing natural testosterone, therefore making your balls shrink.
small balls make your penis look BIGGER (or so I've heard...)
Hell yeah, my penis is huge by comparison to my tiny balls.
Skeet Skeet
That'd be 'Magnum', not "Mangum"
$100 Says the Defendant is Asian (small penis and all)
12:21: Yeah, An asian named "Tyrrell" -- please send $100 (via paypal) to:
Lat@abovethelaw.com
Isn't "mangum" an old man with no teeth giving head??
No, actually Mangum is the name of the Duke Lacrosse accuser.
Guys with small penises at my high school used to aggressively use dildos, all the time. It was no big deal.
That is probably the most idiotic defense I've ever heard. His lawyers should be sanctioned.
Lame FRAT STUD imposter. Too awkward. It should read:
Guys at my high school had small peni and used dildos aggressively all the time, it was no big deal.
The Clinton Legacy:
Impeachment
Lewinsky
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Waco Slaughter
Paula Jones
Welfare "Reform"
Don't Ask Don't Tell
Healthcare Task Force Secret Meetings
Nannygate
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Perjury
Failure to Hunt Osama
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George W. Bush
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NO THANKS.
Four More Years? to IP BAN FFS.
Frat Stud is not a grammarian. 1:30 is SEN. You're outa here SEN. Take your dildo and go home.
Dildo lineup = Bill O'Reilly's trophy case
Four More Years - What was wrong with the Waco Slaughter?
Dumb asian small penis cunt! people like that should be executed!
Dumb asian small penis cunt! people like that should be executed!
poor people with small penises... i feel bad for them.
poor people with small penises... i feel bad for them.
poor people with small penises... i feel bad for them.
poor people with small penises... i feel bad for them.