I hate my secretary. Is this a little known holiday that I can ignore?

I gave my secretary $50 last year. I'll probably do the same this year.

This "holiday" is a joke. We have a holiday for rewarding people for doing their job? For which they are paid? When do we have "burger flippers day"?

Kash,

The *real* holiday this week, as everyone knows, is the 138th anniversary of Vladimir Lenin's birthday. Kind grandfather Lenin, as the Soviet schoolbooks of my childhood affectionately called him, truly was the greatest of men.

Lenin zhil, Lenin zhiv, Lenin budet zhit!

Last year I gave my secretary a nice arrangement of spring flowers and some herpes.

I will give my secretary time off. She's never able to help when I ask, so I'll stop asking.

I was thinking about giving my secretary cash as well - and I think $50 sounds reasonable for secretary's day.

hmmmm,...the firm made me switch secretaries a couple weeks ago. what am i supposed to do? do i give the "normal" gift to my new secretary or something smaller?

I was thinking a Dummies guide to Microsoft word and powerpoint.

I'm sure looking forward to the next Associates Day, when the partners in my practice group all give me some cash.

That's still on, right?

I impregnated my secretary last year. Now I have a new one - probably will give her the same "present"

Just give cash. Who cares about lunch, flowers and other useless crap.

11:27, was it on a first try, or did your firm have to pay for IVF treatmnents?

Lat or Kash -- is it true that Baker Botts just announced a new bonus policy?

I'm giving her a year's worth of fertility treatments. Oh wait, that's right -- she had kids when she was supposed to.

50 bucks?! Wow. What year are you?

My secretary gets the same thing she does every day - my look of bewilderment at her newest demonstration of complete incompetence. I guess tomorrow I'll give her a break - I won't complaint to the head secretary when she shows up at her desk an hour and a half after "clocking in".

I just edited the Wikipedia page to say that common gifts are "flowers, candy, small gifts, lunch at a restaurant, or time off." We don't want these administrative assistants to get too entitled.

"I was thinking a Dummies guide to Microsoft word and powerpoint. " Haha!!!

I give her a $50 gift card to a department store even though I don't think she deserves it at all. I hate this "holiday."

I agree with 11:12, this is a nonsense day. My secretary doesn't do anything for me. Literally nothing. Now I have to buy a gift to let her know how much I appreciate her doing nothing? Even if she was great at her job, so what? I'd thank her at Christmas with a nice gift. Gift giving has become out of control.

I am supposed to give her a gift! HA! She should give me a gift for fixing all of her errors.

If I give her a gift, woundn't that just condone her behavior?

What should the card say? "Thanks for all of your hard work" - what BS.

How about - "Thanks for doing your job - sort of."

Any other ideas for a card?

I'm going to go with dick in a box this year.

Last year my secretary took 50 vacation days. Literally - 50. She basically does a 4 day week. I can't even complain about it, because she's been here since before I was born.

Anyway, no way I'm giving her a gift.

I understand the idea of giving flowers or a small gift to secretaries as a thank you.

But why are associates expected to give cash tips? We don't own the firm. If a firm employee performs exceptionally well, shouldn't the firm be compensating him/her? They don't work for us, they work for the firm. We're employees just as they are.

I am so insulted by the heterosexual white men who post on this board! For the love of God, get over your entitlement.

Does Hallmark make a card that reads "I think you're adequate"

11:58,

Your post is pretty gay.

11:58,

Will you ever please forgive my pallor and heterosexuality? I double-promise to cast my guilt vote for Obama!

11:59, the answer is "sort of:" http://www.someecards.com/upload/admin_pro_day/because_its_administrative_professionals_day_ill.html

My secretary works for 3 junior associates, an of-counsel, and a partner. We 3 associates got together and got her a bouquet of flowers and a $100 gift card to Amazon.com. She loves to shop online. We prefered to save the cash for the holidays.

Поздравляю с днем рождения Линина!

да здравствует СССР!!

I'm a senior paralegal and with triple income tax, the rents here and paying off 100k+ of student loans I don't expect a thing from junior associates.

I totally understand and agree with the comments made by people who have unprofessional secretaries.

Putting those people aside, here are my thoughts:

My secretary is great, and consistently does better and tries harder than pretty much all of the other secretaries. Furthermore, I will probably make well over $300,000 this year. It would be ridiculous if I didn't give at least $100.

11:58 - what does sexual preference, race, or gender have to do with it? I share all 3 characteristics with my secretary, but that doesn't take away from the fact that she is lazy and incompetent, and has a bad attitude to boot. She'll get absolutely nothing from me because that's exactly what she deserves.

LOL 11:13

Guilt votes for Obama! Yes We Can!

I am a legal secretary and agree with 99% of comments on this board. Don't get me something for just doing my job. That's insulting and demeaning to everyone. What a stupid ass holiday.

If you want to take me to lunch, fine, but do it because I bust my ass and do my job well. Not because you're obligated.

I will however enjoy the firm swag "gift" and pastries at the office party. Mmm.... Pastries.

12:14: Why? What does how much you earn have to do with giving to a secretary - - competent or not? There's no connection between the two?

Here, I now deem that Friday is associates' day. All of the partners here earn 5 times or more what I do. For them not to give me something is ridiculous . . .right?

To 12:07,

Stop praising Lenin, you commie. The soviet union is dead, so saying long live is pretty lame.

That said, thanks for making me realize that I can still (sort of) read cyrillic.

К 12:24

Еб твою мать!

12:07 - you misspelled Lenin. Yet another reason why we won the cold war.

12:20 -- your argument might make sense if we were rulers of the world debating whether to institute Administrative Prof. Day accross the land. But that's already happened. We have this day. I agree with you that it's kind of stupid.

But so what? It exists. It's a societal convention. Ideally my secretary and I will be a team for as long as I'm at this firm -- which may be awhile. Given that society has set up this holiday, making society as it is, for the reasons I wrote above I think it's ridiculous for me not to shell out $100. The money will mean nothing to me and it will mean something to her.

Earth Day is far more important than Passover. Don't make me laugh.

Stupid Breeder scum.....

But seriously, the quality of any given secretary is just like the quality of any associate: some suck, others are adequate and some are stars. But disrespect them, or the paralegals that get lumped into the same bucket, and word will get out that you're a prima donna and you will be hated behind your back. Mmmmm good karma, eh?

I will get a gift when she learns my name.

Oh come on folks. My secretary is as incompetent as any but I have absolutely no problem with buying her flowers or nice chocolates once a year. As far as I'm concerned this is supposed to be a kind gesture to someone who works directly for you, nothing more (I feel more of a grudge about forking over a "holiday" cash gift that exeeds what I spend on family members or people like my housekeeper who actually do improve my quality of life significantly).

12:31 - - So, are you saying that the dick in a box is not acceptable?

PSA for the two other associates and one partner with whom I share my secretary:

The juice is still running on LAST year's gift, when you all (as usual) failed to do anything and then asked if you could contribute to my gift. Now, I expected the partner to stiff me, but both associates---I don't think so.

So, this year, our secretary is getting a beautifully wrapped, thoughtful gift and flowers from me, and ONLY me. You cheap bastards are on your own.

i hate earth day. if I hear one more person tell me that buying poland springs water in a plastic bottle is bad for the environment, i'm going to do something to that person that will be good for my soul.

12:31: I didn't realize the rulers of the free world got together to start administrative professionals day. Was this done at Kyoto? I don't know about you, but I don't run my life according to what the good folks at Hallmark tell me.

Wikipedia now says OR instead of AND:

"the day is often 'celebrated' by giving one's assistant flowers, candy, small gifts, lunch at a restaurant, or time off."

So you don't have to give them ALL of those things. That's why quoting Wikipedia is silly. A secretary probably added the suggestions yesterday.

12:47,

If you count Christmas (/"holiday season"), you're already up to twice a year that you're expected to give your secretary a gift for doing the job that she's paid to do. Give her something for her birthday, and you're up to three. At what point are you allowed to say enough?

1:12,

Given the awkward sentence construction, I would say you are right.

It's not your life savings. Total all out, and it's even less than 10% of ONE paycheck out of the whole year. It's a damn gift, get over yourselves. Since when was being nice to people you're working with an obligation and a task?

12:07 PM, иди нa xyй.

1:11 -- Congrats. Most of us do.

"Since when was being nice to people you're working with an obligation and a task?"

Look no further than your own question.

Seeing the comments from you self-centred assholes with your overinflated sense of self-entitlement reminds me why they pay legal assistants and paralegals so much money. You people are, generally, assholes and are horrible to work for and with.

These Assistants and Paralegals are not your servants nor slaves. Treat them with respect and perhaps you'll get better work from them. If not, then fire their sorry asses and find a good one.

Quit your whining, grow up and play nicely.

12:07 и 13:27: Будьте любезны, пососите оба у меня член.

1:32 - what are we feeling entitled about? Getting paid to do our jobs, and not being obligated to pay someone else extra for doing theirs? I don't get it. Do you think everyone who works a desk job and gets paid more than the guy down the hall should give him a tip?

http://www.calendar-updates.com/info/holidays/us/boss.aspx

I didn't get anything in October? That's BS! I am therefore not recognizing this sham holiday.

Passover and Earth Day are just excuses to be lazy and not litter

1:37: I combine the two days by coating my door with ethanol so that Al Gore does not come to destroy me.

Мне секретарша ни черта не дала на День Защитника Отечества - и от меня завтра только по зубам получит.

1:40: Well done. Really well done.

Tomorrow, in honor of Assistant (nee Secretary)'s Day, I would like a bouquet of Walk To The Printer And Pick Up Your Own Document, a box of Legible Handwriting On The Contract You Want Me To Edit and maybe a lunch away from my desk. Thanks.

1:47,

Aren't all 3 of those things a part of your job description? How about we have instead the world's tiniest violinist come in and play "Just for the Secretaries"?

I give my secretary pork chops and Swiss cheese every year, same as my wife gives me on Grover Cleveland Day (March 18 -- have your secretary mark your calendars!)

I'm a paralegal, and I would love a gift of Kash.

You don't give them gifts to reward them for their hard work. You give them gifts to buy their LOYALTY. I don't mean that they'll prefer you to other lawyers and do your work first and better. When you need someone to lie for you, cover for you, misdirect your wife for you, you'll consider it a wise investment.

Law.com has a very timely article on this, here: http://www.law.com/jsp/llf/PubArticleLLF.jsp?id=1208774508865

It's easier just to give a gift so you don't give the staff reason to hate you. Why make your life harder over a measily $50-$100? Put principles aside and suck it up.

1:46: Thank you.

Very truly,

1:40

Anyone know whether my secretary is going to give gifts to the work processors and file clerks she gives all of her work to?

I am so sick of hearing about Passover. Just Passover already. Seriously.

I agree. NYU is for virgin pagans who love kosher meals.

I would like each one of the whiny, stingy brats on this thread to remember everything they're saying about how their secretaries should get no rewards just for doing their jobs, that what the attorneys make versus what secretaries make imposes no obligation to give them a gift, etc, the next time they feel like bitching about their firm's bonus policies or some other perk the partners deny them. What a bunch of whiny, hypocritical little schmeckels.

Isn't April 23 also St. George's Day and also when some people celebrate Shakespeare's birthday? Would it be appropriate for me to condition a gift for my secretary on whether she can write a play and slay a dragon?

My secretary slew a dragon once, but not with a spear thrust made from astride a galloping charger, so it didn't count.

Dude, why did you have to bring my mother into it?

And I think 2:25 wins for best use of the word "schmeckels" during the week preceeding passover.

PS--Having been a lawyer and a secretary, most of you lawyers are incompetent f*cks who are damn lucky to have admins. pulling your asses out of the fire. Grow up.

2:25 your analogy is completely off. My secretary does not work for me. We both work for the firm. We should therefore both look to the firm for our compensation. Bitching about the firm's bonus policy is completely consistent with not believing that one employee of a firm should be obligated to give another employee of the firm a cash gift because of some made up holiday.

WOW. Can't say that I am shocked by all you cheap biglaw jerks. I come in everyday and cater to every need you whiny brats have. I damn well better get something more than a crappy $50.

Me too, 1:47.

Check this out: Not only do I have to get a gift for my secretary at my office, but I ALSO have to buy something nice for my husband's secretary for him to bring in. AND I have to buy presents for all of the support staff at his firm for Christmas time. WTF?

"Clothing gift cards are cooler than bookstore gift cards."

cuz paras don't read. hahaha . . .

Wow, reading all of your posts about how your para's and sec's don't do squat has really made me appreciate how good I have it. I didn't even know about this "holiday" tomorrow but I'm going to grab some chocolates or something. Thanks to all of your posts I would give even more, except the law school student loans are just too big. >.<

Someone at my firm last year actually took his secretary out to lunch for Assistant's Day or whatever, had to take a business call during lunch and forgot to come back. The secretary had to pay for the whole meal and then go back to the office alone.

i love that secretaries and paralegals read this blog. it makes for much more vibrant commenting.

Glad I could make your day, 3:47.

Shut up 3:47 -- you do not know what its like being a secretary? LEAVE SECRETARIES ALONE! JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE!

"These Assistants and Paralegals are not your servants nor slaves."

Slaves don't have access to solitaire.

Not all secretaries sit around with their thumbs up the ass. Some of us actually bust our ass and do what you want us to do.

Please don't group us all together as being lazy, incompetent and just "adequate"

4:49,

You are making it waaay too easy. Anyone? Anyone?

5:05 - Bring it, lame.

My secretary took lunch until 2:30 and left at 4:30 without telling me yesterday. She knew I had a meet and confer letter to get out. This is not atypical behavior on her part. I think a gift card to more than enough.

Wow, I'm not really sure why everyone feels like it is an affront to give a present for Administrative Professionals Day. Have most of those making negative comments never worked as support staff before? It might be an "easy" job but it is still a pretty crappy job and I think it is nice to show someone that you appreciate their work. If you don't appreciate your assistant's work then you can decide whether or not you want to give in to the social pressures of the office. Regardless, it seems really short sided of all of my fellow associates to be so down on a hallmark holiday that simply reminds us that it would be nice to tell our support staff they are appreciated once in a while.

I was a legal secretary in undergrad and a legal assistant between undergrad and law school. As a secretary, I usually got flowers. I don't remember ever getting anything as a legal assistant. As a first year lawyer who doesn't really have my secretary do anything, I'll get her some flowers, and maybe a little box of chocolates (mostly because then I can get some for myself...)

My secretary uses a Louis Vuitton bag, drives a newer model BMW, and owns a large home in an expensive neighborhood. She's always pleasant to me and reminds me not to work night and day. I will give her a $25 Starbucks card. She'll probably regift to her cleaning woman.

I work in a support role in a law firm.

I also have more law degrees than the lawyers I support.

I am neither stupid, lazy nor incompetent. Your mistakes are passed off on me, your inability to use your own damn phone is passed of as my inability to connect your call.

I don't complain when you tell me I can't have my lunch because of your oh so important document (which, by the way, will still be on your desk the next day - your lunch that became drinks that became a night out that became the hangover that is the reason you can't come in this morning will prevent you looking at it).

I don't want an Administrative Professionals Day. Or a gift. I just want you to stop being arseholes and remember we're human beings putting up with the shit from your clients that you don't want to deal with, and the shit from you that we shouldn't have to deal with.

Oh, and all that lying about your whereabouts to clients, spouses and senior partners. You're very welcome, thanks for putting our jobs at risk...

4:29am - Consider that one co-signed by me!

I'll give my secretary some high-quality chocolates. Not giving anything to the legal assistants (since when are they adminstrative professionals?). I usually give the legal assistants gift cards (for books, sorry Kashmir!) at the end of the year and at the conclusion of a stressful case. I give the legal assistants I like a gift when they leave or, time permitting, take them out for a nice lunch.

What about gifts to the library staff (nothing major, just some chocolates or something)? Good idea or affront? Our librarians (S&C) are worth every penny they get...

I also hate Administrative Professional's Day because: 1) I am hearing impaired and can't tell what anyone is saying at these mass boss//assistant gatherings; 2) I do not want to be taken to lunch for doing my job; and 3) I am a paralegal, not a secretary. For the past three years, I have refused to participate in the Division luncheon and begged the two lawyers I work for to please ignore it in plenty of time for them to opt out. One of them happily does that. The other one paid for two meals to the official lunch and then tried to guilt me into going, even though she has other plans and will not herself be attending. This resulted in my apologizing for for not wanting to go and offering to take her to lunch to make up her having wasted her money. So, now I have to buy my boss lunch. Great.

It's unbelievable how many tools there are on this site - seriously, all of your assistants can't be that bad. Perhaps they're just reacting to the way you treat them. I put in a few years as a para in the 90's and over the last six years as an atty have seen both good and bad secretaries and assistants. I've given even the bad ones $50 or a nice flower arrangement. My current secretary isn't perfect, but she's very good and she makes my life much easier. I gave her flowers, a $50 gift card, and $100 in cash, then gave $25 or $50 gift cards to a few after-hours secretaries and to other assistants who chip in sometimes.

11:02 - can I come work for you?

So patently obvious that most of the people commenting on this thread (a) are East Coast lawyers or (b) junior lawyers who don't know jack about the business dev and management side of this business.

11:02: Liar!

After having paralegaled at a big law firm, I can tell you this: Secretaries are bitches. Useless, whiny, backstabbing little snitching bitches who gossip all day and can't be trusted with internet (the firm took it away from them but left it to us--because they couldn't do any work, the old hags!)

There is perhaps 1 in 50 who are decent. The rest scream like little children, block your way to the copier, and/or suck partner dick for a living. Mostly, they're in by 10 and out by 4:30.

And guess who fixes their shit late at night when they claimed "word won't open for me, I can't write those 10 letters today?"

May you worthless big law whores rot in hell. Suck my dick.

7:56: tool. BTW, I work in NY biglaw, and I know I'm not the only one who does this in my firm.

Seriously, I gave even the worst secretary I've ever had (the one who seemed to purposefully screw up projects so that I wouldn't give her any more work) flowers for secretary's day. Whether or not I was truthful on my performance review of her - and whether she was let go by the firm after the partner that she always gave priority to jumped ship and didn't take her along - is another matter.

I work as a paralegal and I have a case assistant.She is lazy and hates paralegals. She feels as if she can do her job better than we can. My gift to her.....a headhunter referral.

To every single attorney on this thread: if you say thank you, please, and are pleasant to me, I don't want shit from you for "Admin Professionals Day" (oh, in my firm, the handbook states only non-professionals get paid OT, so I'll stay non-professional, thanks!). If you are a decent human being and kind to me, I gladly do your work and not complain about it. However, if you are repeatedly a tool, and take me for granted, guess what? You're getting shafted. This day, much like Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Valentine's Day, is indeed a HALLMARK HOLIDAY. The thing that connects all of these days is that it's a reminder for all the people in the world who don't constantly recognize and appreciate the efforts of the people around them to do so. If you appreciate me every day, I notice it. I told my associate who gave me $50 "You didn't have to do that" because she is always pleasant to me, she talks to me and doesn't treat me like I'm an idiot just because I'm a secretary, she recognizes my intelligence and has conversations with me (gasp, to think! with a lowly secretary!) though we don't pretend to be more than what we are. Her response? "You deserve it." Thank you. See? I am appreciated every day. On the other hand, my partner gave me nothing, didn't acknowledge the day, but always says thank you when I give him back his documents. Am I mad? No. It's his choice and besides, if I feel appreciated, I don't need a day for you to reach grudgingly into your wallet to give me money. I'd much rather you just say thank you and please and be nice to me - EVERY DAY. Not one or two days a year.

Just my thoughts.

11:15, you're great!!

4:29, you say you have "more law degrees" than the people you support. What do you have, a J.D. and an L.L.M.? If so, you're an idiot for being a secretary.

News flash: pre-law undergrad degrees and paralegal certificates aren't "law degrees."

Great entertainment! Thanks for the laughs!! Face it paralegals, administrative assistants, legal secretaries, IS, helplessdesk, service center, copy center, etc., etc. or whatever it is they decide to call any of us (to our faces). We are ALL support staff. We work in the inner circle, they are on the outside. It's has always been and always will be US and THEM.

To April 24 1:17

Yeah, law degree and LLM and working as a legal secretary to support me and my family during my PhD.

So a big fat UP YOURS and nice to see that you consider your support staff as both idiots and beneath you. You are precisely the sort of attorney that a secretary hates. You believe the position requires no intelligence, or that someone with an ounce of intellect wouldn't be doing it. You don't deserve to have a secretary, or a secretarial team, or whatever you have working with you. I can guarantee they hate you, and aren't prepared to go the extra mile for you if that is your attitude. And trust me, YOU are exactly the kind of moronic lawyer who would fail miserably without the support of your secretary. The kind who can't grasp simple concepts like Word, Outlook, billing, e-filing. God forbid you should know how the hell to hit Ctrl+P and actually print something.

I'm aware pre-law undergrad degrees and paralegal certificates aren't "law degrees" - having got a few under my belt I tend to know the difference jerk.

And once again, all that lying we do to judges, other attorneys, clients, your colleagues, the senior partner and your spouse. You are so very welcome. Do remember we know all the stuff that really ought to have got your ass fired by now, or at least divorced.

Ok, let me give you all a little tip. Plenty, and I mean PLENTY, of secretaries function well beyond their job descriptions when helping their bosses. For those, a nice flower arrangement, or a gift certificate to a book store or restaurant would be nice. DO NOT GIVE CASH. It is important to show that you have put some thought into it.
For those of you who are so clearly unhappy with your secretaries, I have one question: DO YOU REFLECT THAT HONESTLY ON HER EVALUATION? Or do you just bitch and complain to anyone who will listen rather than communicating with her? Do you routinely talk about her behind her back? Can you honestly say you have worked to develop the relationship, rather than make her feel like she is there only to serve you? I have been a legal secretary for over 30 years and I have seen it all. But if you are not willing to communicate and constructively criticize, then you have no one to blame but yourself if you are in an unsatisfactory situation.

To #s 111 and 115 - DITTO DITTO DITTO!!

Wow. Unbelievable. The contempt that all of you have for each other is frightening. Life is short, everyone. If you don't like the person you are working for, leave. If you don't like the person working for you, fire them. Then just shut the fuck up already.

Okay now: To all of you people who have not a clue about kindness, consideration and grace, it is customary that if you are the superior with a salary 4 to 5 times that of those who assist you, it is appropriate to acknowledge that person in some manner since Administrative Professionals day does exist and is celebrated. If that individual is doing such a horrendously inadequate job, as many of you submit, your firm would not employ them. Having said that, the reason the world is in such a state and so many attorneys in particular have been devastated by the economy and are not only out of work, but unable to find work, is because of the collectively superior and selfish attitudes that many of you possess. Stop whining, stop complaining. Do something nice and good. Perhaps, then, something good and nice will befall you.