Will You Marry Me?*
(*Patent Pending)
A tipster sent along this patent application from Omaha attorney, Ryan Thomas Grace. The tipster says:
[I]t's how a guy proposed to his fiancée. Pretty ingenious, provided she understands patent applications.
Here's an excerpt. Who says patent attorneys aren't romantic?
BACKGROUND OF THE INVENTION[0001] 1. Field of the Invention
[0002] The present invention relates to a method and instrument for proposing marriage to an individual. More particularly, the present invention relates to a unique method and instrument for proposing to an individual by which the proposor can righteously tout the uniqueness of the proposal.
[0003] 2. Description of the Related Art
[0004] Since the advent of the human race, endearment between two individuals has been expressed through various means. In the situation where a man expresses endearment to a woman, such endearment is sometimes conveyed through different avenues as the relationship progresses. As is custom in several cultures, once a relationship between two individuals progresses to a certain point, one of the individuals (a proposor) must propose marriage to the other individual in order to advance the relationship. The anticipation of proposing can impress a high level of pressure on the proposor to propose in a manner that will receive an affirmative response from the individual. As this custom progressed, the high level of pressure from the situation has sometimes forced the proposor into implementing non-traditional methods of proposal in order to woo the individual into an affirmative response.
Part of the invention requires that the proposal recipient mail the patent application upon saying yes and accepting the diamond ring. Since the application is on file with the USPTO, ATL congratulates you, Ryan Thomas Grace.
Patent attorneys seems to enjoy mixing their work and their love life. After the jump, check out part of the program from the wedding of two patent attorneys.
Method and instrument for proposing marriage to an individual [U.S. Patent & Trademark Office]
(90) 
FIRST- to puke in my mouth
This is the nerdiest godamn shit I have ever seen.
that is cute!
Awww he wants to feel special- cute
unless his wife-to-be is also a patent attorney, this is absolutely ridiculous and excessively cheesy. not a good move.
Yeah.. this is horrible. Patent prosecutor are the dorkiest people in the world.
The two to describe this as "cute" can only be the submitter or one of the participants to this calamitous nerd-union.
NEEEEEEEERDS!!!
(Ogre screams as the ATL posters run and hide)
If she ever has an affair the other man can just file a declaratory action to declare the patent invalid.
This is worse than the new design.
THIS is why patent litigators PWN patent prosecutors, who are nothing but overrated technical writers. You don't even need a JD to prosecute a patent - did you know that?
are you kidding me?
PUKE
PUKE
I was going to write "tool." Upon reflection, this guy is the entire hardware store.
You know, thoughtful guys will spend a lot of time trying to come up with something meaningful yet original...but who thinks this is a good idea? Just go away for the damn weekend and ask during sex (what will likely be the extent of my creativity after a few more years as a document monkey--sorry, sweetie!).
cute was meant as sacrasm dork- Its "cute" that he needs to feel special....
that's adorable. there's something awesome about geeks in love.
I think I just ... yep ... I just threw up in my mouth a little bit ...
Holy shit! Nicolle is built like a linebacker
how unbelievably lame.
I just threw up all over my computer. They will probably will have a virtual wedding on Second Life. I just threw up again, God damn it.
Nicolle, I think you tackled me in the backfield for a loss in the 94 Penn vs. Cornell game
Is "Nicolle" (poster 2:40) Kimmy from the Anna Nicole Smith show????? Serious question.
I for one agree that there IS something awesome about nerds in love...
Oooh. wigs and gavels
I can hear it now: Laaaaaaaaaaaaaat, the new icons are [still] [even more] sexist. ...whiners.
Now 'guest' has a wig and gavels as its image?
If you have ever once visited this website and viewed the comments it is unbelievable that you would post a picture of yourself in the comments.
2:52 is comment of the day (though 2:40 might be relevant for more of us, sadly).
Meant 2:52[1].
2:29 = best comment of the week. I love that movie! And Ogre would most definitely open a can on this fool.
2:49 said, "They will probably will have a virtual wedding on Second Life. "
FTW!
The key here in the application-as-program is the use of "comprising." Claims using that transitional phrase are generally considered "open-ended," and can be infringed even if additional elements are added (see MPEP 2111.03). So, maybe they intend to have an open marriage.
2:52(1) - Liar. Penn State didn't pay Cornell in 1994.
Well, this proposal patent is only for a man and a woman, so it's not intended to function in every jurisdiction. Oh, this guy is from Omaha.
To the bride: Run for the hills, honey. Don't get stuck to a patent attorney in Omaha, Nebraska. At least draft him up a pre-nup patent.
Lat: The skull-and-crossbones style wig-and-gavels is much cooler than the previous graphic. And scarier.
If this gunner were in my class, I'd yell "nerd" as I dragged his geek-ass head out of class and into a most heinous toilet swirly.
Nicolle, you look like the girlfriend of a client of mine.
patent attorneys may be nerds, but they certainly seem to enjoy their work more than you sad, miserable bastards.
3:08 - he was in the Seattle office and got sent out to head the new Omaha office. He's pocketing more than you ever will.
Kash:
Yes, I will marry you.
note...the last names are blacked out in the head of the program...but the last names of the step-parents are listed next to the readings they will be doing.
full disclosure...I am an IP attorney (mostly patents) and I consider this to be EXCEEDINGLY nerdy. I hope these two never have kids, they will be made fun of constantly.
i am not a linebacker. the last time i played football was for my high school powder-puff game. i was never on any reality television. i'm nobody's girlfriend.
i'm just a scary looking 3L who's trying to comment on a post. that's all.
I'm a law student. Is it common for someone 5 years out of law school to become a managing partner? Or is this a unique case because Omaha is, well, Omaha?
Um, the app is dated 2003. We are all a little late on this one.
Minus twenty points for substitution of the word "artesian" for the word "artisan" in description paragraph 26.
And minus 12,000 points to myself for bothering to notice.
Thanks to this loser for helping keep patent attorneys (such as myself) in the collective category of giant nerdbags.
What if she said 'no' or the engagement / matrimony ended poorly? That would stink for him.
He hadn't passed the patent bar yet, huh? Something tells me this flagrant abuse of the patent system and waste of USPTO time/effort should have reflected poorly on his abilities to practice law and/or practice before the USPTO.
Sadly, he is apparently already registered: https://oedci.uspto.gov/OEDCI/details.do?regisNum=52956
Nicole is making me feel more uncomfortable than IP attorneys having virtual sex. Somebody please make her stop.
Ditto 3:34
His original application resulted in a pretty detailed 15 page rejection. Then he amended the claims, had an examiner interview, and filed a lengthy response. This resulted in another lengthy rejection and finally he abandoned the application. What a friggin' waste of time.
People wonder why it takes so long to get a patent issued...
I never had a wife, but I had a hot daughter.
2:29 - that's the first thing the went through my mind.
- Neeeeeerrrrrrrrrddddsss!!!!!!
- Where?
- I think they're talking about us!
honestly, this new format is really lame. why do we need to have pictures? stupid stupid stupid.
Only in America!
G-g-g-g-g-g-ay!
3:46 - I thought the patent was allowed, but a couple of years later was the subject of an inter partes re-exam, in which all claims were rejected and then invalidated. (The prior art cited was pretty hot, though!)
2:35 - You must be hating life, because patent prosecutors make biglaw salaries AND go home from the office for dinner every day! So who 'PWN's who, exactly?
Was the tip from Ryan.T.Grace@gmail.com?
A friend should have told that guy never to get married. I guarantee within a year he will be pressured into leaving his cake government job and forced to take a BigLaw job to support his beloved's shoe fetish.
It is shit like this that gives patent attorneys a bad name. What an F'ing peckerhead.
Nicolle,
I just wanted to let you know that fat people like you make me sick.
Kisses,
Hot Associate
4:11,
ZING!
(Clever punchline)
3:33 - "Um, the app is dated 2003. We are all a little late on this one."
Blame it on the USPTO...
when did publicly making an ass of one's self become romantic?
4:14 no blame it on crappy worthless and/or frivilous applications like this one that clog up the uspto
4:14 -
He filed a non-publication request that was withdrawn within the past year, so there was no way to know about it until it was recently published, except him bragging to the other members of Lambda Lambda Lambda
Is someone planning on emailing this post to him so he can see how famous he has become.
Note: Famous = reviled
What's next for this couple - patents for intercourse, giving birth and child rearing?
Is it me, or is something just a little off-kilter in Nebraska?
This sickens me so much my ass just threw up.
LAT - thanks for getting rid of those creepy Orwellian pictures.
Maybe this nerd could file a patent application for a device that enables a person punch themselves in the cock. If he invented that device and then used it on himself for ten years non-stop, then he would have finally made a contribution to society. Nerd.
Omaha is a strange little town. The firms hire mostly students from Nebraska and Creighton (tier 3) and pass on Top Tier students (I think so they can feel better about the fact that they went to the same school too).
this guy is a complete tool. the lady who thinks that is romantic is also a complete tool. they belong together in a toolbox.
this guy is a complete tool. the lady who thinks that is romantic is also a complete tool. they belong together in a toolbox.
4:59 -- I have not laughed that hard in months.
Why am I not the least bit surprised that Nicolle has cats (whose guise she can assume on ATL to avoid further ridicule for being a disgusting fat-body).
Allowing pictures on profiles here is going to create a nasty mix of LSD and XOXO.
js
Dear ATL commenters,
Please die.
Love,
The nerds
Groove is in da heeeeeeeeeeeaaaaarttttt. . . . .
Groove is in da heeeeeeeaaaaaaaarrtttttt ohwhyohwhy. . .
they act like they invented love
As a fellow patent attorney, I hope the woman says no.
This guy should seriously be disciplined for wasting the tax payers' money!!! According to the file history, he actually interviewed with the patent examiners before amending the claims. This is the kind of useless and self-celebratory sh!t that cause the backlog at the PTO. This guy should be ashamed of himself and should be fired!
This guy should seriously be disciplined for wasting the tax payers' money!!! According to the file history, he actually interviewed with the patent examiners before amending the claims. This is the kind of useless and self-celebratory sh!t that cause the backlog at the PTO. This guy should be ashamed of himself and should be fired!
The irony of a bunch of lawyers and law students calling somebody else a tool is not lost on me. And I personally guarantee that those making fun of Nicolle are chubsters themselves, since fat people LOVE to make fun of other fat people.
can anyone else tell immediately if a post was written by kash or lat? i'm just sayin...
Kash is definitly not lat, 7:51. As for telling who wrote a given post, I suggest directing your gaze to the light gray italicized text below the title.
This just proves that patent attorneys are the geekiest of the bunch. I was at a firm where a patent attorney sent a videotape of his proposal to the entire firm. The entire firm!
Of the posters who are throwing up in their mouths and/or their computers, how many are (happily) married?
Didn't think so.
How much do you want to bet that the wedding involved groomsmen dressed as stormtroopers or jedis?
On the one hand, it's a sweet and endearingly nerdy approach.
On the other hand, (i) it's a waste of tax dollars, (ii) it reflects poorly on him and the patent bar, and (iii) it's rather heteronormative, not to mention sexist.
Actually this guy has another application pending entitled, "Method of Giving Douche Chills to the Entire Legal Community" as I recall, he incorporates this applictaion by reference.
Unfortunately this is not the first guy:
http://appft1.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&p=1&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-bool.html&r=1&f=G&l=50&co1=AND&d=PG01&s1=20070078663.PGNR.&OS=DN/20070078663&RS=DN/20070078663
@7:20 - The patent office is not supported by tax payer money. It is fully funded by the system.
whoops - same guy - thrown because images do not appear to be the same as in the patent application in the link.