Lawsuit of the Day: The Right to Wear a Male Speedo
Bob Hezzelwood is serious about his beach time -- and serious about his right to spend that beach time in a speedo.
Last year, a sheriff's deputy gave Hezzelwood a ticket for his speedo-wearing ways:
[A] Lee County Sheriff’s deputy stopped by and wrote him a warning for trespassing.The reason?
“Exposed scrotum,” the notice read. “Never return to Bonita Beach Main Access.”
But it turns out that, belied by his self-proclaimed “super-lazy” lifestyle, Beach Bob (more properly known as Robert Hezzelwood, 61, retired court reporter and Bonita Springs resident of 16 years) is a heckuva fighter.
The Naples Daily News has an extensive report on Hezzelwood's $4,000 legal fight to have the warning dismissed. Now Hezzelwood plans to file a lawsuit against the Lee County Sheriff's Office for violating his civil rights. "I’m a civilian out here who’s been picked on by a little bully deputy and that’s wrong. It’s just wrong," said Hezzelwood.
If you're wearing a speedo and don't have a super-hot bod, that's wrong. It's just wrong.
Beach Bob’s brouhaha: Swimsuit behind lawsuit [Naples Daily News]

There is no good Speedo!
That Speedo on the left looks pretty good to me..... ;-p
No man should ever wear a speedo. Period. Gay or straight, black or white, European or American, in shape or Ted Kennedy-esque. None. Nuh-uh. Grape smugglers.
Take what Blossom (yes, Blossom) once said to heart: "Undressed boys are like undecorated Christmas trees."
Ok, Kash, you've redeemed yourself for the Reed letter by finding that Bad Speedo pic. Priceless!
Good speedo = oxymoron
I want those balls (from the speedo on the left) on my face!
Kash - close but still not quite there - the bikini pics are supposed to be of you, not Borat's long lost cousin
eeew, just eeew
3:18=Kash
3:18=Lat
I don't really see the problem with a speedo. They reduce tanlines, they reduce drag if you're actually swimming, and if you're a man who is packing, they are certainly a good advertisement of the fact. Board shorts=idiocy.
I say that everyone bashing speedos is either not confident with their bodies and are put off by the fact that other people might actually have self confidence, have a little dick, or both.
3:35=European grape smuggler.
Caring about tan lines more than the gag reflexes of people on the beach=idiocy.
According to her myspace page, this woman is an intern for Beach Bob's lawyer:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=352372914&Mytoken=D0FF4D68-7688-4039-8DB2AEC04838B2E610600959
Yet another one of the lifestyle benefits of Smallaw
http://www.myspace.com/shannacorinne
Doesn't Roger Lou or HofstraMagna have an opinion on this hoTTT topic?
Might I just say, this has been the worst day in ATL history. Seriously, all of these posts suck today. Hard.
Weird how Lat won't talk about layoffs at a number of NYC firms.
Wow, that intern is 4'9. That must get interesting.
Please take the picture on the left of my father on vacation down ... I would really appreciate it.
Beach Bob seems pretty hot - in an old, saggy, white guy kinda way.
I can't believe how provincial most of the posters are...speedos are not only acceptable throughout the rest of the world (beyond the reach of U.S. Victorian mores), they are the m.o.
when i was 14, i went camping in france w/ my family and when i tried to use the pool at the rec center, they wouldn't let me in b/c i had on swim trunks. they considered them unsanitary. i had to borrow a pair of speedos from my uncle, which was unsettling, to say the least (mostly b/c they hadn't been run through a washer since he last used them).
ever since then, i carry a pair of speedos whenever i travel. in fact, they're usually a sign of who's confident versus who's self-conscious. a good speedo on an athletic guy is pretty nice eye-candy. on the other hand, nobody wants to see an old, saggy, fat dude, whether he's wearing speedos or a full-body wetsuit.
4:52 - Not showering for weeks is also acceptable and m.o. throughout the rest of the world. Same thing can be said for locking your daughter in a dungeon you constructed beneath your house and fathering 4 kids with her.
4:52:
Sigh, you're another of those Americans who blames America for being backward and not hip with European sexual/social mores.
Yes, yes, everything in Europe is better than America. Everything more sexually open and more naked with humans is better. We get it, we're all backwards provincials terrified of nude bodies.
Now kindly move to non-provincial France and leave those of us who want to not be assaulted by nude male crotch areas and to choose to have social mores that don't involve treating the human body as merely a playground for your eyes and bodies. You know, where women don't get sexually assaulted on the street---like in France.
"ever since then, i carry a pair of speedos whenever i travel."
Words cannot describe the jokes coming to mind. what a tool.
"when i was 14, i went camping in france w/ my family "
---when did John Kerry become a poster here?
France--don't they also harbor child rapists because it's not a crime to them? I'm thinking of 2 cases in particular, one being Roman Polanski. I can't remember the other guy's name, some bearded sociopath wanted in Pennsylvania.
But you're right, they're sooooo right-thinking on sexuality. Dick.
"in fact, they're usually a sign of who's confident versus who's self-conscious"
---don't you just love when contract attorney's try to pretend their psychologists?
back to coding with you, son.
"in fact, they're usually a sign of who's confident versus who's self-conscious"
---don't you just love when contract attorney's try to pretend they're psychologists?
back to coding with you, son.
"they considered them unsanitary."
but lack of showering=sanitary.
Honestly, find a better argument.
4:52= Sufficiently owned. Move on, people, move on.
yes, let's get back to browbeating Kash into posting pics of herself in a bikini
---don't you just love when contract attorney's try to pretend their psychologists?
(or attempt to string together multiple words to resemble a thought, despite an apparent contempt for spelling and punctuation?)
this chromosome-enhanced poster will be the proxy for the rest of you toothless whores and burgeoning alcoholics who presume to question my critique of a certain provincial viewpoint (that is to say, not a critique of U.S. culture as a whole).
how sad is it that when confronted with a position with which you disagree, you resort to questioning someone's patriotism. i see george w. bush has stripped you not only of dignity but also of common sense and logic.
why do i even bother? - you're all clearly engrossed in hannity & colmes right now.
your witty little barbs (e.g., "dick," and "tool") are appreciated, as they highlight not only the feebleness of your argument, but your fascination w/ the subject of this thread, i.e., penises. I applaud your efforts to come out of the closet, but next time, take a bigger step than posting as "guest." limp-wristed queers.
5:25 = 4:52
You are a guy who has worn his uncles unwashed speedo, and you think guys in speedos are "eye-candy?" Those two things explain a lot.
You are right, however - no one wants to see a fat old pasty dude in a wetsuit or in a speedo. But I think we can all agree that the fat pasty horror increases by orders of magnitude with the speedo, and that the wetsuit, or at least a normal swim suit, is preferable.
5:34= No one questioned patriotism. They just made fun of your holding France/Europe/"The World" as clearly more with it than the U.S.
Maybe you can't grasp the distinction. But hey, no one accused you of being smart.
----Toothless Whores/Burgeoning Alcoholic, III.
"4:52 - Not showering for weeks is also acceptable and m.o. throughout the rest of the world. Same thing can be said for locking your daughter in a dungeon you constructed beneath your house and fathering 4 kids with her."
Really? That's acceptable throughout the rest of the world?? Cuz I'm pretty sure Austrian police weren't exactly thrilled to discover that particular situation.
"4:52= Sufficiently owned. Move on, people, move on."
5:25 = knows what he's talking about when he speaks of people's asses being owned. how's the old sphincter holding up today? last night at the Cock a little rough on you, 5:25?
- the one, the only, "4:52 pm" (until tomorrow).
5:34:
"but your fascination w/ the subject of this thread, i.e., penises. I applaud your efforts to come out of the closet, but next time, take a bigger step than posting as "guest." limp-wristed queers."
----again with the amateurish, unprofessional psychological evaluation. Actually, my fascination with this thread is solely concerned with you and your undying love of all things European. So, yes, if you mean obeying European culture and making fun of stupid posters=penises, then yes, I am obsessed with penises. :)
I can play psychological projection, too. i think your fascination with penises and closeted homosexuality speaks volumes about your personal life.
And "limp-wristed queers." Wow, gay-bash much?
lol tool.
5:40 - I am by no means advocating that old men should even appear on a beach, let alone don a speedo while doing so. The point is that the speedo is not the culprit; rather it's the saggy fat-ass wearing it who offends.
just as beaches are divided into "family" and "clothing optional," so too should they be divided into "old and/or ugly" and "young and attractive." In the latter section, there really should be no room for criticism. I think the problem of the majority of posters here is that much like their in law firm existence, their trollish looks would cause them to be lumped in with category A.
wow, 5:42 is sure one insecure mofo. Can't even take some harmless internet posting without getting his silky underwear in a tizzy.
nighty night, closet-case.
5:47=WRONG.
The culprit is that the male body does not look good in a speedo. Period.
5:45,
grow a pair.
and who said i was closeted? the banana hammock is just fine w/ me. pasty, atrophied associates who only speak emphatically in cyberspace and in all other respects have replaced their gonads with prongs to grip their assigning partner's dick are the "limp-wristed queers" to which I was referring. I, on the other hand, am a queer of an entirely different order.
"who presume to question my critique of a certain provincial viewpoint"
---apparently, Closet-Case is also the Unquestionable truth-Teller. Do Not Question Closet Case, or Else!
5:52:
Awww, I thought it was beddy-bye time. Am I disturbing your nap time?
"grow a pair." "replaced their gonads with prongs to grip their assigning partner's dick are the "limp-wristed queers" to which I was referring."
---Again, with the obsession with the male genitalia. Stop projecting, little man.
"I, on the other hand, am a queer of an entirely different order."
----Special ed. isn't an order, Closet Case.
"wow, 5:42 is sure one insecure mofo. Can't even take some harmless internet posting without getting his silky underwear in a tizzy.
nighty night, closet-case."
clearly, my exit from this thread is long overdue. when people can't be bothered to scan half a dozen comments before they leap into name-calling and childish assumptions, you know you're conversing with a universe of Loyola 2Ls.
5:48, you drooling imbecile, i wish for your sake that your mother had seen fit to get off the crackpipe long enough to give you half a shot at half a brain.
I love how 5:52 complains about people posting as "guest" and then does it himself.
I might stay late at work just to watch his blather. Like a Maury Povich guest, only dumber.
Closet Case is definitely a good name for him.
i said "presume" b/c i have yet to read a cogent statement you've authored. kudos for getting noticed, though. next time, try shitting in your hand and wiping it on your face. it's more sophisticated.
5:58: "clearly, my exit from this thread is long overdue."
ROFLMAO
Truer words were never spoken.
and closet case sums this jerk up nicely.
6:01= taking overreaction to a WHOLE new level.
wow, I think he's spitting kittens mad. I'd love to see his face get all sweaty and scrunched up . It'd be great.
"I might stay late at work just to watch his blather. Like a Maury Povich guest, only dumber."
staying late at work? good idea. how much are they paying clerical temps, nowadays? i'm sorry, i meant "assistant clerical monkey temps."
6:01: "try shitting in your hand and wiping it on your face."
Well, he's moved on from penis obsession to anal. I think Freud called that a positive step. Soon enough, he should evolve into vomiting. And then admitting the bad man touched him there.
6:03: "staying late at work? good idea. how much are they paying clerical temps, nowadays? i'm sorry, i meant "assistant clerical monkey temps."
Back to penis envy again. Sadly, he's devolved.
6:03=
Like a car wreck, I can't turn away. I love the people pwning this retard. making my dinner hour enjoyable.
"and closet case sums this jerk up nicely."
how wise of you not to spare a single moment of thought into crafting your response. you clearly are the monkey scribe of the day.
people like you should be locked in basements and screwed repeatedly by geriatric versions of ron jeremy while your children look on. just saying.
"Back to penis envy again. Sadly, he's devolved."
no, my friend, can't sympathize w/ you there. my schlong looks great in a man-kini. could be why i'm such a strong advocate. i know, i'm getting you wet. i should stop.
6:07: "screwed repeatedly by geriatric versions of ron jeremy while your children look on."
But where would OUR love go, Closet Case?
"Like a car wreck, I can't turn away. I love the people pwning this retard. making my dinner hour enjoyable."
here's hoping you choke on your cheese sandwich. kisses.
6:09: "my schlong looks great in a man-kini. could be why i'm such a strong advocate."
or you just like thinking about your Uncle's schlong in the man-kini back when you were 14.
just saying. you are a closet case. it's science.
6:07: "you clearly are the monkey scribe of the day."
----Damnit, I thought I was going to win.
"But where would OUR love go, Closet Case?"
down your pie-hole, where you sublimate all your rage at being a pasty, fat, impotent, worthless gnome? just guessing.
"here's hoping you choke on your cheese sandwich."
Nah, I prefer sushi.
"here's hoping you choke on your cheese sandwich. "
---It's American cheese, so it's clearly inferior to your cheese.
"or you just like thinking about your Uncle's schlong in the man-kini back when you were 14."
shouldn't you be in an austrian prison?
6:13: "down your pie-hole, where you sublimate all your rage at being a pasty, fat, impotent, worthless gnome? just guessing."
Sublimate? I resent that! I take out my rage on euro-hugging close-cased man-kini wearing rageaholics like yourself! You know that, CC.
6:14:
i think closet case prefers sausages.
wait, don't the french MAKE cheese?
i think closet-case just complimented somebody!!!!!
"It's American cheese, so it's clearly inferior to your cheese."
you would know, from being such a conosseur of dick cheese, among others.
i'm praying you die in a car crash. in your case, one generation of imbeciles is enough.
Do you think Closet's uncle cut the cheese in the speedo before putting it on him? I'm just saying....
"wait, don't the french MAKE cheese?
i think closet-case just complimented somebody!!!!!"
this is true...too bad you don't have any freedom fries to go with it. seriously, dude, get off the president's dick.
6:15: i would but you've reserved all the vacancies. Something about European prisons being better at everything.
6:17:
But how would I become geriatric and have sex with Ron jeremy after dying?
man, cc, you make it hard to live up to your greatness!
----"dick cheese"----
closet case just defined a term for himself, everyone.
6:19 logic
making fun of him==humping the president.
yes, I remember that logic from philosophy. No wonder Obama's losing in the polls.
"get off the president's dick."
---But cheney's lap is so comfortable.
6:23: lol
Comments like these illustrate plainly why I hate America. Speedos are awesome - if you don't like what you see, just don't look. If you can't help but look (you know who you are), then it's because you like what you see. Grow up America.
-SUBLIME BUTTOCKS
"Comments like these illustrate plainly why I hate America. [Public Sex in front of schools are] awesome - if you don't like what you see, just don't look. If you can't help but look (you know who you are), then it's because you like what you see. Grow up America."
---fixed that for you, CC
6:27==in favor of pushing porn in front of victims of sex abuse. Nice logic, man.
6:27==I think CC is looking for a roommate in the house that Austrian guy just left.
and....LAST.
---fixed that for you, CC
Not me (4:52), illiterate monkey-scribe degenerate (sorry, i don't have clever little pet-name for you yet). Someone w/ a different viewpoint than you actually posted - oh, the horror!!!
I was off doing work - you know, that thing that lawyers do, and people like you (back-office clerical staff) pretend to do when partners are looking.
Lat, please start posting more pictures of guy's crotches. there just isn't enough of that on the internet. no, i'm serious.
6:35: i call b.s.
you're as transparent as cellophane. Stop trying to pretend to be someone else.
And you can call me Master.
You can call me Smarter-than-CC.
That doesn't mean much, however, I'm just sayin'.
You can call me Miss Baldy, because I'm outta here.
bye, all, and have fun bashing CC.
yeah, I think we've all wasted our time enough on this TTT. peace out
----Master
P.S. I LOOOOVE you CC!
I went to France when I was 14. These two guys that smelled like garlic kept buying me drinks. I woke up the next day with a trojan hanging halfway out of my ass. Good times.
So its unanimous - Kash should post some bikini pics
8:28 is a liar:
Everyone knows continentals ride bareback. You were fooled. they were Americans!
This post totally sucks. Where are the photos of the scantily clad pretty young women?
You're slipping, Kash. SEN would have at least made a reference to blow, blondes, or bikinis.
Bring on the Beach-Taliban! All American men should be forced to wear burqas/ankle lengthed board shorts on the beach. That's why American men fought against the Europeans during World War II.