The Eyes of the Law: Justice Scalia Won’t Sign That Book
Some of you may recall our coverage (here and here) of Justice Antonin Scalia’s recent talk to promote his new book, Making Your Case: The Art of Persuading Judges. The event took place here in Washington, D.C., in early June. As you can tell from our write-ups, we enjoyed the evening greatly (and will always treasure our signed copy of Justice Scalia’s book).
But not everyone left a happy camper. We received a heartfelt letter from an ATL correspondent whom we shall refer to only as “Nino Fanboy.” He sent the following letter to Justice Scalia, on the day following the event. We received a copy more recently. It begins:
Dear Justice Scalia:I attended your book signing [on June 3rd] sponsored by the Federalist Society. For years now I’ve been a fond fan of yours. I would even call you my intellectual hero. I’ve always admired your charm and wit. But last night my image of you turned sour.
Several years ago I purchased a copy of A Matter of Interpretation [Justice Scalia’s 1997 book]. It has been a source of inspiration to me. I consider myself an ardent defender of Originalism. I attend the Catholic University, Columbus School of Law, and have engaged in several debates with classmates on the proper role of the courts and the best method of interpretation.
I bought a copy of A Matter of Interpretation (from which you received royalties) in the hopes that one day I would meet you and you would sign it. Last night I thought I’d found my opportunity. But I was waived [sic] away by you like a servant to a “philosopher king.”
Read the rest of Nino Fanboy’s strangely moving letter — this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg — after the jump.
Before we give you the rest of the letter, two quick notes. First, in Justice Scalia’s defense, the book signing was tightly run. Due to the massive turnout, there were a number of rules: (1) only one book signed per person, (2) no personalized inscriptions, and (3) no talking to the Justice. So Nino Fanboy, in asking the justice to sign an earlier book, may have been violating the spirit of these rules (and maybe the letter; there may have been a rule against asking Justice Scalia to sign anything other than Making Your Case, but we can’t recall right now).
(It’s understandable that the organizers wanted to process as many people as possible. But the setup was a bit “Soup Nazi”-ish. “No Scalia signature for you!”)
Second, to avoid any reporting errors like those that occurred in connection with Justice Scalia’s recent encounter with Sarah Jessica Parker, we reached out to the Court’s Public Information Office. We provided them with the entire text of the law student’s letter and asked if Justice Scalia or the Court might care to comment.
SCOTUS spokeswoman Kathy Arberg issued a “no comment.” But don’t say we didn’t try.
Anyway, here is the rest of the law student’s plaintive missive to his (former?) hero.
A LETTER FROM A LAW STUDENT TO JUSTICE ANTONIN SCALIA (continued):
The events I will describe to you are the truth. You said in your pre-signing speech that the one religious commandment you take with you into your work is ‘Thou shall not lie.’ I agree, therefore, this letter is the whole truth.
I spent my day with excitement as I was going to meet my idol that night. I made sure my book stayed in good condition all day (just as I’d done for years). It didn’t matter to me that in your earlier Q&A session you confused section two of the fourteenth amendment with the fifteenth amendment. I figured it was a simple slip (though I’m sure you would
have mocked anyone else for such a noticeable mistake).
I was one of the first people in line. I presented my book [A Matter of Interpretation], you took it, looked at the front cover, and gruffly said, “This is not my book. I won’t sign this book.” The book was pushed aside and you waived [sic] me away.
At first I thought you were joking. You had to be. Who doesn’t sign their own book at a book signing? Apparently you don’t. As the massive crowd poured in I tried to show you that the cover said in large bold print: ‘BY ANTONIN SCALIA.’ You were having none of it.
The event was free for me because I am a law student. In fact, I only went because it was free. I had class that night but skipped because this was going to be so much better than learning about informal rulemaking procedure in Administrative Law. I intended to buy your new book [Making Your Case] when I had the money. For now, I owned this book. It had inspired me. It was the one I wanted signed. And again, you’d already made the royalties off of it when I purchased it. So what could be the harm?
Bands tour the country all the time to plug their new albums. But I’ve never heard of a band not signing an old album when it’s handed to them by a fan. In fact, many bands would feel a since [sic] of nostalgia and pride that people still listen to their old work.
But you, sir, are much more like the baseball player who won’t sign a particular brand of card, or who charges kids for their signature. I guess it’s OK for people well off enough to afford your new book to get a signature, but not for a struggling student, who held you in high esteem.
I think it is important to note that you are a public servant. While you are not a member of the political branches, you nonetheless are on the public pay roll. It should be an honor for you to be admired so much that people even want your signature. But you have become arrogant and aloof in your marble castle up on the Hill.
If your intention was to sell book you have a funny way of going about it. Now I will never buy your new book, whereas I was looking forward to it before. I will tell everyone I speak to on the subject of Originalism and the Court how big of a jerk you were. I am not famous but I am well respected by those who know me. Any books you sell will not be from my recommendation.
But the worst part of it is that from now on and for the rest of my life I will never think of you the same way. From now on you will not be the lovable jerk you come off as. Instead you will be like a philosopher king growling at his peon subject.
Earlier in the evening you wouldn’t even take a picture with me. I understood because of the onslaught of photos that would inevitably follow. I had the honor of meeting Justice O’Connor, who was speaking at my school, a few months ago. After the event she was in a hurry to be somewhere. I asked if I could have a picture with her. Though she was clearly put out she took thirty seconds out of her life to do something nice for an admirer. In my life this has been true of Lenard [sic] Nimoy (Spok [sic] from Star Trek), Stan Lee (creator of Marvel Comics), Senator Cornyn of Texas, and former President Jimmy Carter. They were all busy people and they took a few seconds to do something nice for a fan and member of the public. There are stories John Wayne would talk to his fans for hours while his food got cold. What can I say? You’re no Duke.
I’m sure you won’t care about me or my letter. You may not even see it. If you do you’ll probably only correct the grammar and then throw it away. You’ll see yourself as the victim of a slanderous smear campaign by a looser [sic] fan who can’t afford a book. But you brought it on yourself by not taking a few seconds to sign a book you wrote at a book signing.
Your brilliance is unquestioned. You will always be loved by the believers in Originalism and the limited role of judges. I will always tout you as a legal theorist, but not as a man. It’s funny how two seconds and simple appreciation for a fan can make all the difference.
Sincerely,
[Nino Fanboy]
(109) 
Comments
First!
i hope all the neocon asstards are happy with what the absurd bush v gore brought our nation.
frist
What a friggin' loser.
Glad to see that Scalia is as much of a d-bag as I thought. Besides, why would you kiss up to him where O'Connor and Ginsburg blow him away.
Guys in my high school used to get dissed by Nino all the time. It was no big deal.
Lat, are the mistakes in there his or yours? You threw in a [sic] at the end, but he makes other mistakes (e.g. "since" instead of "sense," "Lenard" Nemoy, etc.). If I were writing one of the Supremes, I'd make sure I didn't have any typos in my letter.
Doesn't everyone know that when you go to a book signing, the author almost always signs only the book they are promoting? I think this guy spends way too much time trying to get autographs from politicians and Star Trek actors. And you can always get the book out of the library which won't cost anything....
This letter seemed to me something that Buffalo Bill would have written in his early days.
This guy is a fan of Scalia *and* Jimmy Carter???
Something doesn't smell right.
A retort in 2 parts:
Part 1: You are a cheap b*stard. You should have purchased the new book and Nino likely wood have signed both.
Part 2: You attend a TTT and are not worthy to lay eyes on Nino let alone speak to him. You should be honored to be called his "servant".
HTH
I once tried to get Salman Rushdie to sign my old copy of Satanic Verses at his reading/signing for Fury. I was kinda of rejected...he looked at my kinda half cross-eyed and then turned to his babysitting host for assistance, who directed me to wait until the end and if there was still time Rushdie would sign. I did as I was told and got the signature....but it left a slightly bitter taste indeed. Not all that surprising, though, as any book tour is essentially a commercial for the new book.
But anyway...get over it dude...Scalia's not worthy of your disappointment.
"But you have become arrogant and aloof in your marble castle up on the Hill."
This letter is hilarious.....
"In my life this has been true of Lenard Nimoy (Spok
from Star Trek), Stan Lee (creator of Marvel Comics. . . ." Doesn't this tell us everything we need to know?
Is this guy a child? When I was 9 or 10, Catfish Hunter was at the local McDonald's signing posters. When my mother and I made it to the front, Catfish left. And you know what, I had more maturity than this moron does now. I hope he sent his letter on Charmin so Scalia could wipe his ass with it.
If this was an email sent to Nino, I'm sure it was automatically scanned and the terms "Catholic University, Columbus School of Law" marked it for automatic deletion.
The SCOTUS does not have time for TTT!
So much ineffectual nerd angst, I think I need a shower after reading that
So much ineffectual nerd angst, I think I need a shower after reading that
I feel bad for the kid. Nino should have just signed the stupid book.
His level of douchiness is unquestioned. His understanding of the Constitution is.
An ardent critic of originalism.
Wow a liberal Carter lover with the stones to put on the sheep's clothing, make a scene and smear a conservative. You got more stones than your party's leadership kid.
How old is this guy? It's really quite pathetic.
This guy is the best argument I've ever seen for the idiocy of strict constructionism.
Salmon Rushdie story dude--
That's totally different. I don't think the book that Assholin Scalia refused to sign nearly led to his death and banishment from society for eight years. Somehow I don't think "A Matter of Interpretation" has the same negative symbolism for Scalia that "Satanic Verses" has for Rushdie.
I think Justice Thomas will hire the letter writer.
CT has a weakness for the TTTs.
The art of persuading judges?
Well, just make sure you're on the side of the Neocons on any particular issue and you've got Scalia in the bag. And, thusly, you have that worthless, intellectually bankrupt, shill of a judge, Thomas, as well. In all likelihood, you will have the Bush (appointed) Twins as well, though they at least may make a running pass at trying to appear as though they've come to their conclusion through independent reasoning and analysis, rather than simply asking themselves "What would Bill O'Reilly do?"
How can true conservatives still hold Scalia in high regard after Raich?
OMFG!
OMFG!
OMFG!
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE EVER READ.
What is Columbo School of Law
latka
maybe he can get alito to sign the book. most people can't tell the difference between an alito opinion and a scalia one.
this dude cannot be real
The only thing douchier than this guys is the losers who keep talking about how his school is a TTT. But then again, this board gets lots of attention from overweight , socially inept BigLaw associates with nothing better to do during lunch!
"Earlier in the evening you wouldn't even take a picture with me."
This kid scares me.
This is a total prank. The guy set it up, just like the "Don't tase me, bro!" loser.
I'm going to write my letter to Barry O, and it's going to be even better.
"I attend the Catholic University, Columbus School of Law, and have engaged in several debates with classmates on the proper role of the courts and the best method of interpretation."
Seeing how you go to CUA, these must have been some truly revolutionary conversations.
4:04 : TTT Troll!! Go back to insurance defense!
It was kind of inappropirate to go to Nino's book signing and not buy a copy of the book he was there to promote.
It was kind of ingracious of Nino to make an issue of it. (I bet he would have signed ANYTHING for Sarah Jessica Parker--see here:
http://abovethelaw.com/2008/06/justice_scalia_sarah_jessica_parker.php )
Just like the time I could have met Mr. T at the mall. The entire day, I kept saying, 'I'll go a little later, I'll go a little later...' And when I got there, they told me he just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he'll ever come back again, he said he didn't know. Well, I'm never going to let something like that happen again!
4:08- Go back to being a loser.
Doesn't sound like much of a Fanboy to me. He'd probably already gotten Tribe's, Wood's, Dworkin's and Gutmann's signatures and was only after Nino's so that he could sell the book on e-bay.
Eminem's "Stan" is much better written than this letter.
3:46 Glad to see they teach hillbilly spelling at your non-TTT school. "Wood"? If you're going to attack another school, at least spell correctly. Otherwise, it's more insulting to know that someone with such poor writing skills made it ahead of them...
I stopped reading the letter half way through...boring. Idiot. Poor scmuck will prolly get a C in AdminLaw now
schmuck
4:16 - If you stopped reading halfway through, you missed the best part. The third-to-last paragraph is a gem.
I'm conservative/Federalist Society, but this story sounds like my experience of Scalia. Though I like Scalia's jurisprudence, in my opinion Scalia is kind of a jerk in person, someone with a big chip on his shoulder.
This is in stark contrast to Thomas, who, in person, is one of the most cheerful, comfortable, and easy-going people you can ever hope to meet.
I never understood the allure of autographs. So Scalia won't say a word to you, you can't say anything to him, and he will write his name and nothing else? Then who gives a shit?
Anyone who gets excited or bent out of shape about that (whether Scalia or anyone else is doing the signing) is a complete loser and idiot.
I can almost hear this guy hyperventilating when Scalia came into view.
"Dude, you are so not as cool as those guys I met at Comic-Con."
I have a picture with Justice Scalia. He's actually quite nice if you have any manners and don't come across like a whiny, angsty sycophant.
"But you brought it on yourself by not taking a few seconds to sign a book you wrote at a book signing."
Lat...you failed miserably in your reporting of the event. Scalia wrote a book at the signing and then failed to sign it. WTF. douchebagsayswhat.
This kid is the reason why:
1. Attorneys are despised by most laypeople;
2. Scalia has gotten such a big head;
3. Star Trek is the worst thing to happen to popular culture in U.S. history; and
4. The Federalist Society continues to scare the hell out of me.
4:04 / 4:14: Your partner just received a call from your client. They are reducing your billable rate from $64.50 to $62.50 and you're going to have to take a pay cut.
hahahaha! TTT = insurance defense.
Why doesn't this dude head down to Disney and get an autograph from the turban wearing Sikkh. There won't be any line.
Can we all agree that a SCOTUS clerkship is not in the cards for this guy?
(They probably opened a United States Marshals Service-(JSD) file on the poor guy, in which they filed his letter.)
http://www.usmarshals.gov/judicial/index.html
I got dissed by my hero once when I was after an autograph. He signed the stuff from the people in front of me, then stopped signing and headed for the team bus just as I got to the front of the line.
Instead of writing the guy a nasty letter, I just caught the guy at another public appearance and had better luck then.
The kid goes to law school in DC; Scalia works in DC and frequently makes public appearances in DC. If the kid really likes Scalia and really wants a signature, he could probably get it another time.
4:19 - Thanks for the heads up. Priceless!
I find it a little hard to believe that there's a law student out there who can't cough up 30 bucks for a hardcover. We don't have those $150k student loans for nothing. That said, both Scalia and Nino Fanboy sound like total douches in this story.
nino fanboy = pussy
Speaking of Rushdie, he's actually a pretty approachable guy. He took a picture with me and my fiance and noticed that she had two of her books on her. She only asked to have one signed, but seeing the second book he offered to sign the second one.
4:23,
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There are FAR worse things than Star Trek, and I think Star Trek is a fantastic contribution to popular culture. There will always be nuts who take things too far (see the documentary, "Trekkies"), but the Original Series and The Next Generation were groundbreaking. DS9 not so much, though it developed some good storylines, and Voyager kinda crapped out, but the first two -- as well as a couple of the movies -- are icons.
In 2nd grade I wrote this exact letter to O.W.Holmes Jr. Mom put it in the same bag as my letter to Santa.
first, how do we even know this kid is telling the truth? second, even if true, why is this even news? slow day lat? no new ideas for a poll that reinforces what everyone has already figured out (work is sloowww, duhh)? are you going to post a letter from every bitching kid who doesn't get a response from a justice? pure stupidity.
first, how do we even know this kid is telling the truth? second, even if true, why is this even news? slow day lat? no new ideas for a poll that reinforces what everyone has already figured out (work is sloowww, duhh)? are you going to post a letter from every bitching kid who doesn't get a response from a justice? pure stupidity.
That was a good laugh. But a tiny part of my brain thinks it may be serious. Law school is full of poly-sci douches who would get their panties in a wad at the sight of Nino.
Top Ten reasons fanboy deserved the Scalia slap:
10. He's emotionally fragile.
9. He brags about putting out classy retired SCOTUS justices. Good job, that'll win Scalia over.
8. He prefaces his comments with a quote about lying
7. He was one of the first in line.
6. He can't make up his mind. Did you buy a matter of interpretation for its inspiration or to get it signed?
5. "I made sure my book stayed in good condition all day (just as I'd done for years)." -- You precious angel.
4. He's cheap.
3. He still can't make up his mind. Did you go to the event to meet your idol and get a signature or because it was free?
2. He points out justice's constitutional misquotes.
1. He hasLenard [sic] Nimoy's (Spok [sic] from Star Trek) autograph.
4:13 = awesome.
--Lenhard Kneemoy
Well done, 4:13.
My summer at Skadden, one of the other SA's asked Joe Flom for his autograph at an event. It was pretty horrifying.
Let me join those who think that Lat was duped (again). Is there any evidence that the letter was actually sent to Scalia by an actual law student?
There are too many red flags here.
The tone, the word choice, the obvious spelling errors. It all reads like someone was trying to get a rise out of the predictable commenters on ATL.
I once duped my childhood hero into giving me his autograph by sending him a check so that he would have to endorse it and I would get it back from the bank. But he just stamped the check with the name of an off-shore Cayman Island holding company, which led to an investigation by the bank and the discovery that he had been evading taxes for years. He eventually faked his death as a result, but my brainy sister and I later found him living on a houseboat.
So this guy really has nothing to complain about.
When I read the list of people this guy has received autographs from, I realized I knew him from somewhere...
http://www.progets.com/simpsons/pics/the%20comic%20book%20guy%20pondering.gif
Was that before or after you saved Aunt Patty from Sideshow Bob's nefarious plan to murder her by letting the apartment fill with gas before her post-MacGyver smoke, 4:54?
Trick question, 4:58. That was Aunt Selma.
4:24- My billing rate has no bearing on the fact that you are, quite simply, a ridiculous tool. That, my friend, is why it sucks to be you!
D'oh!
--4:58
this is funny. lat with your inside connections to scotus you must find out if scalia ever saw it and if yes what he said. that would really make this interesting
[I worked with John Wayne, I knew John Wayne; John Wayne was a friend of mine. Nino. . . ]
YOU'RE NO DUKE.
this letter is really funny. I think his point is well taken.
You sillies, CUA is God's law school.
@4:23:
"Star Trek is the worst thing to happen to popular culture in U.S. history."
In my college days, my cabal convened at 4:00 pm in a dorm room with a TV and RELIGIOUSLY watched the original Star Trek.
To be sure, it was a motley crew (the younger brother of (exiled) Lieutenant Colonel Chukwuemeka Odumegwu Ojukwu, the rebellious daughter of a 17 Mile Drive (Del Monte Forrest) matron, the scion of a South American ranching fortune who dropped out of B. school and became a successful painter, a long haired Grateful Dead fanatic, a reclusive unnamed guy who resembled Cat Stephens but with huge dark glasses, and me--son of a Wine Country Architect biding my time until I could apply to LS).
Nevertheless, I can authoritatively say that the original Star Trek remains one of the most significant contributions to American pop culture since our country's inception.
Am I mildly amused by the enduring, cross-generational popularity of William Shatner? Yes.
That said, the mention Scalia and Star Trek in the same letter, written by a devoted, obsequious “fan”, congers scary images of Mark David Chapman.
"Say it ain't so, Nino!"
"Say it ain't so!"
Scalia does stuff at CUA all the time. Because he's Catholic, is local, and he fits right in with the school's mission and worldview.
Lets discuss the truly important point in these comments - namely that 4:23 is a fool, and that star trek is awesome. I bet Captain Picard could get Nino's autograph...he just wouldn't want it. After all, guys at the Academy used to get dissed for autographs by members of the Q Continuum all the time. It was no big deal.
I'm too tired to read every single comment here, but no one seems to wonder whether this whole thing is phony. It sure reads that way to me.
Lazslo Toth returns!
4:38 is an idiot. DS9 was awesome even if it was a shameless Bab5 ripoff.
@5:11:
Fool that I may be, I think your reference to Captain Picard means you have no clue about the cult penom that is Star Trek. "awesome" or otherwise.
--4:23
4:38 -
Stop it. Just stop it. The priceline negotiator was one of the worst over-actors in history, and just happened to carve out a niche on that awful program.
Ground-breaking, okay...maybe. It did create a science fiction interest on television where before it had only existed in print or on the silver screen.
I concede, though, that The Wrath of Kahn was a compelling, legitimate science fiction film.
I've heard, in pop culture circles, the analogy, "Sex in the City is pornography for women."
Star Trek in pornography for dorks.
4:23
4:19--I totally agree regarding Scalia (jerk) and Thomas (really nice guy), having met many of the Justices in a social setting. Also want to plug for Roberts, Kennedy, and Ginsburg as gracious and charming (especially Kennedy--he tells great jokes).
"Star Trek in pornography for dorks."
COMIC BOOK GUY: "Oh, Captain Janeway. Lace: The Final Brassiere." http://www.snpp.com/guides/cbg.file.html
5:15 -
Excellent point, but don't steal my thunder.
The original 4:23, who also just posted at 5:16.
P.S. Points well made, 5:07. But I can't agree, except for the Chapman analogy...
I saw Johnny Bench in a mall when I was about 6 years old and asked him for his autograph. He said, "Sure, kid. Wait right here, I'll be back in 2 minutes." I waited and waited, but he never returned. When I heard rumors he was gay, I thought it karmic retribution.
Too long. Didn't read. Was there anything cool at the end, like the author was attacked by a bear or something?
Parts of Nino Fanboy's letter read as if from The Onion. "I am not famous but I am well respected by those who know me." That's great.
No bear attack, but his unibrow raped justice stevens in the arse.
i crap mediocrity better than this letter.
Just like the time I could have met Mr. T at the mall. The entire day, I kept saying, "I'll go a little later, I'll go a little later..." And when I got there, they told me he just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he'll ever come back again, he said he didn't know. Well, I'm never going to let something like that happen again!
The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... statue of liberty... that was our planet. You maniacs, you blew it up. Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
I don't see why this is news. I went to school in D.C., as well as the Fanboy. Everyone in the district knows Scalia is a jerk. If you look closely, you'll see "JERK" lightly tattooed on his shiney forehead.
This story is too mild to be fabricated. And it's certainly not surprising. While authors at book signings are primarily there to sign the promoted book, turning away fans who stood in line for you is pretty d*ckish. Sounds right up Scalia's metaphorical alley.
It took him that long to realize Scalia's a jerk? How slow can you be?
@7:44: No ticket, no laundry.
Scalia is actually very charming in person. I think he was just having a bad day.
Someone buy this guy a lap dance. He needs one badly.
Who freakin' cares. Scalia is a dipshit. Sorry, it had to be said.
another 12 soldiers dead in iraq in the past week - another five billion borrowed from china to pay for it - thanks Nino!
"But I had the last laugh. I sold my entire collection of Scalia's underwear and toe nail clippings that I had scrounged from his trash over the years on ebay for twice the price of his new book! Take that, Oppressor!"
No surprises here. Scalia is the epitome of douche. Bright guy, but obviously a huge douchebag.
The real tragedy here is with the money he spent on A Matter of Interpretation, he could have bought jambalaya for a girl with new jeans who is stuck on railroad tracks.
I was going to say that this illiterate stalker/moron has singlehandedly set back the cause of originalism by 20 years. Then I saw the enlightened and insightful comments from the Scalia-haters and all was well. Dahlia would be proud!
4:04 hit the nail on the head. I always wondered how it was that so many supposed BigLaw associates had time to come on here and bully people around. Guess even fatties need attention. Man, its sad when you are too much of a creep that your job and salary can't even get people to pretend to be your friend. Have to hide behind the ATL message board. A coke habit ahd sad death are next. Oh, and no one will miss you when you are gone.
I feel bad for the kid who wrote this letter. Nerdy or not, he was hurt. When did it become OK to mock those who call out people for a lack of utter decency?
Not only that, 3:07, but CUA is not a TTT: http://law.cua.edu/Stories%202008//Rise%20in%202009%20US%20News%20Ranking.cfm
Maybe BigLaw doesn't have time to pay attention to the rankings of these smaller schools?
Not only that, 3:07, but CUA is not a TTT: http://law.cua.edu/Stories%202008//Rise%20in%202009%20US%20News%20Ranking.cfm
Maybe BigLaw doesn't have time to pay attention to the rankings of these smaller schools?