Phallus ipsa loquitur.

That dude is packing some heat. I wonder what else Lat uses this photo for.

Million Dollar Pants Lawsuit: Part 2

Check out the unit on that guy.

and thus ended Underneath Their Robes

"Ladys and gentlemen, I'll be brief..."

Providing suggestions for reform of the penile system.

first to say the background of this story already appears on WSJ blog...get a new pic lat

"In conclusion, if the underwear's too tight, the sentence must be light."

And now, for my suprise witness...

*Ladies

"Yes, Cliff - but no more questions about why I won't show my face."

...and that's why Jeremy Pitcock isn't allowed to go to any more parent-teacher conferences.

Having been found of malpractice, the lawyer literally had his pants sued off.

Your Honors, I have the evidence right here in my pocket.

Your Honors, I have the evidence right here in my pocket.

Moments before counsel for the detainees illustrated the most common torture technique carried out at Guantanamo.

"Yeah, I dare 'em to try opposing THIS motion."

"Is this too casual for a Friday?"

After unsuccessfully persuading the jury to find him not guily of sexual battery, Jim appealed to the press, stating, "Could anyone really say 'no' to this?"

I have every confidence my client will win this sexual harassment suit, there is simply no evidence whatsoever that he made unwanted advances. Who doesn't walk around the office in their underwear?

10:40---cheater--knows the background of story from WSJ law blog

Another unsuccessful effort to get "junk" science before the jury.

"Pay no attention, this is just how I keep my thumbs warm."

"I got your sweet mysteries of life right here Justice Kennedy."

Hold THIS in contempt, Juuuuudge.

"Prepare to be f*cked by the long dick of the law."

It is time for the world to know...I am Quailman!

Did you hear about the lawyer who dropped his briefs and became a solicitor?

It is time for the world to know...I am Quailman!

"And now my junior partner has something he'd like to say..."

If you think my *head* is bald....

"And that's why Arizona's turgidity statute needs to be changed."

Barbri Professor Jones demonstrates how something can be both Malum en se and Malum Prohibitum.

Chucky Scalia, alleged second-cousin to the infamous Supreme Court Justice of the same surname, raised eyebrows when he asked reporters at a press conference to "suck on this."

Paraphrasing Stephen Colbert:

"Hey US Weekly, sorry you couldn't get a photo of Brangelina's kids, but I've got some twins you can photograph . . . [silently mouths: 'my balls']."

Barbri Professor Jones demonstrates how something can be both Malum en se and Malum Prohibitum.

"Anyone wanna see why I made partner?"

Where do I file my motion to ENLARGE?

Newly appointed DOJ counsel explains to the press that Gitmo detainees are only subjected to brief interrogations that do not amount to torture.

"Here at Kalfus & Nachman, we won't stop until you get your settlement! Tell the insurance companies you...mean...business!"

"Talk about a hung jury!"

"Anyone wanna see why I made partner?"

Roy Pearson find vindication as lost pants epidemic spirals out of control.

"And the question remains, who is being tortured, the detainee or the thumbs?"

"How do I keep losing all my pens? It's gotta be here somewhere."

Counsel for the Royal Family displays the pair of Prince Charles' trousers Camilla Parker Bowles wanted to get into, the subject of the famed recorded conversation in the mid-90s, at Christie's auction.

"I told you I wasn't moving nunc pro tunc..."

LOL @ 1035(1)

"Thus, as I have just demonstrated, this newly-approved interrogation technique is not 'equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death.' Now, give me a moment to put my pants back on and I'll give our test subject some kleenex to help with the anal bleeding."

Summer Associate John Doe answers questions about last night's escapades.

"If the briefs don't fit, you must acquit."

"Representing Michael Jackson has its quirks"

"Counselor needs a supplemental brief"

"Representing Michael Jackson has its quirks"

"...and that's why my wife divorced me."

Plaintiff loses slander suit after jury finds that defendant's statement concerning plaintiff's "teeny subpoena" was true. Laughter ensued

... and this is the reason why I'm suing my cleaner for $41 million"

Plaintiff loses slander suit after jury finds that defendant's statement concerning plaintiff's "teeny subpoena" was true. Laughter ensued

anybody wanna abuse this

Live from Zakynthos. . .

My client is innocent!!!! Talk to dees NUTS!

If the undies don't fit, you must acquit!

Well, I thought the ad for the new attorney general position indicated you wanted somebody with "cojones"...

Ira Schwartz dropped his pants when asked if he could think of a bigger threat than OBL.

"In a show of support, Obama's press secretary taunts Jesse Jackson, telling the cameras, 'Hey Jesse, how about you come down here and rip my dick off - I dare you. You don't have the balls."

As an AU grad, I am sufficiently far along in my career to soon afford pants.

Do these briefs make me look fat?

I'm gonna let the big guy answer that one.

LMAO @ 10:46(2)!!

Your honor, I stand before you with dry balls

It doesn't help when the WSJ Law Blog posts the same picture with a full (and much more interesting) explanation of the picture . . .

Well, I confirm that representing Mr. Spitzer has been a challenge so far.

"Thank you for your time. My belly button will field any remaining questions."

After Gloria Allred no-shows, Miguel’s penis gives a press conference.

Big you call me a bald guy? I'll show you a bald guy...

"But...they promised me virgins"

And then I told the judge, but I can prove I have a valid writ of Herpeas Corpus!

Guys in my high school pulled attention getting stunts like this all the time. It was no big deal, and never worked, but I thought I'd give it another try.

Who let the mothef*cking snake into my motherf*cking press conference?!

SLJ

No! Penetration IS required for rape in New York!

"Counselor's Brief fails to support the allegation that he is entitled to disability benefits"

"I'm here for Bingham McCutchen Holiday Party..."

And now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if the lips don't fit you must acquit!

your honor, i thought you said you wanted to take a closer look at the briefs.

"Your honor, opposing counsel's criticism as to the quality of my briefs is unfounded. As you can see, my briefs are sound and well-constructed. And contrary to opposing counsel's opinion, they are in no manner full of sh#t."

Wait till you see the size of this thing!

The love child of Cosmo Kramer and George Castanza.

A firm believer in keeping briefs short and to the point.

"Give me a moment to fish him out and I'll let you speak to the brains of this operation."

Trying to describe how merger between the two firms will look: spokesman displays White & Case on the outside, Ropes & Gray on the inside

Despite the recent availability of Viagra in his country, Mr. Hussein claims that "the surge in Iraq" still isn't working.

- Texas

"David Remes, who represents Yemeni prisoners held at Gitmo, takes his trousers off during a news conference in Sanaa, Yemen, July 14, 2008. Remes, who was explaining to journalists the mistreatment that the inmates say they are subjected to, called on the Yemeni government to push for the release of around 100 Yemeni citizens from Gitmo. (Credit: Reuters/Khaled Abdullah)"

11:22 -- I don't get it.

The district attorney and the 'star witness' allegations that my client was 'packing heat' are absurd. My client was not 'packing heat'. Ladies of the jury, THIS is what 'packing heat' is all about.

Attorney for the Government demonstrates how Clive Stafford-Smith smuggled the contraband Under Armor briefs to his clients at Guantanamo.

"...And that's why they call it Dickstein Shapiro."

Mr. July.

I was also a customer of Custom Cleaners.

David Remes, who represents Yemeni prisoners held at Gitmo, takes his trousers off during a news conference in Sanaa, Yemen, July 14, 2008 to demonstrate the infamous "pink belly" interrogation technique. (Credit: Reuters/Khaled Abdullah).

Justin Timberlake and Adam Samberg aint got jack on me. It won't even fit in a box.

"I dare you to read between the lines of these legal briefs."

"Sorry for the interruption folks. I really gotta cut back on the caffeine. Now, what was I saying?"

"New York To 2(x)ist? Desperate to attract more associate talent, the law firm of Pitcock & Spitzer LLP decided to one-up Quinn Emanuel and allow attorneys to enjoy their flip-flops pretty much anywhere."

"If the briefs don't fit, you must acquit!"

I learned everything I know from watching Michael Clayton.

To help ease the fears of the Summers, Recruiting Partner demonstrates what it would take to get no offered

Litigation is all about what's behind the brief

"Senator Obama's spokesperson responds to the New Yorker Cover"

de minimis

"Anybody else notice a draft in here?"

that's right ladies, 10 inches......around!

"Concerned that he might appeal too liberal for the DOJ Honors Program, Jeremy went to not-so-great lengths to explain exactly how he would screw the American justice system."

The next time around, he thought it was more prudent to explain to the press why he had such a wide stance.

Wait a minute ... was I supposed to imagine the audience in their underwear or give the speech while only wearing underwear?

Shortly after the institution of the firm's new concierge service, of counsel Ira Blakenfield ruined it for everyone.

"So I became an attorney to compensate for something? . . . Does this look like I'm trying to compensate for something?"

First-year Civ Pro prof demonstrates the delicate contours of the long-arm statute

truffle shuffle, truffle shuffle

First-year Civ Pro prof demonstrates the amazing reach of the long-arm statute

"As counsel for Enzyte, I would like to offer a short demonstration of the efficacy of my client's product. Bear with me. I'll be ready in a moment."

If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

Scalia said I have no right to privacy.

"Excuse me a minute while I whip this out."

how 'bout dem apples?!?!

11:53 - your comment is the only one that made me laugh out loud

11:53 - your comment is the only one that made me laugh out loud

I got your "Model Penal Code" right here.

You think that jury was hung?

"It is with great esteem that I introduce our firm's newest rainmaker..."

"Showing solidarity with the Harvard Law Avenger, I am protesting the administration's attempt to get rid of tighty whities day! Don't make me get the chain."

"It is with great esteem that I introduce our firm's newest rainmaker..."

I'll show you personal jurisDICtion

"I'll take two follow up questions on my brief submission"

See, I TOLD you the drycleaner has my pants.

Some pranksters told a Vandy student that if he took off his pants in front of a bunch of people, the school would get another point in US news.

"All this lunch crap is just way too time-consuming and stuffy. So from now on we're just going to do pink belly with everybody. Let me demonstrate . . . Wait, you said 'berry'? Pinkberry? Oh, um, that makes a lot more sense."

I've got a roll of quaters, how many you need?

and yes, Edwin Poole will be returning to Boston Legal next season

Northwestern Law found a classier speaker for its graduation next year than Jerry Springer.

Draw!

You go first.

To be sung to the appropriate tune:

The Judge is sure to grant relief
If you show him your fiitting brief.
Justice prefer Hanes.

"It wasn't me, and I've got the balls to prove it!"

"There I was, in a TTT, when I saw a hand coming under the wall from the other stall, and I jumped up like this..."

Senator Schumer learns that he will have to kick it up a notch if he hopes to maintain his dominance of the Sunday Afternoon Press Conference.

Barry was trying to explain that he was not involved in an innappropriate sexual relationship with his staffer; they only engaged in the familiar kindergarten ritual of "pulling down pants together."

Following a complaint to the state's Judicial Commission, the angry judge whipped off his robe, strode over to a news conference and denied he was suffering memory lapses in court.

---or---

While addressing a class of first-years, the the PR man who defended Senator Larry Craig and Congressman Mark Foley misunderstands a student's question about penal reform.

"Do I look like I care that our motion was denied?"

Introducing the firm's Mr. July.

Obama campaign seeks reconciliation with Jesse Jackson by offering a surrogate.

the SEC takes a firm position on naked shorts.

"That is correct - there was a motion in our briefs."

My gut tells me he's innocent...

Re-elect Judge Halverson!

Hey dude, where's the party?

"The judge was against me abs initio."

"Thanks to the Supreme Court, I can carry this in DC!"

If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.

Ever see a schmuck's schmuck?

Counsel, the phrase "may it please the court" is NOT a literal request.

Kenneth Starr showing a grand jury what Bill Clinton did just before he told Paula Jones to 'kiss it'.

The court ordered counsel to file its briefs.

"You're not the boss of me, Jack. You're not the king of Dirk. I'm the boss of me. I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler. I'm the star. It's my big d**k and I saw when we roll"

Sorry m'am that your son was killed by my clients on the battlefield, but c'mon, don't you think this is just cruel and unusual?

This brief is over the limit!

Wanna see my wide stance?

Bob was really glad he had put on a clean pair of underwear that day....

It is important, as a lawyer, to be able to distinguish which briefs are most persuasive.

Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?

"That's right. I don't even need a license for THIS concealed weapon."

want to see how sixty-year-old Superman gets all the ladies?

This was not in the job description for Hanes' in house counsel position.

Press conference for the NYC bedbugs infestation litigation.

His buttocks are sublime.

When asked how Christie Brinkley convinced his team to settle, Cook's lawyer said "Well...look-she got between me and my Calvins..."

This isn't a bald spot; it's a solar panel for a sex machine.

YOU'RE RELYING ON DICTA? I got your dicta right here, counselor. Now get in my chambers.

What's that? I'm supposed to visualize my 'audience' in their underwear?

Other Van Winkle Law Firm partners have expressed concern that Joe represented his favorite extracirricular activity a little too enthusiastically in his "Meet Joe" bio photo.

"Michael! I'm wearing your underwear!"

During his first-year civil procedure course, Professor Johnson demonstrated the necessary showing for permissive joinder under FRCP 20.

During his first-year civil procedure course, Professor Johnson demonstrated the necessary showing for permissive joinder under FRCP 20.

My client went to Gitmo and all I got was this lousy undie.

"And now, to introduce the other member of the firm..."

Gibson Dunn attorney Mike Smith announces the firm's new name in grand fashion: Gibson, Dunn & Crotcher.

On the heels of being caught on "To Catch a Predator," a local attorney immediately starts shoring up his defense that showing up in underwear is not indicative of an unlawful intent.

Penis shocks crowd by exposing its man.

Washington, DC Councilman Anthony "Six Shooter" Scaldone interprets a recent Supreme Court decision on 2nd Amendment rights.

The University of Miami School of Law interviewed several faculty candidates today who failed to measure up to the legendary D. Marvin Jones

1:47(1) - funny

Justice Scalia's confusion of morel and magic mushrooms had diastrous consequences.

10:30: lol, selfpwn3d tiny dick man you are

Defendant presents his impossibility defense to court of public opinion.

Your honor, I am not entering it into evidence I am merely using it to refresh the witnesses recollection. Also, opposing counsel has inspected it several times, so I don't understand why she is objecting now!

New TSA regulations require passengers to strip down to their skivies; this is how we win the war on terror, people!

I'll now turn the microphone over to the real culprit.

"The judge called me cocky. Decide for yourselves."

Carl Icahn's General Counsel (at the August 1st Yahoo Shareholder meeting): "I'll now turn this over to our Integration Leader Staff Member ... "

10:46(2) is still, by far, the best.

"After years of letting it think for him, local attorney decides to let penis speak for him as well."

LOL @ 1:45.

If the glove does not fit, you must acquit.

"You don't know what it means to sue the pants off someone? I'll show you!"

"Hey Montgomery, these aren't uncomfortable and I'm hardly on the small side!" (After Montgomery Sibley said that only guys on the small side can wear pants comfortably.)

"Wait, you mean I'm not dreaming this time?"

If it's not been licked, you must acquit.

plaintiff's exhibit in support of his wife's loss of consortium claim

I've been answering questions for a half hour, so now it's your turn to speak into the mic.

2:26 gave me the biggest laugh, thanks for that.

10:45(3), best comment.

Thanks to you Jenny Craig, I've lost 5 inches off my waist.

"Your honor, this motion is anything but frivolous. As you can see, my brief is full of substance, not fluff as Plaintiff contends."

My client, Mr. Pitcock, asked me to deliver this message to the lovely young thing in the front row.

Cravath partner proclaims, "See! No bedbugs!"

I can't hear you. Why don't you speak into my mic?

say hello to my little friend

"I'm sure some people would call this a defeat, but I prefer to think of it as only losing half our suit."

And the winner of this years' Pro Boner Award is...

Attorney: Isn't it true Employee F, that you claimed that Mr. Pitcock tried to tea bag you?
Employee F: I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with the term "tea bag."
Attorney: C'mon Employee F, you mean to tell me that you don't know what the term tea bag means?
Employee F: No, I do not.
Attorney: Never heard the term? Don't know what it means, huh?
Employee F: No.
[Attorney takes off pants]
Attorney: Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile?
Judge: Counsel this is highly unusual, but I am going to allow it. You may proceed.

Well here they are... Didn't you say you would sight-check my briefs?

I support enlargment of the penile system...

The Attorney General illustrates the administration's new court-packing proposal.

"May it please the Court...."

A Dove spokesman outlines the company's new marketing campaign targeted at improving the self-esteem of middle-aged men.

Your Honor, I'll let little Mr. Covington do the talking.

(Not a caption)
If I were crazy enough to do this, I'd at least wear boxers that day.

Of course, I'd wear the kind with a closed front (or at least a button front) so my one-eyed stranger wasn't peeking out.

...that's how we came up with the MoFo name...

5:27 just copied 11:25(3) and changed the firm name...

oops 11:26(3)

Covington was no longer a white-shoe firm; it was now a white-briefs firm.

Aaron Charney's worst enemy.

"The defendant's advertisement for enlargement said SATISFACTION GUARANTEED. "

Inspired by his better-known and much more successful "cowboy" cousin, Philip "the Naked Lawyer" Burck announces his own trademark infringement lawsuit against the makers of M&M's.

"This is just another example of media coverage that leans to the left."

Reporter: "I TRIPLE-DOG-DARE YOU!"

1-year clerkship with a federal circuit judge;
10 years of groveling at a prestigious law firm;
15 years of kissing the ass of every political hack you meet . . .

Telling the world to kiss your Article III ass: Priceless.

"So, does that answer your question about boxers vs. briefs?"

Amazing how few real standout captions came out of this photo. Too easy?

Finally proving that zealous advocacy and exhibitionist tendencies aren't mutually exclusive.

Ya know, John, I think the school board had something else in mind when they asked for an assembly on the how the penal system works.

... And if I ever forget any of the Amendments, I have them all tattooed on my penis....

I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!

"I think it's time this case came to a 'happy ending' - who wants the honors?"

7:06: lol

So remember students, strict liability for attacks by wild animals, including this trouser snake.

If you think my tie is long . . .

Excuse me, I need a moment to consult with co-counsel.

"Hyaaarrrggghhhh--shtop iiiiiiiiiiit"

Nutrisystem sure worked for this lawyer!!!

THIS is a weapon of mass destruction!

"I was holding it like this when, whammmm!"

In an attempt to "level the playing field," the new FRCP 87 went into effect today, requiring counsel to make all appearances in attire similar to any pro se defendants.

12(b)(6 and a half)

I am one wild and crazy guy!

Evidence on display in the case against Randy Johnson for trademark infringement.

You want a benefits package? I've got your benefits package riiiight here!

Justice Scalia held a press conference Wednesday to "dispel the loathsome rumors that I am a curmudgeonly, humorless boxer-wearer." The rumor had apparently been started by "some blog."

BarBri prepares to introduce a new series of "learn by sight" training tools. Pictured here: "First Amendment defamation."

Urgent congressman demands FTC investigation on deflationary impact of Viagra market collusion.

When I'm sad it says, "Life and Happiness."
When I'm happy it says, "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, baby."

Quiet please, let's hear what the dick has to say.

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you will observe from the fit of these men's panties, that the OJ could in no way could have been wearing them on the day of the murders.

10:56 - i hear that in the firm hes known as dick! (or wouldnt that be great)

Let me show you what I think if your dictum

Counsel for the defense, pointing out that the Supreme Court, in Coopers & Lybrand, ruled that judges may probe behind the contents of the briefs before coming to rest on the central question.

"Still like that old time rock n roll
That kind of music just soothes the soul
I reminisce about the days of old
With that old time rock n roll"

"Oh, you said 'pro bono' -- my bad."

"Oh, you said 'pro bonO' -- my bad."

3:42 - anyway he sure seems like a pro bon**

COURT: "Section 1232(d) what, counsel?"
ATTORNEY: "Section 1232 (d)--eeeez nuts."

"It's no big deal...guys in my high school used to do it all the time."

"Counselor, I think you misheard -- defendant's counsel accused you of coming to court with unclean HANDS."

"In a rare moment of candor, the White House Press Secretary clearly and accurately explained to the press corps the impact of President Bush's economic policies on American taxpayers."

"In a rare moment of candor, the White House Press Secretary clearly and accurately explained to the press corps the impact of President Bush's economic policies on American taxpayers."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you my star witnesses, Pancho and Lefty.

After much prodding, the attorney agreed to unveil "demonstrative exhibit number 1," which had clinched the outcome in yet another Viagra trial.

No worries investors with long positions, with my own two hands I unleash the next bull market.

Say hello to my little friend

Tom Cruise is gonna play me in the movie.

THIS...IS...SPARTA!!!

and I thought my attorney was a d*ck.

just to show the flint michigan people what is still legal here

"Heeeeeeey Macarena!"

In case you're wondering, I do have nicknames for my testicles. The left one is...

3:46 - haha - I know that one! I'll pick up where you left off:

...James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.

(Best movie ever)

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