ATL Caption Contest: Tighty-Whities
From past caption contests -- e.g., Porky the Pig and Lady Justice -- we've discovered that it's best to provide photos without the context, and let you have at it.
The photo on the right is the fodder for the latest ATL caption contest. For the time being, we won't tell you anything other than that the gentleman pictured is a lawyer. We'll identify the man, and explain the story behind the photo, at the end of the contest.
Here are the rules: Post your caption entries in the comments. We'll take our favorites, incorporate them into a poll, and allow you to vote for your favorite.
The contest is on. Do your worst... or your best... or whatever. Just make 'em funny.
Update: As one of you notes, the background to the pic is available at the WSJ Law Blog, for those of you who are curious. Knowing the background doesn't prevent you from coming up with funny captions; we just prefer not to include it here, so as not to limit your creativity.
(288)
poopin' in a hat
Phallus ipsa loquitur.
That dude is packing some heat. I wonder what else Lat uses this photo for.
Million Dollar Pants Lawsuit: Part 2
Check out the unit on that guy.
and thus ended Underneath Their Robes
"Ladys and gentlemen, I'll be brief..."
Providing suggestions for reform of the penile system.
first to say the background of this story already appears on WSJ blog...get a new pic lat
"In conclusion, if the underwear's too tight, the sentence must be light."
And now, for my suprise witness...
*Ladies
"Yes, Cliff - but no more questions about why I won't show my face."
...and that's why Jeremy Pitcock isn't allowed to go to any more parent-teacher conferences.
Having been found of malpractice, the lawyer literally had his pants sued off.
Your Honors, I have the evidence right here in my pocket.
Your Honors, I have the evidence right here in my pocket.
Moments before counsel for the detainees illustrated the most common torture technique carried out at Guantanamo.
"Yeah, I dare 'em to try opposing THIS motion."
"Is this too casual for a Friday?"
After unsuccessfully persuading the jury to find him not guily of sexual battery, Jim appealed to the press, stating, "Could anyone really say 'no' to this?"
I have every confidence my client will win this sexual harassment suit, there is simply no evidence whatsoever that he made unwanted advances. Who doesn't walk around the office in their underwear?
10:40---cheater--knows the background of story from WSJ law blog
Another unsuccessful effort to get "junk" science before the jury.
"Pay no attention, this is just how I keep my thumbs warm."
"I got your sweet mysteries of life right here Justice Kennedy."
Hold THIS in contempt, Juuuuudge.
"Prepare to be f*cked by the long dick of the law."
It is time for the world to know...I am Quailman!
Did you hear about the lawyer who dropped his briefs and became a solicitor?
It is time for the world to know...I am Quailman!
"And now my junior partner has something he'd like to say..."
If you think my *head* is bald....
"And that's why Arizona's turgidity statute needs to be changed."
Barbri Professor Jones demonstrates how something can be both Malum en se and Malum Prohibitum.
Chucky Scalia, alleged second-cousin to the infamous Supreme Court Justice of the same surname, raised eyebrows when he asked reporters at a press conference to "suck on this."
Paraphrasing Stephen Colbert:
"Hey US Weekly, sorry you couldn't get a photo of Brangelina's kids, but I've got some twins you can photograph . . . [silently mouths: 'my balls']."
Barbri Professor Jones demonstrates how something can be both Malum en se and Malum Prohibitum.
"Anyone wanna see why I made partner?"
Where do I file my motion to ENLARGE?
Newly appointed DOJ counsel explains to the press that Gitmo detainees are only subjected to brief interrogations that do not amount to torture.
"Here at Kalfus & Nachman, we won't stop until you get your settlement! Tell the insurance companies you...mean...business!"
"Talk about a hung jury!"
"Anyone wanna see why I made partner?"
Roy Pearson find vindication as lost pants epidemic spirals out of control.
"And the question remains, who is being tortured, the detainee or the thumbs?"
"How do I keep losing all my pens? It's gotta be here somewhere."
Counsel for the Royal Family displays the pair of Prince Charles' trousers Camilla Parker Bowles wanted to get into, the subject of the famed recorded conversation in the mid-90s, at Christie's auction.
"I told you I wasn't moving nunc pro tunc..."
LOL @ 1035(1)
"Thus, as I have just demonstrated, this newly-approved interrogation technique is not 'equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death.' Now, give me a moment to put my pants back on and I'll give our test subject some kleenex to help with the anal bleeding."
Summer Associate John Doe answers questions about last night's escapades.
"If the briefs don't fit, you must acquit."
"Representing Michael Jackson has its quirks"
"Counselor needs a supplemental brief"
"Representing Michael Jackson has its quirks"
"...and that's why my wife divorced me."
Plaintiff loses slander suit after jury finds that defendant's statement concerning plaintiff's "teeny subpoena" was true. Laughter ensued
... and this is the reason why I'm suing my cleaner for $41 million"
Plaintiff loses slander suit after jury finds that defendant's statement concerning plaintiff's "teeny subpoena" was true. Laughter ensued
anybody wanna abuse this
Live from Zakynthos. . .
My client is innocent!!!! Talk to dees NUTS!
If the undies don't fit, you must acquit!
Well, I thought the ad for the new attorney general position indicated you wanted somebody with "cojones"...
Ira Schwartz dropped his pants when asked if he could think of a bigger threat than OBL.
"In a show of support, Obama's press secretary taunts Jesse Jackson, telling the cameras, 'Hey Jesse, how about you come down here and rip my dick off - I dare you. You don't have the balls."
As an AU grad, I am sufficiently far along in my career to soon afford pants.
Do these briefs make me look fat?
I'm gonna let the big guy answer that one.
LMAO @ 10:46(2)!!
Your honor, I stand before you with dry balls
It doesn't help when the WSJ Law Blog posts the same picture with a full (and much more interesting) explanation of the picture . . .
Well, I confirm that representing Mr. Spitzer has been a challenge so far.
"Thank you for your time. My belly button will field any remaining questions."
After Gloria Allred no-shows, Miguel’s penis gives a press conference.
Big you call me a bald guy? I'll show you a bald guy...
"But...they promised me virgins"
And then I told the judge, but I can prove I have a valid writ of Herpeas Corpus!
Guys in my high school pulled attention getting stunts like this all the time. It was no big deal, and never worked, but I thought I'd give it another try.
Who let the mothef*cking snake into my motherf*cking press conference?!
SLJ
No! Penetration IS required for rape in New York!
"Counselor's Brief fails to support the allegation that he is entitled to disability benefits"
"I'm here for Bingham McCutchen Holiday Party..."
And now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if the lips don't fit you must acquit!
your honor, i thought you said you wanted to take a closer look at the briefs.
"Your honor, opposing counsel's criticism as to the quality of my briefs is unfounded. As you can see, my briefs are sound and well-constructed. And contrary to opposing counsel's opinion, they are in no manner full of sh#t."
Wait till you see the size of this thing!
The love child of Cosmo Kramer and George Castanza.
A firm believer in keeping briefs short and to the point.
"Give me a moment to fish him out and I'll let you speak to the brains of this operation."
Trying to describe how merger between the two firms will look: spokesman displays White & Case on the outside, Ropes & Gray on the inside
Despite the recent availability of Viagra in his country, Mr. Hussein claims that "the surge in Iraq" still isn't working.
- Texas
"David Remes, who represents Yemeni prisoners held at Gitmo, takes his trousers off during a news conference in Sanaa, Yemen, July 14, 2008. Remes, who was explaining to journalists the mistreatment that the inmates say they are subjected to, called on the Yemeni government to push for the release of around 100 Yemeni citizens from Gitmo. (Credit: Reuters/Khaled Abdullah)"
11:22 -- I don't get it.
The district attorney and the 'star witness' allegations that my client was 'packing heat' are absurd. My client was not 'packing heat'. Ladies of the jury, THIS is what 'packing heat' is all about.
Attorney for the Government demonstrates how Clive Stafford-Smith smuggled the contraband Under Armor briefs to his clients at Guantanamo.
"...And that's why they call it Dickstein Shapiro."
Mr. July.
I was also a customer of Custom Cleaners.
David Remes, who represents Yemeni prisoners held at Gitmo, takes his trousers off during a news conference in Sanaa, Yemen, July 14, 2008 to demonstrate the infamous "pink belly" interrogation technique. (Credit: Reuters/Khaled Abdullah).
Justin Timberlake and Adam Samberg aint got jack on me. It won't even fit in a box.
"I dare you to read between the lines of these legal briefs."
"Sorry for the interruption folks. I really gotta cut back on the caffeine. Now, what was I saying?"
"New York To 2(x)ist? Desperate to attract more associate talent, the law firm of Pitcock & Spitzer LLP decided to one-up Quinn Emanuel and allow attorneys to enjoy their flip-flops pretty much anywhere."
"If the briefs don't fit, you must acquit!"
I learned everything I know from watching Michael Clayton.
To help ease the fears of the Summers, Recruiting Partner demonstrates what it would take to get no offered
Litigation is all about what's behind the brief
"Senator Obama's spokesperson responds to the New Yorker Cover"
de minimis
"Anybody else notice a draft in here?"
that's right ladies, 10 inches......around!
"Concerned that he might appeal too liberal for the DOJ Honors Program, Jeremy went to not-so-great lengths to explain exactly how he would screw the American justice system."
The next time around, he thought it was more prudent to explain to the press why he had such a wide stance.
Wait a minute ... was I supposed to imagine the audience in their underwear or give the speech while only wearing underwear?
Shortly after the institution of the firm's new concierge service, of counsel Ira Blakenfield ruined it for everyone.
"So I became an attorney to compensate for something? . . . Does this look like I'm trying to compensate for something?"
First-year Civ Pro prof demonstrates the delicate contours of the long-arm statute
truffle shuffle, truffle shuffle
First-year Civ Pro prof demonstrates the amazing reach of the long-arm statute
"As counsel for Enzyte, I would like to offer a short demonstration of the efficacy of my client's product. Bear with me. I'll be ready in a moment."
If it doesn't fit, you must acquit.
Scalia said I have no right to privacy.
"Excuse me a minute while I whip this out."
how 'bout dem apples?!?!
11:53 - your comment is the only one that made me laugh out loud
11:53 - your comment is the only one that made me laugh out loud
I got your "Model Penal Code" right here.
You think that jury was hung?
"It is with great esteem that I introduce our firm's newest rainmaker..."
"Showing solidarity with the Harvard Law Avenger, I am protesting the administration's attempt to get rid of tighty whities day! Don't make me get the chain."
"It is with great esteem that I introduce our firm's newest rainmaker..."
I'll show you personal jurisDICtion
"I'll take two follow up questions on my brief submission"
See, I TOLD you the drycleaner has my pants.
Some pranksters told a Vandy student that if he took off his pants in front of a bunch of people, the school would get another point in US news.
"All this lunch crap is just way too time-consuming and stuffy. So from now on we're just going to do pink belly with everybody. Let me demonstrate . . . Wait, you said 'berry'? Pinkberry? Oh, um, that makes a lot more sense."
I've got a roll of quaters, how many you need?
and yes, Edwin Poole will be returning to Boston Legal next season
Northwestern Law found a classier speaker for its graduation next year than Jerry Springer.
Draw!
You go first.
To be sung to the appropriate tune:
The Judge is sure to grant relief
If you show him your fiitting brief.
Justice prefer Hanes.
"It wasn't me, and I've got the balls to prove it!"
"There I was, in a TTT, when I saw a hand coming under the wall from the other stall, and I jumped up like this..."
Senator Schumer learns that he will have to kick it up a notch if he hopes to maintain his dominance of the Sunday Afternoon Press Conference.
Barry was trying to explain that he was not involved in an innappropriate sexual relationship with his staffer; they only engaged in the familiar kindergarten ritual of "pulling down pants together."
Following a complaint to the state's Judicial Commission, the angry judge whipped off his robe, strode over to a news conference and denied he was suffering memory lapses in court.
---or---
While addressing a class of first-years, the the PR man who defended Senator Larry Craig and Congressman Mark Foley misunderstands a student's question about penal reform.
"Do I look like I care that our motion was denied?"
Introducing the firm's Mr. July.
Obama campaign seeks reconciliation with Jesse Jackson by offering a surrogate.
the SEC takes a firm position on naked shorts.
"That is correct - there was a motion in our briefs."
My gut tells me he's innocent...