Greatest Hits Collection: Classic Summer Associate Scandal of the Day
[Ed. note: This post is by FROLIC & DETOUR, one of the finalists in ATL Idol, the “reality blogging” competition that will determine ATL’s next editor. It is marked with Frolic & Detour’s avatar (at right).]
Sadly, some of the juiciest summer scandals in Biglaw history occurred prior to the advent of Above the Law. Though some of us at ATL may be loathe to admit it, many of them occurred when this year’s 2Ls were still in high school. So far, this year’s pink-cheeked and diligent class is failing in its duty to generate entertainment for the rest of us. So let’s all step into the Wayback Machine and visit the glory days of summer scandal.
Picture it: summer, 2000. First-year salaries recently hit $125,000…the dot com boom is a boom, not a bubble…offers will follow summers as day follows night. And a Boston tech firm called Testa Hurwitz had not yet gone to the Great Courtroom in the Sky.
The marquee event of Testa’s lavish summer program is a Duck Boat tour of Boston and the Charles River. Summers, associates, and partners alike enjoy some fine beverages and then set out for some amphibious sightseeing.
Under the influence of free champagne, a Harvard summer (naturally) decides that it would be hilarious to drop trou and moon his friend in the neighboring boat. Once his pants are down, however, he experiences some confusion about where he is, just as Nature begins to sing her siren song. Is that a life preserver in front of him, or a urinal? In front of the entire firm, the summer leans against the railing and takes a piss in the Charles.
It wasn’t easy to do in those days, but… no offer.
(77) Comments
Comments
Comments hidden for your protection. Show them anyway!
First and this sucks.
awful. 3 paragraphs of build-up and then an unclimactic finale.
reminds me of a story by this author... what was her name?
oh yeah... hope winters.
This is a B post. I would have given a B- but I just had a nice 2 hour lunch and am consequently in a charitable disposition.
2's got it pegged. The story has potential, why would you do so much exposition and then stuff the funny part into a short paragraph at the end? You just have no storytelling instincts.
Is there nothing legally relevant going on this week? This is the third post in a row about nothing.
2 is right, F&D shortchanged the punch line...
I am not that impressed by this post.
It's "loath" for crying out loud.
This isn't even the most interesting summer associate story posted on ATL today...
It's a Harvard summer. Who cares? He probably went on to SCOTUS.
More filler. I can't believe F&D thought this was a good audition piece.
i call bs.
I am starting to get really concerned about some of these candidates ability to pick stories. F&D clearly doesn't have it (Alex either if his nutshell piece is any indication)
It's "loath" for crying out loud.
Given the strength of the story, I would have made the Catwoman picture larger.
Over/under 1000 comments on the post that names one of these 5 the new editor. No one will be happy.
Given the strength of the story, I would have made the Catwoman picture larger.
I liked this one best! I didn't expect to, but I'm liking F&D's flow best. . .
Given the strength of the story, I would have made the Catwoman picture larger.
Horrendous. And story from eight years ago?
This is a really good post. Oh wait, it's 2008? Never mind then, this post sucks.
Uggggggh. And I thought F&D was making a glorious comeback.
I've actually been on the Duck Tour - and it's more interesting than the story here.
Can we unearth any other SA lore? This story piqued my interest for, say, a story from the 1970s about an errant wig.
Or how about the 1952 Cravath SA class?
Horrible for many reasons. Build up was way too long. The Rocky & Bullwinkle reference seems like an attempt to ape the love of Sophist's avatar. The punch line was poorly written and couldn't capitalize on what little funny there was. In all, epic fail.
I have a decent SA story. Go for it?
TOO LONG. EYES BLEEDING. PLEASE STOP.
The build-up was ok, but that only exascerbates the effect of the completely botched punchline. Fumble.
24 - I heard that a Cravath summer from 1962 forgot to take his hat off when a woman entered an elevator. Don Draper, who worked for a client of the firm, was in the elevator and saw to it that the summer was no offered.
Anyone else see a business opportunity emerging?
Picture it: A legal tabloid free of the kind of pointless American Idol-style rip-offs to find the next barely literate jerk-off to become the lead poster/editor. Together, we can create a legal tabloid, in the vein of ATL, that will focus on what this community of readers actually wants to read, with a webpage layout that is accessible, aesthetically pleasing, and conducive to comments.
Please join me. Email me at ATLisDone@gmail.com
Let us begin the revolution.
I can forgive the fact its 8 years old - Lat himself has been saying that there isn't much in the way of funny stories from this summer.
But 2, 4, 28, and many others have it exactly right - the setup is fine, but the punch line gets buried at the end. It fizzles out like a Hope Winters essay (though thanksfully, only in one part).
I like the wayback machine reference and graphics. Agree that its long on exposition and short on punch.
29: 170. Definitely in at CCN with that wisecrack.
Anyone else see a business opportunity emerging?
Picture it: A legal tabloid free of the kind of pointless American Idol-style rip-offs to find the next barely literate jerk-off to become the lead poster/editor. Together, we can create a legal tabloid, in the vein of ATL, that will focus on what this community of readers actually wants to read, with a webpage layout that is accessible, aesthetically pleasing, and conducive to comments.
Please join me. Email me at ATLisDone@gmail.com
Let us begin the revolution.
On top of this being a boring story, the details are off. A duck boat, really? These kinds of law firm booze cruises usually take place on much larger vessels. It would be really hard to stand up and piss on a surplus amphibious truck with any chance of hitting the water. Plus, these trucks aren't very luxurious.
LOATH. Anyone who makes a basic mistake like that is not ATL material.
I like F&D's style!
Am I totally insecure that I question my own appreciation of this story because (most) everybody else hates it?
ugh is that "loathe" thing killing me . . . otherwise, i liked it!
D+
Pretty good .. 29 wins
Haters- or perhaps I should say loathers --
Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary lists "loathe" as an acceptable variation of the adjective "loath".
I miss SEN.
Again, Exley is too busy to participate. We should expect a 5 line gem (complete with cell pics) around 8:15 pm.
36, anyone who accuses someone of making "a basic mistake" without bothering to look in a dictionary first is not ATL commenter material.
29 = comment of the day.
Hey 30/34,
Have you heard of the WSJ law blog?
44: Using "loathe" as an adjective is an indicator of poor writing/editing skills. It is unacceptable regardless of what Webster's may say.
http://cjrarchives.org/tools/lc/loath.asp
-36
3:00, at least one of the five is quasi-public about his/her name. You can figure it out without too much trouble and the person doesn't seem to care too much.
41/44: Get a usage dictionary. MW is reporting common misuse as correct usage.
If Hope Winters is Ebola, F&D is AIDS: you can live with it, though I wouldn't call that living.
With a snappy catchphrase like that, I ought to throw myself into the ring.
I'm most appalled that a Duck Boat Tour would be a firm's "marquee event."
Agreed - 29 is comment of the day.
This post really sucks for several reasons. First, it is a non-post. In other words, it admits at the beginning that it can't satisfy it's own purpose -- a juicy summer associate scandal. Second, it proceeds to rehash one from 8 YEARS AGO, which for all it's alleged scandal, was just a story about someone literally making an ass out of himself. Third, there was a distinct lack of snarky comments (or pop cultural references) to distract the reader and build up the story.
Frolic & Detour needs to read more -- much more -- and learn how to write in a funny way. Great writers can tell a story so well that people want to read it, even though they already know the story and how it ends.
"The Guy Who Pissed Off The Duck Boat" has been legendary among anyone who has ever been a summer associate, at any Boston firm, since 2000. It's usually used to buck up SAs who are worried they won't get an offer. People say, "Don't worry, just don't piss off the side of a duck boat and you'll be fine."
Seriously, is there any reason we can't have Kash as EIC of this blog? Does she not have the time to commit to it? If she's game, I guarantee you she will win hands-down via write-in. Any of these clowns wins and I'm gonna stop reading ATL.
can you find a few cadwalader associates to interview, maybe one of the 96, and one who did not get canned.
Very funny! Keep up the good work, F & D?
Very funny! Keep up the good work, F & D.
Reading stories like this really make me realize how collectively lame our profession is. After eight years, a story about a guy pissing off a boat is still being told, and, in a more depressing move, has been dubbed a "classic." This story would be infinitely better if it started with, "this one time, at band camp..."
Reading stories like this really make me realize how collectively lame our profession is. After eight years, a story about a guy pissing off a boat is still being told, and, in a more depressing move, has been dubbed a "classic." This story would be infinitely better if it started with, "this one time, at band camp..."
I have no quarrel with the proposition that "loath" is the preferred spelling. But when "loathe" is endorsed by reputable dictionaries as an acceptable variation, it is an overreaction to call its use a "basic mistake" that must disqualify someone from editing ATL.
Of course, saying "F&D used a needless and disfavored variant of 'loath'" doesn't pack the same punch as saying she can't spell.
F&D has further cemented her position at the very bottom of the rankings with this post. Come this weekend, her stint in this contest will come to an abrupt end.
Frankly, I refuse to believe that--as this post does--going back to BA (before ALT) this is the best SA story ever (published or otherwise). SA pissing off party boat deck (Harvard Law or otherwise) is dreary--not entertaining.
Sexy SA stripping to the essentials and swan diving off of firm party boat—now that ENTERTAINS.
Booooring.
A much, much more interesting story would have examined how this man recovered from this opprobrium and went on to (blank). ATL doesn't do nearly enough follow-up stories. For instance, whatever happened to that teen prodigy that matriculated at a Midwest Law School?
Write-in Kash Hill for editor of ATL.
60: Using "loathe" as an adjective is a mistake, plain and simple. And it's a mistake that careful writers avoid because they know that some picky readers will be bothered by the (perceived) error. I think it's safe to assume that anyone who uses "loathe" where "loath" is appropriate is simply unaware of the issue -- not that he chose to be wrong.
Dictionaries also endorse the substitution of flammable for inflammable for the less literate among us.
Is it correct to say that a variation listed in MW is an "acceptable" variation? My understanding is that MW purports to be descriptivist, so it's just describing how people actually use language rather than a prescriptivist view of what's "acceptable" or "correct."
B-minus.
"In case anyone needed more evidence that Latham & Watkins is the ultimate choice in law firms for those wishing to revisit their fraternity years, this story from the summer of 2001 (or 2002) confirms it:
At the firm's annual Summer Academy, then held at a resort in San Diego, a group of drunken summer associates threw a couch out of a hotel room window. They may or may not have received offers."
Me for ATL EIC!!!!!
16 - it will probably be under. the hope winters finale was at 430+ at last check, and that was a monumental trainwreck. who knows. with all the repeat posters in these comments, it might hit 1000. it depends if all the marinheads continue to post.
Not great, but F&D and Marin are the best of the bunch. The topic was boring, but the writing was good enough.
That's it? I guess you had to be there.
With all this other juiciness going on with Cadwalader, why not repost the crazy Cadwalader e-mail, with the summer who didn't get an offer accusing all the partners of snorting coke in the bathroom? When was that, 2001?
With all this other juiciness going on with Cadwalader, why not repost the crazy Cadwalader e-mail, with the summer who didn't get an offer accusing all the partners of snorting coke in the bathroom? When was that, 2001?
more importantly, how big was his dick???
Kash to EIC.
I find this post to be flaccid and disappointing.