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Hello, My Concubine

Wednesday, July 9, 2008 2:06 PM - By Kashmir Hill

Concubine.jpgWe considered using this job posting as inspiration for a new installment in our Career Alternatives for Attorneys series. But that series is devoted to jobs you can do with a law degree that don’t involve working for Biglaw, and this ad is for a position that’s really more of a, um, side project.

Here is an excerpt from the ad, posted on New York City’s Craigslist:

Help Wanted: Concubine - m4w - 35 (Upper East Side)
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Job Description: You will regularly provide sexual services as needed and on demand. Specific services required will vary from time to time, but generally will encompass all ordinary sexual activities, with some “pushing of the envelope,” dependent upon a determination of where “the envelope” resides for you. The frequency of my need for your services will also vary, but generally I will call upon you two to three times per week… In short, your job description is to do as you are asked, without resistance or condition. While this position will not interfere with an ordinary “day job,” it does preclude concurrent involvement in any other sexual relationships.

Just reading this ad is “pushing our envelope.”

Qualifications: You must be a woman and over eighteen years of age, but otherwise age, race, and nationality will not be significant to the employment decision. Experience in a comparable position would be helpful, but is not necessary - I am willing to train the right person for the job. The successful candidate will be bright, articulate, extremely flexible, and willing to learn how best to fulfill her role as Concubine. Legal background (e.g., attorney, law student, or pre-law student) a plus, but not required.

Because those who work in law are already used to prostituting themselves? The preference for a legal background is puzzling. Perhaps the CL poster gets off on legalese, just like Jamie Lee Curtis’s character in A Fish Called Wanda got turned on by foreign languages?

(“Res ipsa my loquitur, baby…. Ooooh, just like that, yeah…. You habeas the most incredible corpus — are those real? Now mandamus me, I’ve been a bad boy….”)

“Compensation and Benefits” for the Craigslist gig include a small weekly allowance, housing, and a cell phone. Some people might be willing to put out for a Manhattan apartment… but it’s on the Upper East Side. Ick. Call us if something opens up below 14th Street.

While good performance may be rewarded with a cash bonus, don’t expect a promotion. In “Opportunity for Advancement,” the poster warns, “PLEASE NOTE that the position of Concubine is not on the girlfriend or wife career tracks.” So think of this as whoredom’s version of “Counsel” status.

(Yes, we know — some firms promote from the Counsel level to partnership. But many don’t.)

See the full Craigslist listing, after the jump.

It sounds a bit like the plot for Pretty Woman, except there’s a 90-day review.

Help Wanted: Concubine - m4w - 35 (Upper East Side)
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Reply to: pers-748073689@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-09, 9:22AM EDT

Job Description: You will regularly provide sexual services as needed and on demand. Specific services required will vary from time to time, but generally will encompass all ordinary sexual activities, with some “pushing of the envelope,” dependent upon a determination of where “the envelope” resides for you. The frequency of my need for your services will also vary, but generally I will call upon you two to three times per week. These times will always be outside of regular business hours, and generally in the upper east side of Manhattan, but the Concubine must be prepared to be otherwise flexible about times and locations. In short, your job description is to do as you are asked, without resistance or condition. While this position will not interfere with an ordinary “day job,” it does preclude concurrent involvement in any other sexual relationships.

Qualifications: You must be a woman and over eighteen years of age, but otherwise age, race, and nationality will not be significant to the employment decision. Experience in a comparable position would be helpful, but is not necessary - I am willing to train the right person for the job. The successful candidate will be bright, articulate, extremely flexible, and willing to learn how best to fulfill her role as Concubine. Legal background (e.g., attorney, law student, or pre-law student) a plus, but not required.

Compensation and Benefits: You will be provided with a small room in a shared apartment in the upper east side, with utilities and cell phone bills paid, and a small weekly allowance. You may live in the room, should you so desire, but you need not.

Opportunity for Advancement: You will receive a performance review after ninety days, and another after one year in the position of Concubine. At these times, depending on your performance, you may be given a cash bonus, and/or your other compensation and benefits may be enhanced. For example, you may be permitted to move from the small room in the apartment to the larger room, or you may be awarded the use of the entire apartment to yourself. Additionally, I will give consideration to an increase in your weekly allowance at these times. PLEASE NOTE that the position of Concubine is not on the girlfriend or wife career tracks.

Application Process: Please respond to this ad by emailing to the address provided herein. A photograph is appreciated (and will be reciprocated) but is not at all required. I will contact you shortly after hearing from you to set up a preliminary interview.

We are amused by the professional tone of the ad, but ATL does not endorse concubine employment.

P.S. Speaking of prostitutes, are you curious about what — or whom — Eliot Spitzer’s hooker is going to do next? Check out this update on Ashley Dupre over at Dealbreaker.

Help Wanted: Concubine - m4w - 35 (Upper East Side) [Craigslist]

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Posted in: Craigslist, Perverts, Prostitution, Sex

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