Last.

2:55 - You didn't even have a chance to read it!

Commenters here are so knee-jerk negative.

This must be published right away... then shat on.

Dear God what a bitch.

"Lounging around the pool in a bikini, surrounded by undersexed, middle-aged men who hated their wives with lives of leisure for saddling them with two mortgages? Recipe for rape."

Seriously? I want back the three minutes of my life that I spent reading this crap...

*yawn*

Come on, now. Her roomie was a hobag. Attorneys are often awkward, weird people. The best way to survive boring social situations is to drink heavily. And on and on and on.

Dull. Lame. No more, pleeze.

As an attractive woman lawyer trying to disolve some of the barriers in law and the harassment received by older partner, I am not amused that this Rachel girl sluttied herself out at this retreat. Not cool.

I think its important for women to carry themselves as role models when they are working in these environments. We have to try harder and work harder for the same respect. Being a total slut at a retreat is multiple steps back.

#8 is a tightly wound prude.

True or false: This was the worst ATL post ever.

I think it's probably true.

"[I]t seems that readers had strong reactions to Hope Winters. That's what we like around here -- writers who hit a nerve . " Yes - Congratulations! Your writer was SO BAD she hit a nerve in people whom she caused to get dumber.

But what cracks me up the most is that while she's trying to bitch about all the Big Firm "psycho-competitive, self-absorbed, Type-A-plus men," in real life she left big firm to work for ... THE SENATE. See now, that's irony.

"I think I'd rather insert a needle into my eyeball."

Indeed. Still embarrassing and still a poor man's Big Firm Whore: http://www.bitterlawyer.com/index.php/site/columns_detail_comment/les_miserables/?cat_id=1

This Hope Winters girl sounds like a real fun girl to be around.

/sarcasm

Amazing. This is brilliant writing. The author is definitely going places. Wow. Just Wow!

This is so not like Gossip Girl...

The reason this chick didn't get laid is cause she's busted.

This is honestly some of the most contrived and awful writing that I have ever seen.

Not to mention the fact that it is replete with typos and other grammatical errors.

Lat, please disavow any and all ties that you may have with this self-styled hack.

I gave it a chance and read the second post, even after falling asleep on my keyboard during the first post. This is lame. Not even worthy of being horrible, or anything but lame. If you want people to read this, then name the firm and name the cheating-on-the-spouse attorneys. Otherwise this is high school level fictionalized writing. I read ATL for scandal. This is poop.

are all firms like this?

I didn't think there could be more grammatical errors in today's post as compared to the first...but I was clearly wrong. How about some proofreading? It was bad enough to read without having to also translate it into English.

8, glad to hear you are attractive.

Thanks, Hope, for adding your posts to those that people will regularly not read, alongside the wedding watch (omfg who cares) and the Edelman sports posts (too long, not right for this blog).

Let me make sure I have the plot right:

She drank a lot. Almost did something, but couldn't work up the nerve. Instead she judged her friend. And then gets featured on ATL with a story that goes no where.

3:05-No thinking about it---100% absolutely positively TRUE. A monumental waste of time even for a speed reader.

There is literally no doubt in my mind that you are a miserable person and I would dislike you intensely. In many ways, your description of the above events itself represents the hatred I bear for the personalities that constitute the legal profession.

Don't get me wrong-the people you describe are not did not cause me to think this way, but rather the very act and manner of your telling the story made me nauseous. After the nauseous subsided, a feeling of pathos and pity for your kind immediately replaced it.

Is there any point to this article? It reads like the LiveJournal of a disgruntled associate who is in BIGLAW for a couple of years just to pay off their massive student loans and goes home at night to write snarky comments about their coworkers and the oh-so-horrible social scene.

Get out and get a life.

Hmmm...

The take away lessons here are:

Summers--if partners are also engaging in indescrete behavior concrrently with yours, you might be safe.

Firms--Never open the bar on an empty stomach. Also, if you open 3d world offices, never have a world wide firm retreat.

3:02/8 = prude in the strongest terms!
also you gotta knock off that feminism crap, it does you no good.

There is literally no doubt in my mind that you are a miserable person and I would dislike you intensely. In many ways, your description of the above events itself represents the hatred I bear for the personalities that constitute the legal profession.

Don't get me wrong-the people you describe did not cause me to think this way, but rather the very act and manner of your telling the story made me nauseous. After the nauseous feelings subsided, a feeling of pathos and pity for your kind immediately replaced it.

This was very anticlimactic. Nothing even happened to the author. She is in essence telling a secondhand story, insofar as the meat is somebody else's. No pun intended.

Really? WOW - adults got drunk and hooked up. That is very, very hard to believe - maybe the Times will pick this one up.

An homage to ESPN sports anchor Chris Berman, Hope Winters of my discontent. This was awful! She was awful!

14, you must (1) be the author, (2) be suffering from a mental illness, or (3) both.

25/29,

If you are "nauseous", it means that looking at you makes others feel ill. If you mean to say that you feel ill, you should say "I am nauseated."

Thank you.

Never thought that I would crave some of SEN's Alabamoronic musings, but I need something to cleanse the intellectual palate soiled by this horrendous turd.

Writing trash like this post is akin to killing babies. Hope Winters kills babies.

Lat, this was TERRIBLE. Please, no more!

Actually worse than the first post!

No punchline, lousy writing, mistakes galore. I'd rather markup merger documents.

Blergh.

You read a story like this for salacious details about outlandish situations.

And we get that A Woman "hooked up" with A Bratislavan. And that a lot of other people "hooked up."

Wow, that's almost too steamy to read at work.

As horrifying as this post was, this Landsdowne place its pretty nice.

This was bad. Very long, not very interesting, and could have been summed up in one sentence - "lots of people hooked up on a firm retreat." I also didn't like the fact that it was in two parts, trying to create anticipation for a very boring conclusion.

Perhaps she could recount what she had for breakfast in three parts for her next story

A lot of anonymous people slagging off an anonymous blog writer.

Perhaps she could recount what she had for breakfast in three parts for her next story

That was just awful, a complete waste of five minutes of my life. Please never, ever write anything again.

Dearist 26:

The point is the story and the writing.

A perusal of Hope Winters web page (a collection of short stories) reveals that she can indeed spin a tale. Hoe can write!

The fact that the posted stories are 1. autobiographical and 2. about lawyers makes them all the more engaging.

Beyond the poor writing skills, what makes this so bad is the exaggeration. Good blog writing captures what we all think about but don't often discuss. This isn't that -- it's a gross mischaracterization that so misses the mark as to be unhelpful. Sure, there are lots of problems with retreats, but rape isn't one of them. And I've never heard of someone hooking up with *two* people on a retreat. The tennis and golf aren't competitive, because most people are either hungover or still drunk or both. Walking around in a bikini is uncomfortable because: (a) I'm less comfortable with my figure after sitting behind a desk for two years; and (b) the people who have been sitting behind a desk for 30 years are downright vomitous. *Everyone* doesn't hook up -- it's mostly just a few junior associates who were somewhat friendly before the retreat. A married partner hooking up wouldn't be the norm -- that's not to say it doesn't happen, but it would be an enduring scandal.

Dearist 26:

The point is the story and the writing.

A perusal of Hope Winters web page (a collection of short stories) reveals that she can indeed spin a tale. Hope can write!

The fact that the posted stories are 1. autobiographical and 2. about lawyers makes them all the more engaging.

38 is right. there needs to be details about the hooking up itself and awkward interactions afterwards.

Yeah, kind of underwhelming there. Nice try, but I'd rather Edelman brought back his Monday Morning Quarterback than read more blah irrelevance like this.

And after immense effort, in my the greatest creative moment of my life, I rhymed "Landsdowne" with -

wait for it -

"pants down."

I think hope is a bitch. Not all of us in biglaw hate our wives. I happen to think my wife is awesome. SHe takes care of our son, gives me head when I want, makes dinner, and she has a Doctorate in Music to I receive naked cello performances followed by dirty sex.

F this bitch. Like I want some pseudo feminazi token bitch who I have to see everyday at work. Get over yourself. The reason the foreign partners f you is that they know they won't get HIV like they would in Bratslava. Isn't Bratslava where the movie Hostel took place?

Get rid of this lame ass column. I actually think it made me hate women lawyers.

Cool Story, Random Ho!

- Joel McHale

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOQYo8i9blQ

Dear 45 (3:20pm), or should I say Hope, don't try to defend your writing. It is awful and all traces of its existence should be obliterated from existence.

see i was really interested after the first one - i thought someone was like going to take their pants down at the bar and have sex in front of everyone or something.

this is so not interesting! boo. anticlimactic.

The only thing that was worse than this was SEN

Memo

To:Firm
From:Bratislavan Partner

I hooked up with Rachel this past weekend. Unfortunately her roommate Hope wasn't up for a threesome.

i reserved judgment after the first part with the expectation that something juicy and exciting would happen. NOTHING HAPPENED! totally anti-climactic (and as everyone else has so eloquently pointed out, boring and poorly written).

Piss on a cat

Trite and whiny.

With a lot more snarkyness, cynicism, and more scandelous details this could've been an interesting piece.

As it is, it is a boring description of reality.

hope tkae a word of advice from the wise:
post some good pics (if they are not you, nobody will know) and you may have a chance here

i was so-so on the first part but i actually liked this by the end. ok, lat, bring her back.

The only thing that was worse than this was SEN

this is lame as hell

It took Hope Winters two posts to tell this story. I'll see if I can do better:
-------
I was a junior associate at a big firm. There was a global retreat for the firm at a resort called Lansdowne. I didn't want to go, but I ended up going anyways. There was a lot of drinking. Subsequently, two people -- at least one of which was married, but not to the other -- had sex. This happened twice. I called it "pants down," because that kind of sounds like Lansdowne.
-------

All that's missing is "... this one time? At band camp?"

It appears the whole payoff for this story is the Pants Down/Lansdowne pun. That's not a lot of payoff. Hell, the pun isn't even good. Not a single plot point is remotely interesting to the bulk of ATL readers (to wit, law students and big firm lawyers). In fact, it'd be more shocking if there *weren't* random hookups at such an event.

This is a non-story, Lat. It doesn't even hold up as a comment, let alone a post (... let alone TWO posts). It's a great story to be told to middle-schoolers, or perhaps Atlantic salmon fishers. Someone who reads this story and thinks "Wow, what a wild and unusual bunch!" For my part, I think -- wow, another day at the office.

Let Hope Winters bloviate on her own blog.

Lat, get the abrasive guy who wrote 51 to take over for Hope. His stuff would be much more interesting.

If I ever see this author featured again, I may never come back.

You think "hitting a nerve" in this way will increase your ad revenues? No way.

I predict a sharp, very sharp drop in readership if this kind of crap continues.

Good point by 46.

Saying that being near the pool with lawyers is a recipe for rape is absurdly exaggerated and insulting to victims of actual sexual assault.

God, this woman sucks. "Hitting a nerve" doesn't always mean you're controversial or provocative, Lat; in some cases, like this one, it just means you're so bad as to galvanize the majority of your audience against you. E.g., the fact that no one saw that new Eddie Murphy movie doesn't make it a work of genius.

This story sucked and was a waste of time - this is generally a good blog, but don't fill it up with crap like this!

Indie movies? Wow, you're so cool! Not like the rest of your soulless, dismissible coworkers!

Oh, and 47 needs to try a little harder to disguise her identity.

"then darted like kids in a candy shop to the open bar...."

I have been to many candy stores. I have never seen one with an open bar.

Also, I guarantee you there was food the first night -- has anyone ever heard of a law firm not having food? I've never been to a meeting of more than 4 lawyers and not had food provided. I think our good friend Hope Winters was just too stupid to find the buffet. Here's a hint, Hope: it's probably not at the bar.

If Lansdowne is "Pants Down," then this post is "Let Down." What a boring story that to completely fails to deliver on the titillating title.

A better ending -- allow me:

Hope gets fired for renaming the retreat and then believes it was actually because she didn't spread her legs. Hope sues her firm for sexual discrimination and her case gets dimissed. Moral of the story, the partners still f'd her.

The end.

Pearls before swine.

Hope: Not your best short, but I wll defend yor story telling abilities anytime!

To the rest of you: STFU.

68 here - just wanted to add that I know it was a joke -- er, feeble attempt at humor -- and it don't think it makes a difference.

As much as I disenjoyed this craparoo, I wonder what Hope and/or Lat are thinking as they read these scathing comments. By the way, I second 66.

It wasn't bad writing, but it certainly didn't need to be featured.

1. No insight into Racheal, who seemed to have the most exciting time. We got little knowledge of her character and her hookups were not described, only discussed ("she didn't come home! twice!")

2. No real ending. Just sort of petered out.

This story is like a blog/journal of an event, which would be interesting if it had just happened---and therefore fallout or more details would inevitably follow. Instead, it was just an encapsulation of pretty much every summer horror story, just not juicy enough, and 3 years after the fact.

You guys are being mean. Drunk adults hooking up is very scandalous and interesting. Especially when you don't know the people involved.

65 - you hit the nail on the head.

Man, reading a post like this almost makes me lament free speech, but the quality and substance of the comments make for redemption.

79-

If you can do better, please do.

Hope has the makings of an engaging writer (read the rest of her stuff before you judge).

Piss on a cat

83 - 75 did better for sure!

Blatant Opinionista ripoff. If you keep it up, you'll be stuck writing for that HuffingTTTon Post POS.

Oh Noes! a weekend of drinking and sex and interacting with people! stfu.

The utter lack of a climax or twist to this story, or even anything remotely shocking makes it entirely un-gossip worthy, and boring to read. The entire thing was a long lead up to.......the bus ride home.

Seriously...people need to start anonymously telling law School stories...much more interesting things happen on an average thursday night than on this allegedly scandalous retreat.

80 -

Without names, this is pure fiction. It is scandalous when two people hook up and their names can be Googled. It is NOT scandalous for an anonymous person to write about stuff that cannot be confirmed.

Please tell me this person wasn’t paid to write this. Awful.

Lat, can I bill you for wasting my time reading that?

The pamphlets from the bible thumpers on 6th are more interesting than that!

Lat, expect a bill for wasting my time reading that.

The pamphlets from the bible thumpers on 6th are more interesting than that!

75 = comedy gold! Gold Jerry Gold!

I hate Hope Winters.

I hate her inflate sense of self ("I am almost always the one hooking up"? Really?) I hate the fact that her favorite pasttimes are indie movies and shit-talking, I hate that she looks down on people who play golf or are from Bratislava.

Mostly, I hate myself for wasting two mintues typing this comment. (I type slowly.)

There should be an ATL poll to determine the most hackneyed or otherwise awful phrase:

(1) "unbridled competitive spirit and a laser-like focus"
(2) "I'd rather insert a needle into my eyeball"
(3) "I think everyone was in a state of 'shock and awe,'"
(4) "herded like cows to a buffet dinner"
(5) "darted like kids in a candy shop"
(6) "predictably as a 28-day menstrual cycle"

And then, what should be the winner: "These people were addicts. Like caged animals recently released into the jungle."

Awesome-O.

I hate Hope Winters.

I hate her inflate sense of self ("I am almost always the one hooking up"? Really?) I hate the fact that her favorite pasttimes are indie movies and shit-talking, I hate that she looks down on people who play golf or are from Bratislava.

Mostly, I hate myself for wasting two mintues typing this comment. (I type slowly.)

I hate Hope Winters.

I hate her inflate sense of self ("I am almost always the one hooking up"? Really?) I hate the fact that her favorite pasttimes are indie movies and shit-talking, I hate that she looks down on people who play golf or are from Bratislava.

Mostly, I hate myself for wasting two mintues typing this comment. (I type slowly.)

I second 3:37--Lat do the poll

It appears to be pretty much unanimous, Hope sucks and should not be allowed to blog here anymore. Even SEN didn't get this bad of a reception.

So sorry Hope, good luck with your other endeavors. This one just didn't work out.

I don't usually respond, but this was just stupid and if I could tag the two parter it would be "worst story ever." It was a really long version of "Dear Playboy" story without any of the good stuff.

terrible

what a waste of my time, the lateral link postings are more interesting.

Scandalous!

Hello--this is not "scandal", this is just a short story.

To paraphrase Calculon from Futurama, "This nearly gave me cancer."

Everything about this is awful. Its almost as bad as Jim Caple's espn.com page 2 graphic novel about him being horny for college women. Its a lame story. The writing is horrific. Its the worst of the worst metaphors and attempts to be hip.

Epic fail.

88 - way to pick up on sarcasm. god i hate socially retarded lawyers.

101, You should really check out the Mestel & Co. ads. Now, that's a spicy meatball. Also, Hope sucks.

103-I hope you meant to say "a short story that was the most boring piece of garbage I have read since page 137 of the phone book."

This post was terrible.
The writing is horrible for so many reasons:
1. As pointed out above the payoff of the "pants down" pun is extremely anti-climactic.
2. The amount of hyperbole makes it hard to believe much of the story. Her appearance in a bikini at a pool = "a recipe for rape"? Is her firm made up of sex offenders? Was she in a prison? The conclusion that middle aged male attorneys = rapists is just plain offensive.
3. Sentences like "Hello? I do not want to talk about barriers to entry or oligopolies now" simply make me dislike the writer. I was suprised that she didn't throw in a couple of other good catch phrases like "whatever" or "talk to the hand"
No more. Please.

Hmm...Bratislava. Argentina. A home office either in DC, or located somewhere random enough that DC would be chosen for the worldwide retreat.

Let me guess--Squire Sanders? Anyone else have a guess as to what firm this might be?

1) I've got something to stick in your eyeball.

2) associates/summer - don't believe #27. If the partners are hooking up, that doesn't mean you have the green light- unless you manage to bag a partner.

BOO.

105 -

Sorry I missed it. I honestly thought it was Hope posting again in the comments, as she likely did in 42, 61, 83, etc.

I am not so much socially retarded as mildly socially impaired.

- 88

Seriously, Lat, the loss in lurkers will not be made up by the gain in commenters.

Can we have an update on the "truck balls" litigation?

Now THAT was an ATL story!

One might think that with Hope Winters' obvious intelligence she might have taken the initiativfe to find her own meal when she learned the firm wasn't providing one.

And what exactly is the meaning of "undersexed" -- not once but twice?

First-year associates were invited to one of our firm's retreats once, but not since: all they did was bitch and complain about trivial matters.

83, I'm not 79, but I wanted to respond.

"Hope has the makings of an engaging writer."

A cow has the makings of a good steak, but I'm not going to chase it with a fork and knife.

Hope is an incredible douchebag. No joke here. She's just a horrible person.

This story took me to the latrine and locked me in.

This is the best post I've seen on ATL yet!

Truck balls!

3:38 - if you only post one time then you would have only wasted one minute

great story. for me to poop on.

I enjoyed the first post. I thought it was going somewhere. Boy was I wrong. I generally find that the negativity about guest writers is misplaced, but this post was just horrible and boring.

Is this a record for the most, and fastest, negative comments for any post? I hope Hope (haha) is not reading this and sticks to her day job.

What a waste of time. Just putrid.

Whom do I sue to get those 5 minutes of my life back?

Hope must have blackmail pics of Lat with a dead girl or a live boy. Nothing else could justify ATL publishing this crap.

What a waste of time. Just putrid. Luckily posting non-duplicate comments is still easy.

What a waste of time. Just putrid. Luckily posting non-duplicate comments is still easy.

What a waste of time. Just putrid. Luckily posting non-duplicate comments is still easy.

Lat, this is BAD. Please STOP publishing Hope(less)'s neurotic whining stories. Forget about "striking a nerve"; I (and many others) may ABANDON this blog if you keep pushing crap like this on us. This post does no credit to ATL.

WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!

What a waste of time. Just putrid. Luckily posting non-duplicate comments is still easy.

FAIL

Ha ha ha ha what clever and witty banter this is!

Kinney Recruiting should pull their hypnotic banner advertising. Although, where the fuck else are they going to go?

thumbs down.

david lat: please write more.

This is like a prudish, horrible imitation of PhilaLawyer.

I call shenanigans.

An Eyewitness Account of an Awful Story

I've never heard of this Squire, Sanders place, but it seems like they have more offices than they do North America attorneys.

"Option Two was no more desirable. Lounging around the pool in a bikini, surrounded by undersexed, middle-aged men who hated their wives with lives of leisure for saddling them with two mortgages? Recipe for rape."

Oh, yeah. Her best friend Rachel was raped twice on two consecutive days doing the same thing with the same people. Or perhaps Rachel did something stupid and is trying to hide behind feminism to call it rape?

Stupid hippies.

sounds sort of genuine to me. why all the snotty comments?

This has to have be some sort of performance art piece designed to screw with everyone. I refuse to believe that it could have been that bad without being intentional.

An Eyewitness Account of an Awful Story

the only thing that would've made this story worthy of ATL was if Rachel was into ATM!

I didn't have time to read through all 120+ posts ahead of me. In any case, this blog SUCKED - I am studying for the bar and thought that "Part 2" might have her hooking up with the managing partner and his wife walked in or something good. Sounds like they went on a boring retreat, she acted like an anti-social snarky bitch, and the norm happened. ERRRR ... this was like reading a high school anti-social goth girl describing her first time at a party.

In any case, I wonder what firm this is.

Maybe this Hope garbage is just a ruse by Lat to make him and Kash all the more favorable by comparison.

or... maybe Hope is just an arrogant, snotty sometimes-prude who can't write her way out of a box (a wonder she is no longer practicing...)

Lat, you are a genius, you son of a gun.

You know the associates are most restless on Friday afternoon and what do you do? You toss them a big hunk of red meat. A big, hunk of terribly written, uninteresting red meat.

Kudos.

Brilliant post! Would read again!

F-

Better start interviewing some new writers, because Hope just isn't going to work as your replacement.

This has to have be some sort of performance art piece designed to screw with everyone. I refuse to believe that it could have been that bad without being intentional.

This post is inappropriately tagged with "sex scandals." Sex, maybe. No scandal.

I think we're over-reacting a touch, fellas.

Sure it wasn't female-summer-associates-sucking-face awesome, but c'mon, it wasn't poo-on-a-stick either.

I give it a C+/B-

I hesitate to add a comment for fear that the number of comments will be seen as a sign that this travesty is worth repeating. This post sucks in the worst way -- it is pretentious and stupid all at the same time. And the first half of the story sucked too.

Please don't do this ever again. Thx.

Brilliant post! Would read again! A++++++++

Dear Hope's Detractors,

Thank you!

- Thankful CA Bar Reviewer

Dear Hope,

Just because you generate a lot of negative comments does not mean you "hit a nerve."

You are an atrocious writer, your writing is hackneyed, and your story lacked any interesting twists and was anti-climactic.

Please go away. Thanks.

#155 said "it wasn't poo-on-a-stick either" -- True. At least with poo-on-a-stick there's a stick.

Today, I woke up, took a shower, walked the dogs, and went to work.

To be continued!

ATL READER DREAM SEQUENCE

SCRATCHY: Hey, looks who's here.

ITCHY: Hi, Hope. You look like you've got something to say. Do you?

HOPE: Yes, I certainly do! (**different voice**) I have to go now. My planet needs me. (Hope disappears)

LAT: Hope's gone! (laughs) Well ATL readers, we all know that sometimes when bad writers leave, they're back again the very next week. That's why I'm presenting this sworn affidavit that Hope will never, ever, ever return!

Dear all: This is a new type of ALT post: The serial short story.

Like it or not like it, but to not get it indicates illiteracy.

THINK. Remember those things called novels you used to have time to read before LS? It is called literature dumbass.

i think i'd rather insert a needle into my eyeball than read another hope winters post.

this reads like bad, bad slash fanfic, except it's not even about mulder and scully. it's about lawyers.

hope is lucky no one at that retreat punched her in the face.

i liked 'randy' on her blog, actually. shorter, too.

83, yes there's some logic. You can never criticize anything you can't do better and prove it. Whoops, you can't criticize the president--because you can't do any better and you can't prove that you can because you'll never be president.

Good logic. story is weak writing. get a clue.

162/Hope

I am surprised you are still reading these evil (truthful) comments.

"I give it a C+/B- "

This is a serious comment: I consider myself a halfway normal, reasonably intelligent indivdual who has a law degree and has experience with BIGLAW firms and the types of activities/retreats that are relevant to the post at hand.

I swear on all that is good and holy, if I was given an hour to write a post that could possibly be worse, more pointless, more useless as this and if the collective lives of my parents, wife and children depended on my ability to somehow conceive a more odious piece....I couldn't do it.

And I scored a 178 MBE.

Yes, it's gotta be Squire Sanders.

Good call.

"I give it a C+/B- "

This is a serious comment: I consider myself a halfway normal, reasonably intelligent indivdual who has a law degree and has experience with BIGLAW firms and the types of activities/retreats that are relevant to the post at hand.

I swear on all that is good and holy, if I was given an hour to write a post that could possibly be worse, more pointless, more useless as this and if the collective lives of my parents, wife and children depended on my ability to somehow conceive a more odious piece....I couldn't do it.

And I scored a 178 MBE.

SEN > Hope Winters?

"I give it a C+/B- "

This is a serious comment: I consider myself a halfway normal, reasonably intelligent indivdual who has a law degree and has experience with BIGLAW firms and the types of activities/retreats that are relevant to the post at hand.

I swear on all that is good and holy, if I was given an hour to write a post that could possibly be worse, more pointless, more useless as this and if the collective lives of my parents, wife and children depended on my ability to somehow conceive a more odious piece....I couldn't do it.

And I scored a 178 MBE.

I thought everyone was being a little harsh after the first post, but this is just awful. Lat, please don't let her write anything else.

162, you have GOT to be sh*ting me. Or you are Hope Winters.

If this truly "a new type of ATL post," then ATL has just lost another reader.

"Literature," from what I recall, tends to be well-written and has themes and a plot.

This sucked.

In the words of another forum:

"Pics or it didn't happen!"

Lat, don't let ATL get sucked into the black void where Hope Winter's soul should be.

. . . a story told by a fool, full of [whiny petulence and hackneyed metaphors] signifying nothing.

178 MBE? You chump. You studied too hard!

I wish I was cool enough to enjoy indie films.

haha literature. Yes this is what happens to lawyers who try to write stories about people, when they have ceased to have empathy, logos or other functioning creative impulses or emotions.

In many ways your story represents the worst of lawyers, who are closed off to the world in so many ways. The reason why so many lawyers get drunk so fast at events is because they are so tremendously uninteresting, and uninspired by the world, that it only is bearable after a few drinks.

You would think a profession of thinkers would think or experience more, but most law students I meet are totally risk averse to the alien or weird that it makes sense that they can't write for beans-writing is about entering another world. If you can't even leave your controlled environment, then you will never be able to convey it to anyone else.

worst worst worst evs.

sub-par post

162=Hope
I don't think anyone is so dumb as to "not get it." Most of the ATL readers are literate enough to recognize it as literature--terribly written, overly dramatic, sophomoric literature.

I never thought I'd read something on ATL that makes me wish SEN posted more.

@162 -- This is called literature? Really? And who ever said they didn't get it? It's not that we don't get it -- we get it and we think it sucks.

I generally would slam poster 128-130 & 132 for multiple postings, but based on the quality of Hope's writing/story telling I'm not convinced that it wasn't four different people with the exact same response.

Does anyone know somebody who scored a 178 on the MBE?

Strong reactions. I thought it was entertaining.

If I see another lame story like this one, I will cease to read ATL. Stick to news and actual gossip, please.

Version 2.0 :

Hope gets g**g ban**d by all of the partners and has a protein shake to settle her stomach after all the drinking.

the end

I love you, 4:23. You made my weekend.

IMHO, the reason why this blog got so much flak isn't because it was poorly written (which it was) or that it was boring (which it was) or that it had no climatic ending (which it didn't.) IT was because the author sounded pretentious. Like Hope Winters was too good to be at her firm, too good to be haning around those "boring" lawyers, and too good to go on this free trip. She sounds just terrible, just terrible.

Dear 171:

Anyone can write a bad post.

The relevant question is, can you write a better one? And, if so, do you have the guts to put yourself out there?

If so, submit it to tips@abovethelaw.com, and we will see how much better you do on the comments.

Let me say, however, that a person who cites their score on a standardized, multiple choice professional examination as evidence of their ability to judge good or bad creative writing has no soul--so good luck with your submission.
.

Dear 162,

I know what literature is. This is not literature - this is garbage. I remember what novels are, in fact, I read them in my spare time. This is not fiction or creative writing. I realize the last book you probably read was in the Baby Sitters Club series, and therefore you were so jonzed up to read this. That makes me sad for America.

This post makes the baby Jesus cry.

What is this "SEN" that everyone keeps saying is almost as bad as this?

I agree the line about a recipe for rape is horrible and offensive. Not only does it grossly mischaracterize hard-working male lawyers (who obviously all lose their minds at the sight of a woman in a bikini!), but also minimizes the pain and trauma of actual victims of sexual assault. It ALMOST insinuates that women are partially to blame for making themselves an ingredient in the "recipe."

I propose we all boycott the next story she writes. NOBODY CLICK FOR THE JUMP AND NOBODY POST COMMENTS. She'll be gone in no time.

34 = Best. Post. Ever.

Sorry 'bout that, I meant that I loved 184/4:23.

The rest of you, I am only willing to tolerate.

90/91 - Try the homeless people's newspapers--they're better than the bible thumper pamphlets.

Or try walking up to the naked chics protesting fur and use sign language to ask about their cause.

I printed out two copies of this story. One to crap on and one to wipe my ass with.

186 I'm sorry to inform you that you have down syndrome. I wish it were something a little less serious.

Writing trash like this post is akin to killing babies. Hope Winters kills babies.

Dear Ed.,

I want to make this as clear as I possibly can: I like writers who "hit a nerve" as much as the next guy, but reading this story made me angry that it was so lame and such a waste of time. What hit a nerve was the bad decision to post it. Don't think the number of comments is some indication that we want to see more. Most of us want to see less. We want this post to have been a bad dream.

Thank you.

OMG! Adults have SEX! OMG! OMG!!!!

--is this chick really a fucking American, or did she los her way coming home from Naiveistan?

162 has to be Hope.

"a new type of ALT" post is an obvious typo that fits perfectly in Hope's "find to had a roommate" style.

Are the two people in the above picture covering their eyes so as to not view this garbage?

typical legacy admit turned writer

I enjoyed reading this post. The stuff on her own blog is better. You should read it! The humor and insight keeps me wanting more.

Hope, what you've just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent story were you even close to anything that could be considered an interesting thought. Everyone on ATL is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Hope, what you've just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent story were you even close to anything that could be considered an interesting thought. Everyone on ATL is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

I give up. Just post more lay-off and legal wedding news.

--Former Hope supporter

Terrible writing. No wonder she thinks people who got into Harvard are weird.

178 -- "The reason why so many lawyers get drunk so fast at events is because they are so tremendously uninteresting, and uninspired by the world, that it only is bearable after a few drinks. "

ha ha ha ha... So, so, interesting. So, so, inspired. You are the kind of person who makes me want a drink.

guys in my high school used to write short stories with no humor, no personality, no plot, no theme, no payoff, no creativity, no drama, no excitement, no suspense, and no skill all the time. It was no big deal, cuz they were in high school and their writing never left their intro-to-english teacher's desk, which is exactly where this POS belongs.

127:

Given Lat's orientation, I think your post should read "pics of Lat with a dead boy or a live girl."

127:

Given Lat's orientation, I think your post should read "pics of Lat with a dead boy or a live girl."

211:

Let me think. Novel by a Harvard grad. Oh, I know, Love Story. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

190 has it exactly right. I felt sorry when so many ATL commenters were railing against SEN because she seemed nice. But I have no sympathy for Hope. Everything she writes gives off toxic waves of bitchiness, pretentiousness, and insecurity. If she were a good writer, that might be forgivable. But bad writer + bad personality = colossal suckage.

sounds fun to me

Can we start a movement to get the two posts deleted? My eyes burn every time I see them.

I'm not a bookburner, but I'm half-tempted to print these things out, take them outside and light them ablaze.

Does anyone know how to purge memories? I fear that I will be sitting in a retirment home in 50 years and will have a flashback of this story as my last memory on earth.

Please help me to prevent that from happening!

Can we start a movement to get the two posts deleted? My eyes burn every time I see them.

I'm not a bookburner, but I'm half-tempted to print these things out, take them outside and light them ablaze.

Does anyone know how to purge memories? I fear that I will be sitting in a retirment home in 50 years and will have a flashback of this story as my last memory on earth.

Please help me to prevent that from happening!

This story is a Republican dirty trick designed to undermine Obama's message of "HOPE!"

Dear Hope:

Right story, wrong venue.

Keep writing.

"Anyone can write a bad post."

Actually my (I admit to the multiple postings above) point wasn't that I could write a better post, it was that it would take a herculean effort to write one that is worse.

I was hoping that at least the story ended with a female partner in a bikini jumping into the pool with unshaven armpits.

Wow. 206 angry comments from people who think they know what good writing is. The thing was mediocre and mildly interesting, not an abomination. Amazing how many comments showcase hatred for women. On the plus side, it's always good to be reminded what astounding assholes most lawyers are.

223: In that event, so what?

219: I would recommend banging your head against your desk a few times, but I fear that the brain damage you will cause, along with that which you've already experienced on account of this story, will leave you with an intellectual capacity equal to... well... Hope Winters. Sorry, bud, you're just gonna have to live with this one the rest of your life.. If its any consolation, 217 other (I left out #162 - we all know that's you, Hope) formerly intelligent minds are suffering along with you.

You know, in all the band camp anecdotes, at leat one of them had an unexpected and hilarious payoff. Not the case here. There is literally no reason for these two posts to exist. A little piece of humanity died when Hope wrote this.

Hope:
I think your writing is wonderful and I would love to hear more about these "Pants Down" parties. Keep up the good work.

-J. Pitcock

Hope--read The Now Infamous Tucker Max Charity Auction Debacle. That is an example of a good ill-fated law firm event story. Your story was so bad, the comments haven't even devolved into AU=TTT.

226 - please tell me you didn't audit this thread to come up with that number. You're such a Hope Winters.

It is very bad Karma to be cruelly critical of another's writing 6 days before the bar exam.

Just saying.

I got a 175.5 (scaled) on the MBE.

"223: In that event, so what?"

So what? So let's dance?

Cue "Anyway you like it" by Journey and imagine me being Rodney Dangerfield twisting on a golf course.

That cheesy, hackneyed bit of early 80's nostalgia that took me 0.07 seconds to generate eclipsed the sheer putridness of this article. It really was that bad. If you don't get there isn't anything else to discuss. It has nothing to do with sexism or any other ism, it was just a god-awful piece of writing.

#8 here posting again...love that you think I'm a prude because I won't bang married partners at retreats. I keep my sex life out of work...and its anything but prudish.

209 - you are my hero with the Billy Madison reference. Thank you for making something funny come out of this awful post.

Am I the only person who is thankful that this was posted? Don't get me wrong, the post itself was craptastic, but the comments are what make this great. It is a win-win situation. Latty gets his site traffic, and we have the pleasure of bashing on somebody other than AU, L2L, or contract attorneys. Don't whine about spending 5 minutes reading it...I'm sure you spent way more time reading the comments to see who can outdo each other. All in all, not a bad way to wrap up a Friday.

Marrieg guys at my law firm used to have affairs with associates at ill-fated firm retreats all the time. It was no big deal.

-LAW DUD

223:

I guess my point was, it takes guts to put yourself out here and post something for this crowd to rip on.

It is easy to anonymously rip someone else who went to the effort to try and entertain YOU.

208/209 = so very appropriate here

223:

I guess my point was, it takes guts to put yourself out here and post something for this crowd to rip on.

It is easy to anonymously rip someone else who went to the effort to try and entertain YOU.

232, don't worry about karma. The Lama says oonga la goonga.

I want my TRUCK BALLS!

237, you're probably right that the hits to ATL spiked as a result of this post.

But Lat can't go to that well too often. It undermines the tone of the site to have this pointless drivel posted unironically.

242, so we got that goin for us, which is nice.

237, you're probably right that the hits to ATL spiked as a result of this post.

But Lat can't go to that well too often. It undermines the tone of the site to have this pointless drivel posted unironically.

Nice post! Do you get a free bowl of soup with it?

All of you sitting for the July bar who trashed Hope's writing are going to flunk. By 2 points.

Wow, "Hope Winters" is awful. "Ann Taylor clad senior partner?" I doubt it. Ann Taylor might be nice for a junior associate, but I hope that a senior partner would move up the fashion food chain.

Hope, go to dooce.com. Heather B. Armstrong rocks.

239/241 - No it doesn't take even a modicum of "guts", you dolt, because Hope is a pen name.

116 = best above the law comment i have ever read

She went to a retreat where everybody was hooking up. But she didn't. And she had no substantive details about those who did. Worst thing ever posted on here. It's not even current! Honestly Lat - a two-part post that essentially devolves to a pun based on the name of a resort. Worst thing ever. So bad. Don't ever post stuff like this again.

All you Hope-haters just aren't smart enough to understand literature and indie films.

HATERS TO 300 (negative comments)!

We must strive together to appreciate the Audacity of Hope (in posting this tripe).

--BHO

I'd have sworn
that with time
thoughts of this post
would leave my head
I was wrong
and now I find
just one thing makes me forget:
Red, red wine

What a horrible smug, sheltered person this Hope is. What a ridiculous story. So adults got drunk and some of them hooked up. The horror!!! Some were even married!!! the horror!!! so shocking!!!

What a vacant person. No wonder she works as a lobbyist in DC. A city with no soul.

8/235,

Eww... What are you, 18? Who defends his/her sex life to anonymous posters on ATL?

The point is that the story is BOOOOOOring.

There HAS to be a Part III, where she doubles back and tells us how she walked in on Rachel, and there five Czech guys on her, and then the frost-haired woman came out of the shower naked.

Then the Argentine offered Hope a mustache ride, and on and on (I don't want to steal Hope's thunder).

But you can't tell a story like this without details. Details like hidden cameras, cellphone cameras, lots of girl-on-girl would be appropriate.

But this, as written, is insufficient.

244- Completely agree, but as 148 so brialliantly points out, perhaps Lat just threw everyone a bone.

237

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz as a story, but I would have been pumped if my retreat was anything like that one. Ours is always a total snooze-fest. The same few of us closing down the bar at 11:45, barely buzzed. Thank god for hotel porn.

Awful. Just awful.

Since "Hope" is new, I thought I'd take a few minutes to read what might have been an interesting story.

I want those minutes back.

You owe me, Lat.

In the last post, male lawyers were oversexed. Now we are undersexed.

Were you lying then or lying now? Or, as I suspect, are you on ludes?

dude this one time i was at a party and all my friends got drunk and this one friend did this hilarious thing and the night was pretty crazy but i had to leave at 9 so my mom could pick me up by the road but the next day at school all we talked about was how crazy everything was

Part 1 was underwhelming, Part 2 was shit.

This blog gets bad enough when you're scraping "oh-please-be-gossip" items into my RSS feed, but this? Amateur quasi-fiction set at a law firm retreat?

If this were written well, it would have acceptable (even though it doesn't fit the rest of the content here). This story, though, is one of the least interesting and least successful attempts at entertainment I've ever seen. It reads like something written by a middle-schooler with no concept of narrative structure, pacing, dialogue, or anything else resembling storytelling.

Part I - blahblahblah empty exposition uninteresting buildup

Part II - then they all did it. The End. Hurr.

I can be generous. The setting could lend itself to satire (that is, a talented writer could have made this story witty and biting). What we got, though, was some pseudonymous associate's fucking livejournal entry.

Next ATL contest:

Write Hope's missing ending. Most entertaining and borderline NSFW entry wins.
*Kash will judge (since Lat's literature-judger is busted).

*And for the record, I'm a pale fat lawyer who would go crazy if I saw a woman in a bikini.

Somewhere this is a post about an uptight undersexed bitch who reads books, gossips, and discusses indie films while on a firm retreat. That post > this post.

If there are so many lawyers who think they should be writers, and this is one of them, maybe I should start churning out some pages. I think that I could write something better than this, or if I couldn't, I would have the decency not to publish it.

I read the entire blog.

She clearly needs to read more or spend more time editing. For example, she uses the phrase "I had a respectful 3.8". No you didn't, Hope. You had a respectable 3.8. Respectful 3.8s go to bed when they are told and are seen and not heard.

Respectable 3.8s don't get into ivy league schools, as you point out.

And so on with examples.

If I were to eat nothing but Taco Bell and White Castle for a week straight, I would shit out something better than this trite crap.

Interestingly, that creative genesis would also involve pants down.

Jesus Harrington Christ, what a terrible story. How boring is your life that you think other people would ever find this the slightest bit amusing or interesting?

The fact that ATL posted this story and framed it as a sensationalist-style account of Lawyers Gone Wild makes me realize anew that my years in BigLaw really jaded me - I arrived at the end of the tale wondering when the scandalous behavior would come in.

In other words, this was about as tame as a story involving lawyers and alcohol can be, and it disturbs me to feel that way. Give me a poolside orgy, an accidental death, or a hotel fire - something, anything to differentiate this from the same old drunken hookup action I saw at firm-wide events for years. Otherwise, don't bill it as entertainment.

"Tennis or golf? Both sports required an unbridled competitive spirit and a laser-like focus."

What planet is she on? Or, rather, on what planet is she?

This is absolute shit. Please discontinue immediately. This bitch needs to get over herself.

Is that the end? Sounds like everyone's holiday parties! Hope is a complete loser for actually thinking that this story is SO COOL!

I wish I had more hands so I can give those tittys 4 thumbs down!

Hope < A New Hope < Empire Strikes Back

but then again:

Hope < Pooping at a Summer Firm event just to realize there's no toilet paper in the stall.

In fact:

Hope < The brown streak in my boxers resulting from the aforementioned fiasco.

I think Hope has a story here - it reads like chick-lit, almost. A couple tips for the start of this story - it would read better if you do the following, Hope: 1) develop your lead character more - who is she, where is she from, what is she like? 2) develop a couple of side-kick characters too - who are the folks that act as this girl's sanity check? 3) Develop a few dislikeable characters - obese, grotesque partner with too much facial hair who perpetually hits on heroine; power-hungry insecure mid-level associate who constantly craps on heroine with Friday 5 PM assignments; the office slut, etc. 4) I'm not sure what the plot is yet - does someone get murdered at the firm outing? Maybe the body is found in the heroine's room?

Good luck Hope!

This thread became superfluous after #5, who hit the nail on the head. The only thing worse than a narcissist is a self-loathing narcissist who projects onto everyone else. Yes sweetie, all those odious, self-centered, arrogant, greedy, unpleasant biglaw types must have been terrible to deal with, especially for someone with such a pleasant personality, whose writing evidences none of those traits.

272:

"Give me a poolside orgy, an accidental death, or a hotel fire - something, anything to differentiate this from the same old drunken hookup action I saw at firm-wide events for years. Otherwise, don't bill it as entertainment."

I can't say for sure, but you might be a tad jaded.

I wish my firm had retreats.

3, I took Evelyn Wood speed reading. Plus it did not take more than a quick read to know it was bad.

And, I was still first.

3, I took Evelyn Wood speed reading. Plus it did not take more than a quick read to know it was bad.

And, I was still first.

"Recipe for rape" Seriously?! Someone with the talent and judgment to grab the brass ring after 7+ years of successfully navigating the hedge maze of bureaucracy, backstabbing, and arbitrary HR policies is going to endanger their livelihood for your ass? These are the people who patronize the Emperor's Club, and they're going to risk their careers on YOU?

I guess the reason Hope didn't hook up on the retreat was because she's already found deeply passionate love. I hope the mirror didn't get too smudged.

Lat: We've tried criticism. We've tried complaining. Apparently those negative responses are interpreted by ATL to be positive feedback about Hope. So tell you what. You let us know what we need to do to convince you not to let this monumentally conceited hack back on ATL, and we'll do it. Online petition? Lolcat caption? Class action lawsuit? You name it.

Just, please, please, please-- do not bring her back. All of us deal with that spoiled, snotty, arrogant, self-absorbed, catty, backspeaking, abrasive, talentless bimbo associate type in biglaw. We don't need to face her on our short retreats away from that environment when we come here.

112-

You seem like a decent person. I may have overreacted and confused your comment as manifesting a mild social impairment (as opposed to full on social retardation).

MAKE IT STOP. The writing is as bad as the new look of the site. The old tech was better. So were the old bloggers.

284, spoiled, snotty, arrogant, self-absorbed, catty, backspeaking, abrasive, [ ] bimbo associate type makes for great posting.

The key thing in your list is the lack of talent.

This lady is a moron. Part of the reason ATL is fun to read is that those stuck up save the world holier than thou jack-a$$es from law school aren't represented on the site. Please stop allowing her to post on ATL!!

wow. maybe the worst piece of writing ever penned.

277: Task #3 already complete in the form of... Hope Winters. Please advance to the nearest bridge and leap off it as soon as possible.

The AutoAdmit site must have been down today.

Let's see, if Hope is receiving 10 cents for every post made to her "story," she is about to gross $3.00 for her work.

I would pay $3 myself just to enjoy the raft of ridicule this story generated (and deserved).

Somehow that makes me conclude that this whole this is all right.

QED

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Luckily, reading this didn't hurt a nerve. Because my nerves were so bored they ran away before I finished and wondered where's the beef.

Does Cravath really have "yellers"?
if they do, is that all, why are there so much complaining about this firm? Just ignore it.

Call me dumb or gay or whatever, but I actually found it entertaining. I think its an amusing story.

Uh... 300 * .10 = $30, 292.

295, you are dumb and gay.

296, I love you. I really, really do.

-292

Just terrible. Lat: please add a way to filter posts by author. I don't need to see any more of this boring garbage. Oh noes, even adults get drunk and fuck! Color me surprised.

Apparently I wasted six years of opportunity at the resort retreats my big-firm ex-employer held.

I've only read about half the comments, so I apologize if this has been said, but this story is fucking brilliant.

It's a story about absolutely nothing, and yet received about 300 comments in four hours. This shit is like Seinfeld on steroids.

Well done, Lat.

I second 297. Whoever said this is poop is 100% right. Whoever said this was NOT poop on a stick is 100% wrong. What the hell is the matter with these ATL guys? Have they lost their taste all of a sudden?

I second 297. Whoever said this is poop is 100% right. Whoever said this was NOT poop on a stick is 100% wrong. What the hell is the matter with these ATL guys? Have they lost their taste all of a sudden?

295/6:51 -- Considering you don't know the difference between its and it's, I'm not shocked you liked the story.

junior varsity version of that big firm whore gal on bitter lawyer.

Normally, I find complaints about the posts unwarranted. I even thought complaints about the first post were out of line. But this was pretty bad, epsecially since it was built up with a lead in post. There were 0 details, 0 amusing anecdotes. If she wants to write to keep track of her thoughts, fine. Just don't share them if they aren't interesting.

The terrorists have won.

wrong venue

Read #193 in a Ralph Wiggum voice

hey hope, you would be the perfect screenwriter for AMERICAN PIE, IV: CAMP LAME-O

Man, this was a REAL beat down. Sorry, Hope.

Lat. Kash. Hope. ATL sure has a thing for funny names.

"Option Two was no more desirable. Lounging around the pool in a bikini, surrounded by undersexed, middle-aged men who hated their wives with lives of leisure for saddling them with two mortgages? Recipe for rape."

Rape sure is funny! I mean, not as funny as genocide and child-molestation, but still, pretty damn funny.

Lat: the new layout sucks

I know it's late, and there have already been 313 comments trashing this piece, and I usually attempt to refrain from posting anything negative, but I really cannot resist.

To put it politely, that story was not worthy of two blogposts on this site. I would ask that the editors please refrain from ever publishing something from that author again.

Thank you.

Gentlemen at my preparatory academy frequently penned romans a clef in unpalatable imitation of the most favored penny dreadfuls of the time. ‘Twas not a conspicuous event.

~ Fraternity Lothario

Screw the firm retreats, talk about the Senate retreats!

Those of you seriously threatening to never come to the site again if you see posts like this have got it all wrong.

The vicious attacks on the author that filled the comments here and for part 1 include some of the funniest shit I have ever seen on this site. Why would you want to put an end to such hilarity?!

(Granted, if this crap appeared every day, it would lose its impact; but every once in a while, Lat should offer up a "guest writer" - sort of like a sacrifice - who is so vapid or pretentious that she's guaranteed to generate this comment gold.)

You know what is worse than this story? The ones on the author's blog. Horrible, horrible stuff.

312: They got nothing on "B Clerker."

316, thanks. I would have written it myself but I'm too busy spazzing about the NY Bar.

318: Accord. You nailed it. It's like a thread on AU or TPW but better. We get to really tear someone up for sucking without experiencing any remorse about tarnishing whole groups of people for the sins of a few. Hell, Hope isn't even her real name. I can tell her she sucks all day and still not feel like a bad person.

Hope, this blew. Feel free to throw in any of these next time: details; entertaining stories; embellishments that make the story better than what really happened; and graphic descriptions of naughty behavior.

320...thanx for checking in. Best of luck on the exam.

Sorry to comment after 321 other people, but I don't think anyone has pointed out that these Hope posts are contrived BS! Examples:

- A firm retreat where you are required to share a bedroom with another lawyer? Never happens.

- A firm retreat where you are not allowed to leave? Doesn't exist.

- A partner "yelling" at attorneys because they were late to a lecture given in the course of a retreat? Don't think so.

- A retreat where nearly everyone is getting drunk intimate with everyone else, and all this on the first evening? No way.

So if all the key elements to the story are made up, what is the frakking point of these posts? Terrible editorial choice here, Lat. And striking a nerve this way is not a good thing.

Oh, and the Jonestown reference, i.e., comparing a lavish retreat to a horrific mass suicide that claimed over 900 lives, is tasteless in the extreme. More poor editorial choices, Lat.

I used to be a lurker, but this post has revolutionized my life. I no longer can sit idle and passively accept such an awful display of storytelling.

Hundreds of person-hours were wasted reading this garbage. Partners at dozens of law firms around the country will notice the drop in billable hours that occurred on this great day of infamy.

America has suffered today. I pray for her recovery.

OK. So I've now posted twice about the article. The truth is that I this point I don't feel right. Have we gone too far?

Is it necessary that there are over 300 instances of negativity directed at Hope. We all know a Hope and well like a Hope....maybe not this Hope, but whatever.

The point here is that we've said our peace, right? I added the ? mark at the end because I may have to re-read the article to see why it generated as many negative reviews as it has received.

Maybe it was't that bad. Maybe I don't hate it as much as I first thought. And...maybe I'm just f-ing crazy.

Anyway whether or not the article was worthless, etc, we are the ones who have suffered. I pray for our recovery.

OK. So I've now posted twice about the article. The truth is that I this point I don't feel right. Have we gone too far?

Is it necessary that there are over 300 instances of negativity directed at Hope. We all know a Hope and well like a Hope....maybe not this Hope, but whatever.

The point here is that we've said our peace, right? I added the ? mark at the end because I may have to re-read the article to see why it generated as many negative reviews as it has received.

Maybe it was't that bad. Maybe I don't hate it as much as I first thought. And...maybe I'm just f-ing crazy.

Anyway whether or not the article was worthless, etc, we are the ones who have suffered. I pray for our recovery.

OK. i'm #325 and #326. I only hit the post comment button once and yet my post is there twice.

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I DEMAND AN INVESTIGATION!

I, along with the rest of you have suffered as a result of this multiple posting debacle. I pray for our recovery.

Hello, I am writing to express my absolute outrage at my terrible grammer and punctuation.

My writing is so bad, I want to resign from firm today and never look back.

For the record, I have dominated posting here for the last 30 minutes. I rule.

You all have and will continue to suffer from my relentless Friday night posting. I pray for your recovery.

Thanks 328. You broke my string off consecutive posts. I hope you're happy.

The bitter disappointment that I feel in not being able to dominate posts 324-330 is real.

I may just have to re-read Nope's article to take my mind away from this tragedy.

Is that what you intended? Are you trying to punish me? My G-d man. Is this really necessary?

So......hmmm. Ok. Is this meant to be ironic?

331....if you are referring to my comments, my answer is no. I'm just drunk and bored.

Uhm yeah. Pretty sad post. Stick to lobbying--writing is obviously not your calling.

Uhm yeah. Pretty sad post. Stick to lobbying--writing is obviously not your calling.

OMG - Elle Woods - you're back!

OMG - Elle Woods - you're back!

OMG - Elle Woods - you're back!

This story was atrocious. What exactly was supposed to be interesting or funny or racy or post-worthy about this??

#8 and #235, you are sadly mistaken if you read #9 to suggest that you're a prude for not "bang[ing] married partners at retreats." #9 said nothing of the sort. You are a prude (and, I think, a despicable human being) for so comfortably judging another for doing something you know almost nothing about, and then assuming that she is somehow setting back women by exercising free will. You are worthy of nothing but contempt.

The only indie film worth discussing is "Hustle & Flow"

What hits home about these two posts is how accurately they represent the negative qualities of so many big firm lawyers: vanity, insecurity, self-serving judgment of others, and -- worst of all -- the unwavering belief that puns are high comedy.

Couple thoughts:

1. 318 has it right (and I'm surprised it took so long for someone to say it) the comments to this post had me grabbing my gut, I was laughing so hard.

2. Hope, your inability to find interesting people to talk to at the firm outing says much, much more about you than it does them. I've worked opposite a lot of lawyers at a lot of firms and while it's true there are a lot of people I wouldn't want to hang out with, there are nearly as many genuinely cool, interesting people.

3. Since you apparently don't like to talk to people, you probably have no idea that this isn't a good story. It's interesting if the reader/listener knows the people involved. Otherwise it's a fairly common occurrence and is barely worth mentioning. It certainly wouldn't rise to the level of a story I'd tell people over drinks and if someone took as long as your posts to tell this story, I'd try to find a different group of people with whom to talk.

4. "Hope Winters"? Seriously? Among all of the possible pseudonyms out there you chose "Hope Winters"?

5. Neither tennis nor golf is a sport.

Dammit 270, now I'm hungry!!!!!!

The comments in this post made my Friday afternoon from hell a little more enjoyable. I awake to new comments like a kid on Xmas! Yay! She is still reviled.

Oh and BTW I looked at your sorry excuse of a blog, Hope. It smells like manure. Now my home computer reeks of sh*t all thanks to your blog.

Lat, get back to posting *actual* gossip with real names in your bi-curious writing style, and keep letting Kash post the truly salacious stuff. Send Hope packing.

322 - I agree. No way most of this is true. Why would she be talking to Pablo from a foreign office about an HSR filing? I've worked with people in foreign offices, they know of HSR, but that's about it, they have their own antitrust crap to deal with and could care less about HSR. If she were really talking to someone about it, it wouldn't have been about oligopoly or whatever else she made up, it would have been more like "Why don't you have that 4(c) log done yet?"

Interesting how she is allegedly a rebel and shows up late to the presentation (which is allegedly scheduled to start at 8 a.m. - yeah right). Hope, we all know first year associates, they are the first ones to show up at every mandatory event and they are never late because they are so nervous they will get run and replaced with another fungible billing unit. Nice try to paint yourself as a badass, though.

Finally, it's impressive how everyone is so socially awkward except the heroine who decides she'll sit under a tree and read a book during a retreat in which she's supposed to be interacting with others. That sounds about as normal and healthy as Timothy McVeigh.

This has to be some sort of elaborate flame created by Lat to induce comments, no one can really be as douchey as Hope Winters.

I'm confused, so there was golf/tennis/pool lounging on saturday afternoon scheduled, did the author participate in any of these and if so what happened?

She writes "but the rest of the day seemed to be going well -- attendance at boring lectures, the feigned display of interest in the same." Uh, what happened to the other activities?

In addition to being a boring story written poorly, I'd question the validity of her memory, and whether its half BS or full-blown BS.

BTW I know she states, "I decided I would just sneak off and read a novel quietly under a shaded tree. I was not about to partake in any of these forced social activities. "

Did that actually happe? As others have mentioned the weird mix of present, past, future and statements makes this almost impossible to follow. And she has a journalism degree? (from a state school, presumably in Ohio per her blog...gee, I wonder which university that would be)

I was at Landsdowne yesterday for my firm's yearly attorney outing. Food was easily available at the "oak bar" -- all you had to do was order it. Just like any other bar/restaurant. Hope Winters is clearly retarded or just stupid.

drivel.

what a sanctimonious piece of crap writing.

309 - Anything read in a Ralph Wiggum voice is funny, but you should try reading 193 in a Rod or Todd voice.

I agree with 10, 17, 30, and 350 (yea, I stopped reading after 30). How does this comport with abovethelaw? There's no news. There's no firm name. Just "random people hooking up at firm retreat." That happens so often, and who cares?

Yeah, 341, but these comments have renewed my faith in the profession.

My Firm had a retreat. Everyone except me tried to make the best of it and have a good time. I judged all of them because I'm a miserable person. Then I enlisted the help of a colleague to come up with the wittiest thing that's occurred to me in the last several years, so I wrote about it on ATL.

-Hope

Bryan Cave used to make people share under the BS excuse of bonding. You also had to stay at a partner's house when you went on the summer retreat.

Can someone please explain what it is about Lat's tech that makes it take SO DAMN LONG TO POST. It should be instantaneous. Is the server in Siberia?

I could have abided the clichéd phrases, pointless plot, and lack of characterization if the narrator had been a sympathetic or likeable character. Unfortunately, Hope Winter is cringe inducing and loathsome.

Hopeless Fall is more like it.

355 has to be a fake. As bad as Hope's writing is (and it is complete dreck), it isn't as uninspired as that post.

355 has to be a fake. As bad as Hope's writing is (and it is complete dreck), it isn't as uninspired as that post.

I'm 99% sure I know which firm this is . . . (lets put it this way, its building looks just like the one across the avenue from it) ... and I know which retreat "Hope" is referring to, because there are just enough details for me to recognize it as a retreat that I attended when I was at the firm....

...and boy, is this "Hope" girl full of shit. maybe everyone hooked up, if by everyone, you mean every woman under the age of 25 who was only working to pay off student debt, and male foreign partners who aren't familiar with American sexual harrassment laws and workplace mores.

355/Hope - That's it. You wrote this story to show us all what horrible people we are. You are an abysmal writer with nothing to say. Don't get all pissy because we called you on it. And what rape? You keep talking about rape. Women who see rape everywhere are almost always the fat ugly girls that no one wants anyway.

362, do tell

362 - yeah well, not a whole lot of firms have offices in bratislava. if "hope" wanted to keep it a secret, she did a piss poor job, but that's par for the course.

I happen to know Hope personally, and she is an extremely attractive(she looks like Cheryl Crowe), smart, and funny woman. So, you didn't enjoy the story - big friggin deal - lighten up people - it's just a story - she has a great job probably making more than 99% of you will every make in your lifetime -she's writing this for shits and giggles, all of which you all just delivered to her in spades. Now, go do something productive and enjoy your weekend. And for those of you studying for the bar exam - get off your arse, stop reading on-line postings, and GO STUDY!!!!!!!!

366: "get off your arse?" do you also use the words "flat" and "queue" in conversation?

Its also Sheryl Crow...jeebus.

Tell her get her shits and giggles elsewhere. She is a moron. If she IS making more than us, it is clearly on her back, not with her brain. And 366's post just makes her all the more pathetic. Defend yourself, "Hope."

355: "I write on multiple blogs, do you?"

This is by far the funniest sentence in 369 comments, and deserves more attention.

Well, there goes Hope's dream of being the next chick-lit blog-to-book. Whatever she's making, I'm sure the Learning Annex writing course didn't break her piggy bank.

The part that makes this sad is that she thought that this was good. I would be crushed to be called out in such a public way. I wonder what samples she showed to Lat to get the guest spot. Hope might want to try Fashonista -- the bubble heads might find more to like in her.

The bigger worry is that apparently Lat thought this was good.

#18 and #373 have said it best.

Poop. Big pile of it.

This sucked. Why are people trying to figure out which firm was mentioned in the story? That would only matter if some scandalous or otherwise interesting information had been conveyed. Instead, all we learned was that some lawyers had fun at a retreat. Could have been any retreat for any company in any industry. People under 35 drinking and having sex? Stop the presses.

355 = Hope troll
366 = Hope

371: You hit it right on the head. She probably thinks that this will springboard her to Candice Bushnell status, and we are all too dumb and evil to see the plain truth in front of us that Hope is just a brilliant, deep, talented and provocative woman. **gags self with mouse and wraps mouse cord around neck**

If you think that was bad read her blog (linked to the main article). Everything about it screams drama queen and/or narcissist.

i know hope personally and she is not the person who responded in 355, or in any other of these comments for that matter. why would someone pretend to be hope when they aren't, even to defend her? now that we're almost 400 comments into this thing, how can anyone honestly say that her posting hasn't struck a nerve?

How come no one has commented on Hope's need to make multiple references to her sexual promiscuity? A pitiful cry for attention if I ever saw one. Seems like she is trying to convince herself she is desirable (despite the fact she ended up alone under a tree)

I know hope too. She likes it doggystyle.

yeah, could you be sure to notify in the heading that the post is written by whoever the hell this is? BORING complaints from a snob? dont need this.

I attended a firm retreat once. It was optional, but the pressure was there, the indirect but palpable suggestion that certain people would be disappointed by my absence. Anyone’s absence. The weekend began with a Friday night dinner in an event room at an older hotel, not the one where everyone was staying, but a more-fabled place, a kind of Gatsby, all-oak bar off the marble lobby hotel. The retreat was “casual” but this opening event was suits-only. I arrived late and feeling nervous, but found something oddly warming about seeing all the attorneys dressed up and drinking convivially in a stone reception room down a set of stairs from that same marble lobby and oak bar. It looked like a nice party—surprising. I enjoyed my foiled expectations for a moment and ordered a gin & tonic. I scouted for one of my friends and grew more pleased by spotting a second year associate I liked. Anne was young and attractive but newly married, which made her both pleasant company and comfortingly off-limits.

(more to come)

Holy crap, is this the entire story?

its Sheryl Crow, not Cheryl Crow.

oh and LAST!

In one of her blog posts, she called Brown University the "Penultimate Ivy".
WTF does that mean? Like it is ranked 2nd to last among Ivies in US News?? "Penultimate" Ivy??? Isn't a basic understanding of English a prerequisite to being a writer?

By the way, the stories on her blog make this firm retreat one look like freaking Tolstoy. Lat, or whoever screened this girl, really really dropped the ball and probably should be fired.

The Hope post is a good thing because it demonstrates what a half-assed ship Lat is running. Not a bright fella.

Steaming pile of dung!

Hey "Piss on a Cat" person: I have cats, so I should be offended. But, every time that is posted, I chuckle. My cats are sitting next to me at the moment and probably contemplating which organs to eat first when I keel over.

382.....

More details please. The suspense is killing me!!!!!!!

Psycho-competitive, self-absorbed, Type-A-plus men, with unbridled competitive spirit and a laser-like focus at my high school used to not go to Hope Winters room either, it was no big deal!

382: the real Hope, only more interesting? You only slightly overdid it (whoever you are). But generally I'd read another post in your series.

Start one of those Community Threads, post your story in bits, and see if you get picked up by the editors.

I really wanted to be 400th but I have to get some sleep (and I'm not going to cheat and run up the score by multi-posting).

I hope the move to NYC went well, Lat. We hope you tell us about it on Monday.

Hey Hope...To use a media analogy ...You may not have won an Emmy but your Nielsen ratings are through the roof. Keep writing and remember that a lawyer's instinct is to critique and not to diperse compliments. It's not in their nature.

Further, as you consider the psyche of the demographics of your audience here: How many good looking lawyers do you know? Not many I bet. Unattractive people who never get laid want to make everyone else just as miserable as they are. Freudian perspective? Perhaps. But, we all know it's true Give me the choice of being super hot or super smart in life and I'll take the former any day. Shallow? Sure it is. But, good looking people go further in life - proven fact. These yo-yo's are just pissed that they DIDN'T get laid at their firm retreat cause they were in the hotel room studying for the Bar or watching bad PPV porn. I'll take shallow over pathetic and boring any time.

Better to be a provocateur than a humdrum. Hang in there.

i do not want to be hope's tampons.

After several months of reading ATL I have yet to feel compelled enough to comment on a post

...after reading the first part of this POS, I knew commenting on part 2 was unavoidable.

Lat, even Hope Winter's partners (who were trashed) exercised enough judgement to kick this 2-bit TTT star to the curb...you should have been wise enough to do the same.

I HOPE that cunt is mink lined. She isn't going to go far with her brain.

I know Hope too....I used to date her. Not only is she a freak in the sack, but she has she biting wit and a sharp mind. What are you guys afraid of?

I know Hope too....I used to date her. Not only is she a freak in the sack, but she has she biting wit and a sharp mind. What are you guys afraid of?

On time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.

One time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.

...

Hope - don't listen to the haters, your story of scandal is awesome. I loved it and I hope that Mr. David Lat continues to publish your work. To try to keep dicussion of big time scandals alive, I wrote a story about the biggest scandal in Hofstra history over in the community section - here is the link:

http://abovethelaw.com/community/2008/07/this-one-time-at-hofstra.php

HofstraMagna = kissing ass so he can link whore!

The story was pretty good. I have been to many a firm retreat and out-of-town conference, and have never seen such open debauchery.

"After several months of reading ATL I have yet to feel compelled enough to comment on a post"

This line is overused.

these ATL posts by hope winters really upset me. i'm supposed to be pleasantly distracted and recharged for a few minutes during my workday, not so horribly demoralized by the human condition that i find working MORE difficult.

Hope shoulda just left it alone. Most of these people are tools.

ATLANTA to $35k!

OK. This was painful to read. Terrible. The author can't write. I bet she's an AU alum.

Hippie-ass ho.

Does anyone know where Hope went to law school? college?

My guess is Ohio University (Scripps journalism school). and Ohio St. law school (no othe reason other than she said whe went to a state law school and we know she's from Ohio).

Lat should have a contest and let readers write their own ending (as part III).

My ending? Hope gets raped at the pool.

Hope should go back to Ohio. Never come back.

Hope should go back to Ohio. Never come back.

410 = AK47???

i must have skimmed past the interesting parts

The best story you could come up with for your debut was about how your roommate "hooked up" on a field trip? Nerd alert.

That reminds me of the time our associates huffed a half-liter of raw ether and took turns taking gator tails off of a hooker's ass on the Vegas retreat. Your story was pretty wild, too.

Is there going to be another post on Monday by this author? The first two were really amazing!

228, maybe the unexpected payoff is yet to come. Ok, probably not, but has it really come to this?

To 392:

Thanks for pointing out the fact that you and Hope are probably hideous, and for providing a good explanation for why Hope's postings are so freaking boring.

she's just a bad writer. A very bad writer....cliches galore and no substance. A big old "who cares" and "learn to write" shoutout to the author

I think we're all missing one extremely positive aspect of this story. It is the perfect straw man. You see, although the story itself is a steaming pile of poo, the comments destroying this girl are frigging awesome. This bud's for you Mr. Hope Winter's Article Awesome Commenter!

421 got it right. Although it sucks as a post, it may just be the inspiration for a new feature: Friday Afternoon Drivel By Aspiring Writer. That way we all get to finish the week riding a wave of superiority.

Oy. I wanted to like this but couldn't. This sort of thing has been done better by others. Opinionistas for example.

I agree with 422's idea.

There have to be tons of current / former attornets out there who think that they can write, yet no one has been honest enough to tell them that they stink. Let a new one try out each week posting their material, and see what the commenters have to say.

If you can survive the venomous readership of ATL, you can succeed. If not, then its Hope Wintersville for you.

What the hell happened to Billy Merck? Even he was better than this.

421 -

I like where your head is at...much more interesting material in the comments. Also:

1. better writing
2. that is also funny
3. that has an apex
4. pertinent to the subject matter on which it is written.

If we can't get any more Judge Halverson posts (and the concomitant comments) we need terrible former attorney turned terrible lobbyist posts.

And, as an aside, what does it say about the legislators in this country, the type of people that get voted into office in the United States, when this dolt can successfully move from attorney to lobbyist.

My new ATL mantra will be 'This is why I don't vote.'

This is really awful.

Hope was also a contributing writer for Batman & Robin, Police Academy IV and Gigli.

if it was just drivel that would be bad enough. but it is mean-spirited, bitter drivel.

The excellent comments are coming in at a slower and slower pace. Lat, we need another horrible Hope Winters story similar in quality (read: piss poor) to the one above, so that another 400+ comments can be submitted, thereby making the post worthwhile.

PS I am a mean-spirited, bitter spewer of drivel who loves to read comments by like-minded individuals.

Uhh Hope Winters, you suck at storytelling. If you think the others in your firm are boring please, for the love of god, take a look in the mirror.

Uhh Hope Winters, you suck at storytelling. If you think the others in your firm are boring please, for the love of god, take a look in the mirror.

Worst thing I've read on the entire internet in at least a year.

*I* was saying "boo-urns."

i liked the part about the pants