ATL Idol: Exley's Farewell
[Ed. note: This is the farewell post of EXLEY, who was eliminated yesterday from ATL Idol, the "reality blogging" competition that will determine ATL's next editor. It is marked with Exley's avatar (at right).]
When I was a teenager, some of my classmates and I got bussed to a public high school 40 minutes away. We were part of a program for social outcasts who scored well on a couple of standardized IQ tests, and we applied all of our angst and intellect to harassing our bus drivers -- we bellowed Queen's "We Will Rock You" at the top of our lungs, we threw our lunches and snowballs at other cars to try to cause accidents (sometimes successfully), and once on our way home we all stared stonily at the bus driver by way of his rear view mirror until he finally cracked, turned the bus around, and drove us back to school.
Through my brief stint as an ATL Idol contestant, I've come to appreciate both what Lat does, and how those poor high school bus drivers must've felt. You guys are as unruly as a centaur's dark and frothy pubes.
Read more, after the jump.
Granted, I sort of f**ked up. If there's one useful thing that I learned from this contest, it's that competing anonymously in a popularity contest is kind of stupid. I mean, I didn't even reveal my gender and I was certain that if I so much as named my law school in my bio, everyone would be able to figure out who I was, I'd get fired, go crazy, and end up living in the back of a bus with a tea bag hanging from my teeth... in Los Angeles.
So instead I decided to be, as I announced grandly to my dubious boyfriend, "a working stiff, an everyman, like Holden Caulfield, ten years later." I tried to be you, you stupid assholes. Pale-skinned and anonymous, sex-deprived and overfed, poignantly insecure, comically cocksure, and probably 90% male.
But while being tight-lipped about one's identity can work fantastically well (e.g., UTR), impenetrable lips can, as everyone knows, make it impossible for things to slip through -- and I never really felt any resonance with the posts that I wrote. That's right, I cock-blocked myself.
But enough of this Gouldian navel gazing. Here's something useful for you and the future of ATL: judgey guidance.
It's obvious that commenters usurped the primary role of the judges in ATL Idol by being snarkier, funnier, and more engaged. Reading the judges' commentary was as painful and embarrassing as watching Mr. Belding trying to fit in at The Max. With their impressive collective blawgging experience, however, I'd hoped that the judges would also provide some helpful insight.
I was especially disappointed that none of the judges (or commentary) picked up on the following point: The main value-added of ATL over other legal blogs is the inside scoop on biglaw -- gossip on summer associate tomfoolery, bonu$es, raises, bonu$es, firings, bonu$es, and the titillating secrets of our opaque employers. (And bonu$es.) Though the Lawyer/Judge of the Day posts are fun and provide a platform for commenters to share what the guys in their high schools also did and that it was no big deal, they are not why most people visit ATL.
Therefore, neither writing ability nor a wicked sense of humor is the most essential characteristic of a successful ATL EIC. Lat's got both but much more importantly, he's got people who want to tell him s**t. Who see him at an event and are inspired to unload their secrets on to him as freely as a character in a Wong Kar Wai movie.
Thus the most important question in this contest is not who writes the best or who is the funniest, but rather, which contestant will inspire the dirtiest dirt from the broadest array of people-in-the-know? Will it be Earnest Alex, Muggin' Marin, Solipsistic Sophist, or Bosomy F&D? (I don't actually know who F&D is but I like to imagine her as someone with ample bosoms, named, you know.)
Good frickin' luck to the remaining contestants. I'm driving back to the high school.
(102) 
First! Guys in my high school got eliminated from ATL Idol all the time, it was no big deal. There are all the bullshit cliches. This post was actually not so bad.
Go back to your hole and get fat and then die.
Not half bad. Though I'm not understanding the centaur bit and I find it a bit disturbing.
Exley would have won the first round had she written this well...
I like this post.
Revote.
Wait, ATL posts bonus info?
Pro: Centaurs are cool
Con: Pubes. Ick.
Wow, this was really good.
Where were the posts like this one? This was appropriately condescending an appropriately inappropriate.
I think I'm in love.
"Pale-skinned and anonymous, sex-deprived and overfed, poignantly insecure, comically cocksure, and probably 90% male."
Yep. At least the commenters -- the overall readership probably has a lower proportion of abject losers.
Sad to see you go, Exley
Re-vote!!!!
Yeah, sucks she didn't write this way up front... on point and, frankly, better than the other contestants. Guess those who voted fucked up... or maybe Lat fucked up by finding his replacement in this manner.
If she only wrote like this from the get go...
nicely said
Absolutely - we need a revote - I have a feeling after this (hilarious!) article, Exley would stay on...
This was awesome.
Wow. This proves that the "contest" sucks. If Lat had just named one of these folks (except Marin) the EIC, no one would be complaining. It's the lame ass tryout that has everybody bickering. Nice exit, Exley.
Well, I guess it is just like American Idol. The best doesn't win. Marin = Ruben Studdard.
If she had written like this from the beginning, she'd still have lost. Rambling nonsense that has only made me dumber in the last 2 minutes.
Who cares
Wow, it's like that part of the 80's movie where the protagonist finally finds his/her "real voice".
/sniffle
Lat, you should bring Exley back or have her be a guest-blogger in the future.
I agree with 24. Camera focuses on the one guy in the audience who starts the "slow clap."
bring exley back.
great post. this had some lol moments. you should stay on as a contributor! (srsly!)
Yeah, note to the other contestants -- honesty works. Best exley post by far.
Yeah, note to the other contestants -- honesty works. Best exley post by far.
this post was aweome
Serves you right!!! I'm glad I confiscated all those centaur porno mags from you.
- Your Bus Driver
Sorry, we don't hire dirty centaurs.
REVOTE! I miss Exley already.
This post was great. It's like being yelled at by the hot chick in high school who was only being nice to you because she pitied you for being so socially awkward, but then you told all your friends that you nailed her and she found out.
Surely everyone here fondly remembers that day, right?
This was an awesome post, funny and well-written. Exley should come back into the contest!!
And she is absolutely right about needing someone who can get the gossip. If this doesn't happen, ATL is doomed.
best post yet
Wow, this is the best post you've written. This is the best post any contestant's written. Damn.
It was a horse; deal with it.
Bring back Exley! This is by far the best post yet.
For the record, I come here to read the comments, not the bonu$ info.
34 - ha ha ha ha, I just spit my coffee out. Nicely said.
I vote Exley to be a guest blogger! Exley to 190!
Yeah, I agree.This is Exley's best yet.
Now I'm quite sad to see her go.
What did they say about Hillary's concession speech, if she could have only been that good during the campaign she might have won?
Good job, Exley. Sorry you couldn't make the time for this before. Good luck with everything.
"....as unruly as a centaur's dark and frothy pubes."
Words that will live on.....
Nothing in her blog befitted her so much as the manner of her leaving it....
Nothing in her blog befitted her so much as the manner of her leaving it....
Nothing in her blog befitted her so much as the manner of her leaving it....
Exley, Exley. YOU FOOL. This is the ATL Idol contest. How did you expect to win (if that was your intention), if you didn't bring the A game right out of the gate. Here's a lesson for YOU ... next time you try to win a contest, don't save your best chops for the exit speech.
Dear 46: Nice post.
Dear 46: Nice post.
Dear 46: Nice post.
Dear 46: Nice post.
No 24, spot on. She's the hottie at the 10 yr. reunion that no one outside the marching band knew existed in high school.
This is why democracy blows. we're going to be stuck with some shitty lowest-common-denominator choice (Marin). I'm already getting bored with ATL.
I voted for Exley because some of what she submitted last week was good and I thought she had a lot of potential. I think what did her in was that one very short (and late) post that looked thrown together with her cell phone camera. It didn't make a good impression.
I'm not sure about her claim that most people are here for the salary and bonus gossip. I don't work for a law firm, and couldn't care less about that - I come for the humor and general legal gossip.
33/9:56--great reference.
Also, I hate ATL's new format. Just sayin'
Chris Daughtry finished 4th and went platinum.
Taylor Hicks finished 1st and is notw starring as the Teen Angel in Grease, the revival musical with the cast picked by a TV audience.
"Thus the most important question in this contest is not who writes the best or who is the funniest, but rather, which contestant will inspire the dirtiest dirt from the broadest array of people-in-the-know? "
This sentence does not need a question mark. It does not ask a question. Have the courage to question spell check and you'll be a better blogger. LOL
Oh, Exley, don't hide the fact that you are a woman. Haven't you figured out yet that women are far more interesting that the standard white collar males? Women always get more attention.
Or, if you must hide your identity, create an interesting character for us. How about a transvestite? Or a communist with a healthy respect for U.S. legal gossip? UTR worked because there was a funny persona that couldn't possibly be real.
Best post by a contestant yet.
59, get a life.
"Exley, Exley. YOU FOOL. This is the ATL Idol contest. How did you expect to win (if that was your intention), if you didn't bring the A game right out of the gate. Here's a lesson for YOU ... next time you try to win a contest, don't save your best chops for the exit speech."
This is retarded. We're picking OUR next editor, not rewarding the idiot average joe who puts forth the most effort in this stupid contest. That's the key difference between ATL idol and American Idol which most of the readers here obviously don't get, and that's why this blog is about to jump the shark.
*joins in the slow clap*
Exley, like many of the ATL Idol participants, does not seem to have a solid grasp of English grammar.
What the hell Exley? If you wrote like this the whole time you'd be a shoe-in! Your point is wrong (writing matters!), but this is good man (er . . . woman).
You're like the Roy Hobbs of ATL . . . so much unused potential.
"Reading the judges' commentary was as painful and embarrassing as watching Mr. Belding trying to fit in at The Max."
Analogy of the year, hands down!
62, nice use of "jump the shark." No one ever posts that phrase in lieu of actually thinking of an original ATL critique. And, you're retarded. Yes, we pick our editor, but isn't it important to chose one based on a true assessnment of their abilities? That's a rehatorical question, so don't bother responding. Get back to doc review and, when you take a break, make a fresh pot of coffee. Thanks.
I think a lot of professional women initially make the mistake of trying to be like their male counterparts and in the process lose out. As Exley figured out quickly from all the praise for actually being herself, the way to really succeed is to capitalize on your unique individual assets and not what you think people want to hear. The "clitigator" joke is clearly not you, Exley. As basic and corny as it sounds, honesty is the best policy both in the professional environment and in personal life. I think you learned a valuable lesson and hopefully will serve as an example for other women - don't be afraid to be yourself. The public reading ATL is actually not 90% white male. Lots of my girlfriends read it and we would've voted for you if you started out like this in the beginning. Hope this is not the last of you.
Yeah, not revealing your identity was definitely the problem.
Well, that and the fact that you weren't entertaining. At all.
What did you expect? A warm embrace? Have you ever read ATL comments before?
a decent post but still not as good as lots of you above are making it out to be. could be just compared to other exley posts...
p.s. exley - are those your lips
"1st digit"
"first digit"
"1st-digit"
"first-digit"
assume consistency of usage throughout document once decided; assume all ordinal references will be less than or equal to 10 (tenth / 10th)
What is the proper form? Don't want Bluebook. Mind too muddled from legal writing. Can no longer remember proper non-legal English style standard e.g. as one would find in a graduate-level research report or an academic journal.
Anyone still remember this?
I dunno. everyone seems to like this, but isn't it kind of classless to be so transparently bitter in your farewell? At least on American Idol, people pretend it's about the competition, not the victory.
By far best post by a contestant yet
Exley,
This was an awesome post. Sorry you had to be eliminated early. I actually had you on my top two list the whole time.
68,
I completely agree with everything you wrote --especially this: "The public reading ATL is actually not 90% white male. Lots of my girlfriends read it and we would've voted for you if you started out like this in the beginning. Hope this is not the last of you."
How sad that the best post of the entire competition came from an eliminated contestant.
This reminds me of Bob Dole's appearance on Letterman right after he lost the election. He was hilarious and loose and a great guest. We all wondered why he couldn't have just been himself in the election like he was on Letterman, and maybe he would have beaten that hillbilly incumbent.
WHERE WAS THAT FLUID, FUN, ACCESSIBLE YET ELITIST WRITING STYLE LAST WEEK??!?!?!!? You sold yourself short by holding back, and now I truly believe that a top contender is no longer in the running. Vaya con dios, Exley, we will always wonder whether you were the one that got away...
Exley - great post. sorry to see you go. and you're correct - ATL judges sucked, ATL commentators rule.
Nice post. Abusing your audience is also a good technique, when the audience knows they deserve it.
Holy sh$$ Exley! This was amazing!
A+
Let's all just focus on the very interesting question in #71. Nice post. Bad post. Good job. Good luck. Can we start with the desperately need and highly pedantic grammar advice now?
OK. That was pretty good. If the voting included who can make you feel like s**t for dumping pig-blood on Carrie before she busts out with the evil stares, this post would be a lead pipe cinch.
Lat, we need a re-vote.
Nice post, Exley. I am now actually sorry to see you go. (I was previously looking forward to it...) I think Exley's point about having an EIC who gets the best dirt is a valid one and something Lat ought to consider.
To all you folks out there immediately saying that Exley should have revealed his/her gender "sooner": May I point out that we still don't know that fact? I mean, Exley referred to having a "boyfriend", but that describes roughly 10% of the male population, too. s/he comments on not revealing gender, but that is not the same as revealing it. Many guys just happen to fantasize about a woman who would casually refer to a centaur's pubes and reference letting "things" past her lips.
Finally, here, let me toss a burning brand on that handy gasoline by pointing out the obvious: Most of ya'll ain't litigators, is ya? ;)
Exley, that really was a good post. You'd make a great apprentice to Kash. You should come back an blog under your real name some time.
You nailed this one, and you'd have my vote if we were to vote again.
Love,
Anonymous Commenter
What is this crap? Can we do the stupid contest elsewhere and get back to writing things I might care about?
Dude, Exley - this is seriously good stuff. I didn't vote in the first round of ATL Idol at all (I'm one of the pro-Kash protesters), but honestly, I didn't like you off the bat because of the "clitigator" joke, which made you come off as the most obnoxious type of straight guy. (Instead, you seem to be a straight/bi gal or bi/gay guy - no idea which - this last post really doesn't give away your gender at all.)
Good insights in this post. I'm left feeling as though you *get* ATL - what this site is out to do and why it's fun, and for that reason if given a revote, I would even suspend my pro-Kash protest to vote for ya.
Good luck to you with whatever you do next -- and just let your personality shine through. As you learned, don't try to be what you think your audience wants you to be.
first digit
No hyphen since first and digit aren't always used together and typically write out numbers up to ninety-nine.
This is similar to American Idol, where the contestants always sound better when they have to sing after getting eliminated. The pressure is off and they can just sing. It's amazing what the pressure of the competition can do to people.
Great post, Exley, this is what ATL is all about. But why did you think that ATL readers would want to replace our current gay Asian chief with a (stereotypical) straight white guy?
For my money (and I happen to be one of those straight white guys that you so miserably attempted to appeal to before revealing your true self), so much of the best stuff that Lat writes and posts gets its currency and hilarity from his "outsider" perspective.
It would have been nice if you had realized that earlier. I hope you get a chance to make amends. (Revote?)
Co-sign 68.
COME BACK
Why is there all this sympathy for someone who has essentially revealed herself to be inauthentic in her authorial ambitions?
This is (nay, was(?)) your best post by a mile, Exley. Not too big a surprise... as goodbyes are always so much more genuine than hellos.
And, while you described your "problem" in this contest quite eloquently, the shorter version is simple: your default position is d-bag... (or whatever)....
Next time, sweet little Ex, when in doubt, just be yourself (it's the reason everyone wants to sleep with you, silly).
Now, run along back to work.
Ex: If you would've written like this during the contest, you wouldn't be packing your bags.
In fact, this is, ironically, one of my favorite posts by the contestants thus far. Very well written and very articulate.
Seriously, can we bring Exley back? Cuz this is pretty damn good.
Yeah, this is a good post, but this isn't a "Dear Diary" blog. You dropped the ball when it counted.
Who says Exley is a woman? "She" could be a gay guy... The only reference is to having a boyfriend. Whoop-dee-doo. Everyone has a boyfriend these days.
you had me at "clitigator"
Yeah, good post, but I don't get why everyone's calling for a re-vote. It's Exley's own fault that the other posts weren't as good as this one. Tough shit- put out better stuff in the future and you won't get voted off.
This post is awesome.
This post is great. By FAR the best post that we've seen. Too bad it is a goodbye performance.
Signed,
Unhappy that Lat is leaving and unhappy with the remaining choices