On Tuesday, I profiled worthless classes that most everybody had to take. Today, the readers weigh in on classes that allow law schools to bilk you for additional years full of totally useless information.
Many commenters also suggested which lessons law students should really be focusing on, if they want to succeed in Biglaw.
With an honorable mention to “Elements of the Law,” after the jump, I rank the classes readers can do without, and the replacements that everyone needs.
4. Space Law
85 says, “Hands Down Winner: Space Law. Taught by Art Dula, who authored his own ridiculous wikipedia page. Fantastic.”
I honestly thought this was a joke. I still think it’s a joke. But there’s even a kooky website devoted to it, undoubtedly run out of Brent Spiner’s basement.
Replacement Class: War Studies: Officemates.
All of 105′s classes should be law school requirements, but if you can only take one, it would have to be how to Cesar Millan your officemate. Be the pack leader.
3. Conflict of Laws
70 says, “Have you ever had a case where a guy throws a hatchet over a state in self-defense of his home? Come on.”
Who throws a shoe? Really.
Replacement Class: Push Back and Other Subterfuge.
Push back is that essential skill that allows you to explain to partners that even associates need water, sleep, time to clandestinely look for a better job. I missed this class in law school. Instead, my only option was waking up (at work) one day, calmly stripping naked, and lighting myself on fire. Six of one, half-dozen of the other.
2. International Law
103 says, “International Law as taught in 90% of law schools is a total f’ing waste that has no bearing on actually getting a transnational deal done.”
Worse still, international law traps the same innocent lawyers who go on to think that an “international law firm” will give them countless opportunities to travel and see the world. As if a windowless office in Bermuda looks any different than a basement in London.
Replacement Class: Concordance and The Law.
12 hit this one right on the nose. For junior litigators, Concordance is the only universal language. If you can’t do something in Concordance, it cannot be done. This course should give you cross-credit in applied physics.
1. Professional Responsibility
40 says, “Complete waste of time. We all know there are no ethics in law!” And 69 adds, “Share your feelings class, discuss imaginary situations and whether to turn down imaginary money or not.”
Just be sure to know enough to pass your character and fitness interview. Apparently, that is much harder than I realized.
Replacement Class: Advanced SeamlessWeb.
If there is one thing you need to know coming out of law school, it is how to hunt for food. Your feeble 2 a.m. pizza procurement skills are no match for the power of Biglaw. Only an associate fully trained in the arts of SeamlessWeb can obtain the essential vitamins and minerals needed to help you make your hours and secure your bonus.
Thanks for all of the wonderful suggestions. Hopefully we have helped one law student, and if not; wisdom is its own reward.
[Ed. note: This post is by SOPHIST, one of the finalists in ATL Idol, the "reality blogging" competition that will determine ATL's next editor. It is marked with Sophist's avatar (at right).]