Smilin’ Bob = Epic Fail
If you have a small penis the only thing you can do about it is buy a gun.
I can finally say that with the authority of judicial precedent behind me. As the WSJ Law Blog reported yesterday, Steve Warshak, founder of Enzyte, was sentenced to 25 for defrauding sad, pathetic men.
I have often watched the late night replay of the Daily Show and Colbert and wished, nay prayed, that somebody would put an end to this stupid ad-campaign so I could get back to Girls Gone Wild promos. Though U.S. District Judge S. Arthur Spiegel ruled that the company would be allowed to stay in business, one expects civil litigation to destroy once and forever the concept of “natural male enhancement.”
There are lots of penis products on television, usually in the form of car commercials. But the lack of subtlety from these Enzyte jerks is just totally out of place for the quiet, drunken depression that marks watching late night television. Get out of my head Smilin’ Bob, I do not believe you!
Now if we could only get rid of commercials telling me that I have to keep it up for 36 hours, life would be better.
Fraudulent Male Enhancement Drug Gets Company Founder 25 Yrs. [WSJ Law Blog]
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Comments
First to be disturbed
25 years?? Wow.
Was this post supposed to be better than the last? First to say Elie SUCKS.
As a gun owner with a large penis, I'd say that if you have a small penis, the only thing you can do about it is become an editor of Above the Law.
A more interesting discussion would be whether women actually care about this issue. There are more endearing aspects of intimacy that are often glossed over in favor of this more conspicuous one.
5 - Hi pee wee.
25 years is a very stiff penalty.
This post, especially the first sentence, is simply juvenile.
Can we have a recall vote on Elie?
WSJ did it better ... yesterday.
From Harpers a couple months back:
***
From an email sent in 2005 by Jason Cossman, owner of Pacific Health, Inc., a dietary-supplement company, to his uncle Steven Warshak, owner of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals. In February, Warshak was convicted of fraud, money laundering, and conspiracy in connection with the sale of EnzYte, which was marketed as amale-sexual-enhancement pill. The email, which Warshak forwarded to employees, was introduced by the prosecution as evidence in the trial.
Subject: Our Outbound Strategy
We have two eye products that are the same,
more or less, with different brand names, Claroxan
and Amercil. Claroxan people are on autocontinuity
at $84.50 a month (we just jacked up
the price), but pretty much everyone cancels after
two months. Our outbound lists are just the
lists of people who canceled Claroxan.
We call them and tell them we are a company
contracted by a hospital to do health surveys.
Our rep begins by asking eyesight questions, and
the customer inevitably tells our rep they took
Claroxan but it was too expensive. Our rep then
tells them about Amercil, an eyesight tablet the
hospital is promoting, which works like Claroxan
but has a higher-quality formula, at a fraction
of the price. Just 'cuz they decided the
$84.50 was a rip-off doesn't mean they won't
cough up more lootl!l!
The poor customer bites, thinking he's getting
a deal, even though he's actually getting
taken by my company for the second time
around!!!! That's it. No advertising! No website
even! Pretty much pure profit.
The scheme is beautiful. Dreamed it up after
many a bong hit one night. These customers
are fish in a barrel, man. Exploit the shit out of
them. If you outbounded all your Enzyte people
and told them Ogoplex (or any sex product you
could dream up) worked better and was much
cheaper, I think enough'd bite on it to make
your media dollars work harder for you. But
then again-what the fuck do I know?
It's not the size of the tree, it's how long it stands in the forest.
Elie reporting on sophomoric legal news the day after WSJ = Epic Fail
(ok, maybe not 'epic', but 'fail' for sure)
5 and 11 - HAHA - thanks for the laugh...
"Arguments" like these are always advanced by guys who are a size S and struck down by guys who are a size XL.
Can someone please sue the Extenze people now, too? That commercial is so damn addicting and riduculious! "It makes that certain part of the male anatomy . . . larger!"
I meant "ridiculous" - Jeebus, I need a vacation!
Signed 14/12:49
Recall vote!!!! People who say Epic Fail = TTT
13: yes, you may be the right. The reason is that they had to developer alternative tactics in the hope of attaining and providing satisfaction. But I think that you could learn a thing or two from them.
"There are lots of penis products on television, usually in the form of car commercials."
Hilarious!
"Thank you, Jamitin!"
Does this mean it doesn't work?
Does this mean it doesn't work?
Never had a problem in this department, all the sorority sluts refer to me as Anaconda.
-Frat Stud.
What Elie means is that gun owners are white and white people have small penises.
Does anyone who when the founder (Cossman) in post #10 gets out of jail. I would like to partner up with him on his next deal because he is GENIUS.
Ellie -- dude, some helpful criticism for you --STOP TRYING SO HARD TO BE FUNNY! You really don't do funny well and instead come off as angry. Chill out and let the story flow.
Btw, I'd shoot myself if my penis was small.
"A more interesting discussion would be whether women actually care about this issue."
Maybe to you, but lots of men want a large penis and couldn't care less what women want. (No I'm not talking about gay men.) It simply feels powerful and manly, whether or not she really cares about it.
Disclaimer: This is merely an observation, not an endorsement.
26 has a tiny wee-wee and is trying to justify getting duped by Smiling Bob! HAHAHAHA!
I used Enzyte and grew from 8.75" to 9". What a ripoff.
20, 21 - I have it second hand that the case was about fraudulent credit card practices and refusal to provide refunds, not about whether any claims or impressions given by the ads were false. (Why is none of this info in the post ???)
Hope it works for you.
I thought Elie meant you should buy a gun for, you know, offing yourself. Which is kind of funny. I don't think this post is bad at all. I hate those commercials. Smilin' Bob's vacant, evil grin haunts my nightmares.
Is Elie male or female?: I looked at its picture on the "meet-the-new-editor post," and I can't tell. And, I was too lazy to read if it described itself as a man or a woman. The picture reminds me of Pat from the old SNL skits.
Good article. Witty like Lat.
27 -
Congrats. You completely missed my point.
26.
22 - that's why we call you the frat STUD!
My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun.
The truth, from a woman:
1. It's true, no one likes a small penis. Except maybe in prison.
2. However, average to above-average length (6"-8") is preferable to the huge units oft featured in porn. An average sized penis is just more versatile.
By the way, we also don't like penetration for more than ten minutes--regardless of what you've heard in the latest R&B song or seen in porn. Spend the rest of the time on foreplay. Please.
You're welcome.
As a fellow Cincinnatian of Steve, you should see his houses that he owns (or formerly owns)...At the least the three in Cincinnati, they're all in in one neighborhood right next to each other. One of the nicest neighborhood's in the city at that.
If size doesn't matter, then why aren't there any 4 inch dildos?
I has baked the kakes for party as Larry's.
Elie, keep working on it. While not as utterly terrible as the last, you're not there yet.
5, nice job of subtle trolling. You definitely caught a few on that hook. And your wiener is small.
23 - Confirmed.
- White gun owner with small penis
Do you mean that my penis is NOT going to get bigger?
38: I doubt you expected to be taken seriously. Nevertheless, a person's preferred dildo length probably exceeds their preferred penis length. If you're using a dildo by hand, you need some extra length so you can actually hold on to it. If you're using it in a harness, you still need a little bit of extra length to secure it to the harness.
While I think your suggestion that no one is into 4" penises is superficially correct, I'd also like to point out that the length of the shaft on popular women's sex toys--e.g. the rabbit--is not as long as the typical man would expect.
Guys in my high school used to give their anacondas to soon-to-be sorority sluts all the time, it was no big deal.
- FRAT STUD
TTT = EPIC FAIL
Everyone knows it's all about the girth, all the hot mermaids dig my tuna can.
Everyone knows it's all about the girth, all the hot mermaids dig my tuna can.
Charlie the Tuna
Everyone knows it's all about the girth, all the hot mermaids dig my tuna can.
Charlie the Tuna
For girth, See "prolixus" The founder of Prolixus spent 4 years in medical school with 4 female room mates -- He knows what ladies want - width and thickness!
Everyone knows it's all about the girth, all the hot mermaids dig my tuna can.
Charlie the Tuna
Hot mermaids love the tuna can, 'cause it's all about girth my fellow seamen.
-Charlie the Tuna
Sorry charlie x3
Dear 38:
Who says there aren’t any 4" dildos?
I hereby rest my case with proof to the contrary. (And I cannot believe that you made me Google this.)
http://www.wildfree.com/prods/dj0228-02.html
cf, 3" dildo:
http://www.wildfree.com/prods/dj0228-01.html
All the more reason to implement Pants Free Friday!
*THWAP* right onto the conference table, and we'll really see who's who.
I enjoyed this post.
I kind of liked the smiling Bob commercials.
36 to ATL's EIC! Disagree with your 10 minute theory, however...
Best Blog Post Title Ever. <3
Still bringing kake to Larrys
Jersey City
Last tx
I liked this post too. Warshak is a tool. Cossman is a piece of shit, but I would smoke weed with him. 31 is an idiot.
What's the difference between U.S. District Judge S. Arthur Spiegel and Enzyte? Judge Spiegel can give people hard time!
Dear 61:
Hop heads like you will smoke weed with anyone and everyone.
Dear 61:
Hop heads like you will smoke weed with anyone and everyone.
Twenty-five years! Now there's a Penal Enhancement that worked!
#36 will you please speak for yourself? i like penetration for as long as my man can give it to me. seriously. you're a frigid idiot
Wait, I saw one of these commercials like a week or two ago...why would they still run commercials when they were under indictment?
To poster 67--Apparently it wasn't the efficacy of the product that led to the indictment, it was the credit card fraud that was being practiced. People would be billed for products they did not receive, or not sent products that they ordered. As to whether the product worked or not see: http://www.coreynahman.com/enzyte-information-review.html
what is "foreplay"?
First off if your size is small find a woman that prefers a small “member" this does exist. If you are large you may benefit from a woman that prefers and can accommodate a large "member" as too long and most women complain. I must say though most women I have been with all enjoy girth compared to approximately 70% of the women I have been with complain and ask me not to go too deep. So in all honesty I would trade my length (which is not massive just slightly above average at almost nine inches) for more girth (I am average to slightly above average in girth) anytime if that where possible. This is my honest view from my own experience. So in summary length equals pain for most women as most women I speak to prefer girth.
First off if your size is small find a woman that prefers a small “member" this does exist. If you are large you may benefit from a woman that prefers and can accommodate a large "member" as too long and most women complain. I must say though most women I have been with all enjoy girth compared to approximately 70% of the women I have been with complain and ask me not to go too deep. So in all honesty I would trade my length (which is not massive just slightly above average at almost nine inches) for more girth (I am average to slightly above average in girth) anytime if that where possible. This is my honest view from my own experience. So in summary length equals pain for most women as most women I speak to prefer girth.