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ATL Idol: Week 2, Head-to-Head Round (Part 2)

Wednesday, August 6, 2008 2:52 PM - By David Lat

ATL Idol Above the Law Idol AboveTheLaw Idol smaller.jpgHere’s the second half of the “head-to-head” round of ATL Idol. If you’re not up to speed on what’s going on, background information is available in this prior post (or just scroll down the front page to the post immediately below this one).

You can check out the second half of the head-to-head round, featuring the blogging of SOPHIST and FROLIC AND DETOUR, after the jump.

Here are the takes of SOPHIST and FROLIC AND DETOUR and MARIN on the same story, marked with each contestant’s avatar (at the top of each submission). We gave them this link:

Perrysburg woman tries to ticket MDOT for long traffic delay [Toledo Blade]

And a length limit of 300 words. Here’s what they came up with (presentation order determined by coin flip):

CAT ANGERED BY TRAFFIC, GAS PRICES

By SOPHIST

avatar Sophist ATL Idol.jpgIn news of the absurd and generally pointless, Carol Greenberg billed the Michigan Department of Transportation for the $16 of gas she wasted while idling in traffic. Greenberg was particularly distressed that her cat, Sammy, had to endure this ordeal while locked in a pet-carrier in the back seat for the 50-minute traffic “nightmare.”

Greenberg argued that the government should pay for her gas because traffic warnings failed to sufficiently explain how she could avoid gridlock where Michigan’s I-275 and I-75 merge. She also cited various environmental concerns and the rising cost of gas among other general complaints that make me dumber every time I read them.

Crazy Cat Lady.jpgGreenberg and Sammy encountered the debilitating traffic jam on the way back from Sammy’s veterinary appointment with an allergy specialist. I briefly toyed with the idea of suing Ms. Greenberg for the environmental damage she caused by driving the 86 miles from her home in Perrysburg, OH, to the vet in Southfield, MI; but the carbon footprint of filing a frivolous lawsuit does more harm than good.

When reached for comment about the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and the legal ramifications of directly billing the government absent a valid contractual obligation, Sammy responded “Meow,” and then returned to furiously licking his balls.

I HAVE A LITTLE BILL I’D LIKE TO SEND THE IRS….

By FROLIC AND DETOUR

avatar Frolic and Detour ATL Idol.jpgIn this age of costly government incompetence, it’s good to see a citizen fighting back. The Toledo Blade tells us that Carol Greenberg of Perrysburg, Ohio spent a frustrating hour stuck behind the wheel in a highway work zone south of Detroit. The Michigan Department of Transportation had failed to post signs notifying drivers of delays around the construction area.

Mrs. Greenberg sent MDOT a $16 bill for the gasoline she figured she’d wasted idling in traffic.

“Thousands of vehicles from both Interstates, including mine, sat an estimated 50 minutes, wasting thousands of dollars worth of $4-per-gallon gasoline, belching tons of emissions into the atmosphere,” she wrote.

Toledo Cat.jpgYou might wonder why Greenberg was on the road in the first place, given her concern about the atmospheric impact of fossil fuel combustion. She was taking her cat to his allergist, a 173-mile round trip.

When Greenberg isn’t billing the government for services not performed, she’s a fixture in the whirlwind of Toledo high society. The local gossip columnist has admired her looking lovely with shimmery makeup and a sparkly green, form-fitting gown, whirling on the dance floor at themed galas such as “Nights in Seville” and “Fabulous Vegas.”

The cat is listed in good condition with a patchy rash around his collar. He is expected to make an expensive recovery.

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Posted in: ATL Idol, Cars, Pets, Traffic Accidents, Weirdness

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