Legal Eagle Wedding Watch 8.10: Hotness Disparity Edition
As some of you have noticed, we tend not to remark negatively on the innate physical attributes of our Legal Eagle contestants. There are several reasons for our reticence, but the most basic one is simply this: LEWW believes that prestige is beautiful. LEWW believes that every bride can look gorgeous on her special day if she has the right law degree. LEWW believes that a JD from HLS is like a great bra; it looks flimsy and has a jaw-dropping price tag, but it will support you and make you look better than you deserve.
Having made much of our reluctance to comment disparagingly about our subjects’ appearance, we’ll promptly depart from our own custom and announce that this is Hotness Disparity Week on LEWW. All of our grooms are decent-looking but undeniably average Joes, and we submit to you that all of them have married up.
See if you agree with us. Here are the couples:
1. Uma Amuluru and John Theis
Click on the link below to read about these couples.
1. Uma Amuluru and John Theis
(Buy them a pistachio charger.)
The Case:
- The bride and groom met during law school at Northwestern. Uma was cum laude at Duke; Jack graduated from Georgetown.
- Both are clerking on the Seventh Circuit — Uma for Judge Ann Claire Williams and Jack for Judge William J. Bauer.
- The groom is part of a proud lawyering family. His mother, Mary Jane Wendt, is a justice on the Illinois Appellate Court, and his father, John T. Theis, is a criminal defense lawyer.
The Case Against:
- See discussion of hotness disparity, supra. Also, there’s an ATL category called State Judges Are Clowns, and this is our chance to use it.
2. Dena Fayad and David Guggenheim
(Buy them a camera.)
The Case:
- Dena is the legal half of this couple. She went to SMU and has a law degree from Duke, and she works in the Manhattan office of Reed Smith. If you’re sensing that nobody this attractive could possibly be a law firm associate, you’re entirely correct. If you are additionally sensing that she’s hot enough to be in marketing, pat yourself on the back!
- David graduated from NYU and looks like a hedge fund weenie. But his actual job is so much cooler: He peddles mind-crack as a senior editor at Us Weekly.
- She’s Muslim; he’s Jewish. Neither is very observant, and their parents are supportive. If only all religious tension was so easily resolved.
The Case Against:
- Okay, Dena’s not a practicing lawyer, and we picked her over some brides who are. But she’s gorgeous (our second hotness disparity), her husband works for a gossip magazine, and their wedding reception featured both belly dancing and the hora. LEWW is smitten.
3. Courtney Gregoire and Scott Lindsay
(Buy them a gravy stand.)
The Case:
- We leave the delicious tawdriness of Team Fayad-Guggenheim and lurch back to tedious respectability with this double-JD pair. Courtney was magna at Willamette University and has a JD from HLS. Her groom was cum laude at Georgetown and went to Georgetown Law.
- Scott, a former “honors paralegal,” is now an associate at K&L Gates in Washington.
- Political angles abound. The wedding took place at the governor’s mansion in Olympia, Washington, which just so happens to be the bride’s family’s home. Her mother is Governor Christine O. Gregoire. Courtney, who is keeping her name, is the legislative director for Senator Maria Cantwell (D-WA). That’s a cozy arrangement, and one that makes you wonder which of Washington’s Democratic divas is spying on the other one.
The Case Against:
- Their eyebrow alignment is possibly the sloppiest we’ve seen. Those brows on a Republican governor’s daughter would get slapped down by the NYT faster than you can say “liberal media bias.” And again: hotness disparity.
The Verdict:
Team Fayad-Guggenheim, we’re drawn to you the way we’re drawn to an Us Weekly in Hudson News. We flirt with that naughty, illicit periodical right up until it’s time to board the plane. And then, with a sigh, we put it down and buy The Economist, because our socioeconomic status demands it. So congratulations, Team Gregoire-Lindsay: You are The Economist of newlywed couples.
(108) 
Comments
first to love turtles
Uma rocks!
furst
ttt
This week, the schools aren't as prestigious, but the people all seem down-to-earth and interesting. I wish all three couples the best of luck, though I voted for the first one.
David G...what a shame.
You are totally right. This kind of thing happens all the time. It is because women are not as shallow as men.
That is a beautiful pistachio charger.
That Courtney Gregoire chick is not hot.
Uma's not all that cute. Courtney and Scott look about the same as far as attractiveness.
Why fine- a* Dena married ugmo David will be left to future philosphers and psychiatrists to ponder.
"LEWW believes that a JD from HLS is like a great bra; it looks flimsy and has a jaw-dropping price tag, but it will support you and make you look better than you deserve"
Well done.
7: I disagree. I think they're generally as shallow, but, unlike men, I've noticed that women are more likely to settle in the looks department (assuming that the other factors are appealing).
There's actually an interesting sociological study that examines speed dating and concludes that women will pick according to the pool of daters, rather than some objective standard. I wish I could dig it up from my undergraduate years. I wrote a heavy-handed empirical critique of it.
7: I disagree. I think they're generally as shallow, but, unlike men, I've noticed that women are more likely to settle in the looks department (assuming that the other factors are appealing).
There's actually an interesting sociological study that examines speed dating and concludes that women will pick according to the pool of daters, rather than some objective standard. I wish I could dig it up from my undergraduate years. I wrote a heavy-handed empirical critique of it.
Hmmm...I can't believe that John Theis is 29 - he looks about 40. Still, Uma isn't all that hot. Courtney and Scott are about the same (both 5/10).
Dena, Dena, Dena - what are you thinking? The shot of Dena and David could be a screenshot from Season 1 of the Average Joe dating show. Is it that she has an insatiable taste for faux-insider celebrity "gossip"? Just uncontrollably amused about a dual belly-dancing/hora wedding?
I demand that Elie investigate and prove his chops as EIC.
All the women are gorgeous and all the guys look like dweebs (who are probably wondering everyday how they snagged such hot chicks!). Also, I disagree with #9 and #10, Courtney is cute, Uma is hot, and Dena is out of this world!
Dena is smokin' hot. there is no other way to express it.
I was an honors paralegal.
If that fact ever ended up in my law firm bio, I'd voluntarily leave the profession.
15: I've yet to meet a male attorney who didn't resemble a dweeb. I'm sorry, but this profession does not reward Miles Davis-like pinstripe suits and the birth of the cool.
The second pair is clearly the most hot-disparate. Agree with 9 and 10 that the bride and groom in the third pair are roughly on par with each other. The first chick is cute, not hot.
17: can you explain why you earned the epithet?
We need more "hotness disparity editions" here--it gives some of us a much-needed ray of hope. I have seen a number of hotness disparities in these pages over the last year or so. It's nice to have a group collected, however.
UMA = HOTT.
Laurie, great column (solid day so far on ATL), but I think you messed up colon v. semicolon.
Why is the third pair included? Those two are both plain-looking.
18 - you obviously haven't met me. I feel sorry for you.
Co-sign 21. The fact that fugly non-HYS dudes landed in LEWW with hot non-HYS chicks (Courtney HLS notwithstanding) gives me hope indeed.
"Ms. Fayad and Mr. Guggenheim met in July 2005, when they were set up by one of her sisters and a mutual friend. Though Ms. Fayad is Muslim and Mr. Guggenheim is Jewish, they said religion was never a barrier for them.
Neither is particularly observant, though Ms. Fayad fasts for Ramadan, and Mr. Guggenheim tries to do the same for Yom Kippur."
WAIT UNTIL THEY HAVE KIDS. THAT $599 DIVORCE MIGHT COME IN HANDY THEN....
As a plain and rather unattractive man, I agree with 21. These stories give me hope that I, too, will one day find an attractive and charming young woman.
Any tips on how I might date women that are "out of my league"?
All the girls are pretty but I don't really see the huge disparity as to any of the couples. I've seen some really ugly male attys in real life--with hot wives. (as it should be), but this isn't a good representation.
Courtney is much better looking than her mom
What an absolutely dickhead thing to write.
27: 8 Hannukah gifts + 1 Eid gift >>> 1 measley Christmas gift. Yay for couple #3 and world peace sex.
27: 8 Hannukah gifts + 1 Eid gift >>> 1 measley Christmas gift. Yay for couple #2 and world peace sex.
Courtney is much better looking than her mom
27: you're absolutely right. I belong to one of the aforementioned creeds -- I won't specify which one -- and the real problems begin when the couples raise their children. That's when you get questions like: should we take him to Hebrew School? Mosque? What do we do at Christmas? Extended family makes these decisions difficult, as pressure is applied by grandparents and aunts and uncles.
I'm happy for them and I hope they make it work, but they shouldn't be under any delusions that it will be easy -- neither for them nor the child, who sometimes struggle with identity issues.
For the record, the child won't be Jewish because the mother determines the Jewish creed, and the mother, in this case, is Muslim.
"Those brows on a Republican governor's daughter would get slapped down by the NYT faster than you can say 'liberal media bias.'"
Really funny.
I fully concur with #11. One of the better quotes I've seen around here in a long time. Think I can guess what I'll be trying with my HLS diploma this weekend.
HAS THE POSITION OF FIRST BEEN CLAIMED ON THIS POST ALREADY!!!!! DAMN, I WILL GET IT ONE DAY!!! I SURELY WILL Y'ALL!!!!!!
Ok, #2 is not even close. That guy's gotta be a genius, or has something else...
How about some more white guys with asian girls?? Now there's a hotness disparity!
- King of WGWAG
28 - be (or become) rich and pack a lot of meat south of the border. 1 out of 2 may be enough.
Who started the "co-sign" shenanigans? I want it stopped. NOW.
28
the best way to date out of your league is to date stupid hot chicks. the smart hotties will still have their pick of the HYS studs while the run of the mill trophy is always within your reach (assuming you have a decent net worth).
35, a question:
If a woman converts to Judiasm, and then has a child, is the child Jewish?
Also, if a woman converts after having children, are the children now Jewish?
I'm just curious. i know about the Jewish mother thing. Incidentally, Irish legal law is actually based on the same principal--Mom, not Dad, is the source of legal power in many cases.
27 -
It's uncontested divorce "from $599." That divorce is $799 with one kid and $999 with two. Gotta do more research to be ATL caliber...
According to your link, Christine O'Grady "Chris" Gregoire is the Democratic Gov of Washington.
44:
Conversion in Judaism depends on the sect. The Ultra-Orthodox, for instance, are too conservative in to believe in conversion, while Reform Judaism lowers the bar to ridiculous levels for it. (Incidentally, most Jews don't take the latter seriously, and it has almost no following in places like Israel, where people know Jewish.)
The answer to your question is "probably," but it depends on who's willing to recognize the child as Jewish. Let's just say that he couldn't walk through Meha Shaharim -- the famous Jerusalem neighborhood -- and call himself a Jew. He wouldn't be taken seriously.
If a woman converts after having children is another interesting question. My gut says "no," but I would try to find someone more versed in the religion. I would need a few more years of yeshiva and torah studies in order to answer that one.
True that all the guys are busted, but the only the middle woman is actually hot. The first is just average, and the third is actually kind of busted herself.
good post
Agree with previous posters - the only true disparity is the 2nd couple
If we're grading on the law school / lawyer curve, then 1 and 3 might make the cut. In the real world, those girls are buTTT ugly.
Moral of the story - when in law school date the undergrads. (Except the interns during your summers - idiot).
couple 3 both have very small faces in proportion to their heads.....freaks me out alittle.
dena is hott.
"We flirt with that naughty, illicit periodical right up until it's time to board the plane. And then, with a sigh, we put it down and buy The Economist, because our socioeconomic status demands it. So congratulations, Team Gregoire-Lindsay: You are The Economist of newlywed couples."
Wow, you're a c***.
Excuse my attitude, but I simply can't believe that her Egyptian family would approve of this match. Her brother owns a factory in Egypt, a country that's filled to the brim with anti-semitic sentiment. It would be naive to think that Camp David changed a hostile public attitude toward Israel, and, by extension, world Jewry. Moreover, most Muslim families are protective of their women and determined to keep them close to the faith and culture.
I would also assume that the groom's mother plotzed when he brought her home. There are thousands of nice Jewish girls in New York City and he will marry outside of the faith? Oy vey!
Again, I wish them the best of luck, but this pairing boggles my mind. Does anyone feel the same way?
Wait, I thought Muslim families were ashamed of their women and made them wear birkas, etc.???
Uma is all that is awesome.
"The couple met at Northwestern, from which both received law degrees, she cum laude"
Ouch, Mr. Theis. Very ouch.
How is #2 even on here? What is particularly legal eagle about them?
saw uma in person while i was sitting in during arguments. she was smoking and could have been the best looking girl at a popular club. too bad the guy looks like a dweeb, she could have done better.
Couple number one are both stunning. I personally have the pleasure of staring (quite literally) at Jack Theis all day long, and if he was hard on the eyes, I would have switched offices a long time ago. As for Uma, granted, she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, inside and out, but she's definitely got herself a keep with JT. JT, you may be a looker, but my cheesecake kicked your streussel's ass.
Couple number one are both stunning. I personally have the pleasure of staring (quite literally) at Jack Theis all day long, and if he was hard on the eyes, I would have switched offices a long time ago. As for Uma, granted, she's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met, inside and out, but she's definitely got herself a keeper with JT. JT, you may be a looker, but my cheesecake kicked your streussel's ass.
I was an undergraduate with Courtney (#3). That picture makes her look hotter than she is - though it's possible she's improved with age, I guess.
I completely disagree with the fact that couple #1 is even on the list. Uma and Jack are both hotties.
A little internet research reveals that the NY Times photo is a particularly good shot of Dena.
"LEWW believes that every bride can look gorgeous on her special day if she has the right law degree"
Yeah, right. Maybe a 100,000,000 trust fund, but trust me, no guy cares about law degrees or an ivy pedigree like mine. Hotness is 90% exterior beauty, 5% conversational ability, and 5% "what's on the inside".
HTH.
Looks like couple 1 sent an email to all their friends asking for support. Listen couple one, reading comments from your friends telling me you're hot will not change my mind.
Uma - your nose and mouth are disproportionately large. Also, your body language tells a story. The story is that you are clingy and insecure. Sit up taller, don't clasp him so desperately. He gave you a ring; act like you deserve it. Insecure makes you easy to get into bed but bad once you get there.
See how Dena sits? Emulate.
John - well, you out kicked your coverage, but in Division 3. You are the true idiot. Why did you settle for an insecure, not pretty lawyer??? You should be dating younger, less accomplished women. Who's going to raise your children? A nanny, your mother?
Law school (and the time right after graduation) was the peak of your market. You were all income potential without the jaded attitude. That was your window. Think 23 year old nurse or teacher. You know she likes taking care of people or children, and she won't be able to judge your career or compete with you for the alpha role.
Wasted opportunity. Too bad; you could have had so much more.
Wow 66, you're cruel. And not in the, "mean, but funny" way, but in the "just a bad person, probably a toolbag hiding behind anonymous comments" way.
You sure took a lot of time to make people feel bad.
How could anyone say the broad in #2 is hot? Look at the catepillar 'brows and clown makeup.
I am I the only one who thinks the brides are at best 5's?
HTH.
What's a non-honors GULC grad doing clerking in the CA7?
Dena is very hot -- I gave her a standing ovation, so to speak
want to date out of your league, find a foreigner, notice the trend, except 3.
Can we get some more moderation in here? Some of these comments are an opprobrium on what would otherwise be sensible and interesting discussion. I want nothing to do with the former.
20: High UGPA.
- 17
co-sign 42.
75 - can't believe it took 33 posts for someone to do that.
You people need to get out more. Both of my assistants are better looking than these three. They are pretty enough to work in a FatBurger drive-through, but that is about it.
HTH
73 - missed opportunity - should have signed off with "latter"
The idea from this thread was born with my link to an additional eyebrow horrow show in a NYTimes wedding annoucement. Next on the agenda: fugly girls.
ATL got it wrong - #3 is parity
ATL got it wrong - couple #3 = parity
These chumps have zero game. The guy who shines my shoes does better.
HTH.
I like how David Guggenheim "tries" to fast on Yom Kippur. According to his picture, he should try a little harder.
I mean, damn, have some self-control. It's one f
ing day a year.
44, let me take over here because I'm actually an Orthodox Jew and child of a mother who converted to Orthodox Judaism.
First of all, 47 said one thing correct - it depends on the sect. Reform conversions are only accepted by Reform Jews. Conservative conversions are only accepted by conservative AND reform Jews. Orthodox conversations are accepted by EVERYONE!!! Even the so-called "ultra" orthodox.
In Israel, you are only considered Jewish if you have an Orthodox conversion. My mother converted to Orthodox PRIOR to me being born and therefore, I am 100% Jewish. However, had she converted AFTER I was born, I would NOT be Jewish and would be required to convert at age 12.
Any other questions?
I know this was linked for the bride's eyebrows, but I can't get over the groom's surname.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/17/fashion/weddings/17SCHWAB.html
maybe Dena has a big (in a bad way) butt?
Re # 3: Scott is handsome, charismatic and very smart guy -- I've known him since childhood. This picture doesn't do him justice. I'm sure Courtney is equally a catch. Simmer down, people!
Re # 3: Scott is handsome, charismatic and very smart guy -- I've known him since childhood. This picture doesn't do him justice. I'm sure Courtney is equally a catch. Simmer down, people!
Re # 3: Scott is handsome, charismatic and very smart guy -- I've known him since childhood. This picture doesn't do him justice. I'm sure Courtney is equally a catch. Simmer down, people!
Re # 3: Scott is handsome, charismatic and very smart guy -- I've known him since childhood. This picture doesn't do him justice. I'm sure Courtney is equally a catch. Simmer down, people!
Re # 3: Scott is handsome, charismatic and very smart guy -- I've known him since childhood. This picture doesn't do him justice. I'm sure Courtney is equally a catch. Simmer down, people!
Re # 3: Scott is handsome, charismatic and very smart guy -- I've known him since childhood. This picture doesn't do him justice. I'm sure Courtney is equally a catch. Simmer down, people!
Without naming names, I went to LS with one of the grooms listed above and he had to be the biggest f-king douchebag I've ever met in my entire life. This guy was so analytical that you couldn't even have a normal conversation with him. He was the ultimate gunner asking philosophy type questions in class over and over. He freaking is in love with US history or something, his obsession borders on paranoid. I didn't even know him, but I still remember his scholarly voice. He embodied all I hated about law school. It's amazing any woman would marry him.
28 get rich then the hotties will flock to you. They will cheat on you but who cares you will look good at parties.
I can't but help feel bad for the couples and their families. Celebrating their moment with the NYT coverage should not leave you open to being mocked ruthlessly just because their photos and wedding info happens to be public and therefore "fair game." Some of the comments are ridiculously offensive and none of you would have the guts to make them in person to the 3 couples.
Finally, I actually know someone in this competition.
84, no one cares.
Uma is actually pretty hot--probably an 8 overall. She def had a great body and personality. Don't really remember Theis, but I cant believe she's with a white boy! Freakin A, minority women need to stop selling out!
Also, according to google, she worked at cravath...hot and cravath....Theis must have a huge schlong...or the appellete court mom probably helped....
95: go pound sand.
95: The point of the internet is to allow people to make offensive comments anonymously. Why else would it exist?????
95: The point of the internet is to allow people to make offensive comments anonymously. Why else would it exist?????
Well, porn I guess. Porn and cowardly commentary, thats it.
Co-sign 95. This LEWW was particularly vitriolic (no doubt because of Laurie's brilliant choice to focus on looks).
And co-sign on co-signing.
Jack Theis is the greatest man I've ever known.
#105 is the wisest man I've ever known and, I concur, Jack Theis is the greatest man I've ever known.
I can't even believe there would be "comments" to this post. Seriously?
This isn't an analytical posting. It doesn't require your extrapolations on the attractiveness of people that you have never even met (not mention people who you would be lucky to even have look your way).
Couple number 1 is amazing.
I imagine that couples number 2 and 3 must be pretty awesome as well. All you critical commentators need to find something better to do with your time.
That's a terrible picture of Jack. He's much better looking than that. The shot makes him look like he's 45.