ATL Idol

Lionel Hutz Invitational: Round 2

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[Ed. note: This post is by SOPHIST, one of the finalists in ATL Idol, the “reality blogging” competition that will determine ATL’s next editor. It is marked with Sophist’s avatar (at right).]
Looks like I seeded Jack McCoy all wrong. Maybe McCoy is a realistic approximation of what you get if you combine Stalin, bushy eyebrows, and a totally incompetent criminal defense system.
5. Vincent Gambini (My Cousin Vinny) v. 8. Bobby Donnell (The Practice)
Legal movies portray “the law” as something grounded in common sense. But you cannot learn the law “from the streets.” Martial arts, yes; the 23 exceptions to the hearsay rule, not so much. Vinny failed the bar six times, yet won his first murder trial. That is impossible. I think The Practice did a good job showing the real life difficulties associated with going out there and “hanging a shingle.” Unfortunately, “Plan B” is also known as blaming a third party that had absolutely nothing to do with the instant crime. It’s a sophisticated defense strategy employed by eight-year-olds all across America.
2. Jake Brigance (Time to Kill) v. 3. Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)
The thought of random attorney nakedness should make you shudder. Instead, this unrealistic match-up is titillating. Did anybody go to law school with a girl that looked like Reese Witherspoon? Does anybody know a litigator preparing for a murder trial who maintains a full-body tan? I refuse to believe that I am the only JD out there that has to keep his shirt on for fear of scaring small children.
Maybe if Matthew McConaughey had followed that same code of conduct, I would have gotten his character’s name right the first time.
After the jump, readers weigh in with their choices.


Denny Crane (Boston Legal)
34 says, “Does what Shatner does even count as being a lawyer? Or, you know, playing one.”
I’m not sure either. Does anybody else think that there has to be a role for Erik Estrada on that show?
Miranda Hobbes (Sex in the City)
16 says, “There’s no way she had time for that much dating and that many cosmos while making partner.”
She made partner? Really? Could she also fly?
John Milton (The Devil’s Advocate)
54 says, “I mean I know BigLaw partners seem like the devil, but they aren’t…. Right??”
I would have gone with Keanu Reeves in this movie, because you can’t beat entertainment like, “I win! I win! I’m a lawyer! That’s my job! That’s what I DO!” (Fast forward to the 4:16 mark) However, no living partner would ever scream, “I’m a fan of man.” Hoo-ha!
Barry Zuckerhorn (Arrested Development)
61 says, “Zuckerhorn’s got to beat out Loblaw. Loblaw’s got the better name, but Zuckerhorn was truly legendary.”
Zuckerhorn says, “I could kiss you on the nuts.” Thanks for helping, Barry. Being a lawyer really is more than just showing up to court in a suit.
LeBron James (Vitamin Water Commercial)
169 says, “Citing to a case in front of the jury? Takes the cake.”
I find this commercial fascinating. The transition from “basketball court” to “courtroom” is so ridiculous that your brain activates its special laughter defense mechanism to keep from exploding. Also, I think there is a subliminal plug for his shoe company — the case he cites sounds suspiciously like “Nike v. Oregon.”
Please vote below for you favorites. On Friday we will have the two finalists and the winner of the readers’ bracket.

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