Lionel Hutz Invitational: Bonfire of Horrors
[Ed. note: This post is by SOPHIST, one of the finalists in ATL Idol, the “reality blogging” competition that will determine ATL’s next editor. It is marked with Sophist’s avatar (at right).]
Thanks to all who participated in rounds one and two of the Lionel Hutz Invitational. Today we crown the most unrealistic fictional attorney of the past 18 years (subject to other completely arbitrary disclaimers and conditions, stated and imaginary).
The finalists share one thing in common; they represent clients far dumber than they.
Congratulations to readers’ choice winner LeBron James. He played LeBron James on brain steroids in the popular commercial, entitled “I’m pretty sure we can get idiots to purchase water with food-coloring in it if we call it Super-Water.”
Vote in the final poll after the jump.
3. Elle Woods (Legally Blonde) v. 5 Vincent Gambini (My Cousin Vinny)
Woods took on her climactic case while she was still in law school. Vinny qualified his girlfriend to give expert testimony. Clearly, these are two worthy finalists.
The most disturbing issue is how popular these movies became. Marissa Tomei won an Oscar for her role. Legally Blonde was such a hit that they made another movie, and another one, and a musical. Why can’t Elle Woods go to medical school and leave me alone?
(45) 
Comments
First to not care
first. Booya!
Firstenberg!
this site is rapidly becoming such a shitshow
SOPHIST! SOPHIST! SOPHIST!
As much as Vincent Gambini is unrealistic, it was a great movie. It also was great to see Herman Munster as the judge. In a side note on My Cousin Vinny, the prosecutor (also the dad from Son in Law) played an attorney in an even earlier film...Gideon's Trumpet. The riveting story of how indigents got the right to an attorney in non-capital state cases.
i think I just barked a little on Elle Woods.
6 - "(also the dad from Son in Law)"
Classic.
so excited LeBron won... I cant believe I care, but here I am
so excited LeBron won... I cant believe I care, but here I am
Awful.
Awful.
this is by far the best feature
This post is extremely racist. Are you saying that LeBron James is not smart enough to be a lawyer because he's black? I am shocked and offended, and also batshit crazy.
-Ann Althouse
Lets go Elle Woods!
This is by far the best ATL idol post thus far. Thank you Sophist for not making me what to claw my eyes out from simultaneous frustration with poor writing and unbearable, boring topics.
I think this post should've been "Most Realistic Fictional Attorney" instead of most unrealistic. Clearly everyone can see who's most unrealistic, but the stories and votes for most realistic would've been more interesting.
For example, most of my classmates at law school grew up watching Law and Order. When they think of lawyers, they think of Law and Order. Being the son of two attorneys, however, I grew up watching Ally McBeal. Whenever one thought there was an unrealistic moment, the other would provide a real world example. Now THOSE comments might have been interesting.
(In true Legally Blonde style, my sister's 1L class had two girls that gave everyone nicknames. The 1L class labeled them Lawyer Barbie and Lawyer Stacy in response)
Yeah, Vincent Gambini was unrealistic. But so far as movies go, he's really not that bad. In fact, I've heard from multiple trial lawyers that some of what he does in court is illustrative of good trial advocacy (http://www.attorneyadvocacy.com/pop_culture/, http://books.google.com/books?id=9gC2ZSh5qJQC&pg=PA111&lpg=PA111&dq=my+cousin+vinny+trial+advocacy&source=web&ots=1pA2UhTIEU&sig=p1ZsN5bDaCnxhKSDl00-6PfpHkk&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=10&ct=result)
sophist is boring.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: "Mr. Gambini, are you ready for your opening?"
Vinny: "Yeah, judge. Everything that guy said is bullshit."
Trial advocacy at its finest.
I've gotta stick up for My Cousin Vinny. If you've ever spent time in state court, you know that it ranks up there as one of the most realistic trial movies ever produced. Sure, its a comedy, so you have to discount the over-the-top personalities and unlikely situations, but when it comes down to the trial itself, it looks a whole more like what actually happens in a typical criminal trial than The Practice, or Law and Order or Boston Legal.
This is pathetic and boring. Good job.
20 - I've heard worse in real court. And Vinny's cross examinations were textbook.
23,
I've heard some openings that have made me wish I could say that in real court. It's a fantastic movie. I know evidence professors who show Tomei's testimony to their classes.
20.
Don't be an Elle hater.
I think what really made Legally Blonde more unrealistic was when she magically raised her LSAT score by 20+ points in what appeared to be a minute-long montage of library time.
14 should be EIC.
Several instructors at the National Advocacy Center use Vinny's cross-examinations and Tomei's expert testimony as examples of good advocacy. (National Advocacy Center = where DOJ trains AUSAs.)
Who made these guys judges? I cannot believe one of the horrible contestants is going to be running ATL shortly. Seriously. ATL is heading down the crapper and I'm just about to flush it out...
I voted Elle Woods. I mean, it is completely unbelievable that a Harvard 1L would be able to litigate anything, let alone win a murder trial. And, besides, Vincent Gambini as a night law school grad really would know more about auto repair than criminal procedure.
When it comes to the actual trial, Vincent Gambini is a master at the craft. He never asks a question that he doesn't know the answer to. He picks up on clear weaknesses in the prosecution's case by doing his homework and investigation. He also paints the picture using the jurors. He doesn't tell the story himself. He plays dumb to let the witnesses take center stage.
His problem wasn't that he was stupid, or that he didn't know how to try a case. He just didn't know the Alabama Rules of Civil Procedure and/or Evidence. Who does?
His problem wasn't that he was stupid, or that he didn't know how to try a case. He just didn't know the Alabama Rules of Criminal Procedure and/or Evidence. Who does?
I just want Elle Woods to win things. :~)
Vincent Gambini is not all that different from company's structured finance lawyers...probably dresses better too!
-McBain
32: "He just didn't know the Alabama Rules of Civil Procedure and/or Evidence."
they have such things in Alabama?
I don't get the Elle Woods hate. Most female attorneys I know enjoy that movie. If you don't think law students like her exist, you obviously didn't go to law school in LA.
"I don't get the Elle Woods hate . . . If you don't think law students like her exist, you obviously didn't go to law school in LA."
It's not that law students like her don't exist, it's that they don't end up actually being good lawyers.
I went to Brooklyn Law School, so it my view, My Cousin Vinnie is completely normal. And, I hate Legally Blond.
I like Elle Woods. Unrealistic, but cute and entertaining. Makes me happy to be an HLS Grad.
I don't know how that should make me vote in your poll. Am I voting for the fictional lawyer I hate or like the most?
ITT: Moonbats. Everywhere.
Wingnuts = clearly superior to moonbats, assuming you're not angling to get laid.
Vinny in Alabama is merely ridiculous, but Elle at HLS is truly absurd. Plus, Vinny's shoes look like socks + sandals.
But I'm still not sure which one I'm supposed to vote for.
My evidence class was taught by a federal judge. He showed us Marisa Tomei's examination in class! It was pretty cool.
I can't believe Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer didn't even get a mention
"Your world frightens and confuses me!"