Lionel Hutz Invitational: Round 2
[Ed. note: This post is by SOPHIST, one of the finalists in ATL Idol, the “reality blogging” competition that will determine ATL’s next editor. It is marked with Sophist’s avatar (at right).]
Looks like I seeded Jack McCoy all wrong. Maybe McCoy is a realistic approximation of what you get if you combine Stalin, bushy eyebrows, and a totally incompetent criminal defense system.
5. Vincent Gambini (My Cousin Vinny) v. 8. Bobby Donnell (The Practice)
Legal movies portray “the law” as something grounded in common sense. But you cannot learn the law “from the streets.” Martial arts, yes; the 23 exceptions to the hearsay rule, not so much. Vinny failed the bar six times, yet won his first murder trial. That is impossible. I think The Practice did a good job showing the real life difficulties associated with going out there and “hanging a shingle.” Unfortunately, “Plan B” is also known as blaming a third party that had absolutely nothing to do with the instant crime. It’s a sophisticated defense strategy employed by eight-year-olds all across America.
2. Jake Brigance (Time to Kill) v. 3. Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)
The thought of random attorney nakedness should make you shudder. Instead, this unrealistic match-up is titillating. Did anybody go to law school with a girl that looked like Reese Witherspoon? Does anybody know a litigator preparing for a murder trial who maintains a full-body tan? I refuse to believe that I am the only JD out there that has to keep his shirt on for fear of scaring small children.
Maybe if Matthew McConaughey had followed that same code of conduct, I would have gotten his character’s name right the first time.
After the jump, readers weigh in with their choices.
Denny Crane (Boston Legal)
34 says, “Does what Shatner does even count as being a lawyer? Or, you know, playing one.”
I’m not sure either. Does anybody else think that there has to be a role for Erik Estrada on that show?
Miranda Hobbes (Sex in the City)
16 says, “There’s no way she had time for that much dating and that many cosmos while making partner.”
She made partner? Really? Could she also fly?
John Milton (The Devil’s Advocate)
54 says, “I mean I know BigLaw partners seem like the devil, but they aren’t…. Right??”
I would have gone with Keanu Reeves in this movie, because you can’t beat entertainment like, “I win! I win! I’m a lawyer! That’s my job! That’s what I DO!” (Fast forward to the 4:16 mark) However, no living partner would ever scream, “I’m a fan of man.” Hoo-ha!
Barry Zuckerhorn (Arrested Development)
61 says, “Zuckerhorn’s got to beat out Loblaw. Loblaw’s got the better name, but Zuckerhorn was truly legendary.”
Zuckerhorn says, “I could kiss you on the nuts.” Thanks for helping, Barry. Being a lawyer really is more than just showing up to court in a suit.
LeBron James (Vitamin Water Commercial)
169 says, “Citing to a case in front of the jury? Takes the cake.”
I find this commercial fascinating. The transition from “basketball court” to “courtroom” is so ridiculous that your brain activates its special laughter defense mechanism to keep from exploding. Also, I think there is a subliminal plug for his shoe company — the case he cites sounds suspiciously like “Nike v. Oregon.”
Please vote below for you favorites. On Friday we will have the two finalists and the winner of the readers’ bracket.
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Comments
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Love this round... go Elle!!
Good choice on the write ins... that LeBron commercial is awesome
Miranda was the worst oversight on the original post, good job making up for it now
Don't look now, but we have an official leader. Which is a shame because I was sure Lat would eventually have to submit to the pressure and put Kash in charge.
I love the 'beautiful people' bracket, its a good match-up
Even better Sophist. Keep it up!
I love the 'kiss you on the nuts' line. Well played
The Nike v. Oregon thing is definitely intentional. The founder of Nike went to the University of Oregon.
Second installment just as entertaining as the first
Are you kidding? This is good? This is crap! You're obviously not a lawyer if you've had time to see any of these characters on TV. Go away, worthless neophytes!
1- I agree Legally Blonde is the most ridiculous thing ever... even worse that is now a musical
Umm, 10, lawyers can't watch TV? What are you doing with your spare time, getting your partner's dry cleaning and washing his pool?
#10 -- you need to get out more. you're so into being a lawyer that you've never watched tv or movies? that's just sad. or maybe i shouldn't have tried to have fun during law school.
Can't date, must cite-check...
I'm familiar with maybe two of these characters. This whole thread is boring. And it's not that I don't watch TV or movies; it's just that TV and movies about lawyers are almost universally bad, so I don't choose to watch them. I liked Twelve Angry Men. This thread holds no interest for me.
11- Did you see the Mtv show to cast the new Elle Woods on Broadway? Kind of as ridiculous as ATL idol.
Legally blonde is definitely the worst. This girl gets a 142 on the practice LSAT and then busts a 179 on the actual...that was the funniest thing about the movie.
Has anyone clicked on the McConaughey link, yet? It's a must see.
hey 13,
bow down and pay respect, obviously #10 was born in the recruitment office of Skadden. He was closing billion dollar deals, while litigating the breach of such in front of the Supreme Court at the age of 10. By 15 he was teaching international arbitration at Harvard law.
10 you need to lighten up a bit my friend.
recap at beginning? link to old post? needs to be obvious to reader what happened before w/out having to go search for the old post.
Miranda was an ugly hag. Mrs. Huxtable should be up here.
21- this isn't the hottest fictional lawyer contest...
Bonkers of the universe unite!
#20- It is obviously what the post is about, its just common courtesy to provide the link
Properly snarky. Somewhat disturbing repeat emphasis on testicles but I suppose it goes with the territory.
Had you not posted Round 2 we might have forgotten this crappy competition existed. It may also have allowed you to pass through this week. However, I doubt that anymore. Just hope Marin brings back the update to the legal mating combinations. That should guarantee you safety.
26,
The competitors had to do a "multi-part" feature according to Lat's explanation a few days ago.
#26 -- do you not understand how this competition works?
Those? Those are balls
Sophist is awesome!! He has won this competition, hands down.
"It's a sophisticated defense strategy employed by eight-year-olds all across America."
Hilarious. Sophist wins.
Sophist isn't great, but when the rest of the competition is shit Sophist looks like a legal blog god.
(Alex can be decent from time to time as well. Can we get rid of Marin and F&D already?)
I laugh at "Lionel Hutz Invitational" every time I see it. Well played again, Sophist.
Bad recap for those who were too disappointed with the first post to know what the hell you're up to.
Sophist wins
Sophist wins
I will agree, the content is crap, but the writing is above average. Sophist wins.
Lat, please sack the rest immediately
Barry Zuckerhorn is the greatest. But alas, he's not that unrealistic. I litigate against guys like him all the time (as did guys in my high school, where it was no big deal).
Bob Loblaw's Law Blog is a first ballot inductee into the Law Blog Hall of Fame.
Barry Zuckerkorn please.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Arrested_Development_characters#Barry_Zuckerkorn
Thank you.
Good job Sophist. In a sea of mediocrity, you have risen to the top.
However, I was disappointed to learn that you are not as fit as you should be: "I refuse to believe that I am the only JD out there that has to keep his shirt on for fear of scaring small children."
I suggest less television and more exercise. 30 minutes of cardio per day, plus 100 push ups should do the trick.
40: Lat is a fat piece of shit too. I suppose holding out for an upgrade is justifiable, but given the alternatives...
My Cousin Vinny is possibly the funniest movie ever. This post sucked.
this blows
Couldn't agree more, 43. In fact, the whole site is like 90210 or Melrose, or, for the younger set, whatever tv show you watch but know sucks. You know it's shit, but you can't turn away because the toads you're watching (or, in this case, whose posts you're reading) are so compellingly....er, toadish.
Keep it coming, Lat. And, by the way, suck it.
Clearly the winner of the day. This was the only post which actually seemed to require thinking by the offer, rather than letting the readers or pictures do the entire job.
It's "A Time to Kill."
Not "Time to Kill."
Sophist=winner
Marin=ugly, extremely unfunny loser
Alex=gayest of gays
Best of the follow-up articles, by far.
1. Sophist
2. Alex
3. F&D
4. Marin
"This was the only post which actually seemed to require thinking by the offer"
"By the offer"? Wow . . . just . . . wow.
Excellent work Sophist. Even if I didn't know all the characters, there were enough good jokes to keep me reading. There may be hope for ATL yet....
What? You just launched right into this post - we're supposed to remember your previous post from a few days ago? Not even an intro or a link? Yikes.