Summer Associate of the Day the Mid-1990s: The Necklace Maker
Based on your feedback, it seems that the story of office sex between two Skadden summer associates may just be urban legend. But we don’t feel that bad, since it’s a story that very well could have happened — and surely has, in other years or at other firms.
As promised, we’re going to make it up to you with a story from our former firm that is similar to the Skadden one. Having heard this tale from multiple sources during our time there, with no divergences in the pertinent details, we believe it to be true (although we do admit it’s old, from the mid-1990s).
The story, while perfectly safe for work, does include reference to a specific sexual act (hinted at by the image at right). If this offends your sensibilities, please stop reading here. We try to keep the ATL front page PG-rated.
But if you’re cool with this, read more, after the jump.
A summer associate at Wachtell Lipton routinely had his girlfriend visit him in the office at night. They would proceed to have sex in his office after his officemate left. This was “remarkably retarded,” in the words of one WLRK lawyer, given that Wachtell is often a beehive of activity at 10 PM, 11 PM, and beyond.
On one such evening, after one of their liaisons, the girlfriend is in the bathroom. She’s stripped to the waist, standing in front of the sink, and washing the obvious remnants of a pearl necklace from her bosom area.
A tax partner walks into the bathroom and sees the young woman en deshabille, scrubbing away at her “girls.” The young woman cowers, frantically trying to cover herself up. Without batting an eye, the tax partner says: “We have showers here, you know.”
End result: the fellow didn’t get an offer. But Wachtell Lipton got a summer associate story that has been lovingly passed down from one class to the next — and now to the world at large, via the interwebs.
P.S. Given the demands it places on its associates, Wachtell would probably be fine with its associates satisfying all their needs — yes, all of them — without leaving 51 West 52nd Street. But the Necklace Maker displayed poor judgment and a lack of discretion.
Pearl necklace (sexuality) [Wikipedia]
Earlier: Summer Associate of the Day: Doing the Conde Nastie?
(62) Comments
Comments
first
SECOND!
ta ha.
bukkake thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh skeet skeet skeeet god damn
money shot
superman dat ho.
Groooss! You mean someone had sex with a lawyer at Wachtell? NSFAnyone.
So now we gotta reach back over 10 years to get a good SA story? Sucks.
there are currently only two female tax partners at wachtell. think the tax partner in question is one of them?
Since when is the front page of ATL "G" rated?
David--don't let Ann Althouse's biker-airline-lap-dance-image comments dislodge ATL's sleazy tradition!!!!!
I'm calling BS. Who shoots it on a girl's chest at work? Beoynd that, why wouldn't she just wipe it off in the office? It's hard to imagine a girl stripping down in front of a sink in a public bathroom. What seals the deal for me as a made up story is the detail that the tax lawyer was completely unphased by this and offered the adive of going to the shower. I've done some fucked up stuff, but who is so jaded that accidentally seeing a girl cleaning nut from her chest in a public bathroom doesn't take you aback. BS.
Lat, here's a tip for you. Any time a story includes some super cool and collected person giving movie- style quotes, it's fake. And, if you're going to do so, at least make the quote funny. Like the tax lawyer came in and said, "and here I thought all this time that diamonds were a girl's best friend." Now that's good comedy.
2:44 - This story took place in the mid 1990s. I don't think the partner is still there.
Like investment bankers, WLRK partners retire early (with notable exceptions - Herb, Marty).
Guys at my high school used to ejaculate on their girlfriends' chests at work all the time, it was no big deal.
While this is a good story, it's just a story. I'm with 12.
Only ways this story works:
i) SA's office has no napkins or Kleenex at all - the girlfriend would have done most of her clean-up there.
ii) SA's office was very close to bathroom. I wouldn't walk into a public office in that state of dishevelment.
iii) The girlfriend wore her blouse/dress into the bathroom, then removed it to get clean.
iv) The girlfriend - despite the mess - would have kept on her undergarments.
v) The girlfriend was at least a bit drunk.
No female tax lawyer at work at night during the summer is nonplussed by seeing a topless woman scrubbing herself in a bathroom. Also, what summer associate is in the office at nighttime?
Two comments:
1. Sperm is water soluble, no need to "scrub away" at it. And why “scrub” it off at all, instead of just getting dressed and showering at home?
2. However, even if (given the above scientific red flag to a possibly fictitious story) this story is true, the SA (obviously) was no-offered because he was a premature ejaculator, and not due to any office sexual indiscretion—of which there was only the “barest” scintilla of circumstantial evidence in any event.
good one, 14.
Like the tax lawyer came in and said, "and here I thought all this time that diamonds were a girl's best friend."
+1, friend.
Good one 14? 14? How about 12 with the diamonds. Now THAT'S comedy, I agree.
"and here I thought all this time that diamonds were a girl's best friend."
12 for new editor
Thanks 19.
/s/ 12
"Multiple sources" and "no divergences" doesn't lend any veracity to this story. It only means that from the person who originally told the story to Lat, everyone had really good memories (no doubt honed from tedious associate work). This story sounds like BS.
V Monkey allegedly did the same thing to a Russian ho.
16 said: "Sperm is water soluble, no need to "scrub away" at it."
True indeed - the bigger question is why didn't the sperm drenched gal just do the proper thing and eat the mess? This certainly would have saved her the embarassment and him the job ...
How many guys would it take to complete a full necklace around Judge Halverson's neck?
"And why “scrub” it off at all, instead of just getting dressed and showering at home?"
Apparently 16 doesn't mind stinking like jizz/bleach.
25: any bukake film will answer that question
25 - one, so long as the guy is the dude from freaksofcoc*.com
who cares
i heard the bikers saw this and gave althouse a pearl blouse.
24, you clearly do not understand the pearl necklace, do you?
24:
As I said, if true, the guy is a premature ejucalator. The poor GF never got the chance to swallow.....
If the story was true, how did it get out? Did the tax partner go around telling people what happened? If so, do you think that is what she would have said her reaction was? Do you think she would have been honest about her reaction?
31 have some imagination- get the lady to scoop.
You people claiming that sperm is water-soluble clearly have never been a sex-starved teenager watching scrambled porn. If you try to clean it up with water, you'll just end up smearing it everywhere.
35: Agreed. It's turns into a glue-like substance.
"Sperm is water soluble, no need to "scrub away" at it."
And Lat, of all people, should know.
I think maybe the pearl necklace was introduced elsewhere... that's y she had to scrub away. Have some imagination people!
OK I'll give you the unlikely assumption that there are no tissues or napkins in the dude's office.
Why, then, once the necklace has been created, doesn't the guy go into the men's room and bring a paper towel back to her, while she waits in the privacy of the office?
Possibility: She wipes it off her skin successfully, but some had run down onto her shirt and/or bra. She goes to the bathroom, takes the shirt off to clean it in the sink (bra still on). Partner walks in...
Can we please get our terminology right? "Sperm" are the tiny and definitely not water-soluble reproductive cells floating around in "semen". I have no idea if semen is water soluble, but interestingly enough for you lady lawyers out there, "Research has demonstrated that semen may have anti-depressant properties", something you should keep in mind when you're depressed about being in the office at 2 am with some male colleagues.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Semen
haha @ 32
should have been down the hatch, man. solves the whole thing.
Heard the same story but with a corporate partner. Seems to undercut the credibility.
44: Your source is not very good. Tax is much funnier than corporate.
I'm with 12. Guys at Wachtell don't have gfs, they have wives who treat them like ATM machines.
46: Perhaps this was her penalty for early withdrawal.
s/ 12
he shoulda busted dat nut in his ho's nappy ass weave.
"25: any bukake film will answer that question"
I think I've been a lawyer too long -- I first read that as "bukake FIRM." Then I wondered whether they took laterals.
"25: any bukake film will answer that question"
I think I've been a lawyer too long -- I first read that as "bukake FIRM." Then I wondered whether they took laterals.
And this, girls, is why you always swallow. You don't want the money tree to whither.
#50.....
laterals are definitely accepted.
poopin' in a hat
sounds like an embellished fish story.... However, I have to admit there is a time honored tradition (at least in the late 80s) to bring a girl back to the office for sex. Especially if the office was on a good high floor with a view of the city. Maybe the girl was just wiping away the obvious evidence in the bathroom?? (without the "stripped to waist" BS).......... a good story anyway!!!
Yeah, totally unbelievable.
In addition to the good points others have made about being able to just wipe it off and finish showering at home (btw, any girl who goes to her boyfriend's office for a quicky is either done for the night or plans to shower afterwards anyway, because sex is ALWAYS messy. Everyone knows this. You ALWAYS shower after sex if you're going anywhere afterwards. And, yes, I do know this, because I'm female, and I would NEVER let a guy cum all over me without a plan to shower. I mean, ew.), cum does not take that long to wipe off. And, guys, sorry, but when women enter a bathroom to see another woman cleaning herself off, her immediate thought is NOT "oh, she must be wiping cum off her neck." If I saw a topless woman in the bathroom scrubbing her neck, I'd probably think she spilled a drink on herself.
So yeah. This story kind of smells less like cum and more like fail.
hoax
Total hoax written by a non-woman, obviously. Women are laughing at the many obvious implausabilities in this retelling... Lat, remember how Carrie had to tell her author boyfriend Berger that no NYC woman walks around wearing a scrunchie? Yeah, this whole rendition reads like that.
I bet you guys are a load of fun watching a movie. Just shut up and enjoy the story.
Load of fun?
That's a pun, right 5:47?
57 believes the special effects described in this tall tale!
My wife treats me like an ATM, but she lets me do ATM, so it's about even.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=A.T.M.
Ann Althouse, what did you think of this one?
WGWAG!