Aaron Charney, Alex Kozinski, Ann Althouse, ATL Idol, Eliot Spitzer, Elizabeth Halverson, H. Rodgin Cohen, Jeremy Pitcock, Pictures, Thomas Goldstein

What if They Mated: Legal All-Stars Edition

avatar Marin ATL Idol.jpg[Ed. note: This post is by MARIN, one of the finalists in ATL Idol, the “reality blogging” competition that will determine ATL’s next editor. It is marked with Marin’s avatar (at right).]
From ergonomic wrist supports to dual computer monitors, law firms wring every ounce of productivity from the attorneys they haven’t axed (yet). But while firms close branch offices and fire scores of lawyers, we submit that the answer to the current economic slump isn’t merging firms – it’s merging people. Everybody knows that two lawyers are better than one. It’s time for firms to get both and pay half; time for attorney mating.
No more legions of staff attorneys or filibuster roll-calls. Say goodbye to team meetings that resemble the Last Supper. Through attorney mating, firms can combine, say, the skills of master litigators with those of corporate powerhouses in order to produce uberlawyers with the efficiency of ten Aeron chairs. Using genetic samples from parent attorneys and the latest in Photoshop technology, we’ll give you a sneak peak at the offspring of some of the most sought-after combinations.
Read more, after the jump.

We’ve hand-picked a crop of legal superstars for genetic reformulation. Browse the match-ups below and tune in on Thursday for a revealing look at the monsters products of these pairings:
Jeremy Pitcock — Eliot Spitzer
Jeremy Pitcock Eliot Spitzer.jpgBlends aggression inside and outside the courtroom with transparency and blameless virtue.
Aaron Charney — H. Rodgin Cohen
Aaron Charney H Rodgin Cohen mated.jpgMarries the ultimate in synergy with the latest in Nazi defenses.
Alex Kozinski — Elizabeth Halverson
Alex Kozinski Elizabeth Halverson mated.jpgUnites refined taste in porn with porn star looks.
Ann Althouse — Tom GoldsteinAnn Althouse Tom Goldstein.jpgCombines sound reasoning and cultural sensitivity with impeachable editing and grammar.

(hidden for your protection)

comments sponsored by

Show all comments