A Partner's Wet Dream
Remember that scene in Ferris Bueller where Ferris's mom is home a little early and gently opens the door to his room? With the pulleys and the mannequin and the sound system Ferris is able to convince his mom that he is in his bed comfortably sleeping.
With a little ingenuity Perfect Plush could give associates the necessary cover for the long lunch. According to the company, this plush doll already has many of the skills of a successful associate:
He's at your firm. He's the guy who walks around late at night to make sure he's the last one there, and will do the same an hour later if someone else is still working. He sends unimportant emails at 1 a.m., just to let everyone (especially the partners) know he's still billing. He will corner the summer associates and tell them a war story about his latest deposition (even though he has only taken four in his six year career). He will be sure to let everyone know just how many hours he billed last month and where he stands for the year.
If it comes with a fake-laugh track, we're pretty sure partners won't know the difference.
(45) Comments
Posted in: Shopping, Shopping For Others
pretzels
El Segundo
more pretzels
What next? Elie hawking his "I won ATL Idol" T-shirts from cafe press?
um, this sounded like it might be an okay post, but the thing is only 15" tall. therefore, it couldn't sit in my chair and pass for me whilst i take a 2 hour lunch because i have nothing to do.
mystal=failure. yet again.
huh?
Hil. Ar. I. Ous. Or not.
-Gallion
This post clearly illustrates how much ATL has deteriorated.
And here is the latest:
New from Perfect Plush, "Perfect ATL Editor."
He posts intelligible nonsense about topics vaguely related to the law. Occasionally, under the name "Hope Winters," he stretches these topics over several posts, leaving the readers hanging in complete indifference between posts. He spices things up with typos and grammatical errors. He is 15" tall.
So whether you are getting a gift for someone who knows him, sending a message to someone that they are him, or YOU are him, The Perfect ATL Editor is the perfect way to bring a smile to anyone reads ATL, writes for ATL, or simply enjoys having a good laugh at the expense of ATL.
Calabresi's penis is bigger than that damn doll. Will never work.
The blog is somewhat funny. Like anonymous associate.
ATL is finally dead. Lat better change course and fire this chump. His writing is horrible. Most of the time, I have to read a post several times in an attempt to comprehend the subject matter. It's like he starts in the middle of the story.
I would bet a month's paycheck that ATL's page hits and ad revenue are sinking fast.
And how is it a "a partner's wet dream" for associates to have a doll that gives them "the necessary cover for the long lunch"? Shouldn't that be "an ASSOCIATE'S wet dream"?
it's like a train wreck. You can't look away. sad.
Can we get back to GULC and UPenn State?
UPenn State Tech was recently GULCed in the polls by Gretta VanCrumpleface.
UVA2L
What idiot sends emails at 1:00 a.m. to look like he's still billing. You want to kiss ass like that, try Outlook's 'send later' function. Luddites.
Lay off me I'm starving!
Most of you just like to bash Elie for the sake of doing it. I can't stand the spelling errors either, but this post wasn't that bad.
I do not want my children to be exposed to the abomination that is GULC. Vote for Prop. 14 in your next election and lets do something about this scourge of the educational system.
Tadge Choadely
GULC me two times.
OK how much was ATL paid to make this blatant advertisement look like its own thread?
yep, that sounds about right....
Most partners judge associates on perceptions because their metrics for "progressing up the ranks" are completely phony and most partners do not want you to become partner.
Basically, the current system of extreme subjectivity in judging associates during review allows only the "old boys" to progress - with plenty of made up reasons why not to promote many qualified people.
I used to come for the articles; now I just skip to the comments to see when the first time "Suck it MysTTTal" is used.
I'd be pissed off if an associate e-mailed me at 1:00 am. Unless there is an urgent client matter, working that late simply shows that the associate has terrible time management skills and is likely too tired and stressed to produce a quality product. This type of associate is also more likely to burn out and leave than someone with a healthy work-life balance. If I'm picking an associate to work with me for a client who's going to be around for several years, I'm choosing the associate who will be around that long as well.
Incomprehensible yet again.
Suck it, Mystal.
Very truly yours,
The UPennState Polytech Glee Club
From the post's title, I was expecting it to be another thriller from Barack Winters. CAN'T WAIT.
Um, 24? Where do you work? Associates inerested in maintaining a "health work-life balance" do not last more than a few years at any firm I know.
24 -- Get in line with Mystal and suck it. Now wipe my ass.
The Ass of Cravath
24 reminds me of an associate I knew who left the office every day at 6 and boasted about his ability to "maintain a work-life balance and still get stuff done." That associate also chose to work from home a lot because "it's only document review and partners at this firm don't care about face time." That associate also took a full three weeks of vacation, since "the firm's vacation policy is three weeks." That associate lasted for 1 year.
30, what does "lasted" mean? Was he fired? Was his work not up to snuff? Did he find something better to do?
Lasted = Face GULCed into submission.
31,
It means a partner noticed and had a conversation with him -- something along the lines of "We need to find you something else to do."
31, 30 here. Lasted = terminated. I haven't the slightest as to whether his work was up to snuff, but the partner who gave him the heave-ho pointedly asked him to find a single partner who would vouch for him, and he was unable to do so.
24 = bitter service partner, probably in a Wealth Mgmt. or "Climate Change" practice group
17, the send later or "do not deliver before" function in outlook will delay only delivery, it does not alter the time stamp, FYI.
"With a little ingenuity Perfect Plush could give associates the necessary cover for the long lunch."
Mystal, you fat moron, you need a comma after ingenuity. Harvard education ftw?
30/34 -
I'm sure the guy was heartbroken to go, too. Somehow, I doubt he's out on the corner sucking dicks to make his BMW payments.
30: By "healthy" I didn't mean "pleasant" or "normal" work-life balance. I just mean get home enough, watch enough House, and have enough sex that you don't become an insufferable douchebag.
Billable hours are like sausages and laws. Partners don't want to see how they get made. If you're going to bill insane hours, put in some face time, but don't let your partner feel guilty about how much you're at the office. They might be willing to trade a little bit of profitability for getting to feel like they're a nice and generous boss. They probably won't actually become nice or generous, but they'll want to feel like they are.
And remember, some partners are going to be living vicariously through their younger associates, or will want to take on a father/mentor/big brother role (look for partners with children who just left for college). If this is the case, spending all your time at the office is going to make them feel like a failure.
Boasting about how little time you spend in the office is just stupid. It's annoying and red flags your work (and billable hours) for extra scrutiny.
Billing insane hours is more valuable to the partners who don't know you but get the benefit of your work. At a big firm, you contribute very little to any particular partner's paycheck, but can have a much larger impact on their emotions.
-24
Booo! It doesn't come in "diverse."
The headline should read " A Partner's worst Nighmare." I am just saying.
My[sic]tal
pathetic. bring back exley.
Lame
I wonder what's on TMZ...