And you thought you were having a crappy day…
We like the occasional poo-poo joke here at ATL, but we’re torn between amusement and disgust in the case of Cornell Tyler, 37, who is being tried for murder in Markham Courthouse in Illinois. His actions give new meaning to Freud’s anal-sadistic phase.
Tyler used sandwich bags from lunch to create excrement bombs on Thursday. He tried to use them on Circuit Judge Kathleen Panozzo, but her deputies took the hit. From the Chicago Tribune:
“The judge said, ‘Is your name Cornell Tyler?’ ” [Assistant State Atty. Ted] Lagerwall said. “He said, ‘My name is Self Destruction, but you can call me Smitty—well, I mean [expletive].’”Tyler then quickly reached down the front of his pants and pulled out the baggie but the deputies beside him pounced on him.
“In that scuffle, he did throw the excrement toward the front of the courtroom,” Mateck said. “The judge was not injured, but unfortunately our deputies were … adversely affected.”
Poor deputies. The courtroom had to be cleared because it “stunk to high heavens.”
It seems likely that Tyler’s nickname will change from “Self Destruction” to “No More Fiber For Me.”
Defendant tosses excrement at Markham Courthouse judge [Chicago Tribune]
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Comments
pretzels pretzels pretzels
lulz @ the deputies being "adversely affected"
because who hasn't wanted to throw a bag of shit at the judge...rally...
3 flying poops.
now this is an ATL worthy story Elie take not. Kash for EIC
Finally - a good ATL worthy story. Kash rocks.
What a horrible day for the guards. ROFL.
If I were plotting to throw baggies of dung at a judge, I don't think I would store them down the front of my pants.
Judge Halverson always enjoyed sacks of dung being flung at her. Sometimes just to show off she would open her mouth and devour the flying bags like a porpoise would fish.
I'm just saying.
r. kelly doo doo butter. mmm....so good
This posting pretty much sums up what this site has turned into: excrement. Goodbye, ATL. When you come back with relevant postings about the legal market, clerkships that don't focus solely upon courts of appeals in an effort to skew in favor of Harvard, where entitlement and skill are inversely proportional, etc., let me know.
MysTTTal's writing is like a bag of poo. It stinks!
(sorry to put this in a Kash post, but when the poo bag fits . . . ).
This gives new meaning to the well-demonstrated proposition that Cornell=TTT.
8 - great imagery
Guys at my cellblock used to create excrement bombs and throw them at the judge when on trial for murder all the time, it was no big deal, except that they then had to stand trial wearing restraints and an electric stun belt.
FRAT STUD DEFENDANT
8 - Halverson to corophillia? Nice.
[Insert obligatory 2girls1cup reference here]
10: Seeya tomorrow in the next poop thread.
Gentlemen at my preparatory academy were, in their periodic moods, in the habit of obtaining the solid products of their digestion and hurling the same at unsuspecting federal officials who possessed their office by virtue of Article 3. The net result of these nefarious activities was that said federal official remained unscathed, but that the official's minions were adversely affected, in what could only considered by most neutral observers as a most unseemly fashion. Said circumstances were merely trifling and not worthy of undue circumspection.
Guys at my school used to toss their shit all the time. It was no big deal.
Kash -- are you into scat or something?
My colleagues and I shit on SCOTUS justices all the time, this is no big deal.
- Miami Law Professor Frat Stud!
*'mistakenly' compliments Elie on this post in a transparent attempt to demonstrate how much better Kash is*
I GOTZ DA BOOTAY JUICE!!11!11!!!!1
Wow, what a crappy article.
This is also terrible. Only Lat is worth reading.
haha, PWNAGE!
haha, PWNAGE!
i've had to take a lot of crap from a portage county judge for a while so it's good to see some of it go back to the bench. eat shit plough.
i've had to take a lot of crap from a portage county judge for a while so it's good to see some of it go back to the bench. eat shit plough.
This is really a good story. I mean those throwing of crap is not good. But truly interesting.