first?

this is not satisfying...

Sounds about par for the course for some moron who went straight to law school after college.

At the end of an interview, the interviewing attorney asks the law student the standard, "Do you have any questions?"

Student responds: "Yes, will I be able to hire my own paralegal?"

A bit taken off guard, attorney sort of pauses, realizing this is not a joke.

Student goes further, "To be as good as I want to be, I feel like I need to control who I work with."

(Epilogue - student apparently did this in all of her interviews, at least 10, with mostly mid-size to large shops. Needless to say, no call-backs. Student went on to work for the government that summer.)

Not an OCI story, but still funny. It's an older one.

At a top ten school, they had an event for admitted students and a few people brought their parents. During a question and answer panel, a mother raised her hand and volunteered, "I cook all my son's meals for him. What will he eat here at the university?"

The panel was momentarily shocked, but someone stammered something about meal plans. I don't think that her son matriculated at the school, yet the story lives in infamy.

3 --

Sounds about par for someone who went to HLS. Entitlement anyone?

5 -- Not very funny.

At Sidley in NYC, my callback interviewer fell asleep during the interview. So I stopped talking and sat silent. When he woke up (only about 30 seconds later), I just started talking again. He never knew he fell asleep.

Since I got the offer -- he must have been overworked... not just bored. Or so I'd like to think.

It was one of Sidley's weird "evening" callbacks, which is an awful idea, since you're led around the office at 8pm and get to see all the associates still there...

Interviewer asks inevitable, everyone-is-prepared-for-it question: What do your consider your weaknesses to be?

Candidate (stratospheric GPA to offer and little else): Well, I don't really like other people very much.

Job not offered.

I never really had an awful OGI interview -- there was the one where I had the flu as a 1L, and I was hopped up on a couple of medicines and was completely having a boring out-of-body experience. When the interviewer asked if there was anything they should know about me beyond what was on my resume, I couldn't fathom what they could possibly mean by that question, and I think I stammered and said "I don't think so."

My preferred stories were from when my husband was in law school, and apparently a lot of the NYC firms were asking a bunch of crazy questions like - If you were a tree, what kind would you be? What one thing would you bring to the firm that is different from everyone else? (I think that the 2L's response to that one was "this pen.")

I heard a story here at Cleary Gottlieb from this recruiting season, not terribly exciting but a nice foot-in-mouth moment. At one of our OCI's, during this kid's interview, he remarked that he's the perfect lawyer for Cleary because he's "like, a big socially awkward nerd." The mid-level associate interviewing him deadpanned: "So I'm a socially awkward nerd?" Ouch. I don't think he got a callback.

It's unfortunate, because his assessment of Cleary lawyers was pretty spot on.

5-that is a piss poor story.

9: there's your future star appellate litigator. Why would you ding that person?

If it was a top school, I would suggest going into academia.

10 - OGI Interview?

Student is on a callback and is in a partner's office. The partner looks at the student's resume and asks, "I see here that you graduated from college in 2003 and didn't start law school until 2005. What did you do between college and law school? It's not addressed on your resume."

[Student had been a stay-at-home father for those two years while his wife worked.]

Student responds with, "Well, I guess it's about time I come clean about those two years I spent in prison."

-silence-

Student then says, "I'm just kidding!!" and proceeds to tell the truth.

Result: No offer for poor humor.

Last year during an interview lunch, I had a 2L sit and describe to me how she had scammed her summer employer all the previous summer.

Moral of the story: don't assume that just because you're talking to a junior associate, you can say anything and everything.

15: how is that poor humor? I'm laughing my a** off . . .

At the candidate!

15: I would have given that student high marks for creativity.

During a callback at Cadwalader NYC, I walked into my next interviewer's office and he challenged me to a light saber fight. Then we dueled. True story.

Apparently, Lucas Arts was a big client of his; his office was packed with Star Wars paraphernalia. And he tossed me a light saber replica, showed me how to make some of the sound effects, and then we began to parry and thrust, back and forth... until he got tired of that. Then we sat down for the interview.

This was the same day that the Sidley dude fell asleep on me.

Personal story --

Back in 2003 at one of my last OCI interviews of the fall, I was asked a terrible generic questions by the attorney interviewing me that law students often get: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

As I was tired of answering questions like this during OCI interviews, I decided humor was the best answer: "I see myself as slightly balder and about 10 lbs. heavier."

That answer did not go over well. No callback. Boo-hoo.

Yeah I don't think 15 is so bad. No humor in those situations is hilarious, but at least it lightens the mood, and that joke wasn't tasteless or anything.

19: did you end up working for them? That's amazing. I've seen firm offices with lots of sports memorabilia, but that's much cooler.

Can we have an open thread about office decoration?

19: Assuming that's a true story, at least we know that guy can do performance art/light saber demonstrations in NYC when Cadwalader finishes firing the rest of its attorneys.

During a lunch after an interview, the subject of being available at 2a.m./checking your blackberry at all hours came up (dumb on their part to bring up war stories I think in retrospect). I got a little carried away and asked something along the lines of "what if you miss a call to come back into the office because you're passed out drunk at 2a.m.?" Sad thing was, it wasn't really meant as a joke, it was to my mind a valid (if thoughtless) question...I don't think they found it very funny either.

I'm the jackass who used the wrong firm name in one interview...obviously no callback.

I did, however, show up almost 10 minutes late for a 20 minute interview and managed to still get a callback out of that one.

14--

Original gangster interview.

--10

10 -- you really felt compelled to share that?

A friend of mine was doing OCI in the summer and became incredibly sick with some sort of flue. She decided to go through with the interviews regardless. All went well until she had a coughing attack in the middle of talking to a V10 firm which only ended when she vomited all over herself. No offer.

Some people need to lighten up. At least recognize that the candidates are trying to lighten the mood and bond with you, rather than thoughtlessly dinging them on the basis of not being robots.

15: That story is far more embarrassing for the firm than for the interviewee.

15 -- C'mon, that was good. Showed personality. Boo on the no-offer.

14, Original Gangsta Interview - it was for Skadden's Compton office.

My firm made the mistake of interviewing at GULC. We interviewed fourteen 2L students, each of whom claimed to be in the top ten of their class.

OGI = On Grounds Interview (UVA)

33: FAIL at basic math. There are 400 1Ls at GULC, and, therefore, 40 people in the top ten.

Three weeks of OCI at HLS can be a bit much, especially if you filled up your fly-out week dance card and are past the date when you can cancel OCI appointments.

My buddy diligently prepared for his final day of OCI at the Charles Hotel with every intention of throwing his interviews. Horrific patterned shirt and loud tie? Check. Mismatched socks? Check. Pants hiked up around his nipples (the better to show the socks)? Check.

My buddy really enjoys eating and he has managed to restrain himself in the hospitality suites up to this point. For the last day, he lets loose, attacking the buffet in his ridiculous outfit. Total gorging across the spread, just hovering over the grub and eating constantly for 30 minutes, crumbs flying everywhere, stuff dropping on the floor. Quite the spectacle.

And the beauty of that 100K HLS degree? Still got a callback that he politely declined.

Same student in 15 goes out to callback lunch with partners and associates. Waiter comes to the table and approaches the student first.

Waiter: "Can I get you something to drink?"

Student: "Yea, I guess . . . I'll have . . . a . . . vodka redbull."

-Rest of table looks at him in shock.-

He, again, says, "I'm just kidding!! . . . I'll just have a long island."

-awkward laughter at table-

No offer.

Dumb question 24. Everyone knows you just get your **s up and go in drunk.

35: FAIL at reading. Not top ten percent; top ten.

The student in 15 and 37 is an underrated comic genius. I cannot use enough emoticons to express how hard I laughed at those two posts.

I had a really weird callback at a bad firm that had just merged. I had just received an offer from a good firm that was almost certain I would be accepting, but I felt obligated to go through the motions with this bad firm since everything had already been arranged. Throughout the morning sessions, the response to every question I asked was "I don't know, since everything will probably be different now that we've merged."

I then went out to lunch with two people, and I just could not get them to talk. They seriously spent the first 25 minutes with their faces buried in their plates, not looking up, which I tried to ask questions. They gave one word answers until they finished eating, then pushed their plates away, sat back and said, "well, do you have any questions?" I was so taken aback by the whole experience that I just said, "no." They took me back to the office immediately, and I had to wait 35 minutes until my next interview began.

I didn't get an offer. Sucks for them. Hope that merger worked out.

35 = unqualified for doc review. Perhaps you should consider HR.

35 = GULC grad

I was conducting a callback lunch interview in Los Angeles when the interviewee starts talking about how he can't stand living in Koreatown because Koreans were so rude and also bad drivers. I said, "Dude, my last name is Kim. You know I'm Korean, right?

After an uncomfortable ending to the lunch I called HR and told them if they gave this kid an offer I was quitting. Needless to say, no offer for this guy.

Guys at my high school used to get big fucking boners all the time in interviews. It was no big deal

39: FAIL at clarifying your statements. You left it at "top ten."

I was at an interview with my friend HOPE WINTERS and I totally decided to flirt with the guy interviewing me. I'm the kind of girl everyone likes. I ended up going out with the guy, but then wouldn't go home with him. Hee hee! I'm so interesting and flighty!

HOPE WINTERS and I nicknamed those crazy shenanigans "OCI Pantsdown." The story lives on in legend, as does my attractive flightiness!

46: 39 here. I wasn't 33. I'll leave it to you to decide where the FAIL is.

45 -- Sexual arousal is not uncommon during times of nervous tension. i do not take offense.

47 is a $2 hooker.

Considering GULC doesn't even give out place rankings, only percentiles, so I find it rather hard to believe that 14 different people would all tell the same lie. Much more likely that the liar is here on these boards.

49: Ugh . . . no, it isn't. Thanks for the made-up psychology lesson.

At an OCI reception for a mid-sized Firm X, a few students are engaging in polite conversating with partner in Firm X. The partner asks each student what they did the summer before. One student, who apparently took full advantage of the open bar, begins talking about spending his 1L summer working with general counsel for an apartment complex, often dealing with tenant evictions. Completely unsolicited, the student begins talking about how they used to break into the evictees' apartments and if they found weed/drugs in the place, they'd steal the drugs and some electronics from the apartment like it was their own personal Best Buy. He said, and I quote: "what were the tenants gonna do? They can't tell the cops that we took their stuff or we'll just report them for the drugs." Partner and other students (including me) look at each other and then stare at the floor.

I'm thinking he didn't get the callback...

At an OCI reception for a mid-sized Firm X, a few students are engaging in polite conversating with partner in Firm X. The partner asks each student what they did the summer before. One student, who apparently took full advantage of the open bar, begins talking about spending his 1L summer working with general counsel for an apartment complex, often dealing with tenant evictions. Completely unsolicited, the student begins talking about how they used to break into the evictees' apartments and if they found weed/drugs in the place, they'd steal the drugs and some electronics from the apartment like it was their own personal Best Buy. He said, and I quote: "what were the tenants gonna do? They can't tell the cops that we took their stuff or we'll just report them for the drugs." Partner and other students (including me) look at each other and then stare at the floor.

I'm thinking he didn't get the callback...

39, 46: Can't you just go down to the Union Station food court and hash this out between yourselves? You're just demonstrating to everyone why we shouldn't hire Georgetown kids.

A 2L thought he was interviewing with Debevoise.

He was unsure how to pronounce "Debevoise," so when he got into what he thought was the Debevoise interview, he asked, "How do you pronounce the name of the firm?"

"Jones Day."

While conducting a screening interview, I notice that the female student is on a secondary journal related to sports. I ask if she's really interested in sports. She responds emphatically with, "Yes! I love sports. I love [local baseball team]! In fact, the game starts in 15 minutes, so, uh, could we hurry this along . . . ?"

52 -- See Adam Sandler, "They're All Gonna Laugh at You!" - skit: "The Buffoon and the Dean of Admissions," feat. Adam Sandler and Conan O'Brien.

49: I understood the reference; not bad.

I walk in to OCI interview. Guy says, "Hi, I'm Mark." I respond, "Nice to mark you, meet." We both pause for a perplexed second, then proceed with the interview. Didn't get a call-back.

I was interviewing at a large firm and the head partner in the office asked if I was interested in clerking. I said "No - I can't see taking that kind of pay cut at this stage" (I went to law school later in life). Clearly not a wise answer to a lifetime litigator who had just gone on and on about his clerkship. I was mortified, but couldn't stop myself from talking at the time.

I got the offer and he told me he appreciated my candor. Don't sweat every comment you make and you'll be fine.

I should clarify that this was a group interview, and when I was interviewing "with" HOPE WINTERS, it was HOPE WINTERS and I being interviewed by some generic lawyer guy, who was totally drooling over us, since we are so interesting and flighty!

-47

35 - idiot - how did you not get that?

60: NEVER use chiasmus as a rhetorical tool unless you're at the RNC or DNC, in which case you use it all the time.

47: Very, very funny.

I was at a callback with Cadwalader Charlotte for my 1L summer. One interviewer asked me what my biggest fear was about working there. I responded, "That I'd hate it." The interviewer laughed nervously. I realized I shouldn't have been so honest. I didn't get an offer. With all that has happened since, that response may have been my saving grace.

49 -- amazing reference...I wonder if anyone else got it.

In the middle of interviewing a candidate on a call-back in large Atlana firm, he stood up on the chair and started singing the Star-Spangled Banner in Japanese. After about 2.5 minutes of singing and me staring at him in shock, he simply sat back down and continued the interview.
No callback.

In the middle of interviewing a candidate on a call-back in large Atlana firm, he stood up on the chair and started singing the Star-Spangled Banner in Japanese. After about 2.5 minutes of singing and me staring at him in shock, he simply sat back down and continued the interview.
No callback.

"I'll keep it short and sweet: Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed at a big firm."

In the middle of interviewing a candidate on a call-back in large Atlana firm, he stood up on the chair and started singing the Star-Spangled Banner in Japanese. After about 2.5 minutes of singing and me staring at him in shock, he simply sat back down and continued the interview.
No callback.

68: Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy behavior.

47...brilliant.

33 - at my school, there were a couple of ties for places in the top ten people. like, a 5-way tie for number 10, which would give you more than 10 people with top ten rankings on their transcripts. especially possible at a large school with several sections.

I once asked if it was true that at Biglaw, partners sometimes ask you to work until 1am, and if they feel bad when asking you to stay that late. Also, if you have to work until say 1 or 2 in the morning, are you allowed to come in at noon the next day?

44: So, if he had said blacks were bad drivers, you would've shared a little chuckle? Was his offense the racist comment, or was his offense that he had the poor judgment to make such a comment in front of a Korean-American interviewer?

Absolutely shouldn't have gotten the offer. Clearly.

So I'm at OCI in Brooklyn and this guy asks me what I think about people hating on lawyers.

So I said, "That's real, yo. I ain't even exaggerating at all, man. The mo money you make, the mo problems you get. And jealousy and envy is just something that comes wit the territory, man."

Got the offer, beeyotch.

Callback at a top 30 firm my 1L year, late 90s. Interviewer notices my slight accent and asks where I'm from. I say that I was born in [name of small western european country]. Interviewer blinks and asks "how's the war going there?"

Really, there is no right answer to this. I ended up explaining to him that I wasn't sure exactly what he meant, because WWII ended 65 years ago and it's been pretty peaceful since. He probably thought I was from Bosnia, but really, what'd he expect me to say? "My family's been tortured and killed horribly but it makes me want to work for your top law firm even more"?

I got a call back at a top NY firm that I despised because it does work for horrible people, including many many of the top tobacco companies. I already had several other offers. During the interview I asked about working on Tobacco cases and the associate starting glowing about how there was plenty to go around and all you had to do was ask for it. I replied "I think you misunderstood me. I was more curious about how you slept an night and could go to work in the morning knowing that you were defending tobacco companies."

I didn't get an offer.

I got a call back at a top NY firm that I despised because it does work for horrible people, including many many of the top tobacco companies. I already had several other offers. During the interview I asked about working on Tobacco cases and the associate starting glowing about how there was plenty to go around and all you had to do was ask for it. I replied "I think you misunderstood me. I was more curious about how you slept an night and could go to work in the morning knowing that you were defending tobacco companies."

I didn't get an offer.

Recent interview with a 3L -
"So, what practice group do you want us to consider hiring you in? "
"I'm interested in everything, corporate, litigation, real estate."
"well, as a 3L, you don't have the luxury of rotating through practice areas - 3Ls who are hired at our firm get hired directly into a practice group."
"Well, I'd go into any practice group that the firm needs me in."
"Okay, which of our offices are you interested in?"
"I'd go pretty much anywhere."

75: Not a bad question. Sleep deprivation affects productivity, I'm sure.

Alright, check this out:

I had about 38 beers (it was an accident) the night before a callback interview. I showed up extremely hungover and trying to hide the booze smell. Nobody said anything or even acted like anything was amiss, so it was all good.

We went out for callback lunch, and I felt a hangover fart brewing in my guts, the likes of which would probably never again be seen in the Midwest. I have much skill in this area, so I discreetly lifted a buttcheek to let it go, figuring I could blame it on the waitress or another diner if it came down to it (the restaurant was crowded).

Well, I underestimated not only the force behind the fart, but the volume and contents as well. I liquishit in my pants. I panicked, but must have maintained my cool because the associates I was eating with didn't seem to act any differently, although I knew there was a spreading brown stain on the back of my $400.00 slacks.

I did the only thing I could think of to do, which was to calmaly sit in my own poop and finish the meal as though nothing were wrong. When it came time to walk back to the office, I awkwardly made an excuse for having to catch back up with them there, then made my way out about 10 minutes after they left.

In a strange town and in a panic, reeking like hangover poop, I walked into the nearest clothing store I could find (a fucking Banana Republic) and purchased the nearest facsimile I could find to the shit-filled pants I was wearing. I thanked the cashier who was making disgusted faces, grabbed my bag, and split out of there.

I was somewhat lost due to having to walk to the Banana Republic, and the only way I knew how to get back to the firm was to hop on the train I had taken to get there, so I did. I rushed to the bathroom of the train and removed my soiled pants and underwear, balling them up and tossing them out the window of the bathroom on the train car. I reached in the bag for my new pants and pulled out... a pink cashmere sweater. I must have grabbed the wrong bag in my haste! I got out at the next stop wearing a frilly pink cashmere sweater as pants, and sat down on the curb to beg for change. Where I remain to this day.

At NYU, early interviews were conducted in a dormitory before people moved in for the year. A friend of mine was bombing an interview, and decided to cut it off early. He lifted his eyebrows and eyeballed in the direction of the bed in the corner.

"So, I take it those are for the SPECIAL interviews..."

On the other end, I had an interview with Paul Hastings, where the partner interviewing me spent the first 5 minutes of my interview on a diatribe about how people from Tampa (where I grew up) are massive rednecks.

At a post-interview party for another firm, I mentioned that I was from Tampa, the partner I was talking with suddenly got all enthusiastic about how every time he has business down in Tampa, he likes to spend a lot of time at Mons Venus (a notorious strip club). I've found there's actually a type who thinks this is appropriate conversation. No less than four times at business/formal events has someone senior to me mentioned how they love going to Mons Venus, including my aunt-in-law's investment banker husband.

80: Why waste your and others' time if you knew you wouldn't work there? Give me a break. I hope whoever you were interviewing with remembers your name and makes life difficult for you at somet poitn.

If you were such a crusader you wouldn't be considering BIGLAW in the first place.

81: Read: Desperation

At NYU, early interviews were conducted in a dormitory before people moved in for the year. A friend of mine was bombing an interview, and decided to cut it off early. He lifted his eyebrows and eyeballed in the direction of the bed in the corner.

"So, I take it those are for the SPECIAL interviews..."

On the other end, I had an interview with Paul Hastings, where the partner interviewing me spent the first 5 minutes of my interview on a diatribe about how people from Tampa (where I grew up) are massive rednecks.

At a post-interview party for another firm, I mentioned that I was from Tampa, the partner I was talking with suddenly got all enthusiastic about how every time he has business down in Tampa, he likes to spend a lot of time at Mons Venus (a notorious strip club). I've found there's actually a type who thinks this is appropriate conversation. No less than four times at business/formal events has someone senior to me mentioned how they love going to Mons Venus, including my aunt-in-law's investment banker husband.

At NYU, early interviews were conducted in a dormitory before people moved in for the year. A friend of mine was bombing an interview, and decided to cut it off early. He lifted his eyebrows and eyeballed in the direction of the bed in the corner.

"So, I take it those are for the SPECIAL interviews..."

On the other end, I had an interview with Paul Hastings, where the partner interviewing me spent the first 5 minutes of my interview on a diatribe about how people from Tampa (where I grew up) are massive rednecks.

At a post-interview party for another firm, I mentioned that I was from Tampa, the partner I was talking with suddenly got all enthusiastic about how every time he has business down in Tampa, he likes to spend a lot of time at Mons Venus (a notorious strip club). I've found there's actually a type who thinks this is appropriate conversation. No less than four times at business/formal events has someone senior to me mentioned how they love going to Mons Venus, including my aunt-in-law's investment banker husband.

If the censor ban on the Mayo and Shamwow is not lifted, then we will have everyone stop posting blogs on all the sites.

Interviewing in early October 2001 -- the interviewer asked me if I had known anyone who died on 9/11.

47, 49, and 83 should be hired at ATL. Tremendous stuff.

90: You're KIDDING. And if you had? What an inappropriate question.

25 -- did you call the firm Kirkland? If so, the interviewers laughed about you in my callback.

While I'm an interviewee, interviewers keep telling me funny stories of other interviewees' mess ups. My favorite was when the interviewers offered the interviewee a soda and it exploded when he opened it. The kid was shell-shocked and couldn't even close the bottle. The interviewer offered to reschedule the interview, but the kid just mumbled "doesn't matter now" and walked out.

I had just sat down for my 5th interview of the day (and 12th of the week so far). The interviewer led off with the usual question about why I wanted to work in that market, I launched into my usual schpiel about how I had spent a lot of time Washington, DC as I was growing up, that I loved the vibrance and unqiue feel of DC, and that I still had family there.

She let me finish and then asked, "You know that we're a BOSTON firm, right?"

What followed was the most awkward 15 minutes of my life, and a rejection letter before the week was out.

2L signs up for interview with a firm that has an office in Ontario. 2L raves in interview about how the 2L has always wanted to work in Canada and has tons of family in Toronto. Interviewer shifts uncomfortably, then says "That's really great! But our office is in Ontario California". 2L apologizes and ducks out 10 minutes early.

Law firms interview GULC students?

I was interviewing with a firm based in Louisville, Kentucky. Let's just say I kind of grew up abroad. I had absolutely no connection to Louisville but wanted to hide that fact. So, when the interviewer asked me if I'd ever visited Kentucky or the area, I replied; "Oh yes, I love Louisville!" Except I pronounced it "Lewisville." I had no idea I had made the mistake until a few weeks later as I was sleepily watching the weather forecast. They highlighted "Louisville" and I shot up in bed, needless to say, no callback.

I was intreviewing candidates at Penn. I started with the standard "So why do you want to work at our firm?" The kid paused, brought his face closer to mine, and whispered "To fulfill the prophecy." Gave him a call back on the strength of that joke alone.

2L goes into an interview with the managing partner of the D.C. office of a large national firm...and when asked what he (the student) is looking for in the kind of firm he wants to work for, says "well, I think I'm better suited to a smaller firm...you tend to get a little lost in a big firm." The student immediately realizes the interview is for all intents and purposes over when the look on the managing partner's face changes rather dramatically. To this day, the student (me) has no earthly idea why those words came out of his mouth. Wasn't drunk or on drugs. Wasn't having a particularly bad day. There is no explanation (other than perhaps Freudian slip or divine intervention!).

80: how do you sleep at night?
Rainier Wolfcastle: on top of a pile of money, with many beautiful women.

94: The most awkward of your life? I doubt it. You clearly haven't experienced enough awkward moments.

83 for comment of the year.

98: I don't get it.

So I go to a callback with a top NYC firm. Meet with the managing partner and various other big-time partners. They are willing to extend me an offer right then and there, since I am at the top of my class at HLS.

But then the managing partner asks me to give him blowjob! Him and all the other partners! They say they would proud to have me blow them, that I am part of the elite, house in the Hamptons, Mercedes, all that jazz. But they want a blowjob, a really good one, one worthy of my caliber. So I say "Well, you don’t have to wait, because the answer is "no." Okay, s-so you can keep your homes and your country clubs and your blow jobs...because I’m gonna be the best damn lawyer in this country! And, I’m gonna go to court and I’m gonna argue every case I can against you and your fat cat clients! *And,* I’m gonna win!"

They laugh. "Do you really believe that course cases are decided by juries making decisions based on evidence and lawyers’ arguments? Oh [ ], how could you be so naive? Court cases are decided by a series of blow jobs. In fact, our entire civilization is built on blow jobs."

83 = Hillarious.

OCI interviewer from Gray Plant, for which I was a bit overqualified but doing a screening with as a concession to a roommate's parent. She showed up late and left the TV in the OCI room on to the Little Mermaid throughout the entire interview.

I interviewed for a school-year clerk position with a prosecutor's office in a major city. The interview was in the criminal courthouse.

During the interview, I feel a sharp, stabbing pain in the part of the male anatomy where one would least want to feel this pain. It subsides, but comes back; subsides, but comes back. It seems everytime I make the slightest movement, I feel this pain. I finish the interview, stand up--the pain is worse and deeper, as if I'm being stabbed with a very small, but very sharp, knife. I try to walk out of the office normally, which leads to more pain.

When I get to the ground floor, I mince my way to the men's room, which, of course, is not used by any employees, but by criminals (sorry, accused criminals) and their families and friends. So, it's a pigsty, full of derelicts and gangbangers. I manage to find a stall with a functioning door, go in, and drop my pants. The problem--my drycleaner used a safety pin to attach their tag to the bottom of my shirt. The pin had become undone and was positioned so as to stick me everytime I moved. I'm relieved that I don't have some horrible medical condition, but wondering how much of my wincing and cringing the interviewer picked up on.

104: Excellent reference. 180. Mr. Show FTW.

107: Very funny.

During a callback interview, the partner i was interviewing with offered me some lunch. While I was eating, i started choking on a piece of lettuce.

I lived, but no offer.

95:

That firm was BB&K wasn't it? Haha, Only place in Ontario, CA (cow-town)

Yes, it's a veritable forest down there.

76 - Why the chip on your shoulder??? Are you a black person with a bad driving record? Jeez, take a joke - even a poor one.

Clearly the interviewee was a tool on many many levels. As are you, with your defensive nature!

106: thanks for wasting their time. Why would you interview with a firm that you don't want?

104 - Stupid.

I was a senior associate at a V20 firm, doing call-back interviews. Took one guy out to lunch at a good DC restaurant. He kept looking at his watch the entire meal. I finally asked him WTF was going on. He said he had another interview scheduled shortly and was afraid we were taking too long. Dinged.

Middle of an interview with a 2L from a top-5 school last year and his cell phone rings. Expecting him to look embarrassed and reach in to turn it off, he pulls out the phone, flips it open to look at the caller ID, presses the answer button while holding up one finger in the air towards me with his other hand (as if to say, "just a minute"), and says, "hello?... [PAUSE]...ok, I'm in an interview right now, let me get back with you in a bit... ok. bye."

And then he turns his attention back to me and says, "sorry, where were we?"

My reply, "we were just ending this interview."

No offer.

117: I can't understand why you would do that. Maybe it was another office. Maybe it was a federal judge calling him for a clerkship.

101: True, but the incident involving a sheep, a bucket, and a broomstick seemed WAY off topic.

-94

To an applicant with no special interests or activities listed on her resume: "So what do you do with your free time outside of school? Do you have any hobbies?"

Applicant: "Vegetariansm."

No offer.

80 is a tool.

83 was brilliant. Well done.

85: I wanted a free lunch
100: funny reference, but the same pile of money is available at plenty of other places.

Not a student interview, but in a lateral callback interview, I told a red-headed female associate that my then-current practice group was kind of the "red-headed stepchild" in my then-current firm. This look of hatred washed over this woman's face while I stammered out a "well, if you know what I mean." I wouldn't have accepted the offer at that place if I got it, but I think that was the reason I didn't.

Ha, five years later I still chuckle thinking about that.

Elie-If you ever decide to run a post of the year contest 83 should be one of the nominees.

Both this and the clerkship thread shows what complete douchebags some interviewers are. What ever happened to being human and giving people the benefit of the doubt? How sad is it that the slightest bit of power over frightened law students turns some people into turds. Maybe the phone call during the interview was from his cancer-stricken grandmother, and he was too awkward/nervous to know he needed to explain himself. Maybe being involved with a vegetarian lifestyle and causes does consume much of that person's free time.

re: 104

I choose to believe that this story is true.

I once spilled a whole jar of mayo on a legal briefing but used a sham-wow to clean it up with. Thanks Vince Offer.

I got a snake, mang!

During one interview, I noticed that the interviewee had a cold. I offered him my hanky but he politely declined it and continued sniffling.

NO OFFER.

127 - it's not. See 108 for the citation.

So interviewers are power-tripping jackasses, and interviewees are unprepared, stammering morons. Ok. Plenty of those stories. But surely someone has some good tales of hot and heavy action going on, or being suggested, in the interview room. C'mon, spice up the thread.

Heard about this this year. Not going to say which side I heard about it from.

Associate is doing interviews for a major market V100. Associate is a litigator and knows little/nothing about credit, securities, and everything else that's playing havoc with the corporate economy.

Associate draws a late in the day interview with a kid who is the son of an investment banker. Kid has on his resume that he did research and some management for family investment projects. Kid is undecided on practice area and has at least some interest in litigation, and IIRC worked for a judge. You think they should talk about litigation, right?

Interviewer decides, for some reason, to challenge kid on degree of knowledge about the financial markets. Interviewer proceeds to get a capsule on asset-backed finance that, from what I understand, was accurate, insightful, and entirely Greek to the interviewer.

No word on callback decision.

130, maybe he didn't want to wipe his nose on a hanky that somone else may have recently used to wipe theirs. I wouldn't use a stranger's hanky either (unless I was bleeding profusely). Gross.

I literally just had an OCI interview at 1:00 today. The female interviewer came out and told me it would be a moment. I assume she then went to the bathroom, because when she returned her skirt was tucked into her pantyhose in the back (but looked fine from the front). I tactfully tried to indicate that the world could see her ass...rest of the interview went awkwardly, to say the least.

During one interview, the interviewee mentioned that he liked basketball. I asked him which team was his favorite and he said, "The Celtics."

NO OFFER.

You're an idiot if you answer a cell phone during an interview.

I honestly cannot believe that people here are defending the interviewee in that situation -- seriously, some of you actually think it is ok to answer a cell phone in an interview?!? Where do you people work? Remind me not to ever hire your firm.

137: He answered it quickly and returned to the interview. No harm done. Keep your exclamation points to yourself, please.

134, I think 130 was pulling your chain. Kind of like 136. In other words --

During one interview, I asked the interviewee what his favor color is. He responded, "Red."

NO OFFER.

I told the interviewer that my weekeness was my ability to remember names and I spun it into a strength by saying I focus on it now and am probably better at names than most. She immediatly asked me what her name was. Thank god, I had it on my paper. She followed my answer with "what is the name of my firm." I had no idea at all. I said that it probably had some sir. names in it.

The sad part, I got a callback. I turned it down.

114 --

Don't worry, they had huge holes in their OCI schedule. I was doing them a favor.

-106

I was just completing an OCI interview, which had gone pretty well, and was standing up from the interview table to shake hands with the associate interviewer. As I did so, I put my head through the frosted glass light fixture above the table, which was hemispherical, with a diameter of about two feet. The fixture shattered all over me, the table, and (I think) the interviewer. Forever after, I can say with certainty that the most unusual/worst question I've ever been asked in an interview is "Are you bleeding?"

Oh, and I got a callback and an offer.

Re: 11

I'm actually the kid who made this comment. It was a horrible slip, and I knew how bad it was when she wrote down "dorky" on my resume, and asked the question about whether she was dorky herself.

Its really too bad because Cleary was my top choice firm, even though callbacks outside of your firm worked out fairly well. (I allowed my dorkiness to speak for itself in subsequent inverviews)

Interviewed with a Southeast-based firm. I had on my resume that I had lived in Denmark and spoke Danish. The interviewer sees that and says to me, "That's cool! My wife has a really good friend who's Dutch!"

Not the same thing. Lousy redneck.

My jacket caught on fire at a firm reception the evening after my OCI interview. Got the callback, and the restaurant is paying for a new suit.

I once asked an OCI interviewer which of the firm's offices he worked at. Turns out, the firm only had one office. Oops! Needless to say, I did not get a callback.

I showed up for my screening interview with Orrick exactly 3 minutes late. The interviewer, a senior partner, sat with his back to the door. I knocked and entered. He turned toward me and made no attempt to hide a very thorough look. I could feel his stare as he "measured me." His eyes traveled down my near well-dressed body and then back up. Our eyes met and he started to grin.

"You are one hot kid."

He stepped closer. We were less than a few feet apart.

The partner reached into his pocket and pulled out a money clip stuffed with bills. The outer bills were hundreds. He pealed off the first bill and put the rest back in his pocket.

Still looking into my eyes he reached and pushed the bill past the waistband of the front of my briefs. He didn't stop. His hand pushed past my hard cock and then under my loose sweaty balls. I actually spread my legs apart as his hand moved deeper. He deposited the bill right at that tender spot behind my balls but not yet at my ass hole.

I couldn't help letting a low moan escape from deep in my chest.

His empty hand started to pull back. He cupped my balls as he withdrew over them. He gave them a gentle squeeze. His warm fingers wrapped my hardon as he moved again. He paused and gave my cock a squeeze. It was as gentle as the touch to my balls. He moved a little and seemed to find the exact place where the mushroom head of my circumcised cock tapered down to the shaft. His fingers circled my member and he squeezed me long and slow. I came in a violent shudder and fell into his arms weeping, ashamed of my passion.

I got the callback *and* the offer. Couldn't be happier.

Some of the firm's female interviewers happened to be pregnant during interview season. T10 SA candidate comments during the interview that all the women in the office are obsessed with pregnancy...yeah, like that didn't get back to the pregnant female partners...no offer....but I hear they wound up at a V50 firm anyway.

Had an OCI with Cadwalader 4 years ago. I wore a navy blue suit with gold trim, the skirt was a slimmer cut, but not slutty by any means. Sensible black pumps, typical interview outfit.

All through the interview, the associate seemed really uncomfortable. He kept staring at my legs, stuttering his words, etc. He couldn't even look me in the eye. One of the most awkward experiences I have ever had. I looked in the mirror afterward, and didn't see anything wrong, no smeared makeup or messy hair, no skirt stuck in the back of my pantyhose, legs were shaved, etc.

I just chalked it up to the fact that maybe the interviewer was even more nervous than I was or something.

When I got home, I asked my wife if she had noticed anything different about me before I left for the interview and she said no.

Never got a callback, either. Weird.

I once asked an OCI interviewer which of the firm's offices he worked at. Turns out, the firm only had one office. Oops! Needless to say, I did not get a callback.

This is a horror story because of an idiot associate interviewer.

I was at the Cook County MInority Job Fair in Chicago in the earlier part of this decade as a 3L trying to get a direct hire offer. I had a ton of interviews, but was able to get Jenner & Block added to my list, although they didn't choose me. (The fair had it so that empty/cancelled slots could be filled by people who weren't selected by that firm).

So I go in for the interview at Jenner & Block. It was an african-american associate (mid-level I think), and he greets me, sits down, and confesses he hasn't seem my resume (since I was added to the list). I give him a copy, he looks it up and down and says,

"So, do you have any questions for me?" Seriously, I wanted to ring his neck right then and there. Of course I wussed out and just asked my lame questions and went on my way. I regret not calling him out for be a douche-bag. (At the very least he could have pretended to be interested in some things on my resume, have a normal interview, and then I get the ding letter a week later).

I hope the day comes that Jenner comes calling to offer me pship so I can laugh in their face.

My phone went off in the middle of an OCI interview.

Interviewer laughed and asked what song she was listening to.

Still no reply. No ding letter, but no call-back either.

147 deserves the death penalty.

God, this is such a lame thread. Don't you people get it? OCIs are meaningless.

Why do all GULC kids assume they have to get on their knees, loosen their throats and wet their lips at the beginning of every interview?

I went to lunch with two associates who ordered coffee following the meal. Of course, I felt compelled to order coffee. As I was pouring the cream into my cup, one of the associates asked me a question. I looked up, answered, and kept talking. Suddenly, I realized that I had never stopped pouring the cream. The cream and coffee had gushed over the edge of my cup and formed a lake that covered the area where I was seated. I tried to discretely wipe the mess away, but it was too late. A waitress rushed over and made a huge production out of the situation. - No offer.

149: Perhaps he was distracted by the navy/black combo. Very funny, nevertheless.

151: Ugh. I hate bad interviewers who make you a bad interviewee.

83, well done.

During one interview, I asked the interviewee his favorite Police Academy move. He responded, "6."

NO OFFER.

During one interview, I asked the interviewee his favorite Police Academy movie. He responded, "6."

NO OFFER.

During one interview, I asked the interviewee his favorite Police Academy movie. He responded, "6."

NO OFFER.

My third OCI was with a 3rd year associate from a mid-range firm on our campus (highly ranked law school). At the end of the interview the associate proudly states, "We are going to hire one 1L from your school--why should we remmember you?"

Me: "How old are you?"

Him: (shocked) "26!--that's what you want me to write down?"

Me: "When I was working at [Insert Hoity-Toity Government Office], you still hadn't entered puberty. Pass that on to your hiring partner for me, will you?"

Him: "If that's what you want."

I declined to tell him that I had worked for his hiring partner while in government.

44 - awesome. You rock.

76 - Where do you come off making 44 sound racist? The interviewee was making a racist comment, just to remind you in case you could not read. How do you know he would not have reacted any differently if it was directed at another racial or ethnic minority? Let me guess, you are the idiot that made that comment and you're still angry your ingant a** did not get the offer.

Trust me - I am the PC police and I will ding you.

64 - Uh, 60's comment was not chiasmus (a phrase that inverts the structure of the prior phrase without repeating the keys words) ("He knowingly lied, and we followed blindly).

You might be confusing it with antimetabole (inverting the words in two related clauses) ("Ask not what your COUNTRY can do for YOU, but what YOU can do for your COUNTRY).

Sadly, it's not that either. In fact, switching words with no rhetorical purpose is merely misspeaking, not a rhetorical device.

Don't show off your education unless you actually have one.

Just like students should not BS anything on their resume they aren't fully prepared to discuss, interviewers should not ask questions about anything expertise-heavy on the resume that they have none in. Unless they want to just sit and listen and not know if what is being said is true or false.

Guys at my high school used to get no offered all the time, it was no big deal.

-Frat Stud

162 - you're a tool - even if you had worked at said "hoity toity" government office with the hiring partner, do you think the interviewer would actually pass that along? I'd just ding you outright for being a dick?

165: Agree in the BS'ing, even if it's just during the interview. I interviewed a former clerk of a circuit where a huge case had just come down. I mentioned the case, naturally, trying to look informed. Of course, I knew jack about the case's substance and ended up looking like an idiot. Should've kept my mouth shut.

33 - So if there's 14 valedictorians in a class, how many numer one's are there?

Maybe your firm should be interviewing for GED's that can do simple word problems, you idiot.

During my OCI, associate was interviewing the student in the time slot before me. I could hear everything through the door.

Associate: Well, do you have any questions for me?

Student: [Nervously] Well, you've heard all about my background. What's yours? Where did you go to law school? Did you always know you wanted to do law?

Associate: [Actually answers in full as if being interviewed, but clearly annoyed and surprised.]

I went in with so much confidence after that idiot's interview ended. Got the callback too.

Elie and then a contest for the worst post of the year--only nominee is 147.

I love the law students who give you B.S. business cards -- as in "Joe P. Lawstudent, 2L -[Name of Law School]"

Those are great. I have a whole collection in my "do not hire" file.

149: well done, though sublety tends not to be well received.

During the last of 7 OCI interviews in the same day, I called a Vault top 10 firm by the wrong name. The associate asked me to repeat myself, kindly giving me the chance to recover, but I again went with the wrong name. Somehow, despite my blunder and my T30 school status, I still received a call back.

During a Shearman & Sterling interview, a friend once asked the interviewer, "So, how have you liked your experience at Sherwin & Williams?"

Well done 149.

117, you are probably feeling pretty smug, aren't you? Well, let me tell you something. I was interviewing at a V5 firm last week, and the afternoon interview schedule got pushed, so it was 5:30 when I started me last interview. My cell rang, and I took the call, since my roommate was in a bar waiting for me. The associate doing the interview said, "Hey, sorry to interrupt your plans," and I said, "Don't worry about it, why don't you grab another associate and we can go meet her?"

Long story short, both of those associates (and, duh, both me and my roommate) got laid that night and again the next morning before schlepping back into work, the firm picked up the bill for the drinks, the hotel room and room service breakfast (which they were paying for anyway), and I got an offer. My roommate and I both have callbacks this Friday and next Monday, so we will fly in on Thursday night, and those associates will probably each get laid five or six more times over the weekend. All because he was decent enough to let me take a cell phone call during an interview.

So have fun beating off in the shower this weekend while you dream about teaching Jenna Jameson about acceptable interview behavior.

98 -- hilarious.
103 -- there's not much to get.

and the winner is 177

I have an interview with a mid sized firm that is supposed to last 30 minutes. It is delayed 45 minutes because the associate conducting the interview gets in a car accident on the way to the law school. They send over their head of HR who doesn't know anything. During the interview with the HR I comment about how I am interested in Y division of the law firm. I am then cut off by the HR saying "That division no longer exists but thanks for tell me because I am in charge of the website and I should really take it off there awhile ago." The associate who was supposed to be conducting the interview walks in, apologizes, and asks what he missed. My reply "I was just on my way out." What a waste of time.

98 - which campus of Penn, Carlisle or State College?

Ok, I'll bite. What was 47's post a reference to?

177's callback was just cancelled, and the associates are now being subjected to mandatory STD screening.

GULCers Gulping Gratefully Guided Guy Gunk Given Gratis

Had a interviewee tell me on the way back from a lunch interview that she thought there should be no handicap spaces in parking lots because most handicaped people are faking it.

NO OFFER

I once slept through my flight to a Birmingham firm interview. Got on a new flight the next day and was mocked by my interviewers for a day. No fun and no offer.

177 - Now if only Hope Winters showed that sort of initiative! ;)

182 -- These notoriously awful posts:

http://abovethelaw.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-search.cgi?IncludeBlogs=12&search=hope+winters

I had an interview with the Bratislava office. The interviewer asked me what country Bratislava was in...and I didn't know!!! SO embarrassing...

I had an interview with the Bratislava office. The interviewer asked me what country Bratislava was in...and I didn't know!!! SO embarrassing...

I did a callback interview on September 12, 2001. Though the one-on-one interviews with the various partners and associates were normal, the lunch was unbearable. Nothing but 9/11 talk with no shortage of conspiracy theories, "inside" knowledge, "where were you when the first plane hit?" stories, and, most of all, pseudo military expert knowledge about anything and everything relating to air defense, airline security, terrorism, and physics.

At one point the firm president asked me to offer an opinion as to whether ground-to-air missles from the White House roof could have taken out an airliner before it hit the building. I renderd an opinion. I didn't get an offer.

177-- nice, so it was fat chick night at the Holiday Inn, huh? Glad your call hooked you up with some quality cock -- I bet those associates you and your friend tag teamed were solid. Sounds like you are super proud of that one -- great job.

I'll be happy to show you the door any time you want to interview with me and answer your phone during our meeting.

80 = Working for Tuckaho Funland...good job, Marshall

80 = Working for Tuckaho Funland...good job, Marshall

64 & 164 have both been reading Slate today. Way to show off how smart you are by parroting something you read four hours ago. Especially 64, who parroted it incorrectly.

I had a callback at a small branch office of a big firm. For some reason (I think there was a big case in trial), most of the attorneys were out of the office or otherwise very busy. The partner supposed to be interviewing me was stuck in a client meeting, and he called and told his paralegal do the callback after I had been waiting in the lobby for 30 minutes. Worst experience ever:
Paralegal: So... writing experience is important here. Do you have any writing experience?

Me: I am on [School's main law review], semi-finalist in 1L moot court, and I had a case comment published.

Paralegal: So how do any of those things reflect writing experience?

It's is an extremely prescient question, but, I'm pretty sure the problem was she didn't know what any of those things were.

Check out the big brain on 164!

My 2L year, I was interviewing with a firm in Cincinnati and had dinner the night before with a junior partner and a mid-level associate. I think I had the flu, or maybe it was the Thai restaurant, but on the way back to the hotel, I was trying my best to keep from throwing up inside the partner's car. Literally within 3 seconds of being dropped off in front of the hotel, I shot my dinner all over the sidewalk (but not on the partner's car). No offer.

That same fall, I was doing my callback at Cleary. Being from the Midwest and not having gone to a T10-15 school, I was a bit surprised that I received a callback. The interviews were going fine, until I met with a senior associate just before lunch. On my resume, I mentioned that I'd taken 3 semesters of German in college, but I certainly was not fluent. When I sat down in this associate's office, rather than starting with a simple "hello" or "can I get you some water?", this guy immediately starts speaking to me in German for about 5 minutes. I may not have known enough German to carry on a conversation, but I knew enough at that point to know that the interview was over. My only response to him was "Yeah, so I guess I won't be coming here to work. Thanks." No offer.

80 sounds like a heinous bitch.

Yeah, 83 was funny when I first heard it in the early 90s.

So the other day I decided to wear my super cute jeans that have holes in them. There is a small hole near the butt area, so I usually wear boy shorts with them, but I hadn’t done my laundry in a while so all I had to put on was a pair of thongs. I went to school that day and during a break between classes I went to my locker. My friend came up to hang out with me, and I guess she thought it would be funny to pull on the hole, but when she did she pulled a little too hard. The whole left side of the back pocket to my jeans tore off and half of my butt was exposed for the world to see!It was a busy hallway, and everyone either laughed hysterically or stared in total shock. I had to quickly go home and change, but to this day, people still give me weird stares in the hallway — as if they’ve seen a little too much of me.Tessa, 17, Springfield, PA

Echo 153

191 -- tagging fat chicks who interview with you rules! Bonus points if you tag their friends. Triple bonus if you keep their underwear, frame it and hang it on your wall next to your diploma from TTT law school as a conversation piece for the next fat chick interviewee.

177 is the village bicycle. But great way to ensure the callback.

202=comic gold!

200--Did your crush see you? The most popular boy in school? We're you like OMG totally mortified.

I think you summed up the quality of these posts quite nicely.

Many Years Ago: I had been put up at the hotel for my out-of-town call back at the firm's expense. Cool, as a 2L it was nice to enjoy this five star treatment. The interview went well and I was all but assured that I would receive an offer. Problem was, the night before, since I was nervous I needed a release. I ordered one of those "in-room" movies. Couldn't help myself. Well, this was in the days before they recorded a nondescript generic "In-Room Entertainment" line on the bill. Instead it was "Total Reball with Ashlyn Gere ......... $10.99" I dove into a panic since I had to submit this bill to the comely HR girl at the firm that I desperately wanted an offer from. I just figured, oh well, off to K-mart I go.

A few days after I returned to school, I received a call from the HR girl who asked if there was anything else they could do for me. Relieved but confused at the thought that this indiscretion might have slipped by I told her no, thank you, that I was well taken care of. To which she responded, I'll be your boom boom. No offer.

Interviewer asked who was the candidate's favorite Supreme Court Justice.

Answer: Learned Hand.

No offer.

At an interview in Cincinnati several years ago, I for some stupid reason refered to the local football team as The Bungles. Silence followed, as did the no offer.

A friend this past year had back-to-back OCI interviews. One was at 2, and the other at 2:30. The 2:30 firm was ahead of schedule and walked into the holding area a litte before 2. They asked for him by name, but did not say what firm they were from. He told the interviewers that he liked the (wrong) city the firm was out of, and made other comments that related to the firm he was supposed to be interviewing with at 2. Also, since the wrong firm pulled him in first, the firm he was supposed to interview with at 2 thought he had stood them up. CSO supposedly "talked" with both firms, and he was able to interview with the 2 o'clock firm, but I do not think he received a call back from either place. Bad OCI story, but I'd put this one on the firm snagging people early and not bothering to give their firm's name.

207:

I don't get it.

- GULC 3L Top 10

In the DAs office, they make you give a summation during your interview.

The candidate ended her summation with "For these reasons you should find the defendant not guilty, I mean guilty."

Also no offer. Same candidate.

I'm a mid-level associate interviewer at a top firm in NYC.

I asked the interviewee what is his favorite neighborhood in NYC.

Answer: Murray Hill

No offer, plus kick to the grundle and elbow to the adam's apple.

#206, I call bluff. You could have (A) waited to submit the bill until you received the offer; (B) not submitted the bill at all and paid for the hotel yourself; or (C) redacted the bill with a permanent marker.

207: Boo. At least they know you were paying attention in Torts and you have a sense of humor. That's ridiculous.

197 - They were nazis?

Many thanks to 147 for so competently making the case by example for comment removal.

211 - They made you use Summation before they even hired you?

Federal Clerkship interview:

Judge and Current Clerk to Interviewee: "What's your favorite Supreme Court case and why?

Interviewee: Oh that's easy. Palsgraff. Definitely Palsgraff. Think about it. Who's gonna think that something like that could happen. You've got a lady carrying a package full of explosives that gets knocked out her hand in the subway!

[Note: Palsgraf is a NY state case, not SCOTUS.]

147 = Typical GULC interview

206 - Fortunately, laptops and free wireless internet in hotels have now solved this problem for interviewees.

212: I don't get it.

I would have penalized them for Flushing or Jamaica, but Murray Hill is fair game. Or did you want something more specific, like Tribeca?

#213: that doesn't make sense. Sure hand in a bill with a nice big black line through it ... sure no one will notice it. Dope.

Way to go #206.

The rather lame point regarding Learned Hand is that he was not a Supreme Court Judge.

218 - It was the LIRR.

218: The lady wasn't carrying them. It was the crazed man on the other side of the tracks.

Get your facts straight.

218 - It was the LIRR.

140 - your weakness is clearly your spelling.

a) I have fallen asleep in interviews at a large patent boutique and at a Fortune 100 in-house position.

b) With 'environmental moot court' on my resume, I was once asked in an interview if I was interested in environmental law. I explained that the environmental aspect was just the subject matter, and that I was more interested in the moot court aspect. Again, I was asked about practicing environmental law. I then proceeded to say that I didn't want to work for the wrong side. Turns out, it was her practice group. No offer.

c) Told a firm I only needed to earn about $2500 for the summer. Got an offer.

d) At post-interview drinks, told an associate that if she wasn't having fun, she should go home. No callback.

e) Arrangements made by firm, flew into town, took train from airport, train had trouble, was running late, got to interview 10 minutes late. Nervous and hot, I literally had sweat running down my face for the next several hours - could not get it to stop. No offer.

I showed up to an interview 15 minutes early and sat outside the door. 10 minutes later the attorney emerges. She was leaving b/c I was 30 minutes late at that point--I read my schedule wrong.

She interviewed me anyway. I told her my two desired practice areas--only to hear they didn't have them in their NY office.

One week later I got a callback--saying she hoped I was interested in general litigation, since that was mainly what the NY office did.

I just canceled the callback...but it would've been interesting...

195: I was interviewed by paralegals at a smaller firm (apparently in an effort to appear egalitarian). It was among the more excruciating experiences of my life as I had a 22-year-old questioning my life decisions.

#222, I take it from your comment that you are a law student who has never had a job. In the real world, bills get redacted all the time, because they contain an item that you can't get reimbursed for. It's simple -- you cross out the item, subtract it from the total, circle the new total. Presuming you can sufficiently cover the movie title, I would think the HR person would respect you for not charging the firm for your in-room movie -- much better than going crazy with the mini-bar and just pushing the bill through without comment.

Anyway, I'm not saying that was the best answer of the three possibilities. If it were me, I would have just not submitted the bill -- at most you're out a few hundred bucks -- that's nothing compared to getting a biglaw job you want.

Is it really true that GULCers only get hired if they are willing to have a train run on them by all of the senior associates?

I had an interview last year in which the interviewing attorney brought his 8 year old daughter. She sat behind me during the interview and when I was asked about my judicial externship, she piped in "what's an externship?" I explained it to her and then politely left the interview. WEIRD

79, I am sure the firm you chose to work for would never accept work from an amoral corporation that is responsible for countless deaths. You must have chosen to work for Peter Pan, LLC, the nicest, most cruelty free firm in all of Biglaw. PP only takes clients of the highest moral caliber, like orphans and Gandhi. It doesn't handle filthy lucre, but gets paid and pays in pixie dust.

It must have been a touching scene: a smug law student zinging a smug lawyer. Hope it helps you sleep better at night, knowing that your little insult probably led that lawyer to reexamine his belief system. He probably quit Winston, gave away all his earthly possessions, and went to work for Legal Aid.

233: rude and inappropriate. Lawyers have to deal with clueless clients all the time. You should be no exception. If anything, you could have demonstrated maturity and poise, but you chose to abase yourself by demonstrating impatience and capriciousness.

Somehow I ended up discussing the firm's partnership compensation structure with my interviewer. As if that wasn't enough to get me dinged, after the interviewer explained the structure I asked "so, do you guys lose a lot of people because of it?"

I got a long and indignant response about the firm not wanting to hire people who were "just in it for themselves." No callback.

235 yeah but would you want to work for that dolt?

237: As usual, my willingness and interest depend on the prestige and compensation.

I had an OCI interview with a large shop when the interviewing attorney (who was Fat, sweaty, heavy breathing and disgusting) states that he thinks I look like Jack Black. I complete the interview and state, before I walk out the door, "by the way, has anyone ever told you that you look like John Goodman!"

No offer ... at a better place anyhow ...

The most annoying thing is when interviewers (usually associates) relentlessly ask where else you are interviewing, no matter how much you give them and/or try to dodge the question.

I had an OGI interviewer from a Top 10 firm from LA show up drunk to an 8:30 am interview. She was a mess- alcohol was steaming out of every pore, she stank like something out of the Piano Man, and she kept emitting these delicate (ladylike?) belches. No callback - bummer since working for a senior associate that hasn't figured out how to drink like an adult would have been SUCH a treat.

222 and 231 -- any hotel I have ever been to can remove a line item from a bill and print you a new copy showing the revised balance with no reference to the fact that you ordered a piggy flick the night before and wanked it on their designer hand cloths.

Hotels are in the service business, after all.

240: How do you address that situation? Do you answer specifically ("Skadden, Latham, Weil"), or generally ("Other large firms in NYC with good transactional work.")

This is passed down second hand, but here's the gist of it....

A few years ago this guy was interviewing for our firm. I guess the interview was going great. He had great grades from a Top 20 school, was really personable, etc. Right at the end of the interview, they asked him about something on his transcript.

Student then goes on to explain that he had poor grades that semester (which really weren't bad) because he had fallen in love with some Phillipines pop singer and spent all of his time looking up stuff about her on the internet, but that he gotten over and and was fine again.

243: What do you think, Mr. I Answer My Own Questions by Presenting the Obviously Correct Answer as An Option?

Asking a tall interviewer if he played basketball in an attempt to try to find something in common or a talking point is almost certain failure.

As a tall interviewer, and a tall person in general, I can assure you that (1) not all tall people play(ed) basketball, and (2) all tall people are sick of being asked whether or not they play(ed) basketball.

Would you ask a very petite woman if she was a gymnast, or a fat guy if he was a tug-of-war anchor? Probably not.

The only thing worse than this is asking an interviewer with a somewhat famous name something idiotic related to that name. i.e. After learning that the interviewer's name is Michael Jackson (not my name):

A: Oh, like *the* Michael Jackson?
B: Love your music (chuckle)
C: Did anyone ever tell you...?
D: Heeeeeeyyyyyy, Michael Jackson, huh?

FAIL, goodbye, no offer, next please. A dearth of social skills is just what our competitors need, but not us.

The best answer is "I have interviews set up with a few other NYC firms, but this firm is my first choice."

I went to a T10 school and, during our OCI sessions, I had an interviewer ask me if a prior interviewee was homosexual. I'm not kidding; I was in shock. I recused myself from consideration for a position with that firm. Unfortunately, despite learning of this behavior, the prior interviewee ended up accepting a summer offer with the firm. At the end of the summer, he was no-offered. Not shocking from a firm that would dare to ask such a thing during an interview.

191, thanks but I can save you the trouble. Why don't you and 117 just get together and spend the next four years together grabbing each other's asses and slapping dicks and talking about how you would fuck chicks, but you don't bother, cuz none of them are good enough for you?

177

What if you lucked out and got a screening interview at a large firm and literally had nothing else. Now how do you answer, "What other firms are you interviewing with?" Do you lie?

I presented my interviewer with a d*ck in a box. Offer accepted, by both of us. Awwww yeah.

180- learn proper verb tense

250, same line -- "I have interviews set up with a few other NYC firms, but this firm is my first choice."

253: Then they say, "That's great. Which firms?"

250, 253, 254: Try the more vague - "I'm considering a few other NYC firms, but this is my first choice" technically that would be true, you didn't say that they were considering you

244: Typical "I'm so brilliant I can say anything" behavior.

When I was doing OCI, a friend of a friend went in for an interview. A very pretty girl. Her interviewer was one of these senior associate ashhole types.

Under her "interests" the interviewee wrote "yoga." The interviewer asked her "oh you do yoga, how long have you been doing it for?" She said a long time. He said "can you show me some positions?" She said "uh, I'm in a suit (a skirt suit). I don't think it would be appropriate. " He said "do the positions." Then she proceeded to do the positions.

Offer given. Also, the girl went right to her OCI people to report what happened.

what a douchebag.

254, they probably won't -- the only reason they care where else you're interviewing is so they can convince you those other places suck or so they can gauge your likelihood of accepting an offer (i.e. if you're interviewing with Cravath and Wachtell, you aren't likely to accept an offer with some TTT in Charlotte). Telling them "this firm is my first choice" assuages their fears. If they still ask the question, it's probably because you or they are such a poor conversationalist that they can't think of anything else to ask. If you sense that may be the case, follow your response up with "this firm is my first choice because. . . " Then, the natural follow up for them would be "yes, I agree our firm is good at x.y, and z"

I don't get it, what is the deal with the GULC comments?

--confused GULC '07 GULC grad

259- are you a top-10 GULC student?

I was driving from the East Bay to Palo Alto for a 2L callback and left with plenty of time to spare. Ended up getting stuck on the freeway because there was a police stand-off on some overpass. Freeway blocked, complete mess. I call the firm to tell them "hey, there are police ready to shoot some guy on the freeway, so I'm stuck. I apologize, but there it is."

I get there about 30min late, having called every 15 or so minutes. Every single interviewer starts the interview with "I guess you were running late and so I'm reshuffling this" or something to that effect.

"Yeah, there was a police standoff on the freeway."

"Did you give yourself enough time?"

"Apparently 2 hours wasn't enough, given that there was A POLICE STANDOFF."

No offer.

I was driving from the East Bay to Palo Alto for a 2L callback and left with plenty of time to spare. Ended up getting stuck on the freeway because there was a police stand-off on some overpass. Freeway blocked, complete mess. I call the firm to tell them "hey, there are police ready to shoot some guy on the freeway, so I'm stuck. I apologize, but there it is."

I get there about 30min late, having called every 15 or so minutes. Every single interviewer starts the interview with "I guess you were running late and so I'm reshuffling this" or something to that effect.

"Yeah, there was a police standoff on the freeway."

"Did you give yourself enough time?"

"Apparently 2 hours wasn't enough, given that there was A POLICE STANDOFF."

No offer.

This summer, a Jones Day interviewer asked which presidential candidate I supported. I responded that I was still unsure. No callback.

261-262 You should have given yourself more time.

177 -- I'm sure that your folks would be proud of you.

197: Who puts "three semesters of German" on a RESUME? If I saw that I would be like WTF? Who cares? If you're not fluent, do you think I care that you learned how to say "table" and "cat" and "Hi, my name is Adolf" as if that sh!t is going to be useful to me in my legal practice?

What next? I screwed some chick with a french accent once if that helps with any international arbitrations you have in Paris...

BLEAAGGHHH!

263: What horsesh*t.

My reply 1: I am planning to close my eyes and just point to the voting screen.
My reply 2: Same as every year, I am writing in Elvis.

Hey, has anyone accidentally said the wrong firm name in an interview?

At the end of a normal interview I ask the candidate if he has any other questions.

2L: I just have one other thing to say. Just because I haven't been through an interview like this. And I appreciate that you've been - - tried to keep it under control, but I have to tell you, I don't think I've ever been in an interview where I found the attorney's attire to be inappropriate. And I think I just need to say this. I try to come to interviews in appropriate attire. What you are wearing is not appropriate.

Me: How I dress, really you don't need to bring this up or make comments on that. I can wear whatever I would like to wear. I find it inappropriate that you're even commenting on that to be quite honest.

2L: I'm glad you think so, but I've just never been in an interview like this.

Me: I'm trying to nice and professional to you, but I'm really offended by your comment.

2L: I think I am just referring to the fact that I can see your breasts.

Me: You can't see my breasts.

2L: I can. And that is what I was referring to.

Result: No offer.

246, lighten up, Francis.

254, that just doesn't happen.

261-62,

First rule of high-stakes interviewing: *always* arrive early.

Be sure to budget extra time into your commute when traveling through congested areas.

257: Clearly, the associate was entirely in the wrong, but why wouldn't your friend just stand her ground and tell HR how inappropriate the guy was? People in our field need to learn when to stop eating shit.

269, thanks for copying and pasting the deposition posted here a few weeks ago. it's sad that you took the time to turn that into interview dialogue.

266--

I actually did hook up with a German chick, but I didn't think it would help on my resume.

259 --- GULC on yer knees........

Mom, if you were in a German scheisse video, you'd tell me, right?...

Sure hon.

268 - The guy I knew in the 209 story said the wrong name, but like I said, they dropped the ball.

Ah, du hast scheisse gern?

Ewww!

--La Resistance

269 = GULCer with way too much time after getting no offered 30x.

Time and time again I tell you people: big law partners are the most humorless sons of bitches on the planet. Do not make jokes in your interviews if you want a job. Your jokes may be funny, YOU may be funny - but 9 times out of 10 the partners won't get your joke and won't appreciate that you attempted humor. They want boring, socially-akward document slaves. Like them.

Young associates are a different ballgame. Some of them may have a sense of humor, but they will either see the light and leave big law, or have their sense of humor forcibly drained before they make partner.

261/262 - HAHAHAHA, East Bay.

One person I interviewed listed MLB baseball as interest on the resume. After hacking through the substantive portions of the resume, we talked baseball. I got the confession from her that she has been known to sneak a flask into the ballpark. Awesome. OFFER.

263 - Remember, these are lawyers. If the office is in NY, SF, LA, DC or Chicago, the answer is "OMG, like, totally OBAMA!!! He's sooo inspiring!"

One of my interviewers had a JD from UVA on his wall so I promptly exposed myself and pissed all over his face and desk. He was so grateful to me for reminding him of his law school days that he hired me right there on the spot.

269 - good ref. posted a few months ago - excerpt from a deposition.

I've definitely screwed up a firm's name during an interview. It sucks. You blush. You don't get a callback. And then life moves on. After all, you've got four more on-campus interviews left to go that day.

280: All partners are failures. No one goes to law school aspiring to someday help a big tobacco company deny requests to produce documents proving that it intentionally doctored medical studies. And transactional lawyers are all just guys who dreamt of being corporate raiders, but didn't have the stones to go into I-banking or the brains to work at a hedge fund.

You want to find a happy, well-adjusted lawyer, look in government. The rest of them are just miserable failures and sell-outs. It's no wonder they have no sense of humor.

Firms always want to know who they're competing with in the recruiting process. When I fill out a form about a candidate I've interviewed, our Recruiting department specifically asks what other firms the candidate is interviewing at. There's nothing sinister about the question - recruiting is competitive, and it's easier to compete if you know who you're competing against. If you don't want to answer the question, it's perfectly appropriate to say so, politely.

284: I'm sorry you didn't get into UVa and got stuck going to GULC. But look at all of the upsides, such as the amazing internship opportunities in D.C....

Anyone in the cigarette industry still hiring? For the right price, I'll come in a heartbeat! There's something to be said for speeding up Darwinism. And not only do you get to beat down a bunch of losers who killed themselves with their own stupidity, you get paid for it!

277, you're as sharp as cotton.

-268

GULC = UVA for rich kids with iPhones

265

My parents occasionally had sex, so why should they care if I do it once in a while myself? On the other hand, your parents probably lie in bed and wonder where they screwed up raising you to be too lame to ever close the deal. Then they roll over and fuck some more. That's what people do. Deal with it.

Next time your head is up 117's ass, give a big shout out from me to all the stuff you see up there.

177

177 -- Apologies if I misread you -- sounded like you were a female sleeping your way into a job and boasting about it too. If I misread it, comment withdrawn. -- 265.

I grew up in a resort area.Was a lifeguard at the beach, whole deal.This is only relevant because later I interviewed w/ Biglaw and all we talked about was fishing and the target rich environment at the Hotel where I worked. Got the callback to meet the hiring partner and managing partner at the firm.Turned out I'd been screwing the managing parners daughter on the beach. Pretty sure he knew. still got the job

177 -- You, and your roommate, are whores. To paraphrase you, that's what people (including the associates you let bang you) think. Deal with it.

If you fuck up by saying the wrong firm name / office / practice area, all is not lost. One kid at our OCI told a pair of interviewers from a smaller firm that he wasinterested in a practice area they didn't have.

Interviewers: "Well...you know we don't do that right? We only do X"

Student: (puts two fingers to neck, looks at clock) "Time of death - 3:45"

Callback.

Hey 296,

So let me get this straight. Every girl that lets someone bang them is a whore? You shouldn't talk that way about your wife, your sister your daughter and your mom. It isn't nice.

Say hi to the Virgin Mary when you get together with her to eat your little communion cookies tonight.

And if you ever decide you want to have a little fun in your life, try not to be as big of a tool as 117. Pricks with virgin/whore complexes sometimes get laid. In fact, some of them even like it, because sex with normal girls like me feels extra nasty and extra fun to people like you. But when people get to a law firm and suddenly decide to act like Miss Manners' great aunt Sandra, and start worrying about whether button down shirts are "unacceptable" and whether pantsuits are inappropriate in the office, then they score a lot less pussy.

177

Hey 265, no offense! I was having sex because I like to have sex and because after a few drinks my new guy seemed like a lot of fun. I think I got the offer because of my grades and because I had a decent interview with the partner who was head of the group; I assume that my new guy didn't tell the hiring partner or the big rainmaking partner what we are up to.

Anyway, I am not trying to say everyone should talk on cell phones during an interview. I just meant that (a) there are some times when taking a cell phone call are important, (b) when flexibility is required, as in this case, when an interview schedule was pushed back by two hours, the flexibility works both ways, and (c) the biggest point here is that being a total asshole during an interview may give 117 bragging rights as the toughest, hard-ass, pitbull owning motherfucking douchebag associate on the chatboards, but it doesn't do him or her any good in real life.

The funny thing is, I was never trying to imply that I was the "toughest, hard-ass, pitbull owning motherf---ker", I was only trying to add a relevant story about an extremely rude invididual, the context of which was apparently lost in the way I recounted it here.

Trust me -- if you had interviewed this guy, you would agreed he was just about the biggest prick you have ever met. It was certainly not a power trip on my part, but it was clear from his phone call that it was not (a) an emergency with family or a friend, (b) another firm/judge shoring up interview plans or (c) any other reasonable excuse. I agree that in certain circumstances taking such a call in an interview would be entirely appropriate, but this was not one of those situations, and if anything, was an attempt by the law student to flaunt his ego and self-importance in a manner that said "I have a 4.0 at a T5 law school, I can take a cell phone call in the middle of an interview -- what are they going to do, not give me an offer?" So I guess the point is, yes, if you come in, have a 4.0 from a T5 school and act like a complete prick, you will not get an offer, no matter how much your dick smells like daisies. Funny thing is, I heard later on that the guy got rejected from 5-6 other top firms, so I was not alone in my assessment.

And hey, we all like to have sex, especially with random, horny interviewee chicks who like to dip into the sauce and throw leg, but seriously, 177, I wonder shortcomings you are trying to make up for with your loose behavior. As a guy, it ain't that tough to get laid (and trust me, not trying to suggest I am the Lance of Gwardar here -- you all can try to track that reference, btw).

Last year (as a 2L), I declined an offer at one biglaw shop to go to another. I wrote a polite letter of decline to the recruiter. 10 minutes later, I got an email from the hiring partner asking me to explain why exactly I had chosen to go there over his firm. Unfair. I made a good faith attempt and said I was looking for a specific breed of securities litigation. He responds (unfair) and asks "exactly what 'breed' would that be"? It was as if he had actually forced me to put my foot in my mouth and then swallow it. All I could do was hope that I wasnt going to need to come back as a 3L and ask for that offer back.

Thankfully, I didn't have to. But seriously, why do that?

Last year (as a 2L), I declined an offer at one biglaw shop to go to another. I wrote a polite letter of decline to the recruiter. 10 minutes later, I got an email from the hiring partner asking me to explain why exactly I had chosen to go there over his firm. Unfair. I made a good faith attempt and said I was looking for a specific breed of securities litigation. He responds (unfair) and asks "exactly what 'breed' would that be"? It was as if he had actually forced me to put my foot in my mouth and then swallow it. All I could do was hope that I wasnt going to need to come back as a 3L and ask for that offer back.

Thankfully, I didn't have to. But seriously, why do that?

298-
deciding to have sex with someone within 24 hours of meeting them = whore

having sex with someone in a position to offer you a job (or at least a chance at one) = whore

if at the age of 27 you can't list off the full names of every person you have screwed without pausing = super whore with own strain of gonorrhea.

thank you, 303, you abstinence only-promotin', sex-is-bad-and-that's-all-i-knows-believin' conservative fucktard.

go jerk off in your eye and then punch yourself in it, repeatedly.

Leave the whore alone! She tag-teamed an associate right after an interview. Imagine the summer associate stories next year when she is there for 12 weeks.

Had a good interview with one of several interviewers a firm sent to my school. My interviewer then proceeded to get blasted at the reception that night. I mean could not drive, could not walk reliably on his own, was not capable of making eye contact *blasted*.

No offer. As far as I understand it, no offers for any people who interviewed with him.

Man, I have a crazy story about a strange girl on a callback last week. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did.

One of my best friends (Buddy) from high school bombed the LSAT and ended up going to Touro for law school. He had been working at a document review boutique for the past two years and told the guy who ran it that he wanted to get into management. Long story short, the boutique gets called in on a giant doc review and they need management people ASAP, so Buddy gets tapped to move into management for this project. To top it off, the project is for a Vault 5 firm, just the kind of shop I'm trying to get into.

Buddy calls me up and we decide to go out and have a few drinks to celebrate his promotion and the door that it may have opened for me at the firm. I get into the City around 5:15 and I get a frantic text from Buddy saying he's got some candidate who he has to interview. So I just hung out outside for a few minutes, then I got another text saying we weren't going to ESPNZone as planned because the chick he was interviewing was going to meet up with a friend and she asked if Buddy and a friend wanted to come along, so we went to this place that serves mojitos, for those of you retards who live in flyover country, mojitos are the bomb.

We get there and Buddy is talking this bimbo up the whole time, and best of all, he tells her to pay for everything and that the firm will reimburse her. Little did she know, she wasn't interviewing for the firm, she was interviewing for the document review boutique, which pays a little less than the firm -- the firm decided after her first interview she wouldn't get an offer and didn't want to waste an associate's time, so they sent her down to Buddy in sub basement number 4 and she didn't get the hint. She paid for everything all night including a hotel room, then to top it off, she let me pork her. It's been a while for me, so I didn't have any protection, and something kind of burned when I peed the next day.

I went to the doctor and he put this ointment covered Q-tip that was about a foot long up my thingy. It hurt pretty bad, but between getting laid last week, seeing the Brett Favre to Jerricho "Turnpike" Cotchery connection and watching the Mets on the brink of a playoff run, I'm the happiest dude on the planet right now. Plus, I found out she is coming back to the City soon for a whole weekend. I borrowed some cash from my brother and I'm gonna buy a box of rubbers and hit it all weekend long while you losers are stuck in flyover country whacking off drinking something other than mojitos.

God bless women who put out at the first sign of Hofstra prestige.

269--Brilliant!

I think 177 sounds cool, mature, relaxed. No sarcasm here. She ought to be every guy's dream.

OCI with a statewide full-service firm.

Interviewer: ". . . and another practice group that's been growing lately is health care litigation, particularly our nursing home practice."

Candidate: "Nursing homes? Oh, I would really like to help little old ladies."

Interviewer: "We'd normally be representing the nursing homes in those cases."

*****

After OCI, a third-tier firm calls a rather impressive candidate to schedule a callback.

Interviewer: ". . . so we'd really like to get you into the office next Thursday or Friday."

Candidate: "Well, Friday I'll be out of town and Thursday I actually have another interview scheduled. But how about . . . ."

Interviewer: "Thanks for your interest in [name of firm]." *Hangs up*

I always hated the questions of "where do you see yourself in 5/10 years?" Is there any response other than "on the partnership track" or "partner of your firm"?

Partner at a top 20 NY firm looks at his computer and tells me to sit tight as he responds to an email.

He hesitates for half a second then asks, "do you like The Killers?"

I'm not a huge music buff but I had just heard their new song the day before on the radio, I can't even remember what it was now (this was 2 years ago). I respond, "yeah, xxxxxx, I really liked it."

He turns to his computer, which is hooked up to his IPOD, and we jam to The Killers for the next 5 minutes. We barely talked about the firm the rest of the interview as he compared The Killers to Springsteen.

Got an offer.

OCI interview goes late. Running late to the next one and knock on the door about 5 minutes after the scheduled start time. Interviewing 50/50 in NY and DC. Right as I walk in, I realize that I have no idea whether I'm interviewing with this firm in NY or DC. I play go fish with the interviewer, a female partner, for the first third of the 20 minute interview, asking her leading questions about the firm's regulatory practice, office location, etc. trying to determine whether she is interviewing me for the NY or DC office. At around minute 8, she mentions that she went to Georgetown for law school. Mumbling and swallowing my words, I then ask her: "So, how long...you....in Washington?" making sure that any verb tense that she might try to pick up on is totally inaudible and she won't know whether I've asked her "How long were you..." or "How long have you been...". She answers that she'd been there since the early 90s. Bingo! I immediately and shamelessly launch into my hard sell that I want to be in DC and only DC.

Victory... until no callback.

I call B.S. No GULCer has ever made partner.

After one OCI interview I realized I could not find the interviewer's business card... turns out I somehow dropped it on the floor of the interview room, you know, in the rush of tucking it into your folder so you can shake hands. Ugh. TUCK THOSE CARDS FIRMLY IN A SAFE PLACE, FOLKS!!! Even if you don't email the interviewers, you don't want to look like you tossed their cards back in their faces! No offer.

177 -- 294 was being sarcastic. And even if he/she was not, the fact that you actually think you got a callback "because of my grades and because I had a decent interview with the partner who was head of the group" and not because you drank from your interviewer's cum spigot is the funniest thing I've heard all week. Comic gold.

I think 75% if these "no offer" stories wound up getting rejected because the applicant sucked, not because of some silly mistake during the interview. I interview for Biglaw, and I'm not going to ding someone because they dropped my business card on their way out, or forgot the name of my firm during the course of a busy day of interviews.

If you are HYS, and don't spit in my face or call my momma a whore, you're gonna get a flyback. If you are TTT and want to tell youself that I dinged you because you accidentally dropped my business card, go right ahead. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Summer interviewees constantly talk about wanting to do "DC based work." Funny thing is, we don't do DC based work, we're a satellite office of a top NY firm. Always makes me chuckle.

60, that's hysterical (and rather unfair of him not to give you a callback-- hopefully the slip of the tongue wasn't the reason).

317: you're missing the point.

Like a first date, it's the first impression that counts most. You can't hit it off on a date if you start it by accidentally falling into the other person's lap.

320 - Dude, you are seriously underestimating the value of "accidentally" falling into the other person's lap on a first date. I mean - you establish immediate intimacy, check out the goods with a quick feel, and then your date feels they have to be all nice and stuff to put you at ease.

317: your honesty is much appreciated.

-286.

Well, I guess I was right the first time about 177. I got nothing against having fun in life and having sex for fun, I just can't fathom using sex to advance my career. Some might say that it is because I'm a guy, but I'll bet most female T20 law students would feel the same way. 177 -- Maybe your credentials are good enough to get you into that V5 firm, but I hope you don't plan on accepting your offer at that firm. Do you really want to go somewhere where people would think that you slept your way into your job?

--265/294.

Walked into a OCI with two interviewers ready for me (both women, I am a guy). First words out of my mouth are "Ahhh!! A tag team!"

No offer.

265/294, 303, whoever else,

I said it before and I will say it again: our entire civilization is built on blowjobs. Or do you think cases are won with evidence and lawyers making arguments?

104

317, very true. Other than saying something racist or sexist or showing up in a bathing suit to the interview, any T5 law student can get an offer even if they are socially awkward, drop something, break something, have a bar tab on their reimbursement form, etc. I have seen T5 students get offers despite showing no interest in the city, no interest in the firm, not knowing anything about any of their interviewers, expressing distaste for biglaw, asking about the judicial clerkship process during the interview, talking only about sports, not knowing anything about the "interests" they have listed on their resume, etc.

326: What the heck is T5? Is it:

HYSColumbiaChicago

Or HYSColumbiaNYU

?!!!???????

When I was an associate, a very accomplished interviewee didn't receive an offer because he said "bullshit" during the wrap-up with the head of recruiting.

What's a good answer for: "What are your weaknesses?"

326: What's wrong with asking about judicial clerkships in an interview. I wouldn't think it inappropriate to ask, for example, how the firm views an associate leaving for a federal clerkship and then returning.

177 = CUM DUMPSTER

317 here.

A cautionary note. I am aware of a handful of guys, mostly associates from TTT with big chips on their shoulders about being from TTTs, who will try to ding a good candidate for some silly little accidental screw up. But in my firm, that shit won't fly. An associate's recommendation that we don't fly an HYS candidate back because he burped during the interview, or his cell phone went off will be quickly vetoed, and the cute little HR girl will be on the phone to the HYS candidate making travel arrangements.

OCI associates only have stroke when they interview at TTT schools. Partners don't give a shit if we fly no one back from a TTT, so they'll let the OCI associates ding away. But at HYS, we're more like Army recruiters: our job is to sell you, not vice versa.

330

Yeah buddy, but she's not your cum dumpster, see?For all she cares she could be the cum dumpster for a mid-pack Touro law grad/contract attorney, but she would never fuck you. You have to keep dumping your cum into that coffe cup on your desk where you store your piss during conference calls.

And as long as you are on the subject of how you constantly beat off to blackberry porn in your office, did you know that your IT department can see your blackberry browsing history, even after you delete it?

HTH

177 fan

329, I take that type of questioning as showing a lack of interest in the firm and the interviewer. It's also inappropriate timing. Once you have an offer you can ask those questions, but you should be spending your interviewing time asking about the firm and determining whether it would be a good fit, not planning out your next career move.

Who's more pathetic? The guy who made up 177, or the people who thought it was a true story?

79 - Good luck at any major law firm, jackal.

Friday afternoon callback interview at the small local office of a large international firm. Last interview of the day is with a mid-30's senior associate who definitely took good care of herself and dressed slightly risque for her otherwise stuffy firm. We spent the interview talking about music and travel rather than the firm. We clicked, and there was palpable sexual tension despite the age difference (I was 24). She asked if I wanted to join her for a drink, which I accepted. Twelve hours later she was wearing my dress shirt while making breakfast at her place. Can't imagine the hiring committee approved of that. Got an offer, which I declined for other reasons. Never talked to the interviewer again.

No punchline, sorry. Just reminiscing fondly while I work a soul-crushing job.

45, I know of a true story about that. During my summer, a fellow summer associate in my class who was quite well hung (don't ask how I know) was sitting in a partner's office on a boring conference call. Unsurprisingly, his mind wandered and sure enough he ended up with an erection. He attempted to hide it, but didn't have anything handy and the partner awkwardly looked at it and then looked at him - he obviously knew. The guy awkwardly left after some awkward assignment talk.

He still got an offer.

Hey 334,

Touché, that is a tough one. I am pretty fucking pathetic. Structured finance mid-level at V20-30 firm, no billable work since January but I still get stuck in the office til midnite six days a week. The only play I've every had in my life was in an AMP, and no matter how short and fugly and lesbianish the women I interview, if they are wearing a skirt, I can't stand up at the end of the interview for my hard on. My life sucks. On the other hand, I am in pretty good company; just read the last 337 comments and it should be obvious that I am only mid-pack when it comes to loserdom in the legal profession.

Regards,

The Real 177

98 was still the best

You know, I've never heard a woman refer to "letting someone bang them" - probably because the slutty ones tend to take a more active role in the whole process. Therefore, in the words of Austin Powers, 177 is clearly a MAN, baby.

Or a whore.

98 was the best.

A classmate of mine was forced by the Latham guy to juggle. He's always juggling out on the quad, and I guess he'd put it on his resume under "hobbies". He told a friend of mine it was like being a dancing bear.

340, you've never heard a woman say that? Do you live under a fucking rock? You should try banging some of us older chicks, late 20's, early 30's. We might not be as hot or as skinny as the 17 year old model-slash-actresses over at the Coffee Shop on Union Square (who would never bang your putzy lawyer ass anyway), but we are a little more desperate and therefore, a little more compliant in acting out your slutty fantasies.

Luv, the real 177, seriously, not the boorish manchild 338 who was pretending to be me.

On my call-back, I was shunted to an obviously busy, and pissed off mid-level associate going through the motions because she had to. She asked me what was I looking for in a firm, and I gave my version of the "challenging interesting work, good collleagues who you can be happy around," when she cuts me off and says "I'm not looking for any friends". I just stared at her, she glared at me, I looked at my watch and said who do I see next. Funny thing was I did get the summer position, and never saw her that entire summer (nor did I look for her). I got no offered when the firm blew up the monday following our last friday.

several years later I ran across that witch on a case - she's partner in charge of a team of bulldyke witches will less personality that she had. She never did realize we had met before, and she and her client never did figure out why I took such delight is smacking them around every chance I could. I

HofsTTTramagna-

You will not work in the t5 firm. Frankly, I don't even see why the girl lets you pork her with your TTT self.

Do you think the Jets can win the division with Favre and after Brady's injury?

HofsTTTramagna-

You will not work in the t5 firm. Frankly, I don't even see why the girl lets you pork her with your TTT self.

Do you think the Jets can win the division with Favre and after Brady's injury?

new to ATL. what's a TTT?

TTT = third tier toilet

177, I want to bang you. God, I want to bang you so bad.

What does "GULC" stand for?

Georgetown University Law Center

People who say don't make jokes: I always make at least one joke, and I have an almost perfect callback and offer record. Lawyers are people too. Mostly.

During one interview, I asked the interviewee what his favorite buddy cop movie was. He replied, "Turner and Hooch."

OFFER.

342: Do you go to Michigan?

Off topic---- Where can I get some intelligent opinions on how feasible it would be to go solo after two years at a well-known, highly-respected litigation botique. I know--- my immediate thought runs something like this, "If I owned a company, and wanted to sue someone for antitrust, I would not hire a guy who was just 2 years out of law school..."

Do you know anyone who has gone solo so early with any deal of success?

I know I'll be sacrificing the big, exciting cases.... but maybe I could make more with less.

Thanks.

In re Tuesday, September 9, 2008 1:43 PM (#84)

Of course they mention Mons Venus. Some people just appreciate a quality lunch buffet.

In re Tuesday, September 9, 2008 1:43 PM (#84)

Of course they mention Mons Venus. Some people just appreciate a quality lunch buffet.

It's a small legal world afterall - a smarmy comment might come back to bite you in the ass.

Prompted by 344's post, it's very important during interviewing to be respectful to everyone. This goes for the interviewer as well as the interviewee.

In the words of Forrest Gump, "life is like a box of chocolates - you never know when the frightened, nervous kid you're interviewing might become your interviewer a decade later and remember you with a passionate hatred."

So what is wrong, as a 3L saying I am interested in all corporate practice groups or where the firm is interested in placing me, and "I'd go pretty much anywhere" ?

It is not like you got into a firm and choose what you practice...

Retarded reason for no Call back #81

What's up with career offices telling you to ask questions about a firm's culture and your fit? I realized after several unsuccessful OCI screenings that this was problematic. Stopped asking and started getting call-backs. What are the best questions to ask anyway?

@ 354, yes. Why, you know that guy? I saw him on the quad a lot last year, but not so much this year. For his sake, I hope he got called back.
-342

At an OCI reception, a group of 6 students and a partner from a large firm were chatting. Partner starts talking about how kids learned to swear at Sox games. Student x says he went to lots of Sox games and that he never heard swearing. Clarification comes that student x was talking about Red Sox, while partner was talking about White Sox. It comes to light that student x learned to swear in Russian from his parents at a tender age. Partner says it can't have been that bad if it was learned from his parents. Student x says, "It's worse. In English you don't have a word for "c*nt on a stick" to which partner replies, "no we sure don't." Then student x says "It would be so much more fun to swear in English if we had a word for 'c*nt on a stick.'" Other students look at each other with jaws on ground.

I interviewed at a large Minneapolis firm a few years ago. It was after first year and it was my first interview. The first question was the typical "where are you from." Well, I answered my home town, and the partner's response was: "That's a shit town." I stumbled through something along the lines of economic revitalization and local companies but the interview was over.

Needless to say, no offer.

221- Flushing is fucking great- by far one of the most interesting and diverse neighborhoods in any American city. You are a total d-bag.

Here is my story. I am only interested in transactional work and I made it clear in my resume that my coursework focus is corporate and business law. When signing up for OCI interview with this big NY firm, I didn't care to check out its websites and only after arriving at their interview room did I find out that this firm only does litigation. So it's a mistake but I was obliged to finish it. And the following interview further proved it was mistake. There were two interviewers, one partner and one associates. After soon finding out from my resume that my only interest was corporate work, which they don't do at all, they also realized it was a mistake. So the situation was like this, when I was talking, the associate was totally distracted by the empty wall and the closed door and wasn't listening to me at all. Everyone in that room felt that it's a waste of time. So only after 13 mins, we finished the interview, which was supposed to be 20 mins at least. I thought, ok, that's it. It's a mistake and it's a joke and of course, no reason to expect a callback.

After a couple of days, I received a callback from this firm....

I didn't schedule it and still don't understand.

Here is my story. I am only interested in transactional work and I made it clear in my resume that my coursework focus is corporate and business law. When signing up for OCI interview with this big NY firm, I didn't care to check out its websites and only after arriving at their interview room did I find out that this firm only does litigation. So it's a mistake but I was obliged to finish it. And the following interview further proved it was mistake. There were two interviewers, one partner and one associates. After soon finding out from my resume that my only interest was corporate work, which they don't do at all, they also realized it was a mistake. So the situation was like this, when I was talking, the associate was totally distracted by the empty wall and the closed door and wasn't listening to me at all. Everyone in that room felt that it's a waste of time. So only after 13 mins, we finished the interview, which was supposed to be 20 mins at least. I thought, ok, that's it. It's a mistake and it's a joke and of course, no reason to expect a callback.

After a couple of days, I received a callback from this firm....

I didn't schedule it and still don't understand.

This thread should have closed after 83,although 98 was also good (hope the kid got a bonus in addition to the offer :-p). Plus, it would have saved us all from 147.

Our OCI was held in a nearby hotel one year. My friend walked into an interview room and saw the interviewer zipping up his pants -- he never explained.

LAST!

369 was the LAST! person to pleasure that sheep in 2008.