No gin and tonics??!!!

To the extent that's a real rule, I'll assume it doesn't apply in SF, where our warmest days of the year are still ahead of us.

Cravath summers would have stolen a Mercedes, or at least a BMW.

Too bad they didn't run over a few yuppies and t-bone a police cruiser.

Um, wow. Pity the poor schmucks who got no-offered from Winston & Strawn et al.: they may not have been the best of their SA crop, but going through interview season this year, they'll be lumped into the same situation as these d!ckweeds.

Maybe given the economy there needs to be a new category of summer associateship result: the warm no-offer to indicate that, even though you didn't get an offer, you weren't a complete disaster. Otherwise people will wonder if you stole a car and treat it as a scarlet letter.

actually funny!

What's the point of this retreat? Why would you ever do this, much less in the middle of a recession?

first "real" summer story so far. well done kids!

Um, 3...

Audi >>> BMW.

Freakin' 3-series everywhere. Embarassing. Notice how quickly people grow out of them? As another commenter noted, they're the "Honda Civics of junior associates."

Anyone know if it was a partner's car? That would have made it truly priceless.

First to say that cars are TTT and that New York City is the best place on earth.

This story is juicy like a USDA Prime steak. Well done!

Go back to smaLLLaw, 7.

8 - No, the first real 2008 summer story was the lesbian kiss:

http://abovethelaw.com/2008/07/summer_associates_lesbian_kiss.php

13: I think my question is a valid one, considering the frequent lay-off threads that we see on this site.

You could accomplish the same bonding and networking goals at a bowling alley. (Of course, I'm aware that we probably won't be out of a recession until profligate spending resumes again.)

Um, 9...
not all Audis > BMWs. In fact, very few do. If you like to drive and feel like you're being pulled around, rather than grabbed by the seat of your pants, go ahead and get an Audi.

I chose the 335i over the S4. The S4 felt way too anesthetized.

Wow... SA car thieves. That's a tough one to beat.

Not bad but you should have referred to the partner who chased after the SAs as "undersexed" and worked "Pantsdown" into the title.

16: to be fair, they allegedly intended to borrow the car. But I'm not sure.

Cry me a river. Multi-day retreat? I worked every holiday when I was a summer associate. I hope they not only received no offers but were given the Scarlet Letter (M, for moron) to ensure they get no employment in this profession.

NEVER EVER EVER EVER drink at any workplace event. EVER. How many drunken SA stories do people need in order to understand that simple rule? Save the alcohol for a date, bar night with your friends, or when you're curled up on the sofa at home.

um, 16
no ones cares that test drove a couple of cars when daddy was about to buy you one.

20 = lame.

Just keep it under control, its not that hard if you're a normal person.

15, the summer associate trip to Napa/Sonoma is easily the highlight of the summer program (and the best time to get a sense of who people really are).

Yes, we go bowling, cooking, etc. too, but the drive up there together, the wine, the open bars, the presence of significant others (some people even bring their kids), the pool, the spa, the nice rooms, and the 2- or 3-day nature of the events makes them much more than just bonding over bowling, and they feel like less of an interview. It's similar to why practice groups/offices/companies go on retreats.

20 = lame.

Just keep it under control, its not that hard if you're a normal person.

19: you're being ridiculous. No employment in this profession? I hope you're not as cruel to your kids when they do something reckless. Would you tell them, "No more going out, ever"?

19 this profession is right for you. You are like a bad fart ina crowded room.

19 is the b--ch of the day.

I don't know the whole story, but my guess is that the summers knew the car's owner. I doubt they were just "borrowing" a random car. Anyone from MoFo know the deal?

BMW 3 = TTT for insecure douchebags who have to drive a "luxury" car. See also: Merc C.

24: Why would you drink? Why? Do you like the taste of beer? No, you don't. Even the best Imperial Stouts, Pale Lagers, and Porters taste awful; and people drink cocktails because they want to get drunk, not because of the acerbic, bittersweet taste.

The truth of the matter is that drinking is pointless without the intention to get drunk, and you should never get drunk at these retreats.

Thank you, Elie, for writing an excellent, concise post that is reminiscent of Lat's writing. Nice work.

Wait, Lat wrote this? Never mind.

23: "who people really are"? Where do you get this stuff? Are you trying to confirm California stereotypes? Are you flame?

Law practice is a business. You are there to make money. For all you care, the people around you are nothing more than rainmaking monsters. Save the new wave friendship b.s. for when you're camping with friends on your own time.

Wow, this is a great story.

The story I heard involved only one summer associate, and he did get an offer. And yes, everyone called him "Grand Theft Auto" for the remainder of the summer.

Could not happen to a nicer firm -- good going with recruiting MoFo -- but me you rejected ...... comeuppance

30: "drinking is pointless without the intention to get drunk"

Seek help. Seriously.

BMW 3 series = is for TTT douches

BUT BMW 5 series > Audi A6
BUT BMW 7 series > Audi A8

HTH.

Wow, 30, way to display your very screwed up relationship with alcohol in front of all us normal folks. Also, you sort of left wine off your mini-rant. Maybe you should come back to that when you sober up.

30 = juvenile frat dude.

Lat, please do not leave. Mystal sucks.

My sources tell me that they didn't steal the keys, but jumped into the car when the valet pulled it up to the entrance and attempted to drive away. When the recruiting person flipped out, the would-be driver told her to hop in and he'd take her for a ride.

"The truth of the matter is that drinking is pointless without the intention to get drunk, and you should never get drunk at these retreats."

Spoken like someone who doesn't drink. Unless it's for religious or health reasons, not drinking wine at a firm's Napa retreat makes you a tool.

36/38: Why don't you rebuke my argument without alluding to psychiatric help or previous alcohol abuse?

I drink when I'm not in the presence of people whom I depend on for a living, and, on a related note, I don't like the taste of alcohol. Why is that so outrageous?

30 -- what are you in high school? imbecile.

32 - How can you have a problem with that? I (and the firm) want to know "who people realy are" before we make offers to join our small office (most in SV are 20-40, a few have more like 60 people, and only 2 that I can think of are larger). If a practice group has 8 people, and we're making 1 or 2 offers, yes, we do care who they are: It's all part of the package.

Here's a little tip I learned:

Get a short tumbler. Fill it up with water and then, at the top, add a little vodka for the scent. Put in a lemon and walk around with that. People won't suspect that you're not drinking and you can socialize with the best of them.

I find that excessive alcohol actually brings out the true person. It's a truth serum of sorts.

45: That's outrageous. So you would rather have the social frat guy who can't write over the shy, awkward, brilliant brief writer?

I prefer "gins and tonic"

30/43: If you do not like the taste of alcohol but still drink, see no point to drinking without getting drunk, and cannot drink around people in front of whom you cannot afford to embarrass yourself, then there is nothing previous about your alcohol abuse, nor is there anything malicious in my suggestion. Check out http://www.aa.org, go to a local meeting, sit in the back and listen for an hour. Seriously.
-36

is elie mystal a man or a woman? i seriously can't tell. good story tho

46- I think I'd be more comfortable with someone who was comfortable that they didn't drink. There's nothing wrong with it in my opinion, and I'm one glass of scotch short of being an alcoholic.

47: not really. Everyone comes off as an idiot. That's hardly the truth.

There's kids that look at this web site. Please, please stop using the word "MoFo." What are you, a liberal, unChristia, unAmerican commie. If you do this again, I will report this to the D.O.J. as a violation of federal indecency laws.

There's kids that look at this web site. Please, please stop using the word "MoFo." What are you, a liberal, unChristian, unAmerican communist? If you do this again, I will report this to the D.O.J. as a violation of federal indecency laws.

43 = fun at a party

Alcohol is at the root of hundreds of problems, including drunk driving, unwanted sexual relations, and car theft at a Northern CA resort. I don't see why it's so outrageous to consider it a bad idea when you're around buttoned down legal professionals.

There's kids who read AboveTheLaw? No way. Unless you mean summer associates ...

Hey, 30 ... If you don't like the taste of alcohol, don't drink. I never drink anything I don't like the taste of, I never aim to get drunk, and moderate my consumption accordingly. I do agree that at a firm function, I'd take my usual in-control level of drinking down yet another notch. That's on a par with dressing a little better for a weekend event than you would if it wasn't business-related.

But still. Stop drinking to get drunk, and stop drinking stuff that tastes bad. That's just basic.

I drive a Saturn but glued a Mercedes hood emblem on it so no one is the wiser. I also work at CWT and graduated from GULC.

57, because most of us can have a drink or two without driving drunk, having unwanted sex, or stealing cars. No seriously, it's actually really easy.

59- You're driving a Saturn because you're now unemployed....

Here's a little tip I learned:

Get a short tumbler. Fill it up with vodka and then, at the top, add a little water for the scent. Put in a lemon and pound it. People won't suspect that you're sh*t faced and you can socialize with the best of them.

51: "Elie" is a feminine spelling of Eli or Ely, so I am confused as well.

If Elie is a man then he has a woman's name, in other words Elie = A Boy Named "Sue"

To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

I heard CWT had their summer retreat in Newark and a couple of summers tried to drive away in a partner's Ford Fiesta but the damn thing wouldn't even start. They both recieved offers.

64: judicious use of a Simpsons quote. 170.

T&T. There is no G&T.

- Morpheus.

While many cultures take the position that one should not act on a decision taken drunk until you have discussed it sober, the ancient Persians apparently believed one should act on a decision taken sober until it was discussed drunk.

Also, figure out your own limit to drinks at a firm event and stick to it. I'll drink plenty with my friends, but at firm events, I have a hard ceiling. Even in the rare (two, I think) times I've been asked why I'm having a diet coke/water/whatever at 11pm on a Friday night, a comment that you just like to hydrate before bedtime is really all that's ever required.

Anything smaller than a 7-series screams "new money." M3 versions scream "new money, small package."

You like to hydrate before bedtime? What are you -- a plant?

;)

68: Unless you are drinking with 30, in which case he will call you a p*ssy for not pounding beers and taking Jager bombs all night with him.

HTH.

Borrowing the car / joy riding / driving car to their room on hotel grounds = no intent to steal = no theft = no Grand Theft Auto.

This is basic 1L Crim law.

Are you sure the ATL guys went to HY?

72: thank you very much for the mens rea lesson.

I hope 73 is Lat/Mystal.

You're welcome.

-72

30, I bet you'd like to drink with Bristol Palin

48 - The "social frat guys" are precisely the people we're trying to avoid. Wouldn't fit in with our group. Way to assume that I meant the opposite of what I did.

Wow, 76 comments (as of my writing) and no "frat stud" posts...that's got to be some kind of record.

Guys at my high school used to forget to post on posts with perfect opportunity for such posts all the time. It was no big deal.

76: then what type of person are you looking for? That makes me feel better. I always feel so shy at these events.

YES!! perfect "frat stud" timing.

LAST! I called it!

36, what you call the disease, I call the remedy. See attached.

30, it's almost beer thirty - want to meet up?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pG2zv9Y3ac

This is the law firm smut I've become accustomed to, not the irrelevant bull crap Mystal has been posting.

82: No, it's not. It's twenty to 5 PM Eastern. I don't see where you're getting "beer thirty."

What's in the link? I can't click it for obvious reasons.

29, I second that. What kind of a jerkoff drives a C Class or a 3 Series? I would be embarrassed to. My friends and I giggle whenever we see one on the road.

About keeping up an appearance of drinking, and having to come up with an explanation when you're not imbibing at 11pm on Friday - what kind of firm is it that would have people judging and asking folks about whether they are drinking or not? You would never question your clients on why they are drinking or not, would you? Unless the person is generally making a big deal about not drinking and making other people feel uncomfortable about alcohol, then they should be free to pick their own beverages. Asking just makes you look like a lush.

79 - The CW is that people tend to look for people like themselves. So, generally, at least I've seen, a firm/group that is having afterparties is generally going to look for people who are up for that stuff, while a bunch of accountant-types are going to look for the same. Different groups can and do exist in the same office, of course.

Anyway, my group looks for people who seem natural and comfortable. Same rules that apply all summer: Be social, don't be the first to leave everything, try to contribute to the conversation but don't take over (and of the usual topics--travel, sports, movies, music, restaurants--you should be able to talk about something), appear to be relaxed, make us forget that you're a summer if possible, etc. There's nothing earth-shattering here: Just fit in.

FYI- I have a 3 Series and it's a total piece of garbage. I got it in '06 when they "redesigned" it and I take it back to the dealer at least once every 60 days. Stay away from BMWs...3 series or otherwise.

NYC, Esq.

Guys in my high school used to steal cars all the time - it was no big deal.

Guys in my high school used to steal cars all the time - it was no big deal.

Guys in my high school used to steal cars all the time - it was no big deal.

Guys in my high school used to steal cars all the time - it was no big deal.

FYI- I have a 3 Series and it's a total piece of garbage. I got it in '06 when they "redesigned" it and I take it back to the dealer at least once every 60 days. Stay away from BMWs...3 series or otherwise.

NYC, Esq.

Morrison & Foerster wears the "MoFo" label proudly. They even have it on some of their t-shirts.

Guys in my high school used to click the shit out of the "Post Comment" button all the time. It was no big deal.

Guys in my high school had daddies who used to lease 3-series for them all the time. It was no big deal.

Guys in my high school used to quadruple-post the same comment because they were illiterate. It was pretty irritating.

re: post 72 (saying it was not theft) - theft is typically about taking unlawful possesion, not title. so yes, even joyriding/improper borrowing is grand theft auto

Incorporating copious drinking into one's lawyer lifestyle is essential for maintaining sanity.

sorry to say, this story was totally exaggerated. the summers in question attempted to steal golf carts, not audis. the real story at the silverado retreat was the recruiter who had to drag a rather amorous lady summer out of a certain corporate summer's condo, very late-night. and yes, she did get an offer.

I SA'd for Latham this summer. wtf?! my retreat sucked hard compared to this!

We paid for our own minibar and pool tabs and no-SO's were allowed. No spas, no massages, no golf, no nothing.

I agree with 30/43. That's why I only drink alone in my bedroom with the lights off. That way nobody criticizes your overconsumption and you can be foot-loose and fancy-free. Socializing while drinking is just one big headache.

97: Go back to 1L year. Unlawful possession does not equal theft.

also notable: mofo's motto is "higher, wider, deeper." no joke.

it was "bubbles" and "fresno lite"

This was a good post Elie.

The real issue is whether there's intent to permanently deprive another of property (although obviously statutes vary). Given that there's at least some evidence of this (what would you call driving off in another person's car?), this will survive a motion for judgment of acquittal and be a question of fact for the jury. The jurors might buy that it was a mere "joy-ride" or might find that the soon-to-be lawyers had something more malicious in mind.

QED. -GULC '09

you know, I was blackout drunk at most summer events. Not even one problem. Got an offer and accepted. Grow up and learn to hold your goddamn liquor.

Every time I see the name "Elie", I read "Ellee".

106: You are not doing GULC any favors by posting idiotic comments here.

HTH.

105 here. Nevermind my comment, it was Lat. I'm still hoping Elie will work out though.

Elie is a guy:

http://abovethelaw.com/2008/08/meet_new_editor_elie_mystal.php

But this was a Lat post.

111: You should edit the first line to:

"Elie is a guy with a woman's name"

In general, 3-series and C-class cars are for the newly minted and automotively retarded. However, exceptions arise for M versions and AMG versions, where German excess is at its best.

I find this entire story difficult to believe.

Whenever I look at Elie's picture, I think of Charlie Murphy's story on the Chappelle show talking about the first time he saw OJ Simpson: "I was like, man, that dude's got a big head!"

The thing that's hard to believe is that anyone could think Silverado is a "first class resort"!

But otherwise, it was very funny.

55 - their website is mofo.com; get a grip

28 raises a good question. Though the summers are still 'tards, whatever the answer to the question happens to be.

GULCers all drive rusted out Acuras and buy their suits off the rack. Disgusting. Revolting. Truly devoid of class.

I'm not up on all these fancy elitist law firms, but I'm assuming the name "MoFo" is a joke right? Please tell me there is not a law firm whose nickname is "MoFo"? Is there also a law firm called "FU"? How about "BoFo"?

This doesn't sound true at all. The recruiter did not escort the summers back to wait for the shuttle? The recruiter just left them standing by the key box? The key box was unattended the entire time? No valets anywhere?

This story is true except that it was not an Audi but a bright yellow VW Bug with a flower in the dash and a homo in the trunk.

122 = closeted.

122=Homo in the trunk.

Mercedes C-Class= TTT
BMW 3 Series= TTT
Audi A4= TTT
Lexus IS = superior to all of the above 3

I don't trust people who don't drink to get drunk. The only legitimate reason not to drink at an SA event is to avoid a massive hangover the next day at work. In that case, just get drunk but get home by 2. If you're working on a lady and get lucky then it's worth the hangover the next day.

I worked 12-14 hours/day as an SA at my DC firm this summer and billed about 10 of those. Almost noone at firm events had more than one or two beers and far from having "afterparties", most folks left events early to be with their families/SOs. Since I don't drink and like to go to bed early, I fit right in and got an offer.

After reading this story, I am more grateful than ever that I am a total tool.

@69

Come on: the new M3 has an 8 cyl engine for the love of god. That thing is beastly.

BMW clearly > Audi

BMW = Sport Luxury, while Merc = Luxury Sport.

I note that virtually all MBs are automatic. <--think about this.

You guys are way off. The 335 is the best car for the cash in the BMW stable, which by definition makes it better than Audi. People who buy BMWs are aware of the stereotype, but are secure enough to realize they are the best cars in the price range, especially the 3 series. Audi drivers are the most insecure because they are afraid to get the BMW, although Audi high-end sport stuff is getting better. MBs are a joke.

Owners lament that newer MBs require much repair. Audi is building better cars (their interior is praised constantly), but BMWs are probably the best built premium German vehicle today, even if they are no longer "exclusive."

American cars do not hold up.

Mercedes and BMW are better made.

Audi has a long history of electrical and mechanical problems.

Why not get a fully loaded Accord? How much of a chance does a young associate get on his 7-day a week commute to work to use the performance he's paying for in a Benz or BMW? Plus, you don't lock yourself into the job by adopting a lifestyle that requires the pay. This is a plus in case you end up HATING working for a big law firm.

120 - Do you live under a rock? Go to mofo.com. It's a huge international firm.

133: huge international law firm? MoFo may be a big firm in San Francisco and even California, but they are not a big international firm. They do not compare with the "sweet sixteen" elite US and UK firms that have a real international practices. If Mofo opened real offices throughout West and East Europe and the Middle East, and upgraded its virtual offices in Asia (ex- Japan), they could claim to be "international". Summers could drink in Bordeaux then. Maybe they should go the opposite way and focus on California and forget the "international" dream? and the New York dream?

133: huge international law firm? MoFo may be a big firm in San Francisco and even California, but they are not a big international firm. They do not compare with the "sweet sixteen" elite US and UK firms that have a real international practices. If Mofo opened real offices throughout West and East Europe and the Middle East, and upgraded its virtual offices in Asia (ex- Japan), they could claim to be "international". Summers could drink in Bordeaux then. Maybe they should go the opposite way and focus on California and forget the "international" dream? and the New York dream?

Who are the Sweet16?

134 - No one is trying to get into a pissing contest here. MoFo is a 1000+ law firm with offices in Europe and Asia. I never said it was the Sweet 16 or better than any other law firm. International MoFo summers did drink in Macau, btw. They just didn't steal anything.