Future Lawsuit of the Day: The Crocodile Supplicant
Have you ever pulled the wings off of a fly?
Well, there’s a seven-year-old in Australia that can probably kick your ass.
The li’ mate hopped a fence at an Australian zoo and spent 30 minutes feeding “Terry,” an 11-foot, 440-pound saltwater crocodile, a diet of zoo lizards.
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By the time he was done, 13 animals worth around $5,500 had been killed, including a turtle, bearded dragons and thorny devil lizards, [zoo director Rex] Neindorf said. Although none were considered rare, some are difficult to replace, he said.
It’s the circle of life. It’s the wheel of fortune.
The zoo director expressed horror at the child’s action:
“In [security camera] footage, the boy’s face remains largely blank,” Neindorf said, adding: “It was like he was playing a game.”
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He’s seven. He was playing a game. The oldest game: evolution. Notice the kid didn’t throw himself into the crocodile pit. Rest assured, if he’s ever in a James Bond style trap, this kid will make it out and eventually bang Jane Seymour.
Nonetheless, Neindorf insisted that he would sue the kid’s parents:
“I just want people to learn that they can’t let their children go and run amok,” Neindorf said. “If we can’t put the blame onto the child, then someone has to accept the responsibility.”
Here at ATL’s mega-office, opinion is split. Our esteemed publisher said: “That kid’s got problems. Real problems. I would not want him playing with my kid.”
But some of us are all about alpha predators. How often has Terry been locked behind bars while some little gecko has taunted him about car insurance.
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This kid isn’t a killer, he has restored a little bit of the natural order and his parents don’t deserve to be sued.
Though, the parents they might want to hold off on having a second child. Fratricide, “boy, man, I don’t know.”