Lawsuit of the Day

Lawsuit of the Day:
Brunette Weeps Alone

blonde sues for hair color.JPGCharlotte Feeney sued L’Oreal Inc. because she accidentally dyed her hair dark-brown instead of blonde. She claims that L’Oreal mislabeled the box of hair-dye, while L’Oreal presumably used the “she’s an idiot” defense.

Freeney claimed to have suffered real damages. She said that being a brunette ruined her social life:

She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.

It’s unclear what color the rug is, but Freeney claims the dark dye did irreparable damage to her curtains. She says that she can never go back to being a blonde again and now has to take anti-depressants.

We suggest that Freeney lay off the zoloft and open herself to the wonderful life of being a brunette. Armed with her new hair color — and nights and weekends uncluttered with the pressure of companionship or sex — Freeney can do all sorts of things. She will no longer be hated by other women, and she can begin the hard work of learning how to read confusing box labels at the local Duane Reade.

A Connecticut judge dismissed Freeney’s lawsuit, he said:

The plaintiff submitted no facts, no opinions and no standards to substantiate either of the allegations.

Should she decide to appeal, she might want to add the need for “facts and opinions” as further evidence of suffering because of her follicle deformity.

Freeney’s lawyer, David Laudano, said that he hadn’t even read the judge’s decision. Via internal monologue, Laudano added “Jeez. I wish this average looking woman would stop pestering me about her ‘cases’ and ‘options.’ I’m so bored. I want to work with new and exciting clients.”

Ha ha ha ha … oh hi Charlotte. Sure you look great. No, I’m not ignoring you. Hey, what are you doing with my pet rabbit? Stop. STOP OH DEAR GOD STOP!!!

Blonde sues over brown dye; judge brushes off suit [Washington Post]

Woman sues over wrong hair color [Connecticut Post]

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