Lonely Lawyers This Weekend
It’s not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2. Not too late at all, if you don’t mind putting up with a lawyer. From Craigslist:
Older Attorney Seeks Younger Girlfriend - 39Call it a mid-life crisis, but I want a younger girlfriend. I’m 6’0”, 195lb., and of German-Italian heritage, divorced with no kids. I’m a former pentathlete, so I’m in pretty good shape. And, I know this is important for finding a younger girlfriend on Craigslist: My apartment looks out over Central Park, I drive a Mercedes-Benz S600, and I wear a $44,000 Breguet watch.
I’m not looking for a “sugar daddy/sugar baby” relationship. I’m not giving anyone an allowance, or paying for someone else’s apartment or car. But, I have a taste for the good life, so there will be a lot of nights out at fine restaurants and vacations to warm places in the winter.
E-mail me with a picture with a line or two about yourself. I’m looking for someone in her early 20s (at least 21), slim, white, and knows how to dress well.
You got that? He is not looking for a sugar baby, just a college student that’s easily impressed.
But maybe some of you are looking for younger partners too:
Perfect on Paper - 24Here’s the thing, it’s easy for people to lie about themselves, or even tell the truth but spin it. Given that, I can make myself look pretty damn good without saying anything untrue. I’m 24, single, extremely intelligent with a degree from a top ten school, attending a top 5 law school. I play guitar and sing very well, I’ve been in bands and I write lovely little pop songs. I’m cute, in a geeky, part-Jewish kind of way. I write well, I read tons, and I can talk about anything (except for most sports, though sometimes I can fake it.) I can hold my liquor but avoid drinking to extremes. I am funny as hell, with a quick, sarcastic wit. I cook— once I’ve made you breakfast, you’re mine. I am sweet, caring, and sensitive.
Thing is, the way people write about themselves around here, none of that sounds very special, does it? But there is more. Perfect on paper is boring in person, but I’m a lot more complicated than that. I’m insecure, moody, and fairly damaged— I like to think of that as the bitter kick that makes the sweetness all the better. I’m also a little bit more sex-driven than the typical “perfect guy.” That’s probably a good thing too.
I’m not posting a photo cause my friends will mock me endlessly if they see this ad. Of course, I will trade. If you want to get to know me and find out all my dark secrets, just send me an email. Stand forewarned that I like long, thoughtful messages, both sending and receiving them.
Buddy, if you haven’t sealed the deal during the overnight hours, there isn’t much that your breakfast sausage is bringing to the table.
Do you ever notice how well credentialed people who are single refer to their credentials more than well credential people who are in relationships?
Having cast my aspersions on the loveless lawyers, I’m off … to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend.
(123) 
Comments
Lets all carve backwards "B"s into our faces!
Yay repubs!
Fail.
turd
Lasttt
"perfect on paper" just means he's but ugly. plus the guy just sounds like a straight up dorkus maximus.
thnx for playing. but go home--dorky dudes in T-5 law schools are a dime a dozen. payce.
*butt ugly.
**dorky ugly dudes.
Elie's weekend sounds better than mine. Anyone else stuck in the office (because a-hole partner doesn't "believe" in working from home)?
*butt ugly.
**dorky ugly dudes.
Just to throw some anecdotal conclusions out there, college students tend to not be that impressed with riches. College grads who have suddenly faced the bleak reality of real life though, they're the ones to go who will fuck for a nice dinner (I know a few who've said as much, in far more euphamistic terms). Sad but true.
Also, I'm drunk, cause I skipped out of work early, hit up my local bar, and now I'm gonna go troll the sidewalks around the undergrad dorms in my neighborhood.
-NYC Associate who actually gets laid. Haha, motherfuckas.
They both want good looking pros to respond. They are Eliot Spitzer wannabees.
God bless you, 9. Good luck tonight.
- Jealous in SV (and stuck at office for at least 5 more hours)
why is a NYC associate who actually "gets laid" checking ATL while drunk? if he's getting laid then why not do that instead of commenting.
also if you're from ny, you don't call it NYC. you call it ny or just "the city."
but i do agree with the 1st part of his comment. just wtch the arrogance.
9 sounds like a really cool guy....leaves work early, gets drunk, then goes home and blogs about it.
Nice profession I've chosen for myself.
Now you'll have to excuse me, I need to go pour scalding water down my pants.
12 - We're all kind of pathetic, commenting on ATL when we should be doing other things, like, you know, billing, "mentoring" (i.e. mojitos at inappropriate times on someone else's dime), working so we can go home to the few people who still care about us...or getting laid (though I've never chosen ATL over that).
I agree, though, why go to the bar, come home to check ATL and comment, and then go trolling. I'd go to the bar, give that undergrad her 15 minutes of fame, and head home for pizza, Superbad, and a bowl, but that's just me.
9 - have fun with the shemale tonight. Tell Eddie Murphy whats up.
12- Not every NYC associate is from NY
-Not 9
Honestly, though...how big of a loser is 9? F'ing pathetic.
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
MYSTAL... you wrote
"It's not too late to get a date for the weekend instead of sitting at home and playing Rock Band 2."
you then finished this article by stating:::
"I'm off ... to play Rock Band 2. Have a great weekend."
CLEARLY, you have confirmed the fact that you are
1)a complete loser
2) a pathetic overweight middle aged man playing video games
3) can't get a date
4) will soon resort to CL secretly or better yet,
5) join www.adultfriendfinder.com
*replies to craigslist ad while trying on wig...anything to get paid this summer!*
-nervous T-10 1L
SHOW ME YOUR $40K WATCH!!111
sorry guys...but im sure
nervous t-10 1L will be here shortly to annoy us all
Good call, 30.
Leave poor Mystal alone. If you've got to continuously harass the guy by posting comments on an online blog, then you are clearly no better than he is. Get over yourself.
32 = Elie's mom.
(Elie, you've done a solid job this week. The typos drive me nuts, but clearly you don't care. Content has been there. Enjoy Rock Bandin' out.)
12, everyone calls it NYC on the internet even if you never speak "en-why-cee."
18 - get a life. Rock Band is awesome.
18-27: Learn to post you fucking idiot.
for someone who is giving a manual on how to post on this blog, one would thing you of all people should be a pro at it...
such a shame :(
MysTTal, stop posting your Craigslist ads on ATL. You've already done enough to ruin it.
14: sounds like a perfect night to me (420?)...and since you mention mojitos, I've got to imagine you're a chick...
18-27: FAIL
Right now I'm banging a couple of hot models on my waterbed. Well, some of you cynics will say they're not really models. True, they've never really been in ads, but they walk down the runway in Project Runway (I met them coming out of the studio) and they are tall and skinny. Lucky I have my laptop (PowerBook, natch) bedside, so I can reach over and post while my junk is balls deep in a snatch that none of you could touch. Just wanted to say, hey there, I only got this because I'm Yale Blue. Fuck you, Harvard kids! Dime a dozen, you know. Enjoy your watches.
According to facebook, Mystal is married 18.
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
18-27's repetitive schtick is actually fairly hilarious/
I actually though this: "Buddy, if you haven't sealed the deal during the overnight hours, there isn't much that your breakfast sausage is bringing to the table." was the funniest thing Elie has posted yet.
But then again, I'm sitting here drafting a memo and likely to be doing the same throughout the weekend. Little things are all I have left.
42-67 THANK YOU!!!!
we should be lovers <3
lol
I would do Elie.
18 - 27, 42 -67 You suck. Get a life.
Why would anyone care about your degree in a dating relationship, you shmuck? Telling people that you have a degree from a top ten school and are attending a top five one is a sure-fire way to alienate them and obviate hook-ups.
#9 is my hero.
Elie, don't listen to the haters. You are coming along alright as EIC. Keep refining your style and research skills, watch the typos, and you’ll do fine.
1. I feel bad for both posters. I noticed Bachelor #2 didn't include humility as one of his qualities...who'd a thunk it?
2. Multiple posting is not hilarious, except perhaps to the two 10-year-olds that for some reason frequent the site.
LSAT scores are up.
not all of them!
I'm nervous I won't get a girlfriend.
-nervous T-10 1L
Both these guys need to read this blog and take the suggestions to heart.
WARNING: Definitely NOT work friendly!!
http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/
*nervously reads this story for the first time today after spending all day studying...furiously goes to officedepot.com to order 24 lb. instead of 20 lb. resume paper, feels better about self*
-nervous T-10 1L
ps nice try imitating me guys but you should know by now that i don't use caps
The Elie-bashing is getting a little ridiculous. He does a nice job. Lat made errors too. Get over it.
- Not Elie
Nervous = cutely pathetic. Like Radar with a dash of Klinger.
Nervous = cutely pathetic. Like Radar with a dash of Klinger.
How many years has nervous T-10 been a 1L?
How many people post as nervous T-10?
How many people post comments about PEANUTS and CHEESE?
Elie's Craig's List Post:
Ex-Attorney Seeks Young Boy
I want a younger boy. I'm short, fat, funny looking, and my ethnicity is so unique that I got into Harvard despite completing elementary grammar school. I'm a former lawyer, so I think my opinions are interesting to everyone. And, I know this is important for finding a younger boy on Craigslist: My apartment has all kinds of sex toys, I drive a Prius, and I wear a a banana hammock.
I'm not looking for a "sugar daddy/sugar baby" relationship. I'm not giving anyone an allowance, or paying for someone else's apartment or car. But, I have a taste for man-boy love, so there will be a lot of nights in and vacations to gay retreats.
E-mail me with a picture with a line or two about yourself. I'm looking for someone in his early teens (at least 13), slim, white, and knows how to dress well.
I wish someone would write a movie about the socially retarded ways of associates in BigLaw. A movie like "The Office" about a law firm and it's cast of characters: the useless secretaries, the overworked paralegals, staff attys grateful to have a job often working harder than socially retarded associate to keep it, associates who never learned how to make chit-chat with their peers, never mind ask a woman out on a date (T10 and V10, not those who partied away their TTT education), counsel who constantly talk about "moving the pieces of the case along", and partners who do ..what? (bring bagels to Saturday meetings, complain about missing their kid's soccer game, man the phone in their office all day, hopefully bring business in to the firm for the sake of retarded associate)....the Greek chorus of the movie could be the project assistants who tend to be nice, socially engaging and hard-working.
Maybe a sa sitting on a rescinded offer will utilize their time this summer to write this? Please?
I meant a movie like "Office Space", but a satirical comedy like "The Office" airing every week would be just as funny.
i think both of those craig lists ads are just plain creepy. There's no way you can make those comments and not be looked at as a weirdo. what person what respond to those?
dude, and i would not want to be the associate that has to work with those guys. i dont know WHAT would happened the next time i went to pick up my pencil
you don't want a sugar daddy/sugar baby rship, and yet your only redeeming quality is the cost of your watch? um, ok.
only a dude with a 1" penis would need a $44K watch...
douchebaggery
"nervously nibbles on peanuts and cheese, thinking maybe it's ok if I don't get a job after all, i don't want to end up like these guys, but i need to start saving my pennies"
Lonely lawyers should become a regular feature. Every Friday evening, round up the attorneys who post on CL (pretty easy search) maybe rotating between different cities. Good for pathos and/or guffaws.
12, I gotta call you out here. I am born, raised & now practice in Manhattan. I call it NYC, as do the other Manhannites I know. I've never even heard of "ny" -- there is nothing lower case about Gotham.
As for "the City", I practiced in SF (at Thelen, no less). That is the only place called "the City" and only tourists call it "Frisco". But there is nothing like that sort of divide here in NYC.
Carry on.
Based on word use, sentence structure and pacing, I absolutely thought that second personal ad was from a female.
I like the second guy. If I were single, his age, and online dating, I'd respond to him. But definitely not the first one. Blech.
Stealth layoffs at Dickstein Shapiro, OMM, Dechert...where is the news story? How about concentrating on REAL stories that affect our pockets, not lonely hearts garbage. If anyone wants, they can read personals on their own, I am more concerned about the guy in the next office getting axed.
The Hef wanna-be is a douche even Hef has to be a sugar daddy.
87, you're my hero - you can pen my script anytime
x <3 x
last night i took home a saucy cutlet and after we finished the nasty i asked her what her name was. she leaned over and whispered in my ear
WILDMAN HARROLD
Loooooooooosers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've never gone so wrong
As for telling lies to you
What you see is what I've been
There is nothing I could hide from you
You see me better than I can
Out on the road that lies before me now
There are some turns where I will spin
I only hope that you can hold me now
'Til I can gain control again
Do you think anyone would respond to an ad seeking a date with a former attorney general? If I can't find a job at least I can get laid.
- Alberto Gonzales
95,
female friend helping a desperate male friend get laid?
rock band
The grim reality for this man with the Central Park place is most of what he says will turn off a younger women. I am a 47 year-old lawyer. I met my girlfriend when she was 21 and we have been together for two years. It's a great relationship, largely because she doesn't place much value on watches, cars, houses. If he Central Park Lawyer wants to buy sex he should buy sex and get it over with. If he wants a relationship, he should examine his own values and understand the "young" generation doesn't see much value in a misreable person who has a lot of useless stuff. The stuff is only fun if you are happy.
rock band 2
guitar hero world tour
Back in the day, readers would have responded to these ads, pretending to be beautiful young women. Then, they would have posted the conversations here for all to see. Alas, those days are gone.
106: The grim reality is, most women are whores and will put out for anyone with two legs, as long as it enables them to go freely shopping along Madison Avenue and come back to a Central Park penthouse.
Keep fooling yourself that this girl who is half your age loves your for your "values." If she cared about those, she wouldn't be dating a lawyer.
I very much doubt that anyone with a $40k+ watch would be putting writing a post like that. Take this statement - and the causal connections behind its veracity - for what you will bitches.
Good point, 110, and I'm a woman.
106, I agree - woman in her mid-20s.
I think this is the same Mercedes Benz driving, Breguet watch wearing loser who left this voicemail. If not, they must be roommates.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/audio/play/804361/
113 - Thanks! When I met my girlfriend I was not actively practicing law. I had a non-law business that was not doing especially well. My girlfriend told me she would would prefer that I sell my useless stuff and pursue things I am passionate about. We started to cook together. I got back to writing poetry, which I quit years ago. We talked about what I did and did not like about the law, and I decided to restart my practice - focused on what I genuinely loved about it. I jettisoned the rest. I have never lived in New York and my girlfriend and I have never spent more than $50 on a gift for one another. It's all about values and happiness. About her being a whore, 110 and 112, sorry - she was a beautiful, authentic, balanced, virgin. She is still 3 of those.
http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/cas/894506822.html
How bad is the legal jobmarket? This guy will let you bang his wife for a job. Note - NSFW
87: That show is called "Living the Dream" -- www.bitterlawyer.com
"The City" means Manhattan, as opposed to other boroughs. If someone in Brooklyn, says "I'm going to the city," the other person knows she doesn't mean San Francisco.
Also, I've never heard anyone say "The BK" out loud. But I've never heard anyone say TTT out loud, either.
115 --
Beautiful and virgin are mutually exclusive terms at age 21, unless she's the type that tries to save your soul.
You either have your self a religious zealot, are overselling her looks, or she's lying to you (and you bought it) about her sexual history.
119 -- I appreciate your concern on this issue. Catholic, but not evangelical. Catholic girls school, lived at home for college. But you are half-right there - religion played a role. She's very pretty, but I'll concede that is subjective in most cases. And love is blind (and deaf and dumb). Half-right there too for sure. On sexual history, a few things can't be faked. 115/106
119 -- I appreciate your concern on this issue. Catholic, but not evangelical. Catholic girls school, lived at home for college. But you are half-right there - religion played a role. She's very pretty, but I'll concede that is subjective in most cases. And love is blind (and deaf and dumb). Half-right there too for sure. On sexual history, a few things can't be faked. 115/106
Elle,
I've been happily giving you a chance (THAT'S the Chicago way... would post support, but f@#k it, trust me on this), but this is too simple to let go. Why do well credentialed singles mention their credentials more that well credentialed non-singles? Answer: Because we need to. If we were off the market, we would of course not bother either. So enjoy Rock Bank, or whatever you kids play these days.
-- Cranky Old 2L
PS - No one will ever read this.
-- Really Cranky Old 2L, Beginning the Beguine
Those ads on that www.whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com site were HILARIOUS. That writer is even funnier than the dating ads. How commoners ever get laid is beyond me. I'm a "Vagina Whisperer"? Thats the best men can come up with? No wonder they want to be lawyers.