I Hear That 'Magic Circle' Powder Is Killer
Back in the eighties, the popular myth was that all Manhattan attorneys had a leather briefcase, a good blue pen, and a Scarface-sized bowl of cocaine on their desk. Sadly, by the time I got to Biglaw the briefcase had been replaced by a canvas bag with a gaudy firm emblem emblazoned on the side like the mark of the beast. The nice pen was replaced with a desktop computer designed to block The Onion. And the coke was replaced by the marvelous ephedrine they used to put into Red Bull.
But perhaps London attorneys are poised to relive the NYC glory days. A new study reports that hard drug use is on the rise in the U.K.:
One partner claims he knows "people who just make a phone call from their office and nip down to reception to pick up their delivery" -- something that happens in every big law firm, he claims.The survey, by the magazine Legal Business, also says that there is evidence of "cocaine clubs" in law firms' basements and of partner-led games of poker and taking cocaine with clients. But it also finds that law firms are ignorant or indifferent to the problem. One lawyer is quoted: "I spanked £100,000 on cocaine in one year and no one noticed.
If a partner ever invited me to a coke and poker party I would still be in rehab a practicing attorney today.
The key similarity between Britain today and the America of yesterday seems to be the total professional indifference to drug use:
The legal profession, unlike other classic professions such as medicine and teaching, does not give a damn, as long as you are profitable.
Well, nobody wants a coked-up doctor trying to save you from a cocaine overdose. And nobody wants a coke-head teaching your kids. But if a little nose candy is going to make you work longer, why would partners particularly care what you do on the side?
Because you could die? Because partners care about your health? Right. You could be the last unicorn and you'd still bill 100 hours a week if there was work to be done.
Substance abuse problems that span the ocean after the jump.
Most lawyers don't snort the hard stuff, they drink it:
Neil Brener, a consultant psychiatrist with the Priory Group, said: "One eighth of my entire practice is made up of members of the legal procession. Substance abuse is absolutely endemic."The findings are backed by statistics from LawCare, a charity that helps lawyers with work-related health problems such as stress, depression and addictive illnesses.
It says 30 per cent of male lawyers and 20 per cent of female lawyers drink to excess.
I'd imagine that 30% of male lawyers and 20% of female lawyers "report" they drink to excess. The actual numbers are probably much, much higher. "I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings."
But when you are consistently getting off of work after 14 or 18 hour days, when your social life has been leveled by a category 5 hurricane named "My Job," what are going to do other than go home to your empty apartment and open a bottle of solace?
"Lawyers are in demanding and stressful jobs, working long hours and earning very large salaries," [Jim Baxter, editor of Legal Business] added. "But unlike banks and other financial institutions, lawyers seem to be left to their own devices."
Given the market crisis, the supposed sobriety of "banks and other financial institutions" will be put to the test. It could be a race to the bottom of the bottle.
Long hours and stress drive lawyers to drink and drugs [TimesOnline]
(95) Comments
first
first
guys at my high school used to snort huge lines of cocaine all the time. it was no big deal.
A friend of mine has to get in the morning every day just to get through his miserable work.
Glad to see substance abuse (albeit in alcohol form) does not cease post law school.
Clean post, good work.
"Be" should not be one of the words crossed out, but this is not a major grammatical gaffe so much as a formatting glitch. Your attention to detail has improved a lot these last couple of days, so thank you.
"An gaudy firm emblem?"
"still... a practicing attorney?"
Oh well, that ends the streak of properly edited posts at 3. Nice try MysTTTal.
6, you missed his "an gaudy." That said, Mystikal has improved.
does ATL have the right to use that image?
i think that mystal prefers "MystAAl" over "MysTTTal," as his affirmative action origins are clearly observable in all of his posts
how hard is it to get into Slaughter and May if one is an american.
ivy league grad(harvard ,yale...)
Isn't "an gaudy firm emblem" accurate as "an" is referring to "emblem"? As it could be read to be: ". . . canvass bag with an . . . emblem."
Both "gaudy" and "firm" are adjectives in that particular phrase referring to the noun, "emblem." So, "an" is appropriate.
I only like Diet Coke.
He just made a pro-cocaine post, and all you people can do is applaud his improved grammer?
He just made a pro-cocaine post, and all you people can do is applaud his improved grammer?
I accidentally the whole diet coke
He just made a pro-cocaine post, and all you people can do is applaud his improved grammer?
Marching powder makes homework fun!
than > then
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Meetings f'ing rock . . .
12 and 13, that's incorrect. The article does correspond to the noun emblem, but the "an" article is improper. the a/an distinction exists to facilitate smoother use of articles before singular nouns.
Using "an" when the noun and the article are split by an adjective that begins with a consonant serves no purpose. It is superfluous at best.
llelo is bad for your heath?
First, the form of the article (a or an) is determined by the immediately following word (gaudy), not the word to which it actually applies.
Second, "what are going to do other then go home ..."
15, 16, 18 - Don't knock it till you try it. Moron.
dammit mystal. it's "canvas" (ONE "S") not "canvass"
please have SEN or hope winters proof your posts. their posts are awful, yes, but at least they were proofread.
15, 16, 17 - Maybe if you enjoyed a few poop snaps in your day, you might have learned how to spell "grammar." God you're dumb.
What the hell happened to this blog?
In other news...
This post is really informative.
23 = Grammar Nerd
Studies show that lawyers have the highest rates of substance abuse and depression of any profession, out of 120-ish surveyed (dentists are just more likely to commit suicide). And the rates of substance abuse go up the longer you practice, which is especially interesting given that up to 80% of disbarrments and suspensions are related to substance abuse problems.
Guys in my high school had trouble spelling "canvas" all the time. It was pretty embarrassing.
Since we're apparently addicted to pointing out grammatical flaws, here's one
"If a partner ever invited me to a coke and poker party I would still be in rehab a practicing attorney today."
It should be "...poker party, I would still..."
A simple "if/then" construction requires a comma after the subordinate clause.
(Elie's thoughts: "Perhaps my keen attention to grammatical detail has been suffering as a result of my own cocaine habit.")
34--i would agree, but mystttal was a cokehead, wouldn't he be 20-80 lbs lighter?
34 - you're a comical genius. stop wasting your time in biglaw. seriously. you have a gift.
i cant feel my face!
- Skadden Associate
i cant feel my face!
- Skadden Associate
36
You don't have to be sarcastic regarding my sense of humor. I am already well aware of my complete lack thereof and my generally dry delivery.
Thanks for playing though.
YOU F-ING LOSERS. We all know you have excellent grammar. Now get a damn life and stop wasting 30+ comment posts showing what a super dork you are. Good god... there are occasionally interesting things on here to comment on, but you ruin it with such high volume dreck. When you go to cocktail parties or are out with your mates, do you actually correct each others' grammar too, or do you let yourself actually be a normal human being.
You're the reason people hate lawyers.
Elie - don't lie to us, you're totally the kid the other kids sold oregano. You know the one - the kid who takes a puff and then 10 seconds later is telling people he's "SO HIGH" and then watching his best friend making out with the girl he has a crush on.
Side note, my lady and I don't like it when you stare at us while we make out.
Only morons use yayo in front of partners and clients.
Alcohol is better than coke anyway. No drip.
Everyone knows that lawyers have more substance abuse problems than other professions, and substance abuse is a leading cause of disbarrment, but I want to know what the correlation is with substance abuse and income and/or biglaw. Seems like the only disbarrment stories I read are solo practioners or small firm lawyers and if I had to do insurance defense work or ambulance chasing for pennies I'd be depressed too.
40--Damn straight. It's a pain in the ass to wade through 200 comments of nonsense to find the one or two that are worth reading. It's as bad as icanhascheezburger.
Give me my wonkette comments over this nonsense any day.
40
I, too, hate lawyers because they a "grammar dorks." As a matter of fact, I can think of no other (and no better) reason to hate lawyers than that.
As for the post, does anyone else agree that Mystal actually shows promising wit and humor in this one, or am I reaching?
40 - We all KNOW you spell checked that rant twice.
45 - Wow - you consider scrolling through icanhascheeseburger reading?
47-you are beyond lame. 40 you are beyond right.
MysTTTal has shown promising wit in plenty of posts. It's just so much fun to keep blasting him for the grammatical gaffes, because he makes them with such regularity.
All of the above only confirms to me that the commenters, and not Elie, are what have killed this blog.
Interesting post, IMO, followed by inane comments.
40 here. I did not spell check it...perhaps I just got lucky. 46 - sure sure...there are plenty of reasons to hate us. But why add fuel to the fire?
Stay tuned... now I'll actually help all the luddites on here that have not yet figured out how to get through this awful interface without posting their comment 8 times. That would, after all, be easier than having ATL get its act together.
Listen folks... type your comment, hit 'post' (ONCE!)... wait a few seconds, scroll up and click the title of the post again. Scroll down.. .eh voila...there you have it.
48: I meant the comments on icanhascheezburger.
The pictures themselves are far wittier than 99.999% of the comments on here.
40/52, hitting F5 is way cooler. Who's the Luddite NOW, bitch??
NYC to firm subsidized 8-balls!!!!!
The legal profession, unlike other classic professions such as medicine and teaching, does not give a damn, as long as you are profitable.
__________________________________________
Can't speak to teaching, but drug abuse is extermely common in the medical professsion--more so than among lawyers, and among most people period, by leaps and bounds. Safe, easy access to pure, powerful stuff . . .
NYC to firm subsidized 8-balls!!!!!
Any sort of firm balls will do nicely.
54... 40/52 here. As a former excel jockey, I'm the king of keyboard shortcuts (and believe me, nothing gets a person laid more than mastery of keyboard shortcuts, pivot tables, goal seek, and the like). I digress...
If I'd said to use F5, we'd have 40,000 posts of F and 5 on this thread. I was playing to the masses.
49 - Are you really 40?
40:
You: "When you go to cocktail parties or are out with your mates, do you actually correct each others' grammar too, or do you let yourself actually be a normal human being. "
Me: That sentnece should be followed by a question mark, not a period.
Thanks.
I find it amazing that I didn't see half of the complaints about grammar/poor writing when Lat was the editor (even though both were true of Lat frequently enough) as we do now that Elie is the editor and I really think it's because people will look for any excuse to accuse an educated person of color of only being able to accomplish ANYTHING (blogging, eating, breathing, whatever) because of AA. So scary the sheer number of racists this board reveals. I don't care about his typos, he's clearly a smart guy and his posts are at least as good, if not better than on some occasions, Lat's. He's black, get over it! And if you can do a better job, start your own damn blog!
I wanted to temper my diatribe, so I set that one up for one of the offended to knock down. Surprised it took so long.
40
61=40. Nice act, though.
Outting yourself online as someone down with cocaine is retarded. Elie, do you really just want to be the freaking abovethelaw.com blogger for the rest of your life? If not, I'd recommend exercising some common sense.
That would be a totally biting and salient comment if Elie had professed a liking for cocaine AND this weren't a humor piece. Since neither is true, you're a dumbass.
65 - it doesn't stop one from getting a shot at president, does it? W? O?
Screw the drugs. Just give me sex... thats my addiction.
I once knew this girl who sold cocaine five or six nights a week to support her habit of fucking male prostitutes.
CA to 125!
62= barack obama
62 - everybody knows that Elie is just Jayson Blair's fat, younger cousin.
62, WTF? So blacks should have their own, separate blogs? What a jerk.
Closing arguments on crystal meth rock.
69 - i knew that girl!
-v.10 male prostitute
I'll F@*k it all.......
Anyone hear about that guy that shot himself in the head because he couldn't sleep after a Meth bender? The incredible thing is that he lived through it because the Meth was making his heart beat so fast. Who says drugs are bad?
Agree completely. Consider a typical meth whore giving a blowjob for $20. Teeth would just get in the way, and so over time, the meth would actually make her better at her job.
62, is Elie black?
And is Lat not black? I must be confused . . .
37/38 - hilarious.
Who's down on him b/c of his race? Can't he just suck on his own?
Whoever thinks mocking on Elie is racist (unless blatantly so) is the racist.
I don't see color. Only mediocrity.
Umm, shouldn't Ellie prefer crack as opposed to coke? More fitting, no?
IVe been practicing 2 years, and have only known of one person who was doing cocaine at work. He was doing it quietly on his own, and I might be the only other person who knew about it. I dont know HOW he functions, but he seems to do just fine.
Other people seeing this at work?
Maybe Elie is actually a cokehead. The reason he isn't 20-80 pounds lighter is because he has a shitty dealer that cuts it with creatine. Or twinkies.
Maybe Elie is actually a cokehead. The reason he isn't 20-80 pounds lighter is because he has a shitty dealer that cuts it with creatine. Or twinkies.
Cokeheads to liver failure at 35 due to mass inhalation of laxative. Fail!
44: If a big-firm cog's performance is being adversely affected by substance abuse, there is generally going to be someone around to pick up the slack or clean up the messes before the client is harmed. If substance abuse renders a small-firm or solo lawyer unable to protect his/her client's interests, there often is no safety net and the client may be directly harmed, hence a greater proportion of substance-related ethics complaints against solo or small-firm lawyers.
82 wins
You're new here, aren't you 62? Actually, you're new to the legal profession, period, aren't you?
Tons of coke use at my school (HYS). Prepping us for Biglaw, no doubt. Though the is in the midst of a (perpetual, it seems) drought so most folks move it from NYC.
Anyone notice a spike in cost per gram? Sucks ass.
15 - No, we were applauding the pro-cocaine part.
Signed: Everyone in your firm but you!
i know cocaine use is particularly rife at cravath, particularly among the group of new zealander attorneys in their corporate department
There wasn't that much coke at BC law. Maybe if we had more we could crack the T20?
http://www.rollonfriday.com/story992a.htm
http://www.rollonfriday.com/story992a.htm