Lawsuit of the Day:
Brunette Weeps Alone
Charlotte Feeney sued L’Oreal Inc. because she accidentally dyed her hair dark-brown instead of blonde. She claims that L’Oreal mislabeled the box of hair-dye, while L’Oreal presumably used the “she’s an idiot” defense.
Freeney claimed to have suffered real damages. She said that being a brunette ruined her social life:
She says she suffered headaches and anxiety, missed the attention that blondes receive and had to stay home and wear hats most of the time.
It’s unclear what color the rug is, but Freeney claims the dark dye did irreparable damage to her curtains. She says that she can never go back to being a blonde again and now has to take anti-depressants.
We suggest that Freeney lay off the zoloft and open herself to the wonderful life of being a brunette. Armed with her new hair color — and nights and weekends uncluttered with the pressure of companionship or sex — Freeney can do all sorts of things. She will no longer be hated by other women, and she can begin the hard work of learning how to read confusing box labels at the local Duane Reade.
A Connecticut judge dismissed Freeney’s lawsuit, he said:
The plaintiff submitted no facts, no opinions and no standards to substantiate either of the allegations.
Should she decide to appeal, she might want to add the need for “facts and opinions” as further evidence of suffering because of her follicle deformity.
Freeney’s lawyer, David Laudano, said that he hadn’t even read the judge’s decision. Via internal monologue, Laudano added “Jeez. I wish this average looking woman would stop pestering me about her ‘cases’ and ‘options.’ I’m so bored. I want to work with new and exciting clients.”
Ha ha ha ha … oh hi Charlotte. Sure you look great. No, I’m not ignoring you. Hey, what are you doing with my pet rabbit? Stop. STOP OH DEAR GOD STOP!!!
Blonde sues over brown dye; judge brushes off suit [Washington Post]
Woman sues over wrong hair color [Connecticut Post]
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Comments
snypah
Rug? Wow, witty.
Oh I get it! You're using this blog to amuse yourself now. That makes more sense as to why the posting quality has dropped so swiftly.
Elie gets all his kind of interesting stories from fark.com, an old favorite.
That's it! This is the staw that broke the camel's back. I'm out of this stupid blog. It's amazing how fast this site has declined in quality.
I read dealbreaker, and Im not even in NYC
Hey, cut Elie some slack, it's a slow news day.
Oh, wait....
Elie was just looking for a good excuse to post a side-boob shot.
Many of the NY Biglaw shops are painfully slow, stealth layoffs abound and THIS is what mysTTTal is posting...
Elie, please take your own advice: STOP OH DEAR GOD STOP!!!
That woman should stop complaining. She looks like Carmen Diaz.
Since this is the worst post in the history of ATL, I will now proceed to bash your writing skills:
1. The past tense of dye is dyed, not died.
2. "She says that she can never go back to being a blonde again, and now has to take anti-depressants."
The comma is misplaced after again. Commas are inserted for compound sentences. This is not a compound sentence. Both "says" and "has to take" are actions by the simple subject "she," rendering the comma completely useless and incorrect.
3. "used the "she's an idiot" defense." Technically, it should be "used the 'she's-an-idiot' defense," and there is no real reason to put quotations around she's an idiot.
4. Zoloft should be capitalized, as it is a proper noun.
5. "She will no longer be hated by other women and she can begin the hard work of learning how to read confusing box labels at the local Duane Reade." See also 2, because this is an example of a time when you should have used a comma after women. This is a compound sentence.
6. "A Connecticut judge dismissed Freeney's lawsuit, he said:" Either "he said" should start a new sentence or the word "while" or "as" should be inserted in front of "A Connecticut judge."
6 grammatical errors in a short, non-news post with absolutely no value...in this time of economic crisis, how are you one of the lucky ones with an actual job.
Sorry, I don't like to be that guy who calls out grammar mistakes, but the content of the post is utterly ridiculous, continuing the recent trend about which most of us have been complaining. The quality has hit a new low. Therefore, I will be a prick and comment on your poor command of the English language.
Is it Feeney or Freeney? Do you even look at stuff before you post it?
13, it's Feeney:
http://www.dechert.com/lawyers/lawyers.jsp?pg=detail&id=513
Elie Mystal is severely out of touch with the interests and humor of not only his readership, but also his peer group generally.
Also, Elie Mystal is so fat that Al Gore won a nobel prize for making a movie warning against the dangers of sea levels rising if Elie ever went for a swim.
12 - I bet you couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fist full of pardons.
And, the "[i]t's unclear what color the rug is" remark is pure comedic gold.
14
It is Charlotte Feeney, not Carolyn Freeney, to whom your link refers. There are links below the post referring to this story.
And he is outting Elie on his inability to use the same last name consistently throughout. He refers to her as Feeney in some spots and Freeney at others.
She says that she can never go back to being a blonde again
__________________________________________
Uhhh . . . . why? Have they stopped making bleach?
I would say 16=Elie, but that joke was too funny for his skill level.
Nice work Agent 12.
Elie-- I do think everyone is too hard on you, but this is pathetic. I don't expect to see the same articles on ATL as I do on dlisted.com. Please try to include content that doesn't insult the intelligence of your ATL audience.
"And, the '[i]t's unclear what color the rug is' remark is pure comedic gold."
...
Are you serious? Your standards are pretty low, and it's a bit sad that something has to be crass to be "comedic gold."
I (mistakenly) expected better from this blog, and the comments. Next!
To everybody who voted for Bush in 2000:
I think I know how you must now feel. I voted for Elie.
Unsubscribe.
"how are you one of the lucky ones with an actual job."
DID WE FORGET SOMETHING???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Umm 11 are you being sarcastic? The brunette in the picture IS Cameron Diaz . .. .
Wow, 26 is dumber than this blog has become. Apparently Elie isn't talking down to his audience after all.
she should've made a federal case out of it. Judge Real might've given her damages and an injunction of some kind
brunettes are sexier than blondes anyway.
No, he wrote "Carmen" Diaz; must be her sister.
Wow... whoever wrote coment #12 is a complete homo
11: LOL
26: FAIL
Of course she can go back to being a blonde. It would just entail learning to read the boxes of hair dye, or at least to be able to tell the color swatches apart.
Who says blonds are dumb?
But setting aside the obvious color of the mislabeled liquid she applied, could she not mitigate her damages pending a $125 professional dye job with a wig?
(I presume that she is still blond south of the border.)
I can’t wait to see the expert witness disclosures on the “blonds have more fun” premise.
Reading this makes me feel like I'm trying to catch Elie's anal leakage with my mouth. Utterly atrocious.
what a stupid bitch. I guarantee she's fugly either way.
Elie, if you want to post crap like this, just do us a favor, cut out the words, and post porn.
4: awesome, thanks. I had never heard of fark.com, and now that ATL has jumped the shark, I know where I'll be spending more of my surfing time. Sure, it's not "law" oriented, but neither is ATL usually.
According to my research, blondes have more fun.
12 is awesome.
Elie sux.
12, you're right to expect better out of Elie.
Elie, there is a difference between blond (adjective) and blonde (noun). Please take note.
Fine writing; ignore the people who think they understand comma usage, word, usage, etc. Amusingly, they are mostly wrong.
However . . . why don't you try to be first to break a story, instead of being the last in line after law.com, WSJ, etc., etc.? I don't really want to come here, just to rehash what I read there.
In conjunction with your first paragraph that last comma is priceless, 42.
Cameron Diaz was at her hottest in The Mask. It's been down hill since then....
I think cinema in general was at its best in The Mask.
42
12 here. No, this was not fine writing. No, my tirade does not contain erroneous corrections. Yes, I agree with 43 that your last comma usage is amusing. It detracts significantly from your credibility.
Those of you who wanted to out me for nerdiness, or homosexuality, or never getting laid...wake up! We work in a profession where a significant percentage of the opinions written which we are required to follow place emphasis on grammar rules and language usage (i.e. "shall means shall," "the function of the hanging paragraph," "the inclusion of one is the exclusion of the other"). When it comes to my professional life, and all blogs or news relating to what happens in my career, I place emphasis on a person's writing ability.
At home, I certainly do not tell my wife, "Hey, guess what, your subject and verb didn't agree there," and she's a lawyer, too. But when it comes to such a lame story as this, I'm gonna out Elie on his poor grammar.
12- get a life (and a real job as a school teacher).
great post ... thanks...
all you haters (12 this is you) -- please keep posting your pissy little posts -- great laughs ...
Guys from my high school used to post stories days after Perez Hilton and TMZ did all the time. It was no big deal.