Open Thread: Downsizing the Perks
When we did our series of Vault 100 open threads in the summer, Biglaw insiders shared insights into office culture, with much touting of work perks at various firms. These days, attorneys can brag if their firms are not among those laying associates off.
Reuters reports on perk cutbacks in the finance world, such as the elimination of business-class travel and free sodas in the office fridge. On ATL, we reported in October that K&L Gates was eliminating ABA dues payments and switching to one-ply toilet paper. (This was followed by news this month of staff layoffs).
A tipster from Kirkland & Ellis tells us the New York office is downsizing breakfast:
i know this is a little obnoxious because lots of other firms don’t have breakfast at all, but we at kirkland ny are pretty proud of our breakfast spreads: tropicana if you get in early enough, bagels, fruit, yogurt, and fancy nature’s path cereals with flax and berries and stuff. so imagine our shock and horror when we saw this hidden away in the weekly memo:
NEW BREAKFAST MENU
Beginning November 17, the breakfast menu will be changed to fresh fruit and bagels. In order to make sure there is enough for all, additional numbers of each item will be provided. We may find that the ratio of bagels to fruit needs to be adjusted to best meet preferences. Please let Pam Grazia at extension 3179 know if that is the case in the pantry on your floor.
its not the loss of the yogurt and cereal, although that does hurt. its more the sneaky way it was hidden in the memo that nobody reads!
While firms are unlikely to cut back on big perks like parental leave, this is a time for tightening the belt in other areas. We say: Better the loss of the granola than the loss of the librarian.
Are you seeing perk erosion at your firm? What is being cut back? What should be cut back? (Our Kirkland tipster tells us NY associates still get the $350 office art budget.)
Unsold Ferraris, no free drinks as crisis spikes [Reuters]
(75) 
Comments
FIRST!
The ratio of people to bagels&fruit is too much!
As I walked down past the Exchange this morning, I realized that one thing I'll really like the coming depression is that it should cut back on the number of lard assed Americans I have to look at.
Hell, even MysTTTal might slim down a bit. Starving poverty ftw!
elie...if you get me a job at atl this summer i promise i won't eat your food. i'll bring YOU breakfast. how many dozen bagels do you eat?
-nervous T-10 1L
email job leads to nervoust101l@yahoo.com
I obsessively post on ATL because i can't stand being alone with my own thoughts for more than 5 minutes.
-nervous T-10 1L
email job leads to nervoust101l@yahoo.com
ok people, i agree that mystal can't spell and is sloppy. but lay off the fat jokes--i'm sure that the vast majority of people making fat jokes at mystal's expense are not exactly GQ models themselves.
elie...i'll nervously slather myself in butter and you can eat me if you give me a job this summer...
-nervous T-10 1L
email job leads to nervoust101l@yahoo.com
Don't have to include cost of breakfast as income because it's a de minimis fringe - sec. 132(e).
Signed,
2L cramming for tax
Obviously Kash had to do this story. I am not sure Elie can even see his belt.
I am anything but a GQ model. In fact, most people cant even look at me without vomiting in their mouth.
-nervous T-10 1L
email job leads to nervoust101l@yahoo.com
GQ model here... Just wanted to say that Elie is really fat.
Last Friday Curtis provided huevos rancheros for breakfast. CMP FTW!
What is with the writing quality of the tipster? Is it MysTTTal prank-emailing again?
Any notable perks for the Gibson Dunn DC office being excised/cut back?
Stop posting useless comments and give us trash on your firms. Seriously, that's really all we want to hear.
Milbank lowered its stripper allowance to $190 per month (down from $250).
Take away Elie's donuts.
Guys in my high school used not not give a damn about law firm's breakfast spreads all the time. It was cool.
elie...i'll nervously slather myself in butter and you can eat me if you give me a job this summer...
-nervous T-10 1L
email job leads to nervoust101l@yahoo.com
Obviously Kash had to do this story. I am not sure Elie can even see his belt.
I'll bet that they have to spread the butter on the bagels themselves, too. Poor dears.
Pam,
I want lox with my chocolate chip bagels. Stat.
They are easily shocked.
Remember when Paul Hastings had that memo where they told us we were getting "unlimited vacation days" when in fact they were just telling us that they were not going to be compensating us for unused vacation days....
man I hate my life..
I am CONFIDENT my firm will have a bigger breakfast spread than ever when I arrive.
-Confident T14 2L
8, the meals aren't income because of section 119 (meals furnished on the business premises of the employer). See Reg. 1.132-6(b)(1) disapproving of free daily meals as too frequent to be a de minimis fringe.
If you don't know this by now, you're going to fail even with cramming :-)
Is there any precedent which suggests employees have a pecuniary interest in some perks? Or that some perks are part of an employees compensation? (More than just breakfast, things like computers, furniture, support staff) are any of those things considered part of compensation?
I am confident that my ass will forever be wiped by the sniveling dregs of the V50. Get to wipin!
The Ass of Cravath
Is the picture on the post supposed to be Elie's stomach? I hope not. He is much more of a lard ass than that.
Seriously, enough with the fat comments. They're just too cheap, too easy. You certainly didn't land a job in BigLaw with that staggering array of creativity. No, I'm not fat, but yes, you are a bully.
As I see it, they're just getting rid of the cereal. What's left every day? Cereal. Who cares that they stop putting out what people seem to like the least.
What I want to know is who gets to the office at the ass crack of dawn to beat me to the rock salt bagels!
30, since Elie feels entitled to make white jokes (e.g., saying that white women at law schools discriminate against white men), fat jokes are most certainly fair game.
26 - ah, you are correct. I thought section 119 wouldn't likely get it done because it's questionable that it's truly for the convenience of the employer for a substantial noncompensatory business reason (Reg. 1.119-1(a)(2)(i)); however, 119(b)(4) fixes that (if offered by employer to > 1/2 of employees, treated as furnished for convenience of employer).
It's the unemployment line for me.
Business casual is a *free* perk. Thankfully.
That is all.
Please provide notice of adjustments only if the ratio of bagels to fruit exceeds or falls below 10% of the most recent 10-day simple moving average.
Pam Grazia, Adjuster of Bagels to Fruit, Kirkland & Ellis
Mystal Mystal Muffin Top
Mystal Mystal Muffin Top
Mystal Mystal Muffin Top
I'm GQ model. What's a "breakfast"?
I'm GQ model. What's a "breakfast"?
33, see also 1.119-1(a)(ii)(b) - there is a strong argument that lawyers are restricted to a short breakfast meal period because of the nature of their business, and they cannot be expected to eat breakfast elsewhere in such a short meal period.
Texas law firms regularly provide aids medication as a perk for their associates. Chuck Norris also gives inspirational speeches at Locke Lord.
dla piper gives out free cigarettes to their associates...this hasnt changed because of the economy
MysTTTal to 290 ------ pounds!
"We say: Better the loss of the granola than the loss of the librarian."
Where do you work? Here, the granola contributes much more than the librarian.
At my firm, they've eliminated the measly bagels and muffins they used to have on Monday of the first of the month. I couldn't care less, since I never got anything anyway because the secretaries hoovered everything up like sows at a trough.
First they came for the yogurts, and I remained silent, because I was not a yogurt.
Next they came for the cereals, and I remained silent, because I was not a cereal.
Next they came for the bagels, and I remained silent, because I was not a bagel.
Then they came for fruits, and there was no food left.
Granola > Librarian
The poster is mad because he/she doesn't read the weekly memo? The memo is a perfectly legitimate way to communicate such information--in fact, that's the point of the memo, and the reason why it's part of your job to read it. Was the firm supposed to issue a special document just to make sure that, through your own laziness, you didn't miss this tidbit of news? Now THAT would be a waste of firm resources.
So long as I still have my Swingline stapler we are all good.
Well said, 45.
First Elie came for the yogurts, and I remained silent, because I was not a yogurt.
Next Elie came for the cereals, and I remained silent, because I was not a cereal.
Next Elie came for the bagels, and I remained silent, because I was not a bagel.
Then Elie came for fruits, and there was only Lat.
So what's the word on Pam Grazia? Hot? Or not?
nervous T-10 1L:
r u into dudes? i have a job in mind 4 u.
-horny 2L
We lost bagel Fridays a while back at our firm.
I am an associate at Elie, Mystal and TTT, LLP. Firm management has taken away our donuts, our fried turkey drumsticks and our biscuits and gravy trough (actually, the name partner eats all of the food products before we can get to them).
In addition, our spell checkers no longer work.
We still get free bagels every Monday, and there's instant oatmeal in the cupboard for the truly desperate. Unlimited coffee, sodas, and waters also remain.
I <3 you 45.
When you say "Elie came for fruits" do you mean that Elie came for himself?
I doubt Kirkland's Chicago office will be taking similar steps. That's where the heavy hitters are.
These pretzles -- my god, they're making me FIFTY SIXTHTY!!!!!!!!!!!1111111
47 - Do you really read the weekly firm memo?
Not exactly a perk, but fewer firms have held offer dinners at my school this year than it sounds like they did in previous years.
55, you can nominate me as ATL editor.
~45
"We say: Better the loss of the granola than the loss of the librarian."
Too bad for you 43. Here, the librarians do some heavy lifting.
K&E to HERPES!
45- you made me laugh out loud, thereby disrupting my Fed Tax class. You should have given us a warning.
who cares; buy your own damn breakfast. this isn't summer camp.
45, words cannot describe how funny you are. I'm seriously laughing out LOUD. And, I'm an Elie fan...and an even bigger Lat fan. I know that they must be laughing at your joke too.
ooops. 50, words cannot describe how funny you are. I'm seriously laughing out LOUD. And, I'm an Elie fan...and an even bigger Lat fan. I know that they must be laughing at your joke too.
"I doubt Kirkland's Chicago office will be taking similar steps"
Whaddya talkin bout? The Chicago office has always had CRAP compared to the NY office. Hell, the Chicago office doesn't pay for REDWELDS, that's how cheap they are. And the coffee is the Flavia crap while NY has Peets.
we get unlimited soda, woohoo!
we also had one of those awesome and tasty giant cookies for halloween!
-V1000 associate
Second 31. Nobody eats the cereal. I'll miss the yogurt, though.
Second 31. Nobody eats the cereal. I'll miss the yogurt, though.
geez. bait and switch. put out the news about cutting back on food and parties like DLA Piper did last month while they were busy laying off staffers coast to coast.
67 - There is Flavia as well as Intelligentsia on every floor in Chicago. Flavia sucks, but the Intelligentsia is actually really good (well, assuming the person brewing it does it right).
45 - lol - seriously! great comment.
45 - lol - seriously! great comment.
Worst fucking firm in the world!