Associate Advice, Drugs, Legal Ethics, Marijuana, pls hndle thx

Pls Hndle Thx: The Chronic

[Ed Note: Do you have a question for next week? Send it in to]

pls hndle copy 2.jpgDear ATL,

As a 3L, coasting through his last year of school, I find the occasional moment to partake in a bit of “relaxation” by way of an unmentioned illegal plant.

I’m wondering though, other than a question about this on the Bar application, would I be subject to any type of drug testing for the bar or at my post-bar big law firm? Do firms ever drug test their employees?

— Panama Red.

Dear Panama Red,

If you show up to work with bags of White Castle or pester secretaries with questions about where your car’s at, firms may demand a drug test (based on boilerplate paperwork you fill out at the outset of your job permitting them to do so), and they can fire you without cause anyway. But as far as I know, no law firms routinely test associates for drugs, and neither does any bar-related process.

However, firms do prohibit associates from moonlighting or engaging in activities that would be detrimental to the business or reputation of the firm. Practically speaking this means you’ll have to get off Phish tour (editor’s note: they’re not reuniting, give up the ship) and turn in that ridiculous shell necklace from Hollister. The hemp one, too. God, this is embarrassing.

Since it would have only taken a Google search for you to have answered your own question, I’ll take your email as a cry for help and give you some actual advice. You need to lay off the weed and focus on passing the bar and keeping your job. Also, I see you didn’t get the memo about how everybody switched over to coke. Um, yeah. AWKWARD.

Your friend,


After the jump, Marin passes the blunt to Elie, who’s wearing a “Take Me Drunk I’m Home” t-shirt.

That time and, once again, I’m bouncing ’round the room.

Law firms won’t test. They can, but they won’t. Bankers pee in cups, lawyers do not.


Now, if you read ATL you might have noticed that this is a terrible time to be a lawyer or a law student. I could be wrong about this, but I’m pretty sure this is why God gave Adam dominion over cannabis.


Things are happening that are scary, threatening to your livelihood, and utterly beyond your control. You’re a 3L and you’ve got at least 6 months before anything “happens” (BarBri) again. Tanqueray and Chronic, at this point you’d be stupid not to.


In fact, …

What? I have no idea what’s going on.

Don’t forget to bring a towel,


D.A.R.E. to keep Elie off drugs.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Send your questions to

(hidden for your protection)

comments sponsored by

Show all comments