Pls Hndle Thx:Throw Physic To The Dogs

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Dear ATL,

I am entitled to my firm’s medical and dental benefits, subject to a max sum each year. Should I exploit these benefits, e.g. by going for regular check-ups and consulting a doctor even if it’s not a serious ailment? Do I cast myself in a bad light if I max out these benefits? Thanks.

Sickly

Dear Sickly,

Every policy has its limits, just like every night has its dawn. Most law firms buy health insurance policies for associates with a $500,000 limit and maintain separate million dollar policies for partners. Does that mean that partners are more worthy of health care than you? You bet. But does that mean you should book a vacation to Chernobyl to see if you can hit the $500,000 mark? That depends on whether it’s worth it to you to battle cancer to spite your firm. Which, now that I write it, actually doesn’t sound so bad.

For the sake of argument, I’ll assume that your policy limit is lower than $500,000 and that you can reach the max without having a devastating illness. Putting aside for a moment how UNBELIEVABLY alarming that is, you should by all means take advantage of the policy even if you’re not seriously ill. Get some Accutane for your zitty face or start the ball rolling on that three course cervical cancer vaccination, especially if you don’t anticipate catching leprosy before the policy limit refreshes.

In this economy, losing one’s job and health insurance is as common as a “performance layoff” at Shearman & Sterling, so get your doctor visits in now. Trust me, I haven’t had health insurance for the past 6 months and I would kill for a refill on my Lexapro Celebrex.

Your friend,

Sponsored

Marin

P.S. If you have extra, um, ceLebrEXAPRO, two-way me.

Paging Dr. Sophist….

I was the starting tailback for my high school football team as a senior. One game, I got the ball, something happened, and I woke up on the sidelines. My coach said: “Are you injured or hurt?” I mumbled something about how that was a stupid and irrelevant question. Then he said the line I now know he stole from somewhere: “‘Cause if you’re injured that’s one thing. But if you are just hurt …” Then there was screaming and cursing and questions about the functionality of my testicles.

Later that season, I tried to make a Barry Sanders-style cutback against the flow of defenders, despite possessing none of Barry Sanders’s athletic skills. Many helmets and two left tibia fractures later, my coach mockingly explained that I was now “injured” and could go to the doctor.

So Sickly, are you injured or just hurt? Because if you are really ill you should by all means get as much medical attention as you need and deserve. Nobody will hold that against you. But if you are only suffering from hypochondria and a touch of Munchausen Syndrome, nobody will be there for you when the wolves come.

Sincerely,

Gregory House, M.D.

Sponsored

Why should Sickly have to wait until the viability of his testicles hangs in the balance (ZING) to see a doctor? One man’s injured is another man’s hurt. If Sickly’s feeling, well, sickly, insurance policies be damned. Get thee to a doctor.

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