As we savor the final hours of 2008, it’s time to look back at some of our favorite people this year: the commenters.

In today’s ATL / Lateral Link survey, it’s time for you to pick the 2008 ATL Commenter of the Year.

Your nominees for Commenter of the Year, and select comments explaining why, are as follows:

1. Count Layoffula

One! One Reason!

six. six times he has made me laugh aloud

Turns the frightening inevitability of layoffs into a moment for comedy; not easy to do. Very clever idea, keeps character, funny as hell. Wildly popular on this board. Hands down the Commenter of the Year.

2. Douche Patrol

He’s the only commenter that gives a sense of order to the otherwise chaotic commentary. His commentary is also always dead-on.

3. FRAT STUD

Because guys in my high school used to vote for FRAT STUD all the time. It was no big deal.

4. Fraternity Lothario

Hilarious, dry, terrific writer. Captures both the essence of ridiculous, in-joke ATL commenting while bringing genuine criticism to the issue of every post. As long as you give the award to the guy who burned up the comments all spring, then left (on a sailing trip? to become a pirate?) this summer with a formal farewell, you would be giving the award to a commenter whose work is Oscar-worthy.

Although his posts have been less frequent, no one is more eloquent (e.g. ATL EIC) while comically germane.

5. Glass Cock

avatar is amusing, and attitude rocks

6. Guest

The most insightful and informed comments are consistently made by Guest. Everything else is trash.

Most comments, most firsts, most everything. Guest rocks.

7. Jack Bauer

He’s funny without being offensive or annoying. In the words of the ATL editor “consistently brilliant.” Finally, do you think that it’s a coincidence that when the legal industry is facing it’s darkest hour, Jack is back?

I don’t know any other person who would take the LSATs, apply and go to law school, purely to infiltrate BIGLAW to get information leading to the takedown of a suspected traitor to this nation.

8. Nervous T-10 1L

Personifies the economic doom and fear among law students. Also kinda funny.

he’s the post-modern Loyola 2L of the apocolypse

9. Commenter 83 in the interview horror stories thread.

“Where I remain to this day.” Priceless!

Technically, commenter 83 was actually “Guest,” but it wouldn’t be an official ATL reader poll if we didn’t give Guest an opportunity to comment about the unfairness of the poll. Also, that comment really was . . . something.

Having a hard time deciding? It’s no big deal. We’ve selected some of the choicer comments from our candidates to help you decide.

Unfortunately, we really couldn’t put some of them above the fold. Some are pretty crude, and Glass Cock’s is far too long. [Ed Note: That’s what she said.]

So, keep reading after the jump to see some of the nominees’ exemplary comments, and then cast your vote.

* Many people are pointing out that if you read through Vicky Iseman’s complaint against the New York Times (authored by Washington & Lee Law Dean Rodney Smolla) it is pretty interesting. [Ideoblog]

* Holiday fun with Mike Huckabee. [What About Clients?]

* Celebrity drug use law. They’re still hiring! [Popsquire]

* A group of Atheists’ want the presidential oath of office changed. If they succeed, let’s hope the new oath includes a reference to a golden calf, just to drive the point home. [The BLT: The Blog of the Legal Times]

* Cocktails and bowling and hitting on women and more bowling. [Sweet Hot Justice]

* Happy New Year. My liver and I always approach New Year’s Eve like Rocky before the first Apollo fight. Have a happy and “survivable” New Year.

Most people know that partners often write off associate hours and paralegal hours when it comes time to bill clients. Quinn Emanuel is no different.

But managing partner John Quinn has had enough. Just before Christmas, Quinn sent around an email to his fellow partners (no associates were included on the distribution list) urging them to keep a closer eye on billing:

Month in and month out, partners request write‑offs from bills, giving the same reasons. All of them are preventable. The most common reasons are as follows:

Among the reasons Quinn listed was associates taking their own initiative by assigning work to paralegals:

Associates or others delegating work. One sure way to lose control of staffing on a case is to tolerate associates assigning out work to other associates or paralegals. Associates are told they shouldn’t do this, but it happens from time to time. Associates need to be reminded that they do not have authority to assign work to others.

Bang! Well, tell us what you really think:

Associates being inefficient, spending too much time on assignments. For any significant assignment, an associate should always be given a time budget ‑‑ how much time they should spend on the project or how much time they should spend before reporting to the partner on their progress. It should never come as a surprise to a partner that an associate has spent twice as much time as the partner expected.

Read the full Quinn memo after the jump to learn more about how partners really think.

As 2008 draws to a close, your ATL editors are looking back over some of our favorite stories of the year. On Monday, we named our law students of the year. If you already checked it out, you may want to revisit it — a third student fought his way onto the list, per popular demand.

Today, we’re looking at the pet rocks/Rubik Cubes/slap bracelets/Beanie Babies (depending on your generation) for law schools around the nation. After the jump, find out which three trends we deemed the most important in 2008. Law school deans, read on to find out what’s hot at a law school campus near you.

Akin Gump sent its bonus memo around the New York office yesterday. No real surprises. Akin is giving the “New York Market Bonus” to associates in good standing.

One bit of excitement is that “associates and counsel who performed in a truly exceptional manner in terms of both quality and productivity” may get “discretionary merit bonuses.” So if you’re an Akin NY associate who billed over 2400 hours this year, it may not have been done in vain.

The memo includes the increasingly common warning about a possible salary freeze come 2009. See the full memo, after the jump.

* The chairwoman of a Chinese dairy company pleaded guilty to selling tainted milk. [Reuters]

* A federal judge declined Tuesday to release two detainees from the U.S. military prison at Guantanamo Bay, finding that the U.S. government had proved that they were enemy combatants. [The Washington Post]

* Senate Democrats will not accept the appointment of Roland Burris because he is tainted by the corruption of Gov. Blagojevich. Obama publicly agreed with their decision, despite Rep. Bobby Rush’s (D-IL) contention that the U.S. Senate shouldn’t turn away a black man. [The Associated Press]

* The 9th Circuit rejected the outrageosly long 28-years-to-life-sentence for a California sex offender who registered his address late to local police. The court says it was “cruel and unusual punishment” for a technical violation. [Los Angeles Times]

* Instead of sending their client’s fruit baskets for the holidays, Boston firm Conn Kavanaugh Rosenthal Peisch & Ford donated $10,000 to a local charity. [The Boston Globe]

* An 85-year-old man from New Jersey admits he passed U.S. nuclear secrets to Israel after gaining access to a military library in Dover, New Jersey. [Bloomberg]

This morning, as part of our 2008 in Review series, we started to list the top 10 Biglaw stories of 2008. We kicked things off with the #5 story on the business side of the ledger: the trend of law firms granting more generous parental leave.

Now, on to the fun stuff: the year’s top five stories of a more gossipy nature. As we did before, we’ll start with number five and work our way up the list.

For the fifth-ranked gossip story, we actually have a two-way tie. Both stories share a common theme: sex and bad judgment.

Read about the #5 stories, after the jump.

* Is in vitro fertilization a tax-deductible medical expense? For some people, yes; for Dr. William Magdalin, it’s just fun in a cup. [Suits & Sentences]

* Is the Wendy Savage phenomenon bad for professional women? [f/k/a]

* Funny exam questions remind us that professors would rather be doing almost anything other than grading finals. [PrawfsBlawg]

* The Millennial generation is learning a hard lesson about reality, and how much it bites. [Law and More]

* Blago taps former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to fill Obama’s shoes. Will Harry Reid really refuse “this nice, experienced, elderly black gentleman a legally valid seat in the Senate”? [Wonkette]

Just before Christmas, Arnold & Porter sent around an intriguing memo. The firm refused to make any decisions regarding pay in New York at all in 2009:

Associate Bonuses for Associates in All Offices Except in New York

Those of you who met the previously announced thresholds and other criteria for 2008 bonuses will be advised today (by individual e-mails) that you will be receiving these bonuses. The amounts paid will be in keeping with the levels paid in 2007.

Associate Bonuses for New York Associates

We will be announcing our 2008 bonuses for our New York associates after the first of the year. Consistent with past practices, these bonuses will be paid in 2009.

A tipster begs to differ with A&P’s institutional memory of “past practices.”

Despite his wording regarding timing of payment, the bonuses were announced in early December last year.

Just to be clear, A&P announced bonuses on December 12th last year.

Why can’t A&P make a decision on New York bonuses right now like other top 20 firms? Another tipster opines:

It is generally agreed that not announcing the bonuses in NY is totally asinine.

A&P can’t pull the trigger on associate salaries either. More on that after the jump.

Sidley Austin just emailed all of their associates to wish them a happy New Year. How nice. How thoughtful. How … oh wait a minute. The firm also took the opportunity to inform all associates that their pay raises would be delayed until sometime next year.

The firm-wide memo from Sidley is short and to the point:

At this time of the year, we historically have provided information about class-wide and individualized salary adjustments for next year. Given the current uncertainty in the economy and financial markets, and the impact on law firms, we are still in the process of evaluating associate salary levels for 2009. We expect to make a decision on this issue sometime during the first quarter of next year.

On behalf of all of our partners, we thank you for your professionalism and dedication.

Most of our sources are out enjoying the holiday season. But our remote reporters are generally displeased.

But, as one tipster put it:

I’d still rather work at Sidley than Latham.

So there’s that.

Earlier: Sidley Austin Shows Firms How to Deal With Associates During the End Days
Associate Bonus Watch: Sidley Matches New York Market, Takes the Show to Chicago

On Christmas Eve, Mayer Brown announced its bonuses for associates in the New York office. They matched the market— no surprises there. But our tipster noted that associates at the firm are unsettled by rumors making the rounds of layoffs coming in 2009. Mayer already laid off 33 attorneys, as well as administrative staff in November.

One sentence in the bonus memo has an ominous tone that’s making Mayer associates uneasy. The memo says that bonuses will be paid January 16, 2009 but “only to associates in good standing who are employed by the firm on the date the bonus is actually paid.” From a Mayer tipster:

People are upset about the language, (“All bonuses will be paid only to associates in good standing who are employed by the Firm on the date the bonus is actually paid.”) believing it to reinforce the idea that layoffs are happening come January 5th.

Are Mayer associates overreacting to the memo language?

Firm spokesperson Bob Harris says this is the “same language that has been used for several bonus seasons.” We looked back at last year’s memo though and didn’t see a similar sentence.

UPDATE: Associates are overreacting. Harris points us to a different 2007 memo that does employ the same language.

Harris was emphatic in saying that there are “no plans whatsoever for additional layoffs” at Mayer Brown.

Rumor mongers suggest otherwise. Predictions on the practice groups to be hit with layoffs, after the jump.

We’re doing a series of “2008 in Review” posts here at ATL. We’ve previously declared a Lawyer of the Year, as well as two three Law Students of the Year.

We will now announce what we view as the year’s ten biggest stories in law-firm land. We’ve divided them into two groups: the top five stories on the business side, and the top five stories on the gossip side. Collectively these stories reflect the combination of edification and entertainment that we seek to provide here at ATL. We’ll start with the #5 stories in each group and work our way up.

The year that’s about to end has been full of “business and the law” stories. Most of the news has been terrible. But it really hasn’t been all doom and gloom.

Our fifth-place story on the business end of the legal industry is objectively positive news. Read about it after the jump.

* SCOTUS may hear the case of a Texas woman who claims that an extreme religious group forced her to “exorcise her demons”, disturbing her so much that she later attempted suicide. [The Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

* On Wednesday, the federal court in Manhattan will start considering information that will infect the investor’s in Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. Furthermore, Judge Louis L. Stanton of the U.S. District Court will consider whether people who invested in “feeder funds” with other Wall Streeters who invested in Madoff’s fund will be covered under the Securities Investor Protection Corporation—a federal fund that protects investors in cases like these. [The New York Times]

* The federal government announced a settlement over a developers who build projects on wetlands in Michigan’s Midland and Bay counties—a case that has gone on for decades. [The Chicago Tribune]

*Former New York City police Commissioner Bernard Kerick pleaded not guilty in a federal court to charges of tax evasion and corruption. [CNN.com]

* Store vendors angered by department store’s mark-downs may make the stores cover more of the losses. If they succeed, they could get back $ 1.2 billion from Macy’s, Saks Inc., Dillard’s, Nordstrom, Kohl’s and JC Penney. [Bloomberg.com]

* “The 6th Circuit struck down a vehicle safety law in Michigan that banned drivers from hanging any view-obstructing baubles from their rearview mirrors. [Courthouse News Service]

Heller Ehrman’s bankruptcy has been a long time coming. The firm made the news official on Sunday:

Today the Dissolution Committee of Heller Ehrman LLP, in Dissolution (the “Firm”) authorized the Firm’s counsel to file a Petition for Reorganization under Chapter 11 of the United States Bankruptcy Code. We took this step only after very careful and extensive analysis.

But the firm’s Dissolution Committee also notes:

The Dissolution Committee’s decision to conduct the continued wind down of the Firm under the jurisdiction of the Bankruptcy Court was not prompted by the Firm running out of money. On the contrary, thanks to the dedication and tireless efforts of the Firm’s remaining employees who comprise the Liquidation Team, the cooperation of the Firm’s former shareholders, and the positive responses received from hundreds of the Firm’s former clients, collection of accounts receivable over the past three months has been strong. And going forward, we continue to expect collection of tens of millions of additional dollars.

After the jump, we post the full Heller memo and check in with Thacher Proffitt.

* Wow, lawyers really can suck the fun out of anything. It’s … kind of hilarious. [TaxProf Blog]

* A new video game lets you throw snowballs at Sarah Palin. It’s run by PETA, so let’s just be happy that we’re talking about snowballs and not vats of baby cow blood. [Animal Law Blog]

* Top Ten celebrity lawsuits of 2008. [Popsquire]

* It’s the best Blawg Reviews of 2008. [Blawg Review]

A couple of weeks ago, we told you that a small firm based in Nassau County (Long Island) was trying to add an associate off of Craigslist — for the bargain basement price of $36K - $42K.

The position hasn’t been filled yet, but there is apparently a lot of competition for the job. From the firm’s latest Craigslist ad:

I will say that overall I’ve been impressed with the creative cover letters and the excellent resumes. In any event, we haven’t contacted anyone yet, so don’t be alarmed by our silence. Enjoy the holidays. Relax with family and friends, remember what is important. Next year will be better. Now I do need to say, if we do not call you in, please understand that it is not a reflection on you, we’re a small firm and we only have one opening. I’ve received resumes from at least thirty five attorneys (and a few soon to be attorneys) that I would interview and hire in a heart beat, if I only had the time and the openings. Stay upbeat.

Relax? At the point where you are applying for $40K/year jobs over the holiday season, you are incapable of relaxing … neither is your landlord.

Of course, not all of the responses have been positive:

To the one anti - semite who thought somehow, that religion had anything to do with the salary we were offering - F*ck off - It is my Christmas wish that you remain unemployed forever, and that the closest you come to a legal job is selling Blumberg forms in a Staples.

Read the full ad after the jump. And remember, if you work in Nassau you can still live in much nicer and more economically priced Suffolk County.

The latest news from Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe will make Latham & Watkins associates feel marginally better. There is now another major firm freezing associate salaries:

After careful consideration, we have decided that associates in the US and Europe , and associates, senior consultants and consultants in Asia , will receive the same salary in 2009 as you received in 2008. Consistent with firm practice, of counsel salaries will be determined on an individual basis and generally will remain the same as 2008. We will ensure that our 2009 bonus program gives us additional flexibility to reward outstanding performance and remain competitive in the marketplace.

On the bright side, Orrick will be paying out the bonuses they promised earlier in the year:

We will pay full 2008 bonuses according to the terms of the program we announced earlier in this year.

That puts Orrick at Skadden levels. Notwithstanding the bonus news, a tipster puts the mood at Orrick like this:

:( Bummer.

Latham said that they were freezing salaries in part to avoid firing attorneys. But Orrick has already been through massive layoffs.

Is this move by Orrick an attempt to stave off even more layoffs?

Read the full Orrick memo after the jump.

On Above The Law, we love writing about colorful lawyers and judges, but we harbor special affection for the womb from which these characters emerge: law school. We’ll end this year by looking back over some of our favorite stories of 2008 about the antics and adventures of law school students and their professors and deans.

The first post in this series will focus on the two most celebrated law school students of the year. One hails from Harvard Law School, and the other one from the University of Arizona, and one from Arizona State University. [Ed. note: On Dec. 30, we added a third law school student, per popular demand.] Their names should be familiar to regular ATL readers. And non-regular ATL readers should learn the names and get up to speed.

Of the over 140,000 law students out there, find out which two stood out in ATL’s review of 2008, after the jump.

Last May, we held an open thread about law school transfer students as second-class citizens, based on the University of Connecticut’s Maya Angelou-inspired “Phenomenal Transfer” poem. There was quite a lot of anti-transfer-student sentiment in the thread, though some former transfer students chimed in to say that they had experienced no animosity in their new homes.

For those put off by transfer students, there were three main themes in the thread:

Transfer students are gunners.

Transfer students get to skip out on the hellish first year at a top school, and then ride the curve to graduation.

Law schools game the system with transfer students. They get the extra tuition money and avoid hurting their US News ranking by not factoring in the GPAs and LSAT scores of transfer students.

Transfer students may well be gunners, but they are also being gunned… as in hunted. In “Northwestern Unapologetically Poaches 1Ls at Other Schools,” Paul Caron of the TaxProf Blog pointed us to a recent ABA Journal article that picks up on the themes of our open thread. From the Journal:

Northwestern University Law School is actively—and unapologetically—re­cruit­­ing top-performing law students from lower-ranked schools, a practice that some deans claim is becoming commonplace at elite institutions.

Each year, 150 or so of Northwestern’s 5,000 applicants turned down for first-year admission receive letters inviting them to apply again for “conditional acceptance” the following fall. [Ed. note: Northwestern later revised these numbers with the ABA Journal, saying they only extend 15-25 conditional acceptances each year.]

Deans of lower-tier schools resent the predatory practice. The Journal quotes Northwestern Dean David Van Zandt as saying the poaching allegation is “probably true,” but that, “Chrysler and General Motors don’t agree not to poach each other’s customers.”

Really, Dean Van Zandt? You’re looking to Chrysler and GM as your business role models?

More on transfers, and a look at the number of students bagged by top schools, after the jump.

I hope that a jolly Turkish Saint brought Dorsey & Whitney associates something spectacular for Christmas. Because a pay raise was certainly not one of their stocking stuffers.

A memo went out to Dorsey& Whitney associates on December 23rd explaining the bad news:

Management and staff have just completed the 2009 forecasting and budgeting process. In order to protect our people and resources, and to prepare for what all anticipate will be a tough 2009, the Management Committee reluctantly decided to freeze all associate and staff salaries (except associate productivity bonuses) effective immediately. Although equity partners do not receive a salary, their compensation is impacted by the economy as well. As soon as the economy stabilizes and the prospects for the legal industry brightens, we will end the firm-wide salary freeze.

Unlike Latham & Watkins, Dorsey & Whitney is promising to end the pay freeze as soon as the economy stabilizes. That could happen in 2009.

Pay freeze > massive layoffs. Right?

Read the full memo after the jump.

* Anti-government demonstrators in Thailand swarmed around the Parliament building Monday, delaying the new legislature’s first meeting. [International Herald Tribune]

* Bloggers beware! A Maryland court will decide whether authors who write critical comments on-line under pseudonyms will have to reveal their identity. (yikes!) [The Baltimore Sun]

* New York chief court judge Judith Kaye officially retires Wednesday. Now a highly celebrated Judge, Kaye was not an easy sell when Cuomo appointed her to the state court of appeals. [The New York Times]

* US Courts will stil see a steady flow of terrorism threat cases, even when Obama is president. [The Washington Times]

* In light of recent events in Gaza, the Iranian cabinet has decided file suit against Israeli officials in international courts. [Trend News Agency]

* Holiday sales were the worst in 40 years, so expect to see a ton of bankruptcies and take-overs in the near future. [Bloomberg]

Just because it’s after Christmas it doesn’t mean that law firms are done with their holiday shopping.

A tipster reports an intriguing possibility about Texas powerhouse Locke Lord Bissell & LIddell and IP shop Morgan & Finnegan:

Locke Liddell is acquiring Morgan & Finengan. Don’t think it’s final yet.

Tipsters from both firms have heard the news, but obviously nothing has been finalized. Firm spokespeople could not be reached for immediate comment over the holidays.

Both firms appear to have been prudent during the economic crisis. We reported that Morgan & Finnegan lost a number of partners over the summer, while Locke Lord no-offered more than half of their summer associates. But we haven’t received any reports of wide scale associate layoffs at either firm.

That could change if this merger goes through. A tipster reports:

Rumor has it that Lock Liddell will be laying off a number of Morgan & Finnegan lawyers as part of the merger.

Is this a gift that Locke Lord will cherish? Or is it one that Morgan & Finnegan will want to take back to the store? We’ll keep you posted.

Earlier: Nationwide Layoff Watch: Morgan & Finnegan
Nationwide No Offer Watch: Locke Lord’s Sub-50% Offer Ratio

If you live on the East Coast — or Chicago, or even the Pacific Northwest — the winter weather may have you down. The latest Job of the Week is in a city where it rarely snows: the City of Angels. And it’s in labor and employment, a practice area that’s a haven from the economic storm.

Even though law firms may be cutting their bonuses, Lateral Link still offers attorneys a $10,000 guaranteed signing bonus. In addition, Lateral Link offers progressive referral fees for all attorneys referred by Lateral Link members.

Position: Labor & Employment Associate

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Description: This boutique law firm based in LA is seeking a mid-level labor and employemnt associate. The attorney should have 4-6 years experience and be a member of the California bar. This California firm with less than 100 attorneys is known for their flexible, task-oriented approach to providing high-quality legal services. Practice areas include trial and advocacy, real estate and business law, public law, labor and employment law, environmental law and education law.

For more information about this position or to apply, please see Position 10202 on Lateral Link. Current members can also contact their personal search consultant directly to discuss this position. Membership in Lateral Link is free and you can apply at www.laterallink.com.

* Every president over the past 30 years has had to speak with a federal prosecutor. “Here the guy hasn’t even gotten his tuxedo for the ball yet and already there’s a prosecutor who wants to talk him,” says Skadden’s Robert Bennett, about Barack Obama’s new record for being interviewed by investigators in the Blagojevich scandal. [New York Times]

* How’d Marc Dreier do it? Lots of chutzpah. [Bloomberg]

* Among these 12 angry men, there was a lustful couple. A convicted killer is appealing and demanding a new trial, because things got hot and steamy between two sequestered jurors. [Courthouse News Service]

* A judge in Georgia should win an award for cultural insensitivity. Judge Keith Rollins sent a Muslim woman to jail for wearing her hijab in court, as she was violating a courtroom rule against head coverings. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

* And you thought your law school experience was rough. [Wichita Eagle via TaxProf Blog]

To those of you who celebrate it, Merry Christmas! We hope you’ve been spending the holiday in the company of family and friends, rather than at the office — or in front of a computer screen.

But if you are stuck at work right now, here’s a little post to let you know that we’re thinking of you. Think of it as our Christmas gift to you.

See you tomorrow!

In Monday’s ATL / Lateral Link survey, we asked you to cast your vote for the 2008 ATL Lawyer of the Year.

More than three thousand ballots were cast, but there can be only one Lawyer of the Year.

Starting at the bottom, Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich may not have hit the very lowest point in Chicago political history, but he did manage to get the lowest tally in our vote, with only 96 supporters.

Harvard Law Avenger Phil Telfeyan was a close second-to-last in your esteem, with a mere 110 votes.

Judge Halverson rounded out the bottom three at 167 votes.

That makes THREE! THREE! THREE candidates who did worse than Count Layoffula! HA! HA! HA! (He received a total of 233 votes.)

Listen dude, you really want the Spitzer? Apparently not. The prosecutor-turned-commentator came up only average in our slate of nominees, with 288 votes.

Nervous T-10 1L may not have found a job this year, but he touched the hearts of 428 voters, landing him in the Final Four.

Marc Dreier — if that’s his real name — swindled up 485 ballots, more votes than disgraced governors Eliot Spitzer and Rod Blagojevich combined. Way to rock the scandal vote, sir. You’re the Second Runner-Up for the 2008 ATL Lawyer of the Year.

That leaves us with the final two. Will last year’s runner-up, President-elect Barack Obama, finally be Number That One? Or will The Anonymous Laid-Off Big Firm Attorney finally get something to soothe his pain? (Elie won’t share his pot.)

Find out who will be crowned the 2008 ATL Lawyer of the Year, after the jump.

Mayer Brown has wished its NYC associates a merry Christmas Eve with bonuses matching the New York market (a.k.a. the Cravath/half-Skadden model).

Our tipster tells us there is no official word as to pay raises for 2009.

This announcement comes a month after Mayer announced layoffs of 33 attorneys, as well as administrative staff. Our tipster says rumors are making the rounds at Mayer of further layoffs in 2009.

Merry Christmas?

Full bonus memo after the jump.

The 2009 salary freeze is steadily spreading through the bottom half of the Vault 100 firms. Yesterday, Venable held a firm-wide meeting to discuss bonuses and salary. Our tipster reports that Venable is hopping on the crowded pay freeze bandwagon.

Looks like we’re paying out “normal” bonuses (i.e. well below market) to those who billed enough, but we’re freezing salaries. Management says we are sound financially but freeze is needed to make it through. The decision may be reconsidered if economic conditions improve.

Other firms instituting a pay freeze have said they will review the decision on a specific date (March for McDermott Will & Emery; April for Bryan Cave; and mid-year for Womble Carlyle). The most shocking of the pay freezers, Latham, indicated a year-long deep freeze. Venable is keeping the decision open-ended, to be “reconsidered if economic conditions improve.”

As far as bonuses go, Venable does not have a lock-step model. Those who hit 1950 hours are eligible for bonuses, ranging from 5k to 20k.

As always, send your salary and bonus tips to tips@abovethelaw.com. We’re semi-dormant today and tomorrow, but exciting news could rouse us from our egg nog induced stupor.

Earlier: Bonus/Salary Meeting at Venable
Prior ATL Coverage of Salary Freezes

This is a depressing time for the economy and for the legal profession. But there are pockets of happy holiday news out there. From a tipster:

I’m a 2L who just received a holiday gift from the Texas-based firm with which I will summer. The gift is nothing particularly fancy — a decent quality firm-themed blanket and sweatshirt — but the gesture was nice in what have been particularly dark times for the legal market.

Two things came to mind when I received it: (1) are other firms still doing small gestures like this for their incoming summer associates, and (2) how are Texas firms faring overall in the downturn.

If you have tips about Texas, feel free to send them to us, and we might do a post if we get a critical mass of them. We tend to go where our tipsters take us. If we write less about a given topic, it’s generally because we’re not getting any tips about it.

On the issue of holiday gifts from law firms, what is your firm doing? Are incoming summer or full-time associates getting Christmas care packages from their future overlords? Or has the recession turned law firms into Scrooges?

There is some anecdotal evidence that the recession has trickled down to law firm holiday swag. Last year, we reported that Sullivan & Cromwell was showering recruits with mugs, hot chocolate, cookies, and blankets. What is S&C doing this Christmas season? A Sullivan-bound 3L reports:

A box of cookies and hot chocolate. No blanket, mug, or candy this year.

Times are tough, kid. Just be happy you have a job waiting for you after law school.

Happy holidays!

Earlier: Law Firm Holiday Swag: What Did You Get?

* Our old friend Marc Dann is back in the news. The Inspector General report on Dann say he turned the Ohio AG’s office into a “house of scandal.” The many outrageous happenings in the Dannimal House included his hiring of a bunch of young ladies that he called the “Dannettes” whose conduct and dress were so inappropriate that they had to be sent to etiquette classes. [Columbus Dispatch]

* The D.C. Circuit has reversed its ruling on coal-fired power plant emissions. It says it’s better to have the flawed Clean Air Interstate Rule temporarily in place than no rule at all. [New York Times]

* If you search for “above the law naked pictures”, it’ll stay on your “personally identifiable search data” record for nine months with Google and considerably longer with Microsoft. Privacy advocates cheer Yahoo’s decision to reduce its holding time from 13 months to 90 days. [New York Times]

* Weil, Gotshal & Manges may have given half-Skadden bonuses to its associates, but it’s paying out the big bucks to Fordham Law School. Weil wrote Fordham a $1 million check, and now has a classroom named in its honor. [Business Wire Press Release]

* A California appeals court refuses to acknowledge some dude’s civil right to a Mother’s Day freebie tote bag from the Los Angeles Angels. The gender discrimination charge didn’t fly because the giveaway was based on motherhood, not on gender. [Courthouse News Service]

So much for O’Melveny & Myers setting the bonus market for L.A. Proskauer Rose announced their bonuses this afternoon, and they will be paying the Cravath scale across all of their offices.

That’s good news if you’re in Boston, expected news if you’re in New York, and a slightly disappointing confrontation with reality if you’re in Los Angeles.

This bonus news comes less than a month after Proskauer announced layoffs of 35 associates and 25 administrative staff. We even have reports that some Proskauer first-year associates were laid off this month. Against that backdrop, still having a job is hopefully bonus enough for those still at Proskauer.

Proskauer declined to follow OMM’s bonus lead; will they follow Latham’s salary lead? We don’t have any word on the status of Proskauer’s pay raises, but at this point, no news is good news.

Earlier: Nationwide Layoff Watch: Proskauer Cuts 60 People
Prior ATL coverage of associate bonuses

* “Does Your Law Firm Face-block? Take this Survey!” [Stem Legal]

* News you can use: how to drink in a work-related context. Hey ladies: “some male attorneys will probably try to get you drunk in order to hook up with you.” [Concurring Opinions]

* Written without irony by Eliot Spitzer: “As Justice Brandeis observed, sunlight is the best disinfectant.” [Slate]

* Marc Dreier got by with a little help from his friend: former stockbroker Kosta Kovachev, another alleged impersonator. [City Room / NYT]

* Sorry, Hillary — the $13.2 million you lent your presidential campaign is not tax-deductible. [TaxProf Blog]

* Credit Crunch: The Board Game. If only emerging from bankruptcy were as easy as playing a “get out of Chapter 11” card. [The Economist]

Transferring from the American University Washington College of Law to Harvard Law School is a neat trick — at least in terms of upping your prestige-whore credentials.

An American University WCL student recently pulled off this prestige jumping, and has since responded the way Jin does whenever somebody on the island asks about Jin’s father. The new Harvard student posted this message on the WCL listserve:

How do I get off this listserv? I transferred to Harvard, and have no need to continue receiving emails from WCL.

And you guys think my typos give Harvard a bad name?

Evidently, the WCL students are not sad to see this kid go. Several different tipsters independently furnished some “context” about their former classmate:

* Before answering any question in class, he would preface it with his life history.

* Before making any comment (which was frequently), he would put his feet up on the table and his hands behind his head.

* He raises his hand backwards.

Yeah, this guy is going to fit right in, up in Cambridge.

A new book details the challenges that women face as they try to climb the corporate ladder. Author Kathy Caprino argues that in many instances women’s contributions are hard to compare against “hours” and “profits.”

Careful not to blame their male counterparts, Caprino says many female professionals are dominated at work by generally white-male competitive career models that emphasize linear career paths and the assumption that top-performing women are motivated most by money and power.

Nicole Nehama Auerbach, of the Coalition of Women’s Initiatives in Law Firms, takes Caprino’s analysis a step further and argues that women have been socialized in ways that aren’t always compatible with Biglaw success:

Women often bring intangibles to the firm such as nurturing business and a knack for making client teams work, Auerbach says. And these are qualities are difficult to quantify compared to billing hours in a profit-driven world.

“I think a lot of the issues she seizes upon would never be issues men would point to as a reason for not succeeding,” Auerbach says. “Traditionally, women are not as vocal about getting what they want; women were previously conditioned not to complain. That’s very different from the way a lot of men were raised.”

Is this type of analysis really all that helpful? More after the jump.

Dear Jones Day threadjackers:

Here is your post about the Jones Day bonus. Now please put the lotion in the basket and give me back my dog.

Okay. Yesterday, Jones Day sent around its individual compensation letters. Traditionally, Jones Day makes bonus decisions on a case-by-case basis. This year is no different, but a tipster reports that the firm has generally decided to follow the Cravath scale.

Jones Day doesn’t have a billable hours requirement. But because of the individual nature of the firm’s decisions, some associates could be receiving more than people at Cravath, while some could get far less.

We also understand that Jones Day does everything it can to keep associates from knowing what the guy down the hall is taking home. A tipster reports:

All comp is confidential here. So no one knows what anyone else gets, unless you spill the beans, which is strongly discouraged. You just get your personal comp letter with your numbers.

Firm spokespeople could not be reached for comment about their bonus structure.

Our tipsters weigh in after the jump.

The Saturday night antics of two Florida lawyers have the makings of a great episode of the Jerry Springer show. Alleged sex in a bathroom, a girl-on-girl fighting match, and legal misrepresentation.

Lawyer-lobbyist Lawyer Aimee Marie Dias, 35, was at a swanky restaurant in Tampa on Saturday night. When she went to use the bathroom, she discovered a man and woman allegedly doing the Tampa tango. We don’t understand the sequence of events from this point, but apparently Dias threw a punch at the copulating duo. This led to a brawl between the women that spilled out into the restaurant with the ladies on “the floor rolling around exchanging punches, pushes,” according to the ABA Journal.

Labor and employment law attorney Brent Warren Yessin, 44, was waiting for the valet when police arrived. He decided to enter the fray, telling police he represented the parties involved. Though Dias and the rest denied this, Yessin was insistent. Apparently, very insistent:

[Yessin] was wrestled to the ground by four officers after he kept insisting that he represented one of the suspects and refused repeated requests to leave the restaurant, the Times reports.

Yessin was charged with obstructing an officer without violence, and apparently jailed for four hours until he posted $1,000 bail. Both Dias and Jacolow were initially arrested for battery, but agreed to drop the charges against each other.

A few lessons here: if you’re going to have sex in a public restroom, do it in a stall. If you walk in on public sex, don’t throw punches. If you’re waiting for valet, don’t try to pick up clients mid-brawl. If you live in Tampa, move away. Far, far away.

[Ed. note: Aimee Marie Dias has no relation to Aimee Marie Diaz whose profile we linked to originally.]

Best. Fracas. Ever. [The Legal Satyricon]
Female Lawyer in Fistfight, Male Lawyer Arrested in Wild Restaurant Scene [ABA Journal]
Report’s Topics: Bathroom Sex, Lawyer’s Arrest, Fight [Tampa Tribune]

On the Debevoise & Plimpton bonus post, one irate associate wrote:

Debevoise associates broke their backs this year on the Siemens case and covering for those who were on Siemens. Even though there was a slowdown in the 4th quarter, profits before then were “record-breaking” — i.e. MORE than the 25% boost Deb had last year. Last year PEP went from $1.81 million to a new high of $2.29 million. Partners are going to be bringing home this much or more this year. Understandably, next year’s bonus will decrease with the recession, but not sharing more equitably with associates now during the flush year when we flew around the globe at a moment’s notice, didn’t see our families for weeks, and worked all nighters in corners of the globe, is a huge slap in the face.

We wonder how this Debevoise drone felt after reading the long article on the Siemens bribery case published over the weekend in the New York Times (based on a joint report by ProPublica, the nonprofit investigative journalism organization; “Frontline,” the PBS program; and the NYT):

Officials in the United States began investigating the [Siemens] case shortly after the raids became public. Knowing that it faced steep fines unless it cooperated, Siemens hired an American law firm, Debevoise & Plimpton, to conduct an internal investigation and to work with federal investigators.

As German and American investigators worked together to develop leads, Debevoise and its partners dedicated more than 300 lawyers, forensic analysts and staff members to untangle thousands of payments across the globe, according to the court records. American investigators and the Debevoise lawyers conducted more than 1,700 interviews in 34 countries. They collected more than 100 million documents, creating special facilities in China and Germany to house records from that single investigation. Debevoise and an outside auditor racked up 1.5 million billable hours, according to court documents. Siemens has said that the internal inquiry and related restructurings have cost it more than $1 billion.

Readers, let’s treat this like a management consulting case study. How much will Debevoise’s profits per partner in 2008 be boosted by those 1.5 million billable hours and $1 billion in spending by Siemens? Your conjecture is welcome in the comments.

At Siemens, Bribery Was Just a Line Item [New York Times]

Venable is generally not a market leader when it comes to associate bonuses or salary. In fact, they usually don’t announce their bonuses until January.

But today at 3:00 p.m. associates have been called in to discuss “the firm’s 2008 results and outlook for 2009.”

Kirkland had a meeting today to discuss the obvious, and maybe Venable is doing the same thing. But a tipster is at least slightly concerned about the need for today’s festivities:

Considering that we don’t usually hear anything about bonuses or salaries until January (and we’re definitely NOT market), it should be interesting to see what goes down at this meeting.

Our tipster is concerned because of Latham. So far, top firms haven’t followed Latham’s salary freeze lead. But some firms do seem to be hedging their bets and putting off decisions until January.

By the end of today, we should know where Venable stands.

Earlier: Nationwide Pay Raise Freeze Watch: Latham & Watkins

The big bonus/salary meeting at Kirkland & Ellis is still ongoing. But tipsters are now reporting that K&E will be following the Cravath scale. We understand that the Half-Skadden payout will apply to the Chicago office. New York is likely to follow suit, but we are still waiting for official word from our New York sources.

We’ve also heard that K&E plans to raise salaries on schedule.

While the payout is not terribly surprising, the news is still depressing to associates who felt like K&E had strong year:

What’s maybe most upsetting is I was told specifically that it was based off the Cravath scale. Not that the firm was hurting. Not that the firm was being conservative. Not that the firm has a pessimistic outlook on 2009. Just that someone else was getting away with being cheap, and they wanted to do the same.

That’s a constant theme from associates working at firms that have followed Cravath. This year bonus payments seem much more tied to Cravath’s announcement, instead of a reflection on the strength of the firm’s year.

But, maybe firms are just trying to hunker down for a rough 2009.

Update (11:53): Check out some more reader reactions after the jump.

Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of associate bonuses

As Thacher Proffitt prepares to shut down, the “how did this happen” reports can begin. AmLaw Daily notes that while other firms had banner years in 2007, Thacher was already struggling:

Thacher entered 2008 already struggling financially. The firm had suffered a dismal 2007, with gross revenue growing only 1.6 percent to $194.5 million and profits per partner dropping 22.1 percent to $1.02 million. The year to come didn’t treat the firm much better, especially come September, when several bank clients either collapsed or went into hasty mergers.

As we noted many times in these pages, a merger with King & Spalding had been the best hope for TPW to remain in business:

For months, Thacher had tried and failed to convince King & Spalding to acquire the firm outright. Discussions with the Atlanta-based firm to instead hire a chunk of its lawyers had plodded along for weeks. A deal to hire about 75 lawyers was close, but still not final, two sources at the firms say. With time running out for the 150-year-old firm, Thacher’s lawyers began talking to others, including Sonnenschein.

At least Sonnenschein was able to step in a save a lot of jobs. But after the jump, things are still pretty somber over at TPW today.

* This is one former Clintonite that Obama won’t tap for his cabinet. California lawyer Wade Rowland Sanders, a deputy assistant secretary of the Navy under Clinton, was netted in a child porn investigation, with a whopping 600 images on his computer. [CNN]

* There are many reasons to object to the U.S. taxpayers bailing out financial services companies, but this is the most creative by far. The Thomas More Law Center has filed suit against Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and the Federal Reserve. The non-profit law firm that promotes conservative Christian values says Paulson & co. are promoting Shariah law by bailing out AIG. [Fox News]

* Those Brazilians really love their caipiriihinas with their cars. Party-loving Brazilians chafe under the country’s new “dry law.” Critics of the zero tolerance for drunk driving crackdown liken it to “terrorism,” calling it unconstitutional and authoritarian. [Washington Post]

* The FBI whistleblower in the Ted Stevens case is alleging wrongdoing by the prosecution. The former Alaskan senator’s attorneys request once again that the case be dismissed or a new trial held. [Politico]

* Maybe that angry Biglaw first year was right. Over fifty percent of the respondents in our (admittedly unscientific) survey reported hours hoarding is happening at their firms. [Vizu Poll Results]

* You heard it here (first!) yesterday. RIP Thacher Proffitt & Wood. [Bloomberg]

* If you’d like to give Team ATL a holiday gift, please vote for us in the Blawg 100. Thanks! [ABA Journal]

* “I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings.” [Forbes]

* Maybe Yale trustees think they are on that “Biggest Loser” reality television show? [Concurring Opinions]

* The Thacher Proffitt endgame. [Ideoblog]

* This year, I went with an American Flag themed Christmas tree. Red, white and blue bands (with white blinking lights punctuating the blue bits). It looks cool, but the tree keeps falling over. My family thinks this is because I insisted on positioning the tree myself, despite my ongoing vertigo, but I think the tree hates me for my freedom. In any event, last year I went with a Chanukah themed Christmas tree, and everything worked out beautifully. Based on this anecdotal evidence, I think this week’s Blawg Review will be outstanding. [Likelihood of Confusion via Blawg Review]

Enough about the poor, unfortunate class of 2010, what about the soon to be wealthy class of 2011?

At the beginning of this month, we mentioned that Yale Law School and Harvard Law School were considering moving their fall recruiting process all the way up to mid-August. At the time, we said:

Despite the placid exterior that comes from being at the top and knowing it, even mighty Yale looks like it’s ready to make some concessions to the general market strife.

Today, Yale makes the move official. And the reasons for the change couldn’t be clearer:

Whereas in previous years all second year students had until December 1 to respond to job offers, the new rules give students 45 days from the date of their offer letters to accept or decline. As a result, students from law schools with August 2008 programs had, in some cases, already accepted employment offers before YLS students interviewed or conducted callbacks.

It looks like Yale isn’t afraid of a little head-to-head competition with other schools.

But the moving up the start of recruiting will require Yale to make changes throughout the fall calendar:

Given the timing of Fall Break (October 19 - 23, 2009), we recognize that it is unlikely to be used for callback interviews, as has been the case in past years. Instead, employers will be encouraged to begin scheduling callback interviews during the week of August 24 - 28. The Law School will also limit programming during Fridays in September so students can use these dates to conduct callback interviews.

Class Free Fridays! They should keep that going all year long.

Read the full memo after the jump.

Dechert has been the subject of a lot of bad news lately. The associates still at the firm will be pleased to know that they will be getting a market bonus for hanging on this long:

We are pleased to announce that we will be paying base bonuses for 2008 to associates in each of our U.S. offices as set forth below. The following base bonuses will be payable to those qualified associates in good standing at the time the bonuses are paid who have 1950 hours (billable, pro bono and nonbillable in accordance with past practices) in 2008.

Class of 2007: $17,500
Class of 2006: $20,000
Class of 2005: $22,500
Class of 2004: $25,000
Class of 2003: $27,500
Class of 2002: $30,000
Class of 2001: $32,500
Class of 2000: $32,500

For high billers, the payouts increase:

We will be paying additional bonuses for the associates receiving the base bonuses who have billed 2200 hours, 2350 and 2500 hours. We will pay $7500 for each level attained.

Stub first years will take home five grand and like it:

Associates in the Class of 2008 will receive $5,000 without regard to hours.

And there is even more good news:

We have determined that, despite the difficult outlook for 2009, we will progress salaries for associates consistent with past practice.

All the layoff news must be unsettling for the people working at Dechert. This bonus announcement will probably help morale.

Read the full memo after the jump.

Kirkland & Ellis is perhaps the biggest bonus shoe left to drop. Will the firm follow Skadden as the firm’s prestige and profitability suggests? Or will Kirkland pull a Half-Skadden and settle down with the rest of the market?

We’ll know tomorrow. A firm-wide email just gave K&E New York associates a big reason to show up for work the day before Christmas Eve. John Desmarais is holding what we assume will be a very interesting meeting tomorrow:

Subject: Compensation NY Associates:

I’d like to have a brief meeting with you all tomorrow at 10 am on the 50th Floor (50G) to discuss salaries and bonuses for this year and next. At that time, also, I’ll say a few words about how the office and the firm are doing in the current economic climate.

jd

This could be good news: why would K&E have a full meeting only to do what Cravath and the rest of the market has already done?

Of course, this could be terrible news: why would they need to “discuss salaries” when raises should be perfunctory,at a financially secure institution?

More on Kirkland’s meeting after the jump.

Back in May, we asked you to raise your hand if you have no work. Since then, reports of little to do at the office have only increased. On the one hand, it must be nice to be able to read ATL at your leisure and go home at a decent hour. But with possible layoffs looming (e.g., the vague threat in Reed Smith’s salary memos), not having billable hours is terrifying at the moment.

Everyone’s in the same boat in needing to bill hours to justify his or her existence at the firm. But the more senior attorneys have the power to dole out work. One of our tipsters wrote in to suggest that his superiors were being stingy:

Can you do a post on dirtbagesque work hording [sic] by midlevels and seniors? At my firm the stubs and first years literally have just about no non-probono billable work while midlevels are hording [sic] assignments that first years and stubs typically do. All they care about is making their hours. It’s extremely frustrating and selfish.

We’ve never seen dirtbag converted into an adjective before, but we kind of like it. We’re wondering whether this is just one angry young stub, or if this is a growing trend as work slows down. If they’re savvy, clients will likely grow annoyed to be charged senior level rates for junior level work.

What do you think? Is it “frustrating and selfish”? Is it justified? Is it wise? And is it actually happening at your firm?

Discuss in the comments, and indulge us in a poll:

This won’t come as a huge shock to most people, but Weil, Gotshal & Manges has matched the NYC bonus structure and will be paying Cravath-level bonuses.

We imagine that Weil’s bankruptcy associates are too busy billing hours to make long and elaborate protests. A tipster succinctly reports:

I can tell you that associates are really, really, pissed.

No doubt.

But all is not lost. The memo contains language that could lead to some additional cash for top performers:

[A]bove mkt [bonuses] for associates ‘04 and above who get a distinguished rating.

After the jump, Weil breaks from the market in other ways. And we post the full memo.

The Thacher Proffitt people who were not picked up just now by Sonnenschein will soon be picking up unemployment checks. Multiple sources report that TPW is dissolving today. The official WARN notices will be sent out shortly.

People are being brought into a conference room, group by group, and being told of the bad news.

In keeping with WARN regulations, which require 60 days notice in a situation like this, TPW lawyers have 60 days from today during which they can still earn a paycheck. However, TPW attorneys have been told that they still have to show up to work for the next two months in order to get their pay.

Good luck with that. I see a flurry of “vacation memos” in the near future.

We can’t emphasize how terrible we feel for the TPW litigators on their way out the door. Getting let go days before Christmas is only supposed to happen in the movies.

We’ll update you as more details become available. In the meantime, somebody should probably fire up “Heller Drone.”

RIP TPW.

Earlier: Breaking: Sonnenschein Saves 100 Thacher Proffitt Lawyers

As soon as they install a ray-gun on the iPhone, it will become the one true tool. It’s really not all that surprising that the people at the Apple App Store have come up with a way to virtually experience the overbooked Presidential inauguration with touch screen comfort:

The free 2009 Presidential Inauguration Guide landing screen features an inauguration countdown, as well as the distance the user is from the steps of the Capitol building, where the event takes place.

The application also provides information about metro service and parking garage locations, a Zagat guide of local restaurants, a list of free nearby Wi-Fi zones, and information about the afterparties that are sure to keep Washington abuzz all night.

Tool use > natural selection.

What is surprising about this latest application is that it was developed (in part) by a law firm:

The application’s developers, law firm Patton Boggs and public-relations firm Qorvis Communications, call it “THE guide to the inauguration,” though the two firms are only the latest to develop an App Store download that caters to the excitement surrounding the inauguration.

Is Patton Boggs making any money off of this free application? In this market, you can’t have too many revenue streams.

iPhone app navigates Obama inauguration [CNet]
Inauguration Prep [WNYC]

In last week’s ATL / Lateral Link survey, we asked you to submit your nominations for ATL’s 2008 Lawyer and Commenter of the Year.

Today, you get to vote for the Lawyer of the Year.

There were almost as many nominees as layoffs this year, so we narrowed it down to the top nine.

In fact, one of the nominees used to be known as Client 9. Another has been referred to as That One. And yet another just likes numbers.

Your nominees for the 2008 ATL Lawyer of the Year, and select comments explaining why, are as follows:

1. Nervous T-10 1L

Personifies the economic doom and fear among law students.

If he doesn’t win something, he might kill himself.

2. Eliot Spitzer

He showed us that lawyers can have it all — power, fame, beautiful women — until it all comes crashing down. Kind of a metaphor for biglaw.

3. The Anonymous Laid-Off Big Firm Attorney

Because one month after being told “here are the things we need to do to make sure you look good for partnership in the next two years and here’s a 10% raise” I was told that my performance was subpar and I had no future at the firm.

4. Rod Blagojevich

He paid me a pretty penny to nominate him.

5. Count Layoffula

One! One Reason!

6. Marc Dreier

Having the stones to defraud corporations with the sale of false securities — in their own buildings.

He’s accomplished so much in so little time. He single-handedly obliterated his own firm, his employees’ futures (by rendering them unemployed at the single worst possible time, economically speaking), and likely a significant chunk of his future liberty. Not to mention he dated Maxim models.

7. Judge Halverson

Because you don’t have an “ATL Judge of the Year”

8. Phil Telfeyan (a/k/a The Harvard Law Avenger)

Generating by far the most controversy; protesting PJ day in high school or whatever, and failing to fully walk around a statue he prominently cites in a lr article.

9. Barack Obama

Duh.

So, who should win? Cast your vote below.

Note: when you cast your vote, you’ll get a sneak peek at some of the comments from this year’s ATL Commenter of the Year nominees.

Update: This survey is now closed. Click here for the results (and click here to read some comments from the Commenter of the Year nominees).

—
Justin Bernold is a Director at Lateral Link, the sponsor of this survey.

It’s been a rough month at Reed Smith, as it has been for many a firm. Earlier this month, the firm announced layoffs of 115 people as well as a salary freeze for 2009. We still don’t know how many associates there were in that group of 115, but it definitely included associates from the firm’s London and U.S. offices.

A tipster tells us that the head of HR Mike Lynch met with the Associates’ Committee in the D.C. office recently to address the layoffs and offer some words of comfort about the future of associates at Reed. Some might describe them as cold words of comfort. Here’s an excerpt from a memo circulated after the meeting:

*There also have been some attorney layoffs across US offices. Mike Lynch said that the layoff decisions were made based on the results of the annual review process, for which there was a sharper focus this year. He said that hours and revenue underproduction and performance shortcomings were factors, and stressed that the decisions were made carefully, thoughtfully and on an individual basis. Also, there was not one particular office or practice group targeted more than another, although the transactional side recently has been lighter work-wise. Mike did not disclose the number of attorneys laid off, as he feels that information would be meaningless without any context.
*Mike did clarify several times that there are no current plans for future associate layoffs, however he did state that firm management (obviously) does not have a crystal ball and cannot predict the economic environment in the months to come. He said that management is simply going to see how things go and make decisions accordingly.

Lynch did not disclose the number of attorneys laid off, saying that the “information would be meaningless without any context.”

In the realm of “making decisions accordingly,” the firm issued a warning about a new notation on Reed’s year-end salary memos:

*There may be a notation listed in your salary memo, including one that says “First Quarter Review - hours.” Mike said that the notation is not intended to frighten anyone who received it, but only to be up front and indicate that things are not static or guaranteed. Management plans on monitoring the hours of those associates, although the notation does not indicate any type of probationary status. For those who received this notation, Mike suggested speaking directly with your PGL about how to proceed effectively.

In a time of slashed bonuses and increasingly common law firm layoffs, it’s hard to imagine how an hours warning would fail to frighten someone to near-death. This looks to us like a preparation for a new round of layoffs in early 2009. By instituting the new notation policy on salary memos, Reed has introduced a new way to give negative reviews, and could use it to justify layoffs in the first quarter.

Our tipster knew of just two associates who had received the “FQR-hours” notation— both had excellent reviews but were low on hours billed. More on Reed, and the disappearance of its “Departures” intranet page, after the jump.

* An Arizona lawyer was arrested last week for giving his client a piece of candy. Detention officers warned Candyman not to give anything to his client in court. His response: “What are you going to do, arrest me?” [Associated Press]

* Google’s Street View lets users virtually stroll down a street. In real life, strolling the streets is okay, but when these images are presented and preserved online, people get upset. Already sued by the Boring couple in Pennsylvania, Google is now being accused of privacy rights violation by the Japanese Campaign Against Surveillance Society. [Reuters]

* Congressional law to make toys safer is no fun for toymakers. [Washington Post]

* Auditing firms brace for post-Madoff lawsuits. [New York Times]

* California AG Jerry Brown urges the Supreme Court to overturn Prop 8. [New York Times]

It looks like Thacher Proffitt had a “plan B” in case the King & Spalding negotiations broke down.

We mentioned on Saturday that Sonnenschein was looking into acquiring some Thacher Proffitt lawyers. AmLaw Daily reported:

Within the past week, according to the partner, as King & Spalding neared a deal with Thacher for the structured finance group, it emerged that Sonnenschein Nath & Rosenthal was talking to Thacher lawyers.

Tonight we’ve got news that Sonnenschein is doing a little more than talking. A Sonnenschein spokesperson reports:

[On Monday morning] We will announce the tremendous addition of 100 lawyers from Thacher Proffitt & Wood.

Happy Holidays!

What a nice present for a bunch of TPW lawyers. On Friday it looked like they’d start 2009 updating resumes, now it looks like they will be making new friends.

Morale is pretty high at Sonnenschein as well. An internal email went around Sonnenschein this evening heralding the news:

With today’s move, we dramatically enhance our national and international corporate and finance capabilities, and double the size of our New York office — both of which have been strategic priorities for Sonnenschein.

These new colleagues accelerate our global growth strategy and reaffirm our continued commitment to client service. In particular, these lawyers bring highly regarded expertise in the fields of structured finance, banking, corporate, real estate and regulatory law. Also joining is a strong and complementary group of litigators, ERISA and employee benefits, and tax lawyers.

Read the full firm-wide email after the jump. We’ll update you as more specifics become available.

It’s the most wonderful time, of the year.

Update (12:00): The WSJ Law blog is now saying that what is left of TPW will dissolve, and the vote could be happening as early as today. TPW spokespeople could not be reached for immediate comment. Stay tuned …

Update (12:21): Multiple sources have confirmed that Thacher Proffitt is dissolving today. WARN notifications will be sent around by the end of the day. For continuing coverage, click here.

Over the last week, we’ve been covering whether Thacher Proffitt’s litigation department was going to survive into the New Year. The operating theory has been that Thacher Proffitt’s corporate department would be part of a merger between TPW and King & Spalding, with litigation left out in the cold.

But now it looks like King & Spalding could be out of the game entirely. AmLaw Daily reports:

King & Spalding no longer is in the running to acquire the substantial portion of Thacher Proffitt & Wood that it had pursued in recent weeks, according to a lawyer familiar with the negotiations.

We’ve reported the widely held belief that TPW needs the K&S merger to go through in order to avoid dissolution:

The New York consultant and another individual familiar with the discussions say that if the deal falls through, Thacher Proffitt will likely go under.

Then again, the Treasury Department seems to think that Thacher Proffitt is going to stick around. And when was the last time they were wrong?

After the jump, we see if there is another option for TPW.

Christopher Hitchens has famously declared that “the four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.” LEWW humbly submits an addition to this list: the University of Pennsylvania. Or “Penn State.” Whatever you call it, we’re tired of it. Its graduates are ridiculously overrepresented on the weddings page. (We haven’t done a scientific survey, but we’d venture to guess that we’ve written more about newlyweds from Penn than from any other school—even New York schools.) And really, what’s so great about Penn, other than its football team?

As you can probably guess, it’s another Penn-heavy week on the Legal Eagle Wedding Watch. But don’t worry; we’ve lightened the tedium with a few other degrees—and some strikingly attractive contestants:

1. Stacey Sarfatti and Rustin Paul

2. Tamar Shuldiner and Keith Levenberg

3. Melissa Hutson and Matthew Rizzo

Click on the link below for these couples’ pictures and credentials.

* This celebrity lawsuit round-up has Billie Jean suing Michael Jackson. She says she was his lover, and that his kid is her son. [Popsquire Beat]

* Looking to apply for the federal bail-out? This application is “so simple and easy to use that even Skadden Arps should bill no more than $2.7 million to review it.” [Vanity Fair]

* Law school selling naming rights to everything but the bathroom. [TaxProf Blog]

* U.N.says don’t hate on other people’s religions. [Reuters]

* Laid off? Look at the upside. This associate is celebrating: “Unemployment is awesome. I read books all day, lay out in the sun, watch TV, visit friends (you know, all the stuff you can never do when working for a NY law firm).” [Greedy Associates]

* We love those Alaskan family values. The grandmother of Bristol Palin’s unborn child has been arrested on drug charges. [Politico]

* Biglaw bonuses may be less, but at least they’re in cash. How would you like a “”partner asset facility” in your stocking? (Ed. note: We’re pleased to see the term “half-Skadden” adopted by the WSJ.) [WSJ Law Blog]

After spending some quality time with Stephen Hawking and an abacus, we are now ready to report the bonus associates at Hogan & Hartson will be receiving this year.

For the firm’s offices in D.C., Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Northern Virginia the scale is as follows:

2002 and above - $7,500 to $37,500
2003-2005 - $7,500 to $25,500
2006-2007 - $7,500 to $20,000

The difference between a $7,500 bonus and a $37,500 bonus is huge, so we delved a little deeper into how Hogan comes up with the cream of the bonus crop. As you might expect, hours play a significant role. A tipster with a firm grasp of multivariable calculus (and, you know, basic arithmetic) explains:

Hogan actually has a fairly unique compensation scheme. there are two different salary tracks - one for associates who intend to bill 1800 hours and another for those who bill 1950 (at which level you make the market salaries). I think the 1800 track salaries are somewhere in the neighborhood of 15K less and are designed so that the firm can pay our low-billing regulatory associates less money - and as it turns out this year, a bunch of corporate associates too.

We crunch more numbers after the jump, and there’s 2009 Hogan salary update as well.

Associate bonuses have been announced by Quinn Emanuel. The scale, which applies to all offices, is driven by a combination of seniority and hours. The full memo and bonus schedule appear after the jump (along with an interesting email that John Quinn sent back in October about the state of the firm).

Reactions to the Quinn bonuses are varied. From a happy QE associate:

I’m in the top tranche! Good for Quinn for compensating the hardworking fairly!

I like it. It’s basically a totally fair structure in keeping with the general Quinn Emanuel expectations. As with prior years, 2100 or so gets you a New York bonus, regardless of office; I’m happy as a California associate to take New York-scale compensation, in good years and (unfortunately) in bad.

It also is the first time the firm has multiple hours kickups; in prior years, it was only for 2500. This makes it much more fair for extremely high billers (such as myself), while also penalizing people who don’t pull their weight — with the amount of work the firm had this past year, coming in under 2100 means you actively had to avoid work (or did a bad job and had partners avoiding you).

All in all, I like it: it really scales compensation to how much you work; I can keep dreaming of an Boies Schiller “percentage of billables” system, but this is pretty close.

More reactions, plus the full memo, after the jump.

This week’s JOW is one of many that Lateral Link has for judicial clerks. Lateral Link is uniquely positioned to advise and assist clerks in securing post-clerkship job opportunities. Last year alone, Lateral Link secured a greater number of Judicial Clerk offers than that of any other search firm.

Here is what Juan Gonzalez, one of Lateral Link’s previous clerks, had to say about his experience with Betsy Sandler:

“As a law clerk in Dallas looking to move to Southern California, Lateral Link provided me key job finding assistance in two major ways. First, they gave me the inside scoop on firms and helped me chart a job search map in a legal market in which I was completely unfamiliar. Second, they coached me through the entire interview process, helped with the logistical travel and timing details, and counseled me in deciding between two offers. A friend of mine clerking for another judge was also looking for work in another market around the same time period. He went at it alone, and the difference was clear. My job search through Lateral Link was quicker, involved less work, and, of course, paid better.” ~ Juan Gonzalez, Columbia University, JD, 2007; formerly, Law Clerk to the Honorable Sidney A. Fitzwater, Chief Judge

After the jump, the job of the week.

This week’s JOW is one of many that Lateral Link has for judicial clerks. Lateral Link is uniquely positioned to advise and assist clerks in securing post-clerkship job opportunities. Last year Lateral Link secured a greater number of judicial clerk offers than that of any other search firm. Clerks are eligible for Lateral Link’s $10,000 guaranteed signing bonus, in addition to the standard clerkship bonus they receive from the firm.

Position: Litigation Associate

Location: New York

Description: This firm is one of the more selective New York boutiques, with approximately 50 attorneys, most of whom have lateralled in from top-20 law firms. The attorneys focus on sophisticated litigation, corporate and bankruptcy work and their major clients include Clear Channel, Amazon.com, Columbia University and Lazard Freres. The firm pays NY market salary and offers its associates immediate hands-on responsibility as well as a reputation for very reasonable hours and a truly collegial working environment. The quality and depth of their legal team distinguishes them from other firms of their size and allows them to compete effectively against the larger top-tier firms.

For more information about this position or to apply, please see Position 9672 on Lateral Link. If you are a judicial clerk and would like more information about working with Lateral Link to secure a post-clerkship position, please contact your Lateral Link Director. If you have not already registered for Lateral Link, please create an account at www.laterallink.com.

In good times, people are generally happy with lockstep bonus structures. In bad times, people start grumbling about “carrying” less lucrative practice groups. In these times… I think there was a novel about “Flies” that explained the situation.

For those who prefer a more “performance based” bonus scheme, McKee Nelson might be the place for you. Yesterday, the firm announced their bonus structure. A firm spokesperson explains the process to ATL:

McKee Nelson has always paid bonuses to associates based on a combination of performance and hours. As a general rule, we have not published a bonus scale or sent a bonus memo to associates as bonuses are determined and communicated on an individual basis. An exception was made last year as part of our voluntary program.

… I will tell you that 2008 McKee Nelson bonuses were based on the Cravath scale but with our customary variation in the bonus awards made to individual lawyers based on performance and hours.

Remember that McKee Nelson recently laid off 32 people, including 17 corporate finance attorneys. Paying bonuses at all really is a “bonus.”

After the jump, McKee Nelson tipsters share their thoughts.

Back when Cravath, Swaine & Moore announced its bonus structure, you’ll remember that there were two surprising aspects to the memo. The cash money was less than people expected to be sure. But at the time we also noted this surprising language:

Given the uncertainty of the economy and the business climate going forward, we will not be able to address the issue of whether there will be any year-end bonuses in 2009 until this time next year. However, associates should be prepared for the likelihood that the economy and the Firm’s financial performance next year will not show a significant improvement over this year and they may receive significantly reduced or no year-end bonuses next year.

Now, there is more — albeit anecdotal — evidence that Cravath is looking into their 2009 crystal ball, and planning further cutbacks. This year, the firm proceeded with their usual holiday party plans. But next year, things could be different:

Normally, they have a HUGE holiday party in the Rainbow Room. Word on the street is that next year, the party will either be in the “Cravatheteria” (the firm cafeteria) or not at all.

And that might not be the only Cravath cutback. More after the jump.

Eric Holzer is was a tax attorney at Paul, Hastings, Janofsky & Walker LLP. But he’s been caught up in a $4.8 million insider trading scheme along with a bunch of day traders, a1994 Playboy Playmate; and Lee Corbin, a partner at Kurzman Eisenberg Corbin & Lever LLP, according to the Wall Street Journal (subscription).

(Corbin is being spared the ignominy of Lawyer of the Day, as he is only a “relief defendant” in the case. He is not charged with wrongdoing, but is being sued for ill-gotten gains as he acted on the advice of his son, one of the day traders.)

Sadly, Holzer threw his career away for just a little more than one year of a junior Biglaw associate salary. From the SEC press release:

Eric Holzer, age 34, Devlin’s friend and a tax associate in the New York City office of an international law firm, traded in at least three of the transactions. Holzer reaped profits of $175,000 in his own accounts and two accounts controlled by his father. Holzer gave Devlin cash, some of which came from shares he had his father buy on Devlin’s behalf.

According to The New York Law Journal, the scheme was led by Matt Devlin, a Lehman Brothers rep whose wife was a Brunswick Group partner. He referred to her as a “golden goose” and used information gleaned from her work to advise his friends on investments. When Devlin got caught, he helped bring his friends down.

More after the jump.

Sidley Austin is releasing bonus information today.

We don’t have our hands on the full memo, but we understand that Sidley will be matching the New York payout. $17,500 for first-years. A tipster reports:

Partners are coming around handing out checks as in past years. No word on next year’s salaries.

Since Sidley has a 2000 minimum billiable hours requirement, we can’t be sure how many associates will actually be taking home that extra cash this evening.

Importantly, Sidley is using the same bonus scale for both its New York and Chicago associates.

Does this mean New York and Chicago will be following the Cravath scale, while California and D.C. will be going with the O’Melveny scale? Stay tuned.

Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of associate bonuses

We expect ATL friend Mark Herrmann at Drug and Device Law to weigh in on this matter fully and with much glee. But in the meantime, we wanted to alert the more botanical subset of our readership of some breaking news: if the cops surprise you, you don’t have to drink the bong water. At least not in Minnesota … unless of course you want to.

The Minnesota Court of Appeals has decided:

Because the post-use by-product of a methamphetamine bong is created through drug use and not prepared for the purpose of drug use, sale, or manufacturing, the water contained in the post-use by-product is not a mixture as defined in § 152.01, subd. 9a.

That is very interesting news, but don’t tell the kids. Hilarity will ensue, trust me.

For instance, you might be able to get somebody to do this:

[A] police officer testified—at a contested omnibus hearing—that drug users who are indigent or who do not have a readily available source for drugs retain the water from a methamphetamine bong for future consumption either orally or by injection. The officer testified that he knew of drug users who had consumed bong water containing methamphetamine.

God I miss college.

Anyway, after the jump, if bong water is distinguishable from a controlled substance, what is it comparable to?

In a complaint filed in Connecticut, a patient claims that she wrote down the cure for cancer while being treated at Hartford Hospital. She says that she gave the cure to her doctor for more research, but now she wants that research to stop — at least until she is able to patent her life saving ideas.

Luckily, she still remembers her cure, and included the formula in her complaint:

So, if you got a spare laboratory lying around, this could be a good weekend project.

The specific relief she is seeking after the jump.

* The White House has raised the prospect of “pushing the cars into a managed bankruptcy as a solution to save the companies from financial collapse.” [The International Herald Tribune]

* The Iraqi journalist who threw the shoe at President George W. Bush will go on trial for insulting a foreign leader, which could get him up to two years in prison. Another case may be brought against the people who beat him after the incident. [The Associated Press]

* “Deep Throat” W. Mark Felt Sr., the second highest official in the FBI during Watergate, and the famous anonymous source who led journalists Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein through the “crimes and coverups” of Richard Nixon died yesterday at 95. [The Washington Post]

* The 9th Circuit ruled that the U.S. courts might not be the appropriate place for Papua New Guinea citizens to sue British mining company Rio Tinto for inciting a “savage” ten- year civil war. [Courthouse News Service]

* A California jury acquitted surgeon Dr. Hootan Roozokh, who was accused of trying to accelerate an organ donor’s death. [The Los Angeles Times]

* Remember DC Judge Roy Pearson’s pants suit? The D.C. Court of Appeals rejected it yesterday…no surprise there. [The Associated Press]

* First there was the recession, then there were the bankruptcy’s, followed by the lay-offs, and now here are the scandals. The DOJ charged four people in an insider trading scheme incolving a Lehman broker.[CNN]

Sources at Sullivan & Cromwell confirm that the firm is going to pay (deep breath) the New York market rate on 2008 associate bonuses.

We haven’t gotten our hands on an actual memo yet, but our sources are unhappy enough that we believe it to be true. From one S&C associate: “Either the firm is in piss poor shape & Rodge [Cohen] is a liar or we are lemmings and do what Cravath does. Bonus = total BS. People are PISSED.”

Half-Skadden wins. Partners win. Cravath defenders win.

NYC associates lose. Manhattan real estate brokers lose (again). Top billers lose.

Update (6:20 PM): Am Law Daily reports that the firm promised supplemental bonuses in the spring — this time for all classes, not just senior associates — depending on market conditions:

[The S&C] memos also said the firm intends to issue all associates another check in April. The spring distribution, or supplemental bonus, will be based on the firm’s overall financial performance. The firm also issued supplemental bonuses last year, though the circumstances were somewhat different since it was the height of the dealmaking boom.

This past April, S&C’s supplemental bonus was paltry. We reported:

[W]e have confirmed with sources at the firm that S&C paid out its special “senior associate bonuses” last week. We don’t know the numbers for all years, but word on the street is that current fifth-years received around $2,500.

So maybe, if everything goes right, a senior S&C associate will get a little more of a bonus than a first year at Skadden.

So that’s positive, right?

Update (8:02 PM): After the jump, read the full version of S&C’s bonus memo.

BREAKING: Sullivan & Cromwell Bonuses Cut, But No Freeze on Pay [AmLaw Daily]

Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of associate bonuses
Associate Bonus Watch: Sullivan & Cromwell’s Super-Special Bonuses

* I wonder what Jack Bauer would say about pardoning John Walker Lindh. If only we had a commenter that could channel Bauer and share his thoughts with us … [Legal Pad]

* If you are thinking about going down to D.C. for the inauguration, you should listen to Kash’s sage guidance. [WYNC]

* At that inauguration, Rick Warren will be giving the invocation. What a savvy bi-partisan move to reach out to potentially disgruntled evangelicals! (Mr. Kennedy, Obama’s the guy right? We’re still absolutely sure about this right? Because … oh why yes, I’d love some more Kool-Aid). [Althouse]

* Here’s the Miley Cyrus/Lanier Law Firm party wrap. [Tex Parte Blog]

* With all the unemployed lawyers out there it seems appropriate to point out some legal research tools that you don’t need a westlaw account to access. [E-Justice Blog]

Individualized memos have been issued to Skadden Arps associates to inform them of their 2008 bonuses and 2009 base salaries. The Skadden base salaries reflect the customary annual pay raises — sorry, Lathamites.

Because Skadden’s announced bonuses this year are so much higher than the Cravath-established market level, folks at other firms have wondered: Are the Skadden bonuses for real?

The short answer: yes. To quote the famous Seinfeld episode, “they’re real — and they’re spectacular.”

We’ve surveyed Skadden associates from a variety of class years, from 2008 through 2001. The scale we’ve pieced together looks like this (i.e., like last year’s year-end or regular bonus schedule, but without the “special” bonus amounts):

Class of 2008 — $35,000 (prorated)
Class of 2007 — $35,000
Class of 2006 — $40,000
Class of 2005 — $45,000
Class of 2004 — $50,000
Class of 2003 — $55,000
Class of 2002 — $60,000
Class of 2001 — $65,000

The bonus schedule is, of course, subject to the 1600-hour minimum. That’s not an onerous burden, and pro bono hours count towards the minimum, in unlimited amounts. If you fall short of the 1600-hour minimum, you may still be eligible for a 50 percent bonus — aka a “half-Skadden” bonus.

After the rest of the New York market settled around the Cravath bonus levels, some wondered: Do the Skadden partners feel like chumps?

Find out, after the jump.

California firm Grodsky & Olecki likes to have fun with its annual end-of-the-year holiday card. The firm likes them so much that it keeps cards dating back to 2003 archived on its site. In recent years, the firm has humorously touched on the Writers Guild strike, red state-blue state divide, and malfunctioning voting machines. Suffice to say, the firm has a quirky sense of humor.

This year’s card is edgy, and certainly less cloying than Cadwalader’s. Here’s the gloomy front of the card:

Shouldn’t J.P. Morgan’s name really be on that certificate, c/o the American taxpayer? And do we actually want to be reminded of bail-outs in holiday cards this season? To lift your spirits again, check out name partner Allen Grodsky doing a yoga headstand pose on his bio page.

And check out the festive (at least in coloration) backside of the card, after the jump.

Lawyer fight! The New Orleans Times-Picayune reports that competition for clients is heating up in the bayou:

Two attorneys competing for clients, prestige and a bounty of legal fees opened a hearing at Orleans Parish Civil District Court on Monday with a schoolyard brawl that shocked the buttoned-up crowd and ended with one led away in handcuffs on charges of contempt.

The best thing about lawyer fights are the clever euphemisms that the combatants use to explain just how badly they got their asses kicked. Remember this Louisiana throw down between attorneys who were also in-laws?

“I said, ‘You just bought yourself a ticket to a bar (association) complaint.’ He grabbed me by the neck and started swinging me back and forth. .¤.¤. He hurt me substantially. I became woozy and fell.”

This time, both battling attorneys (Madro Bandaries and J. Robert Ates) offered competing explanations as to how they were so easily and quickly defeated.

The case of Glass Joe versus Captain Inaction continues after the jump.

The effects of the global economic crisis continue to trickle through all aspects of the legal industry. Many firms simply aren’t willing to share the profits with associates as has been done in years past.

While we tend to focus on the Biglaw view of this crisis, it’s important to remember that associates as smaller firms are getting hit just as hard or worse from a dollars-per-hour perspective.

Last year we brought you a series of posts on law firm life outside of the top teir. One of the firms we highlighted was Kaufman Borgeest Ryan, a boutique insurance coverage firm with offices in New York, New Jersey, and California. Starting salaries there are about $90K while senior associates make just under what Biglaw first-years pull down.

In the past, associates have been eligible to receive around a $10K bonus, if they meet the minimum billable hours requirement of 2100.

Imagine being a lawyer, living in New York City, billing over 2000 hours a year, and making less than six-figures. Calgon take me away.

This year, associates at Kaufman should still receive their bonus, but it’s complicated. More after the jump.

We have been following the sad tale of a University of Michigan 2L and a U-M professor who got caught up in a prostitution scandal. Yesterday, the Michigan 2L responded to some of the comments that have been made about her.

Today, the professor involved asked ATL for equal time and an opportunity to tell his side of the story. In a letter entitled: “Have you considered whether she may be simply lying?” and sent to the entire law school, the professor says:

I wish to raise with you the claim that, for whatever reasons, your student is simply lying. Allegations must be substantiated with facts; here are the facts as they emerge from the police report (which, as I am sure many of you know, anyone is entitled to get from the police).

We reprint the letter in full after the jump.

And just to be clear, this will conclude our coverage of these events. Both parties have had an opportunity to say their piece, and we’d like to leave it at that.

We’ve previously reported on law firms having difficulty getting clients to pay their bills. It’s not just happening to firms working on deals that go bust; it has also happened to a firm representing a celeb after his marriage went bust. From Am Law Daily:

Blank Rome is suing rapper/actor/activist Mos Def for over $60,000 in unpaid legal bills stemming from his 2006 divorce from Maria Yepes.

The couple ended their 10-year marriage that year in a Brooklyn court, with Judge Sarah Krauss pleading with them to settle their differences outside her courtroom.

Reports say that the Brooklyn-born Mos Def (real name: Dante Smith) owes the money to Blank Rome in the form of unpaid fees and retainers. The Emmy, Golden Globe, and Grammy award-nominated entertainer retained lawyers from the firm’s well-regarded matrimonial practice, which advises high-end clients on divorce, mediation, property distribution, paternity, visitation rights, and trusts and estates.

This is Mos Def’s second month in a row of legal troubles. In November, Las Vegas police issued an arrest warrant after Mos got in a scuffle with a photographer. In more bad news, his portrayal of Chuck Berry in the recently released music biopic extravaganza Cadillac Records was panned by the Los Angeles Times.

We wonder if this will make him rethink the title of his upcoming album, rumored to be titled Ecstatic.

Some good news for Mos Def, after the jump.

[This article was written by Ryan Belville and Miguel Escobar. Ryan Belville (Vanderbilt University, J.D., 2002) and Miguel Escobar (New York University, J.D., 2005) are directors in Lateral Link’s New York office.]

It seems that there are few more dreaded tasks for junior associates than creating a resume from scratch, or even updating an outdated version. However unpleasant, it is critical: a resume is your 30-second “pitch” to a Partner that will make or break your chances to land that coveted interview. Given the ultra-competitive environment that is today’s lateral market, the importance of presenting a clean, effective resume is paramount. Here are ten guiding principles and tips- they ought to save you some time and make your resume stand out as truly interview-worthy.

1.Format According to Your Strengths. There is a bit of a split in thought here as many prefer to start off the resume with the Education section. The decision lies in the basic tenet of resume preparation: highlight your most impressive credentials and put your best foot forward. If your academic pedigree sets you apart, place the Education section first (i.e. attending a top ranked school, receiving honors such as Order of the Coif or Cum Laude, serving on the law review and/or simply having finished at the top of your class). If you are currently employed at a top-tier or particularly prestigious firm (especially one that is based in or has a very strong presence in the region), we suggest you lead with Work Experience.

2.Don’t make the reader dig for the gold. It is important not to bury your best, most substantive work deep in a muddled paragraph. Remember- you have a very short time to make a strong impression: don’t make the reader work for it. Are you a litigator? If so, lead with your deposition work or important legal memoranda; leave the document review assignments on the editing room floor. Corporate attorney? Scoot diligence to the rear and lead with the key instruments you have drafted and negotiated.

3.Include a few representative deals. Lead with a couple succinct sentences outlining your responsibilities for each position in the Work Experience section and then insert 2 or 3 bullet points outlining noteworthy deals or cases. Choose according to your particular experience: you may want to mention a very high profile matter in your given industry, a deal or case that you handled almost exclusively or, if you are looking to focus in a specialized sector, a directly applicable example.

4.List your GPA? We have found that a good rule of thumb is the 3.3 cutoff. If you finished above that marker, absolutely list your GPA. Otherwise, no need to draw attention to less than stellar grades. You should also consider your first-year performance. It is no secret that firms weigh your grade in contracts heavier than that four-person seminar you took during your third-year. If you performed very well during your first year, mention it, i.e. GPA- 3.3 (First Year GPA- 3.5).

5. Judicious Succinctness and the Myth of the One-Page Rule. If you are sitting at your computer asking yourself whether your resume is too long and/or cluttered, the odds are that it probably is. Remember that a reviewing partner is not sitting down to read a treatise here but rather a concise and hopefully persuasive summary of your background. That partner will be searching for the four cornerstones of a legal resume: where you currently are, what you do, where you went to school, and how you did. Those pieces of your background should be readily evident.

More tips after the jump.

Let’s say you meet a woman. You like her, she likes you, and eventually you move in together. She helps around the house and, you know, “helps” with other things too. Let’s say that over the course of a year, you “spend” $10,500 on that woman.

How would you explain where that money went, to say an account or on your tax forms?

Well, if you are Mr. Howard Shih of California, you call the $10,500 “wages” and try to get a tax deduction.

That is the situation that the U.S. Tax Court recently wrestled with. Except the proceeding was not directed at Mr. Shih for claiming a deduction, instead the case was about whether the woman (Ms. Jue-Ya Yang) should have reported the $10,500 as “income.”

(Dear God: That whole “The Law” idea you had is brilliant. What a great premise for your “Earth” sitcom. Don’t change a thing! It’s comedy gold.)

After the jump, TaxProf Blog walks us through the difference between wages, gifts, and illicit prostitution.

Following up on its inspirational holiday card, yesterday Cadwalader announced the NYC-standard crappy Cravathy bonuses. The transmittal memo, which included the familiar numerical table, was short and sweet:

We are pleased to announce that the Firm will award year-end bonuses to associates and counsel as follows. Bonuses will be based on previously communicated criteria and are expected to be paid in January 2009. Associates who joined the Firm subsequent to January 1, 2008 and prior to October 1, 2008 will receive a pro-rated portion of the bonus.

The reference to “previously communicated criteria,” we’re told, is a reference to CWT’s hours requirement.

Full memo after the jump.

* A couple is suing United Airlines for “overserving” the husband by serving him red wine every 20 minutes on the flight. They say this is what caused him to beat his wife on the way to customs. [Chicago Tribune]

* “Federal judges in some parts of the United States are delaying the swearing-in of new citizens, apparently so that courts can keep millions of dollars in naturalization fees paid by immigrants, according to a new government report.” [The Washington Post]

* A Rhode Island family sued their cable provider for hooking up the Playboy channel, which plays hardcore porn. [Courthouse News Service]

* Investors in Madoff’s ponzi scheme might be able to get back some of their money by filing for a U.S. tax refund. As if the U.S. government isn’t paying out enough money these days…[Bloomberg.com]

* The high court in Europe says a UK couple should be bound by the ruling of judge in southern Cyprus that they demolish their vacation home. The house is built on land that belongs to a Greek Cypriot who claims it was taken from him during the Turkish invasion in 1974. [BBC News]

To balance out word of the robust O’Melveny bonuses, here’s some bad news out of California. Earlier this week, Gunderson Dettmer (boy I miss “ad”venture capital) laid off a number of junior associates. As veterans of the heady dot-com days may recall, Gunderson put itself on the map back in 1999 by leading the charge to $125,000 starting salaries.

Gunderson did not respond to multiple requests for comment, made yesterday and today, so we don’t have an official number of new people looking for work. But two sources claim that the firm laid off half of its first-year class (five out of ten associates) on Monday, plus an additional but unknown number of more senior attorneys. These layoffs are, according to a tipster, “on top of performance-related attrition / dismissals throughout the fall.”

Some of those laid off this week were stub first-years, i.e., class of 2008 from law school. As Chris Rock might say, “here today, gone today.”

More after the jump.

This should not come as a great surprise, but let’s go ahead and close the loop. From the WSJ Law Blog:

Nearly two weeks ago, mere hours after Marc Dreier was arrested up in Canada for allegedly impersonating an in-house lawyer at a pension fund, lawyers at the eponymous law firm were heralding its doom. “It’s over,” said one litigation partner at the time.

On Tuesday, the predictions came true; Dreier LLP filed for Chapter 11 protection in bankruptcy court in Manhattan. In its petition, filed by Stephen Shimshak and Brian Hermann at Paul Weiss — where the receiver in the case, Mark Pomerantz, also hangs his hat — Dreier claims to have liabilities tallying between $10 million and $50 million.

The best reading in the petition is the list of creditors. Seems Mr. Dreier hadn’t been keeping up with the firm’s bills. Among those allegedly owed: the landlord of 499 Park Ave. ($908k); West Publishing ($441k); American Express ($323k); PR firm Van Prooyen Greenfield ($274k); ABM Janitorial Services ($89k); and AT&T ($81k).

And you thought your Westlaw bill was big….

A little more, after the jump.

* What’s the reason for U.S. AG Michael Mukasey recusing himself from the Bernard Madoff investigation? It may be his synagogue. [Cityfile]

* K&L Gates grand poobah Peter Kalis gripes about U.S. News & World Reports, gets all mushy about Pitt Law, and praises affirmative action. For minorities and kids from West Virginia. [TaxProf Blog]

* Ohio lawyer David Mills has started a daily legal cartoon blog. We ATL folk are painfully aware of how hard it can be to make the law funny. [Courtoons]

* ATL’s own Elie Mystal in a free-ranging interview on race, the law, blogging, and comments. [On Being a Black Lawyer]

* Two-thirds of law firms expect lower 2009 revenues. Sigh. But 8.2% expect higher revenues. Those must be the boutique bankruptcy firms. [National Law Journal]

Because TPW knows a thing or two about crisis and rescue plans.

Seriously, though, it’s a good sign for the firm, even if it may not be a lucrative engagement — the Treasury press release reports that “total cost for the firm’s services is not expected to exceed approximately $500,000.” It raises the possibility that rumors of the firm’s demise are greatly — well, maybe not greatly, but somewhat — exaggerated.

Treasury Hires Legal Firm Under the Emergency Economic Stabilization Act
[U.S. Department of the Treasury (press release)]

It’s getting ugly out there. For the first time since 2005, associate bonuses at Wachtell Lipton have dipped below 100 percent of base salary.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the subject, here’s how bonuses at WLRK work. First, they’re lockstep, not tied to any billable-hours requirement or performance review. Everyone in the same class receives the same bonus.

Second, Wachtell bonuses are calculated as a percentage of base salary. Sometimes the percentage is the same from class to class; sometimes it’s not. In 2006, for example, there were divergences from year to year. When there are divergences, they generally favor seniority, with more-senior associates receiving bonus percentages that are higher than those given to juniors.

In 2006 and 2007, total bonus compensation at Wachtell (including midyear bonuses in 2006) clocked in at or above 100 percent of base salaries . This year, however, the bonus percentage sank below that threshold. We don’t have the exact number, but we’re hearing around 70 percent of base salary — “good” and “better than expected,” say two sources, but not as good as recent years.

(If this figure isn’t consistent with what you know, please email us. Please mention the class year that is the basis for your information, since sometimes the bonus percentage varies from class to class. Due to that variability, plus the lack of a firm-wide bonus memo, bonuses at Wachtell are less transparent than at other firms.)

Recall also that Wachtell base salaries are on a scale that is slightly above market. First-year associates at WLRK earn a base of $165,000 rather than the usual $160,000 (no Latham shenanigans here). A base salary of $165,000 and a 70 percent bonus would bring total compensation for a (non-stub-year) first-year to just over $280,000.

A Wachtell associate earning under $300,000 is a sad thing. But these are sad times.

Even the Wachtell holiday party was scaled back. More details, plus predictions about the firm’s future, after the jump.

Notorious B.O.A.L.T. is a UC-Berkeley law school student who enjoys setting law school lessons to music. He appeared on our pages before, rapping his way through CivPro.

Now he’s back. Notorious has gone acoustic, but this song embraces the rebellious roots of rock & roll. Notorious writes, “As a protest against the lunacy of the Socratic Method and the staggering lack of imagination on the part of the Boalt Hall administration in clinging to a cobwebbed curriculum, I will not be taking any final examinations this semester.”

“Do the Torts Shuffle” is his submission to Professor Patrick Hanlon in lieu of a written final exam. He asks that Hanlon consider giving him a “sub-standard pass in the course.” Here it is:

We think rapping lends itself more easily to talkin’ ‘bout the law, but this is a worthy effort. The question is: is it a sub-standard pass level effort?

A lyrical excerpt, and speculation about the future of Notorious B.O.A.L.T., after the jump.

Update (3:30 PM): Please note that this post has been revised in various respects since its original publication. The situation is fluid and we are investigating further. Thanks.

It’s moving day. Time for the elite firms to separate themselves from everybody else.

Multiple tipsters inform us that O’Melveny & Myers associates, in California and in Washington, DC, received voicemails today confirming that first year associate bonuses would be… $27,500. The bonus scale for OMM, in CA and DC, is believed to look like this:

2007 - 27,500
2006 - 30,000
2005 - 32,500
2004 - 35,000
2003 - 37,500
2002 - 40,000
2001 and 2000 - 45,000

A tipster adds, “Everyone is also eligible for additional bonus amounts on top of that based on hours and performance.”

We understand that OMM traditionally makes these announcements over voicemail. Bonuses will be paid on December 31st, with an official memo following in January. Oh, and just for good measure, class appropriate pay raises will proceed as planned. Eat your heart out, Latham.

Update (3:30 PM): It appears that these California and D.C. bonus levels are subject to a minimum hours requirement of 1950. In addition, it seems that O’Melveny’s New York office is on the Cravath scale.

Update (3:45 PM): Associate editor Kashmir Hill just spoke by phone with an O’Melveny spokesperson. The spokesperson confirmed that OMM’s California and DC offices are paying bonuses to associates that are higher than OMM in New York.

“For some time, we have set bonus levels at a competitive rate for local markets,” she said. And as ATL readers know, this year the local market in New York is weak in terms of bonuses. The OMM rep pointed out that last year New York bonuses were higher than non-NYC bonuses.

In addition, the spokesperson added, the California and DC bonus scales are subject to a minimum hours requirement of 1950. Bonuses in New York are not subject to such a minimum (although “hours and merit are taken into account,” according to OMM).

More after the jump.

After yesterday’s Latham bombshell, Biglaw eyes turned to other California firms. Will Latham be a pack leader or a poop bag?

Last night, Gibson Dunn gave the first answer.

In individual meetings that started yesterday — and will continue today and tomorrow — Gibson associates are being informed of their 2008 bonus. As we understand it, Gibson Dunn associates will be receiving a Half-Skadden bonus.

We don’t like Half-Skadden bonuses around these parts (see here, here, here, and of course here). But given that Latham won’t even announce their bonus structure until after the new year, you have to be happy that Gibson said something.

Of course, thanks to Latham, the bigger question is what Gibson is going to do with associate salaries. More on that after the jump.

[Ed Note: Do you have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com]

This week we received several requests for advice pertaining to that associate albatross, the firm holiday party. What should I wear? How much can I drink? Should I upgrade to Platinum membership at Equinox? In order to accommodate your overwhelming neediness, this week we’re abandoning our typical Pls Hndle Thx format in favor of a short etiquette guide to holiday parties. Hop on board - the Straight Talk Express is about to roll.

Casino Themes. Casino-themed parties are landmines. People lose all reason when they hear that a “Dinner for Two at Rosa Mexicano” or an iPod Nano is at stake, and I’ve personally seen the power of fake money in unmasking serious gambling problems. I urge those who are likely to get, er “intense” at the fake craps table to calm down, step away and immediately get a life.

Dress Code. The safest bet is to show up wearing exactly what you wore to work. Don’t pull a secretary and get changed in the handicapped bathroom into some Dorothy Zbornak sequined tunic. Don’t premiere your new Diesel jeans and ridiculous Express bolero-inspired button down.

Drinking Level. The worst feeling in the world is waking up and trying to figure out what the hell happened the night before. While it is perfectly acceptable to get drunk and “do things” outside the office or on weekends at random bars, I strenuously, STRENUOUSLY advise no more than two drinks at holiday parties, unless one of those drinks involves Patron, in which case a drink limit of one drink should be imposed in conjunction with a mandatory party exit time of 10pm. Trust me on this.

After-Parties. DO NOT ATTEND AFTER-PARTIES. The only thing that comes of them is that you will see things involving your coworkers that you never wanted to see and be forever bound to your fellow partygoers with this secret and terrifying knowledge. There is a bloodline.

Happy Holidays!

Your friend,

Marin

Last week, we brought you the story of a Michigan 2L that got caught up in a prostitution scandal with a university professor. The story generated a lot of discussion, including some comments apparently generated by the 2L herself.

A long comment was posted in the thread about the 2L, and sent to U-M Law listserve telling the other side of the story:

I’m the girl who got into the mess with the professor. I posted a version of this in the comments on ATL, because using my uniquename email on lawopen means outing myself, which gives the press permission to publish my name. Fortunately, one of my classmates has offered to transmit this message to you on my behalf. Those of you who don’t know who I am yet will find out soon enough.

We can’t confirm that the 2L in question actually wrote this message. But we can confirm that the message was sent to the entire U-M Law community, and that many of our sources believe the message to be authentic.

Clear as we can tell, the Michigan 2L wants and deserves an opportunity to clear the record while maintaining her anonymity:

It’s difficult reading all of these things written about me without being able to offer an explanation/defense/vignette:

After the jump, you can read the full message.

Now that we’re nearing the end of the year, it’s a good time to put things in perspective.

While recent posts have focused on what Elie calls “the four hoursemen of the economic crisis” (layoffs, salary freezes, low bonuses, and dissolution), we should always remember that there’s crushing debt, too. ATL can also be a place for hope.

Just last year, a “skinny kid with a funny name” was nominated for ATL Lawyer of the Year … and lost to an ATL commenter-prophet with a not-so-funny view of his career prospects.

In honor of that improbable victory by Loyola 2L, today’s ATL / Lateral Link survey calls for nominations for this year’s Lawyer of the Year.

Last year, your nominees included luminaries like Barack Obama (because “I mean, did you see the Obama Girl videos?”), Hillary Clinton (“She’s fabulous.”), Alberto Gonzales, (“Exemplifies why lawyers are so mistrusted in this country.”), Aaron Charney, (“For both the attention focused, success of action, and for the visibility [he] brought to the secondary issue of partner/associate relations (but not those kinds of relations).”), and, of course, the winner, Loyola 2L (“He’s generated the most thoughtful discussion of law school. That, and perhaps the publicity will help him get a job.”).

Submit your nominations for this year’s Lawyer of the Year below.

Also, in honor of Loyola 2L’s victory, we’re adding a bonus question (which may be the only bonus some of you get this year): we’re accepting nominations for the ATL Commenter of the Year, so you can tell us who’s “First!” in your heart.

Of course, even though there’s a spot for you to nominate a Commenter of the Year, you can also still feel free to nominate a commenter for Lawyer of the Year, too. Or, as one commenter in particular might put it, there are …

TWO! TWO PLACES TO NOMINATE COUNT LAYOFFULA!!! AH AH AH!!!!!

—
Justin Bernold is a Director at Lateral Link, the sponsor of this survey.

Hard facts are difficult to come by, especially when the firm does not respond to requests for comment. But a tipster reports that Thacher Proffitt & Wood did have an associates meeting yesterday (as expected). At that meeting, we understand that associates were informed that TPW’s litigation department would close on December 31st.

No mention was made of any severance package that would be offered to displaced associates, nor was there discussion of any WARN obligations for the firm. TPW representatives did not respond to requests for comment last night.

Just the other day, we reported:

According to our tipsters, whether or not there is a rescue by King & Spalding, Thacher’s litigation department won’t be a part of it. Word on the street is that the head of litigation is leaving TPW tomorrow.

The head of TPW’s litigation department is Richard Hans. Our sources tell us he is still with the firm during the merger negotations with K&S, but his contact information is no longer available on TPW’s website.

We will keep you posted with any additional TPW news as it comes in. If you have info to share, please email us (subject line: “Thacher Proffitt”). Thanks.

Update (10:25 AM): Multiple tipsters report that Richard Hans is leaving TPW for DLA Piper, his former firm. Word is that he will be taking a few attorneys back with him.

Earlier: Nationwide Dissolution Watch: Is TPW Finally Done?

* Conversations about impeachment of Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich were postponed until today so that Blago’s lawyer Ed Gerson could be present, or so that prosecutors could make sure that the impeachment committee could interfere with his criminal case. [The New York Times]

* Judges tighten their belts. Gov. Patterson of New York praised New York’s judiciary for presenting such a tight budget request, despite the influx of financially-related cases. Maine’s judiciary didn’t see any cuts in the budget, but the Gov.’s failure to grant them a shortfall could make cases take longer. [Law.com]

* Former Amgen Inc. patent lawyer Darrell G. Dotson, who claims that he was fired for blowing the whistle on the company’s unethical activity, will be able to pursue his case in court, a Superior court judge rules. [The Los Angeles Times]

* Marc Dreier’s law firm, “scandalized” by his fraud charges, will file for bankruptcy. [The Associated Press]

* The recent killings of three Latino immigrants prompted Latino leaders to ask Congress to extend the federal hate crimes law. [FOX]

* Sarasota city commissioners abolish the city’s law against spitting. [The Associated Press]

Maybe Latham & Watkins was never into this whole “____ to $160K” thing to begin with. When Latham finally raised salaries across the board back in May 2007, we reported:

Well, it appears that Latham has been shamed into giving into the “hysteria” surrounding associate comp.

As we’ve discussed, Latham’s associate salary freeze essentially cancels out the pay raise from 2007. Whether you call it a salary freeze or a pay cut, Latham chairman Robert Dell is calling it sound business. The Blog of the Legal Times reported this quote from the chairman earlier today:

We are modifying associate compensation as part of a prudent business strategy in the face of challenging economic times. All associates moving to the next class year on January 1, 2009 will continue to receive the same base compensation as they received in 2008. We are confident that our business strategy, our diverse practices and our strong global platform will serve our clients and our firm well as we all face the challenges of a difficult business environment in 2009.

More discussion, including a salary chart that Lat prepared to show just how bad L&W associates must be feeling today, after the jump.

Allen & Overy, recently named by American Lawyer as the firm with the sixth-highest revenue in the world, just decided to pull a Half-Skadden:

Bonuses will be paid at the end of January.

Class of 2008: $17,500 (pro-rated)
Class of 2007: $17,500
Class of 2006: $20,000
Class of 2005: $22,500
Class of 2004: $25,000
Class of 2003: $27,500
Class of 2002: $30,000
Class of 2001: $32,500

I hear that one good way to keep revenues high is to pay your employees as little as the market will bear.

Good job A&O. Way to keep up appearances. There’s no way we’d deny you time in the spotlight just because you sent out a bonus announcement around the close of business.

Read the full memo after the jump.

* Eliot Spitzer is now a columnist for the Slate. Who’d he have to **** to get that job? [GapperBlog]

* There’s nothing here that regular ATL readers don’t already know about, but here’s NPR’s take on our legal community, with a little help from me. [NPR]

* I’ve got an innovative solution to layoffs: stop hoarding all the money in the partnership ranks. [Connecticut Employment Law Blog]

* Mark Herrmann does a much better job of writing his own non-sequitur lead-in than I could. “Your appeal was denied. U will B executed Saturday. Thx. :)” [Drug and Device Law]

* Goldman Sachs. 1% tax rate. If Obama doesn’t fix this, I’m writing in Khrushchev in 2012. [TaxProf Blog]

* It’s been a banner year for celebrities in trouble with the law. [Popsquire]

While the Latham & Watkins salary freeze came as a shock to most in the Biglaw community, Reed Smith associates have known for days that their salaries would remain frozen in place.

Reed Smith laid off 115 people two weeks ago. Individual salary memos started going out to the remaining Reed Smith associates last week (Reed Smith makes salary decisions known on a person-to-person basis). Not surprisingly, most people are not getting 2009 raises.

Because of the individualized nature of the salary information, we can’t say that nobody at Reed Smith will be receiving a raise. We can say that nobody we’ve talked to has received a full raise, expects a full raise, or is hoping for anything other than having a job when the calendar flips over. A couple of people we talked to will be getting a small salary bump, but nothing at the normal level for their class.

Did somebody say something about bonuses? Our Reed Smith sources don’t expect to get that either. There hasn’t been any official announcement, but the rumblings around the firm all point towards the “special bonus” of $0. Though, one tipster points out that there are enough bonus complications that the firm might be able to avoid the negative press associated with a $0 bonus:

RS doesn’t give end-of-year bonuses. All of our bonuses are dependent on hours or performance or are related to profit sharing. Everything is discretionary, except profit sharing, which is based on the firms performance, and well, we know where that is.

The lesson, as always, if your firm recently picked up a bunch of Thelen attorneys, or a bunch of Heller attorneys, things are not going well.

Earlier: Nationwide Layoff Watch: Reed Smith Cans Staff, Associates, ‘And Your Little Dog Too’
Howrey and Reed Smith: Latest Beneficiaries of Thelen’s Shutdown

We’ve covered gift-giving by lawyers, to their secretaries and administrative support staff. Now, it’s time to move on to gift-giving to lawyers.

This is an open thread to discuss best gifts for lawyers. Perhaps you can e-mail the post out to friends and relatives instead of compiling the hated gift wish list.

To get your creative juices flowing, here’s a few ideas we came up with:

For the lawyers who like bling: Profession Gifts offers this pin up as “a beautiful clothing accessory that makes both a professional and fashion statement.” Indeed.

For the lawyer doing doc review around the country: We hate stripping down to go through airport security and unloading the contents of our carry-ons. While the shoes, the belt, and the metal bustier still have to be shed, laptops can stay in their bags according to a TSA policy change made this summer. The catch is that you have to have a special “checkpoint-friendly” bag (via USAToday). Here are some bags fitting the bill from The Week.

For those who work so hard that they never see their kids: It’s nice to remind the little ones of their absent parents. For Counsel has a whole section of “Gifts for Lawyers’ Babies and Toddlers.” We like the idea of branding the little one with this bib.

For the lawyer with lots of weird stuff on his or her desk: We might recommend Supreme Court Bobbleheads (if you can get one) from the Green Bag. Scalia’s up for grabs on eBay at the moment. Current bid: $102.50.

For the kinky lawyer: A “justice is blind” blindfold.

So here’s an open thread to discuss what you want this year (besides a Skadden-sized bonus). What do you recommend giving to legal folk this holiday season?

We started getting reports this morning that Dechert let go a number of secretaries and legal assistants. But the numbers from our tipsters were low, very low. The Legal Intelligencer just reported that Dechert has in fact laid off an amazing 72 staffers.

A firm spokeswoman confirmed that Dechert has laid off 72 administrative staff across its U.S. offices. She wouldn’t get into details about which positions or how many in each office, but said the cuts were basically proportionate across the firm’s 11 U.S. offices.

The 72 administrative positions account for about 12.6 percent of the firms 570 U.S. staff members. Dechert has around 1,045 attorneys firmwide and the spokeswoman said there are no plans to cut any more staff or any attorneys based on what they know at this time.

An attorney tipster moves straight to the problem associates at Dechert are all worried about:

[I]t’s not like we can have less secretaries unless there are less lawyers…

Dechert has come to the layoff buffet early and often. In October, there was a lot of contention about how many attorneys Dechert has been stealthily getting rid of. At least the staff layoffs are being properly announced.

But then again, Dechert staff also got to feel a little bit of that “Dechert style” on their way out the door. More after the jump.

After stealthily laying off at least 30 associates, the Fried Frank bonus announcement should come as no surprise:

Nobody expected Fried Frank to break into Skadden territory on bonuses. But at least there is a nod towards the reason for paying the low-end bonuses championed by Cravath:

Current global economic conditions have presented new challenges for our clients and your contributions play an important role in our ability to work together to meet these challenges.

Let’s close off the Fried Frank loop after the jump.

You can use Facebook to accumulate friends, poke strangers, and tag photos. And if you’re a lawyer in Australia, you might be able to use it to serve a complaint.

Our legal friends in the Land Down Under have made an interesting ruling. From the Associated Press:

A court in Australia has approved the use of Facebook, a popular social networking Web site, to notify a couple that they lost their home after defaulting on a loan.

The Australian Capital Territory Supreme Court last Friday approved lawyer Mark McCormack’s application to use Facebook to serve the legally binding documents after several failed attempts to contact the couple at the house and by e-mail.

The lien notice could have been sent by Facebook messaging—the judge specified that posting to a Wall was not kosher—but the couple got wind of the plan in news reports and took their profiles down.

We love rulings that legitimize the use of Facebook in the workplace. Next up: legal notice via gchat?

Australia OKs Facebook for serving lien notice [Associated Press]

“Try before you buy” is a time-honored way to check out a product before you sign on the dotted line. But “try that gorgeous multimillion-dollar home before you buy” is certainly something new. Now Exclusive Resorts, the leading destination club, is letting potential members do just that.

Through the club’s new Sponsored Guest program, you can book a vacation at an Exclusive Resorts luxury home in Los Cabos, Puerto Vallarta, Grand Cayman, Costa Rica or Scottsdale. These spacious, beautifully appointed residences are perfect for a get-together with your loved ones. Exclusive Resorts takes care of all the details of your trip with an onsite residence concierge dedicated to meeting your needs so all you will need to do is relax and enjoy time with your family or friends. It is a way of life Exclusive resorts members know well and once you have experienced you won’t want to travel any other way. Treat yourself and your family to a unforgettable vacation because during these trying times getting together with those you most care about is the best investment you could make. For more information about the Sponsored Guest program, please call 866.863.2688 to speak with a Membership Director today.

If you liked your 2008 salary, you’re going to love your 2009 salary. Latham & Watkins just sent around this email about 2009 associate compensation:

The world economy is experiencing unforeseen and unprecedented dislocations. Our clients are feeling those impacts and the legal community is not immune. The Executive Committee has spent the last few weeks discussing these critical issues in the context of planning for 2009. While we anticipate that the diversity of our practices and global reach will serve us well in the year to come, it seems clear that the global economy will continue to be challenged at least through 2009. As a result, we are modifying associate compensation as part of a prudent business strategy.

Effective January 1, 2009, associates moving to the next class year will continue to receive the same base compensation as they received in 2008. Please do not hesitate to contact your local Associates Committee members if you have any questions about the resulting salary scales.

We expect as a general matter to continue to reward outstanding performances through our merit-based bonus pool. As in previous years, we will announce bonuses in late January.

We are confident that by continuing to work together we will be well positioned to succeed in the face of the economic challenges that lie ahead. We thank each of you for your many contributions to the firm.

Freezing salaries is now part of the “market.” The latest associate pay raise is effectively being undone.

After the jump, what was that about bonuses?

I’ve been operating under the assumption that the legal layoff party of 2008 would stop in 2008. My rose colored logic has been simple. I’ve assumed that Biglaw managers can: A) count, B) add, and C) figure out a sustainable 2009 business model. If those three assumptions are true, I figured that most well managed law firms would be able to get through all of their attorney reductions in 2008 and get themselves into an appropriate position for 2009.

Flawed logic? Perhaps. It’s what the shrinks like to call a “coping mechanism.”

Of course, in making these assumptions I ignored the possibility that some firms were still using “operation ostrich”: a heads down, asses high approach that gleefully exposes tail feathers to the still spinning wheel of economic destruction.

The Legal Intelligencer today warns us that the first quarter of 2009 could see more chopping at firms that are still trying to ride out the storm:

Move over, New York — it’s Philadelphia’s time in the hot seat. Legal blog Above the Law was abuzz with reports and rumors Monday that two Philadelphia firms saw associate cuts with one of them laying off staff as well. And according to one consultant, the Pennsylvania market could most likely expect to see more attorney cuts in the new year as firms wait out the holiday season.

After the jump, the new cuts in the new year aren’t likely to be localized just to the Philadelphia area.

I’m not sure how you make a “Happy Holidays” e-card mildly insulting, but then again I’ve never been schooled in the dark arts practiced by Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft.

Over the weekend, CWT sent around an inspirational holiday greeting card. Check out the screenshot:

Great! Lots of firms send out holiday greetings. But does every firm send out cards to the people they laid off a few months ago? Because that’s what CWT did.

Let’s explore how CWT messed up what should have been a great idea, after the jump.

* Poker chip thief sniped!!! (thank goodness) [Norwich Bulletin]

* Budweiser (Bud) beer cannot corner the market on it’s name anymore. The EU high court took away Anheuser-Busch’s famous trademark—a big win for Czech beer company “Budvar”. [Associated Press]

* The Supreme Court breathed life in to the lawsuit of former Gitmo detainees, British Muslims who want top officials (including Donald Rumsfeld) held responsible for their torture at the prison. [The Los Angeles Times]

* Bankruptcy filings are up 30% this year, and New York filings are happening at a faster rate than the rest of the Nation. Maybe this time Wall Street is suffering more than mainstreet? (doubtful). [The New York Times]

* Madoff’s lawyer John R. Wing, known as “Rusty” says Madoff’s family had nothing to do with the ponzi scheme (am I the only one who thinks of the Fonz every time I hear ponzi scheme). [The New York Times]

* A Senator says the U.S. Treasury may adopt a plan that would force automakers into bankruptcy if they can’t make it without the government’s help. [Bloomberg]

The memo below was sent to us by a tipster, with this prefatory comment: “No one really knows what the f*** the second half of the first sentence of the memo means.”

So, dear readers: What does this language mean? The most literal interpretation is that Squire Sanders will resist associate pay raises in 2009 — e.g., it won’t go along with any “NY to 190” movement started by another firm. The overall associate pay schedule will remain unchanged, at least at SSD.

But that’s a bit obvious. Given the dire economic conditions, reflected in Squire’s decision to lay off 30 employees last month, it makes more sense to view this language as a poorly worded attempt to announce a year-long salary freeze (i.e., not giving associates the customary January increases in base salary to reflect their greater seniority).

If it’s a pay freeze announcement, SSD isn’t the first firm to travel down this path (although they are going the farthest). McDermott Will & Emery is freezing salaries until March (at least); Bryan Cave is freezing them until April. Womble Carlyle is freezing salaries for the first half of 2009 (at least).

We have an inquiry in to Squire Sanders partner Timothy Sheeran, who sent the memo. In the meantime, your attempts to parse this language are welcome in the comments.

P.S. Presumably all the bailout-related work the firm is getting isn’t making up for lost work in other practice areas.

Earlier: Prior ATL coverage of salary freezes

In today’s National Law Journal, Leigh Jones reports that non-equity partners at major law firms are also worried about the future. With all of the frightening career news floating around, it seems reasonable that either you are bringing in business, or you are terrified.

The upshot is that some law firms — especially those that have maintained armies of nonequity lawyers primarily to service accounts — are rethinking their business model, and some nonequity partners likely are reassessing their careers.

“Some firms are going to have to take a hard look,” said Brad Hildebrandt, chairman of Hildebrandt International, a law firm consultancy.

In good times, non-equity partners are a nice luxury for firms looking to use experienced people who generate great fees:

K&L Gates Chairman Peter Kalis said he is “very” comfortable with the equity-to-nonequity ratio at his law firm. He said the business model at K&L Gates is akin to a diamond, with the widest portion of the structure representing a group of nonequity partners who have created a more attractive service model for clients.

“Clients have little or no interest in paying for credit card-waving first- and second-year associates to fly around the country and run up bills,” he said. “What clients are interested in is paying for appropriately priced people who have both skills and substantive knowledge and who add value.”

The nonequity tier at K&L Gates, said Kalis, comprises attorneys with a wide variety of career goals — some with definite plans for full partnership and others who have less desire to develop business.

But these are not good times.

The bloated “inner tube” of non-equity partners, after the jump.

* The Austin Powers “Random Task” joke is too easy here. Instead, I’ll assume that this case will only provide further evidence for TSA officials demanding that we walk through nasty airports barefoot and broken. [What About Clients?]

* If you are going to comment on commenters, then ATL’s commentariat has to be part of that discussion. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* Black-on-black criticism is a sign of progress. It’s good to remember that “the black community” is not a monolithic group. [On Being a Black Lawyer]

* Is Pass/Fail like an undercover police officer for prestige whores? [Legal Blog Watch]

* Blawg Review celebrates Bill of Rights Day. But do they celebrate all rights? I offer a cheers to the rights-happy Ninth Amendment … there are so many more rights just waiting to be discovered! [The Legal Satyricon via Blawg Review]

Last Thursday, we reported that King & Spalding might represent the last best hope for Thacher Proffitt & Wood. The Legal Times puts TPW’s situation into the clearest possible terms:

[Thacher’s] overall headcount is down more than 100 lawyers compared to last year — and so are its profits. Profits per partner fell more than 22 percent in 2007 to $1.02 million, according to the Am Law 200.

The firm has had a constant stream of high-profile departures, including its vice chairman Thomas Leslie, who decamped for Greenberg Traurig in October, and Washington managing partner Richard Schaberg, who left for Hogan & Hartson’s D.C. office last month. The New York consultant and another individual familiar with the discussions say that if the deal falls through, Thacher Proffitt will likely go under.

We don’t have much more information about the K&S/TPW talks, but based on sources at Thacher, something significant is about to go down at the firm — and dissolution is one possibility.

According to our tipsters, whether or not there is a rescue by King & Spalding, Thacher’s litigation department won’t be a part of it. Word on the street is that the head of litigation is leaving TPW tomorrow.

More after the jump.