O.J. Simpson

O.J. Gets 15 Years

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O.J. Simpson is going to jail, finally:

OJ Simpson, who walked away a free man after one of America’s most sensational murder trials, was today sentenced to 15 years in prison for a botched attempt to recover sports memorabilia.

The sentence was handed down today by Judge Jackie Glass. The judge largely ignored Simpson’s pleas for leniency, which in and of themselves were hilarious:

“I just wanted my personal things. I was stupid. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was doing anything illegal. I thought I was confronting friends. I thought I was retrieving my things. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody and I didn’t mean to steal anything,” Simpson said.

As a general rule, when I’m confronting “friends” I leave my glock back at the safe house. But maybe O.J. confused real life with Grand Theft Auto IV.

But the best line was the way O.J. began his address to the court:

“I stand here today sorry, somewhat confused. I feel apologetic to people of state of Nevada,” Simpson began.

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Fashionista editor Britt Aboutaleb opined: “he’s probably thinking to himself how did i get away with murder and now I’m going to jail for something retarded”

No doubt.

OJ Simpson jailed for 15 years [The Guardian]

O.J. Simpson: ‘I was stupid. I’m sorry’ [CNN]

Earlier: While You Were Sleeping: O.J. Simpson Convicted

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