Associate Advice, pls hndle thx

Pls Hndle Thx: I Would Prefer Not To

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[Ed Note: Do you have a question for next week? Send it in to advice@abovethelaw.com]

>Dear ATL,

My firm has a women’s committee that organizes programs like lunches, networking events, and most recently mentoring “lunch bunches.” To my knowledge, the men in our firm are not invited to participate in these events. I don’t particularly care to commiserate with other women simply because we are the same gender. Other than one awkward lunch that I was cornered into, I have managed to avoid the all-female programs by virtue of a busy schedule. Unfortunately, I have received an inquiry from one of the “lunch bunch” organizers, specifically asking me if I will participate in the monthly lunch program. I really don’t want to participate, but I am concerned that snubbing her invitation will be offensive. How should I respond?

Thanks,

Hate the Game

Dear Hate the Game,

When friends have asked me to join their knitting groups, book clubs or women’s circles: my answers range anywhere from “absolutely not” to “hell no.” Why would I want to waste my time reading The Lovely Bones or cobbling together a scarf like some Colonial Williamsburg reenactor? I wouldn’t. So I empathize with your lunch bunch plight. Why anybody would want to discuss “How to Strike a Work-Life Balance” once a month, every month, is beyond me. I’m also not sure why women at the firm need a meeting, but the men do not.

Normally, you couldn’t pay me to attend a women’s lunch bunch, but these are not normal times. If one of the organizers specifically asked you to attend AND that person is senior to you, suck it up and go.* As torturous as hearing about the New Mothers Room may be, you don’t want there to be any ill will toward you in this era of layoffs. Don’t give them a reason to can you. Just show up. Bring a picture of the hunk you’re totally crushing on and a Judy Blume book to power you through.

Your friend,

Marin

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*Editor’s note: if the lunch bunch organizer is junior to you, disregard above advice.

Elie crashes the meeting after the jump.

Even if I accept the premise of this question (premise = “women are psychotic”) I still cannot fathom how attending or not attending a free lunch rises to the level of “concern.” I have no idea if Nurse Ratchet will take offense if you ignore her bunches of lunches, but I’ve found “I don’t want to” to be an endlessly effective strategy for getting out of events I’d rather not attend.

Another good word is “no,” especially when used as a response to “do you want to come to my wedding?” Or “do you like the ballet?” Or even “isn’t my hairless child with the buck tooth adorable?” No, no, no.

If you don’t want to go to the Amazonian lunch, then for the love of God don’t go to the Amazonian lunch. It’s what the rest of us call “really simple.”

Besides, those other women that actually like going to these things, they’ll see your fake shtick a mile away. Lions roar, lionesses hunt.

Rarrr,

Scar

You remember what happened to the man who always said he “would prefer not to,” don’t you? He died.

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