Associate Life Survey: 2008 Commenter of the Year
In an ATL / Lateral Link survey posted on New Year’s Eve, we announced your nominees for the 2008 ATL Commenter of the Year.
Almost 1,800 of you have voted since, and several of the nominees posted their thoughts in comments to the survey post.
Nominee Jack Bauer wrote in:
It’s good to know that I still have some friends. My track record with friends isn’t exactly stellar, seeing how I shot Curtis in the throat and I’m pretty sure Tony has become a terrorist. For those of you who had to work over Christmas, don’t feel too bad, I got a weekend assignment dealing with breach of contract in the Middle East.
Unfortunately, the terrorists appear to have taken out Jack’s friends’ communication network. Only 81 of them were able to vote for him.
Hang in there, Jack. You may not have made it to Day 2 in our poll, but we’re still looking forward to a strong season from you in 2009.
Read on after the jump to see more of our nominees’ comments and learn the results.
The Glass Cock sent in his heartfelt thanks. Well, maybe not heartfelt:
Former Thelen and current Orrick partner The Glass Cock here, checking in from Europe and thanking the loyal readers. Whatever happens, the Glass Cock is retiring after the vote is in. My time is better spent abusing associates and calling in to the office from home to page Mike Hunt at 2am during a closing. and holy shit, has anyone seen what oil prices have done to ethanol deals?So thanks to all you associates who billed 2600 hours for a marginal return of 35 bucks per. You guys put the ass in assocates; just like I put the glass cock in associates.
Happy 2009 to all
With only 102 votes, I’m afraid the Glass Cock will have to get the shaft.
Nominee Douche Patrol had no comment, which might explain why he got only 142 votes.
With Douche Patrol out of the running, Guest took it upon himself to monitor the quality of the comments:
That’s your election thread post Glass Cock? That sucked.
He also had a few words on his own behalf:
Let’s all vote for “Guest.” Remember when Time said the Person of the Year was “You”? It could be like that.
But alas, with only 168 votes, Guest rounds out the bottom four.
Fraternity Lothario was pensive in his nomination:
.. approaching Suriname and expecting poor results from the balloting …Gentlemen at my preparatory academy - after losing a contest in which they, may well, should have prevailed - frequently set forth to the regional taverns to imbibe absinthe and afterwards frequently skulked to the nether regions of the urbs to eat opium and lay with the filthiest of trollops in a deliberate quest to contract foul humours and, finally, frequently donned double-woven wool frock coats with enormous pockets which they heaped full of the densest and blackest stones and strode unhesitatingly into the salt-point of the chilly, swift waters of the local estuary with nary a communication beyond the tears streaming from their chapfallen orbs. It was a melancholy, though not conspicuous, event.
~ Fraternity Lothario
Perhaps the 199 votes he received will cheer our gloomy Lothario, but I suspect not.
Commenter 83 in the interview horror stories thread had no comment, but received 218 votes anyway, putting him in the Final Four. Where he remains to this day.
Nervous T-10 1L was actually in our Final Four for the ATL Lawyer of the Year, so we expected him to get good marks today. And his fans delivered with 243 votes, vaulting Nervous to the top third of ATL’s commenting class of 2008. But, unfortunately, he will not receive an offer be the 2008 Commenter of the Year. Chin up, Nervous! With the current state of the legal market, there will be plenty of room for a Nervous T-10 2L to stage a comeback in 2009.
Just slightly ahead of Nervous in the vote came the ever-confident FRAT STUD, with 246 votes. But it was no big deal. He didn’t even comment.
That leaves only ONE! ONE nominee! AH! AH! AH! Count Layoffula accepted his nomination with a characteristically sanguine comment:
NINE! NINE NOMINEES!!! AH AH AH AH AH!!!!!Soon we can count the results of this poll, but first we should all start billing hours now that it is 2009!!! Those hours add up at bonus time and prevent layoffs!!!! AH AH AH!!!!!
Sage advice from the Count, who received 371 votes. That makes Count Layoffula … our 2008 ATL Commenter of the Year!
Congratulations to you, Count Layoffula, and to all the nominees.
—
Justin Bernold is a Director at Lateral Link, the sponsor of this survey.
(20) Comments
Comments
For the FIRST time ever!!!!!
I feel like a hypocrite. I fucking hate the usual "first" guy. Although I guess I took his job, which is some consolation.
-1
PRO BONING SHEEP
also, SkaddenDC has frozen salaries for all female associates until 2010.
I kinda like bachlor #4.
Looks a bit like my firm's bonus structure for 2009, after tax.
Pity about Layoffula. One...one lame commenter of the year with a one-trick schtick.
That was sexist, Justin - Guest is of course a woman.
I will miss the Glass Cock. Like Norm Coleman, the Glass Cock was robbed.
I hope somebody beat that Muppet raping commenter to death over the holiday.
ah, ah, ahhh.
Gentlemen in my preparatory academy frequently scribed long-winded and counterfeit apery of my prose in relation to councours in which I had no intention of participating. It was not a conspicuous event.
-Fraternity Lothario
bachlor #4 looks like frat stud.
2700, 2700 attorneys laid off in the last month...Hahahahahaha.
And with the smallest docket in memory Justice Roberts wants a raise. Get a job you jerkoff.
I enjoy all the characters except #11 Jucy Insides guy.
I enjoy all the characters except #11 Jucy Insides guy.
I enjoy all the characters except #11 Jucy Insides guy.
Fraternity Lothario, you were robbed.
Layoffula is Justin, and Justin "votes" for Justin a lot.
Barack Obama is Justin, too.
Damn that Justin. Always fixing votes.
I wasn't even nominated! WTF! Don't you know who I am? ATL is clearly prejudiced against Autoadmit/4chan trolls.
Yeah, PR, with comments like "Elie, FYI, this story didn't show up in my RSS feed." you were clearly a contender.
Better luck next time, dude. Maybe if you, you know, sucked a little less?
Thank you, thank you all! I am honored to have received so many votes that I can COUNT!! AH AH AH!!!!
One hundred twenty-five more votes than the second-place commenter! That's a lot of votes. Let us COUNT the extra votes!
ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN! ELEVEN! TWELVE! THIRTEEN! FOURTEEN! FIFTEEN! SIXTEEN! SEVENTEEN! EIGHTEEN! NINETEEN! TWENTY! TWENTY-ONE! TWENTY-TWO! TWENTY-THREE! TWENTY-FOUR! TWENTY-FIVE! TWENTY-SIX! TWENTY-SEVEN! TWENTY-EIGHT! TWENTY-NINE! THIRTY! THIRTY-ONE! THIRTY-TWO! THIRTY-THREE! THIRTY-FOUR! THIRTY-FIVE! THIRTY-SIX! THIRTY-SEVEN! THIRTY-EIGHT! THIRTY-NINE! FORTY! FORTY-ONE! FORTY-TWO! FORTY-THREE! FORTY-FOUR! FORTY-FIVE! FORTY-SIX! FORTY-SEVEN! FORTY-EIGHT! FORTY-NINE! FIFTY! FIFTY-ONE! FIFTY-TWO! FIFTY-THREE! FIFTY-FOUR! FIFTY-FIVE! FIFTY-SIX! FIFTY-SEVEN! FIFTY-EIGHT! FIFTY-NINE! SIXTY! SIXTY-ONE! SIXTY-TWO! SIXTY-THREE! SIXTY-FOUR! SIXTY-FIVE! SIXTY-SIX! SIXTY-SEVEN! SIXTY-EIGHT! SIXTY-NINE! SEVENTY! SEVENTY-ONE! SEVENTY-TWO! SEVENTY-THREE! SEVENTY-FOUR! SEVENTY-FIVE! SEVENTY-SIX! SEVENTY-SEVEN! SEVENTY-EIGHT! SEVENTY-NINE! EIGHTY! EIGHTY-ONE! EIGHTY-TWO! EIGHTY-THREE! EIGHTY-FOUR! EIGHTY-FIVE! EIGHTY-SIX! EIGHTY-SEVEN! EIGHTY-EIGHT! EIGHTY-NINE! NINETY! NINETY-ONE! NINETY-TWO! NINETY-THREE! NINETY-FOUR! NINETY-FIVE! NINETY-SIX! NINETY-SEVEN! NINETY-EIGHT! NINETY-NINE! ONE HUNDRED! ONE HUNDRED ONE! ONE HUNDRED TWO! ONE HUNDRED THREE! ONE HUNDRED FOUR! ONE HUNDRED FIVE! ONE HUNDRED SIX! ONE HUNDRED SEVEN! ONE HUNDRED EIGHT! ONE HUNDRED NINE! ONE HUNDRED TEN! ONE HUNDRED ELEVEN! ONE HUNDRED TWELVE! ONE HUNDRED THIRTEEN! ONE HUNDRED FOURTEEN! ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN! ONE HUNDRED SIXTEEN! ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN! ONE HUNDRED EIGHTEEN! ONE HUNDRED NINETEEN! ONE HUNDRED TWENTY! ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-ONE! ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-TWO! ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-THREE! ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-FOUR! ONE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE!
ONE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE MORE VOTES FOR COUNT LAYOFFULA!!!!!!!!!!!!! AH AH AH AH AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Count Layoffula