Eric Holder: It’s On
The confirmation hearings for Eric Holder as attorney general just started.
We’ll try to keep an eye on it for you and update you with interesting news and notes. Especially when the Specter in the punch bowl speaks up.
So far Holder has said the word “independent” twice and now we’re going through the list of black people who were shot in the sixties.
Update (10:31): Let me paraphrase question 1:
LEAHY: Waterboarding mutherf***** do you believe in it?
HOLDER: Waterboarding is torture.
LEAHY: Gonzales! Are you named GONZALES?
HOLDER: Waterboarding is torture.
Update (10:56): Round 1 of Specter v. Holder involved both fighters feeling each other out. Lots of clenching, no haymakers:
SPECTER: Let me remind everybody who Marc Rich is and why he’s a terrible person.
(time passes, seasons change …)
Mr. Holder, did you know about this?
HOLDER: Nope. My bad.
LEAHY: Time!
Score the round 10-10.
Meanhwhile Sen. Herbet Kohl (who also owns the Milwaukee Bucks) wants to know if Holder can ball with Obama. As commenter #5 might point out “that question would never have been asked if Holder was white.”
More updates after the jump.
Update (11:56): Great questions from Orrin Hatch.
HATCH: I like you, I’m inclined to support you. But you’ve been running your mouth a lot about warrantless wiretaps.
HOLDER: Nobody is above the law … and … the President’s power is great when he acts with Congress … also, I like facts.
HATCH: So you think it’s illegal?
HOLDER: You know, there are checks, and there are balances, and see, you kind of have to balance all the checks and all the balances together.
Hatch came prepared. Now he’s essentially asking Holder if he will try to prosecute Bush administration officials. Holder is saying “no one is above the law” for the 5th time today. It appears that Holder has been forced into a definitive “Ummmm.”
Update (12:15): Wow. Sen. Jeff Sessions just compared Alberto Gonzales to Janet Reno. Then he asked Holder if he would uphold the Constitution. Holder said: “Ever put your life in a man’s hands or asked him to put his life in yours? We follow orders, son. We follow orders or people die. It’s that simple. Are we clear?”
Update (12:51): If Schumer hit Wall Street like he just slammed Gonzales, it would be a sight to see.
CHUCKIE: I’d like to start by saying how much I hate Alberto Gonzales. If I were dying and Alberto Gonzales was the only person in the world that could save my life, my one wish would be to mortally wound Alberto Gonzales. He’s a terrible human being and I have spent a lot of time and money constructing a fleet of “terminators” that I will soon be sending back in time to kill either his mother, Gonzales as a boy, or Gonzales as a young adult. Mr. Holder, if confirmed will you kill Alberto Gonzales?
HOLDER: No.
CHUCKIE: Will you maim or poison Alberto Gonzales?
HOLDER: No.
CHUCKIE: Mr. Holder, you are a far better man than any member of the opposition party I’ve ever met. Once you take control of the KGB, I will be sending you many lists.
LEAHY: We will now take a short recess so the distinguished gentleman from New York can take his medication.
Update (2:42): I’m not entirely sure if Lindsey Graham knows he’s questioning the AG nominee, because he sounds like he’s questioning the Secretary of Defense.
GRAHAM: Are we at war?
HOLDER: Yes.
GRAHAM: Do we have the high ground?
HOLDER: Well, there are lots of ways to answer that question.
GRAHAM: The moon, is that high ground?
HOLDER: Huh?
GRAHAM: If we captured somebody on the moon, would that be a warrior or a criminal?
HOLDER: …
GRAHAM: Do you know a Mauser rifle from a javelin?
HOLDER: Yes! And I can whistle Pinafore!
GRAHAM: You have my vote.
Update (3:05): This is great. If you can only go back and see one moment from these hearings, go to the Sen. Cornyn bit. It’s must-see T.V.
So Cornyn basically put Holder in the middle of an episode of 24 and asked if Holder would use waterboarding if it was the only way to save the lives of tens of thousands of Americans. And Holder went into full lawyer “I do not accept the premise of your question” mode. Holder said that he didn’t think waterboarding would be the only way to get the needed information, and otherwise waterboarding doesn’t work.
Cornyn came back with the “but what if it was the only option?” Holder said that it wasn’t the only option. Cornyn said that we waterboard our own soldiers as part of their training. Holder explained that we do that to expose them to what “less civilized nations” might do to them. Cornyn returned Holder to his Jack Bauer hypothetical, and Holder laughed! Then Holder said that his knowledge of other techniques prevented him from accepting the premise of Cornyn’s question.
Great, great stuff by both participants.
Update (3:20): Holder tells Dick Durbin that he won’t go back and fire all of the people Bradley Schlozman did hire for the Civil Rights Division.
Meanwhile, Sen. Tom Coburn wanted to know if Holder would defend the 2nd Amendment. Shockingly, it appears that Holder has in fact read the Constitution.
Update (3:40): Sam Brownback (Kansas) wants Holder to know that Gitmo detainees are not welcome at Fort Leavenworth (Kansas).
He also wants Holder to apply the American with Disasbilities Act before birth.
Holder dodged both questions.
Update (4:22):
DEM SEN. WHO HASN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION: Sorry Mr. Holder, I’ve been attending to very important matters concerning my own committee. I just want to ask you, how did you become so awesome? I’m just so happy to be in power I can barely contain myself. Oh, and could you say something particularly interesting so Olbermann puts me on T.V. tonight? Thanks. You’re awesome.
REP SEN. WHO HASN’T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION: Sorry Mr. Holder, I’ve been attending to very important matters concerning my own committee. I just want to ask you, why the hell did you pardon Mark Rich? I know you’ve apologized and you know I’m pretty much going to have to vote for your confirmation, but I’m hoping that Fox News uses my version of this question tonight.
Update (4:54): Herbert Kohl wants Holder to more aggressively pursue antitrust violations. Yeah, because monopolies allow companies to put artificial ceilings on salaries and while charging consumers whatever they want.
Update (5:13): I think Chuck Grassley just asked a 17 part question in under two minutes. Holder’s wife looks like she’s thinking of ways to kill herself. Holder himself looks nonplussed.
Update (5:23): Oooh. Sen. Jon Kyl has internet gambling questions. Sadly, both he and Holder seem to think it is “illegal” and “pernicious.” Boo.
Update (5:43): Coburn found a way to mention Blago. But he couldn’t tie it to the rights of gun owners so his heart wasn’t really into it. Instead, he was much more disturbed that war veterans who’ve been deemed mentally incompetent can’t own guns.
Update (5:54): Wow, Specter and Leahy just spent 5 minutes arguing about how much more time they were going to have to ask Holder more questions. To quote Josh Lyman “I’m so sick of Congress I could vomit.” Thanks for reading, if anything super newsworthy happens we’ll pick it up in the morning.
(64) Comments
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It stinks like oneHOLE in here.
"Especially when then the Specter."
Jeebus. It's like a 50 word post.
Go Eric! Dont be the only one who doesnt make it boat for the new administration...Covington might not take you back afterwards.
No more corrupt Democrat liars!
This post would never have been made if Holder were a white man.
KASH SPREAD SOME BUTTER ON DEM BUTT CHEEKS SO I CAN EAT THAT JUICY LOBSTER INSIDE!
Has Holder said anything about Cahill Layoffs?
LEAHYY?
I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul
Wow! Does anyone think this is a well written piece of news?
If so, and you are in the legal industry, you must either already be unemployed (and rightly so) or should be laid off now.
How many layoffs have happened at Eric Holder so far? Is his salary frozen or is he just getting a half-Skaddne? I can't make head or tail of this article, the typos are fucking terrible.
Obama's alternate for AG is that http://www.evilesq.com
dood so pray Holder is confirmed.
#7 - I have no idea, I just wish that Mystal would say something about them already instead of keeping us all in the dark.
#7 - I have no idea, I just wish that Mystal would say something about them already instead of keeping us all in the dark.
Elie, your jokes have gone from unfunny to not even making any sense.
Eric Holder will give everyone in Congress a mustache ride.
GULC'ed
unfunny to WACK
Nice work 2. Right over your head.
Why has there been such an information freeze on the rumored Cahill layoffs?
Elie's exchange between Holder and Leahy made me smirk. More than I can say for any of his other posts.
SURVEY
Lat, Elie and Kash are bent over in front of you, BUTT CHEEKS SPREAD, waiting for you to SMELL THE JUICY INSIDES (Kash has a lobster poking out of her butt.) What do you do? What - do - you - do?
Elie, you are like the Jackie Robinson of legal blogs, absorbing streams of abuse and hatred to bring forward the day when those behind us on the path to freedom can refuse to use spell-check while drinking from the cool waters of justice. Thank you Mr. MysTTTal.
22 - Ellie Mystal is a woman, not a "Mr."
Does the lobster sing like in Little Mermaid?
23, my bad. And so I change my historical reference to Hilary Clinton.
21-Does the lobster have rubber bands around its claws or is it roughly snapping at Kash's clit as it pokes around her butthole?
The lobster barks like in Sigmund.
When massa taught these nappy-headed mongrels how to read and write he should've done a more thorough job. What can I say? You can take the jungle-bunny out the jungle... but you can't take the jungle out of the jungle-bunny. ??? Huh?
I have been following ATL for a while after the new editor-in-chief took his post. I must say that the quality of this blog has been descending ever since. The editor-in-chief's posts are generally not newsworthy and are wrought with spelling mistakes or non sequiters. I am particularly displeased by the blatant partisanship that is inherent in these posts, as it is clear that the editor-in-chief has a strong preference for the new administration and pure disdain for anyone who does not. I do not see the point of such postings on a legal news/gossip blog.
Notwithstanding the new editor-in-chief's supposed credentials and vitae, I feel that such achievements, if one can call them that, are not apparent in the material presented to the audience. Consequently, I feel that patronizing this website by providing it with statistical "hits" is no longer a viable option. It is disheartening that a site that is supposed to provide valuable (or humorous) information about our industry has turned into its current manifestation. If there is one thing that warrants a bailout in these times, it is this forum.
#29 = racist
SHUT UP 30!!! Maybe he can tell us something about the Cahill layoffs that MysTTTal is trying to cover up.
29 is not a racist. Why don't you let 29 live 29s life. Stop trying to change 29.
"They should've never gave these Negroes money"
29 is not a racist. Why don't you let 29 live 29s life. Stop trying to change 29.
"They should've never gave these Negroes money"
29 is nto racist. But he is the pot calling Ellie black.
Spot the ironic errors in this sentence:"The editor-in-chief's posts are generally not newsworthy and are wrought with spelling mistakes or non sequiters. "
*not
Irony's a bitch.
34--
Errors? One spelling mistake does not constitute "errors." But #29 is not the editor-in-chief of a blog. He's probably a billing attorney or a law student who owes no duty to anyone when posting anonymously on a blog. Grow up, #34.
34 is the real racist. What's up with referencing "pot" in relation to Ellie's blackness? All blacks don't smoke pot, some prefer Newports or Kools.
Very funny post Elie.
Elie, funny that you referenced me in your update about the basketball. I just read about those questions on Truehoop on ESPN.com and came here to post the exact same thing.
P.S. You know that you wouldn't have live blogged the confirmation hearings of a white attorney general.
-5
The "pot calling Elie black"... Ha! That's rich. Hedy told him that joke. Ha!
No really, what are we going to do about this country's shiftless, incompetent Negro problem. Won't someone please think of the children.
36=29
29 is, as the kids say, a douchebag. He (let's assume) is also the worst kind of writer. He thinks carpet-bombing people with words from GRE flashcards, wrapping sentences in multiple useless prepositional phrases, and being really conservative makes him sound intelligent. Please do spare the site your "statistical 'hits'".
The "pot calling Elie black"... Ha! That's rich. Hedy told him that joke. Ha!
No really, what are we going to do about this country's shiftless, incompetent Negro problem. Won't someone please think of the children.
Very funny post, Elie.
42 is correct. 42 is absolutely correct.
Elie is the Jason Blair of blogging. Affirmative action baby. Maybe he'll follow in Jason Blair's footsteps and get a job as a writer at the NY Times and fabricate all of his stories.
Elie = fat darky
When Elie fell in the water, why wouldn't the shark eat him? The shark thought Elie was whale shit.
45=42. 45 is a moron, and 42 is a moron.
And most of these comments are terribly racist, which is inappropriate. For what it's worth, 29's comment is not racist in any way.
47, STFU!
/s/ 45 who is not 42.
Since when did STFU have a law school?
Eric Holder and Elie MysTTTal - studies in Affirmative Action.
How does this affect associates at DLA PIPER?
Holder emerged as the top choice from Obama's short list of candidates which included Jackie Childs and Judge Joe Brown.
There was another error in the sentence I quoted from 29's post as well. The word "wrought" was at least poorly used and most likely incorrect. I suspect 29 meant "fraught."
-34
40/53 posts -- spelling complaints
13/53 posts -- racist
And we wonder why us lawyers have a hard time getting poon-tang?
Please try to keep our perpetual nerdiness/racism/sexism out of view long enough for me to find a woman who doesn't have a profile on Match.com and has more than five eggs left.
Hey everybody! #34 (aka #53) is a lexicographer! Yay to you, moron.
wrought = processed for use : manufactured . #29's usage is not incorrect.
46- You're mean and not funny.
46 You're not funny, just mean
55, can you not see why "fraught" is clearly the better word and why "wrought" was,as 55 said, "at least poorly used and most likely incorrect?"
"Wrought with errors" is a common mistake for "fraught with errors." Elie's posts are not "made or worked" with spelling errors and non sequiturs; they are "full of" spelling errors and non sequiturs. "Fraught" is the better word.
This post is funny a hell. I can approve this comedy because I'm 1/2 black and 1/2 white. So I'm both pissed at my white masters and scared of rise of my victims. I can spell pretty good to. Its just my &hitty grammar holding me back. Curse both my Caucasoid and Negroid blood. Had I only been Asian or native South American, but not Latin cause they're just white or Afro-Latin b/c there the same as black.
Janet Reno is twice the man Alberto Gonzales will ever be.
This post is amazing. It's by far the best work Elie has ever done. I now want to read a summary of every congressional hearing written by Elie. Well done.
this was a quite entertaining summary. far more so than actually watching the hearing...
and bonus points for the west wing quote.
Excellent post Mystyle!
Mr. Holder,
It is past time you, Mr. Obama, Ms. Pelosi, Mr. Reid, and all the rest of your corrupt, insulting, ignorant and insane Administration admit you have no credentials for the offices you all hold! You, as a group, from the President down, need to admit you are all simply on a huge ego trip, you have taken huge steps to destroy this country and earned the disgust of intelligent people who recognize when they are being run over by a totally corrupt Administration with member who have no idea how to do the job so just run amock with ideas one would expect to be stated by people locked in a medical facility for the insane!! Everytime one of you opens your mouth, does something new such as closing GITMO turning seriously dangerous people who want to kill us loose, you scare the bee jesus out of me. I have not always been happy with whomever the President was, but this Administration will forever be remembered as idiotic, insulting comment making, nasty people such as yourself, and the Administration who put us into debt for generations to come, destroying everything wonderful this country has stood for ,for centuries!!! Thank you very much for your part in this distruction Mr. Holder!!! I hope you can look at yourself in a mirror and not want to vomit.